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A lesson in self control (short story)

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datspreets

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datspreets

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Posted: 27 May 2007 at 4:25am | IP Logged

Hey Guys,

Another short story here. I feel like the odd one out cause i only seen to manage writing short stories. lol. Though I'm working on a long story, just the second after AFTERMATH(how many of you've read it?). But i'm not even sure I'll ever get done with it, lol. That's why i'll finish it completely and then begin posting it, cause i hate to let my readers read a few parts and them give up on the story.

This one was again written for a prompt.

NEW PROMPT: You're at lunch with a coworker or classmate when a friend of the coworker or classmate shows up - but the friend is someone you dislike with intensity, and the feeling is mutual.

 

A lesson in self control

 

'Isn't the weather great?' I asked, looking out of the window. The sun was up, despite it being monsoon season. The spirit at our table was festive. I was enjoying Sia's company. She's one of my co-workers. Though we are not in the same department, we hit it off at an inter departmental picnic.

 

'I agree.' Sia smiled. Both of us were deep in conversation, with lots of giggling in true women style, when the weather transformed. The sunshine was replaced by deep blue clouds. A bolt of electricity flew across the sky. It was almost as if trouble would strike anytime.

 

And it did!

 

Barkha walked up to our table and took a seat without asking, how polite, isn't she? Witch! I totally despise her. She does donkey's work and never gets caught. Blame it on her innocent smile and the killer eyes! The boss never ever reprimands her; he practices favoritism- big time!

 

I just smiled at her, while Sia got up to hug her. Ewww. Barkha began chattering about her new clothes, and new make-up. Every line she spoke ended with 'Cool Na?' which totally bugged me. On top of it, she didn't give even half a chance to me and Sia to talk. I excused myself and went to the washroom, for I couldn't bear her anymore.

 

I washed my face to pacify my annoyance. I took deep breathes and wondered why did Barkha have to spoil it? The weather turned gloomy and I'm certain the lunch wouldn't taste good anymore. Perhaps I should leave. Yup, I'll go back to the table and declare that I have a meeting and have to leave urgently. That way I'll save Barkha from my fury. She sure will be thankful cause once my tongue begins spitting venom, it's sure to be deadly.

 

Walking out to the table, I did as was decided.

 

'You got a call?' Sia asked raising an eyebrow. Probably she suspected the legitimacy of the meeting I was leaving for.

 

'Yup. Fendy, my assistant called on my mobile.' I replied, not flinching once.

 

'But your mobile is here,' Barkha revealed. She was pointing at my mobile that sat pretty on the table.

 

Damn! Why didn't I take it with me? The irritation began showing on my face. I was about to lash out at Barkha, and tell her how she irritated me, when Sia squeezed my hand and urged me to sit. I obeyed.

 

'Remember, we traded mobiles?' Sia asked me, trying to save my skin.

 

'Oh, ya. I'm so forgetful!' I chuckled with relief.

 

'Then where's your cell phone Sia?' Barkha butt in, that pest!

 

'It's in my purse!' both Sia and me declared, waving our own purses in the air.

 

Barkha looked at us suspiciously. 'I mean it's her purse' Sia said pointing at me. I nodded frantically.

 

'OKAY' Barkha said, disappointed at her inability to erupt my swelling volcano of irritation. She always tried to do that. She knew my weak point and she tried every bit to latch on to it. Luckily, she raised no further queries about my meeting thanks to Barkha's cell phone which rang and she excused herself and attended to it.

 

I started getting up from my chair, when, yet again Sia kept me glued. This time she gave me a stare and whispered in my ear, 'She's testing you. Don't let her win!'

 

'But I can't take it anymore, I'm losing control!' I whispered back.

 

'Think of this as your lesson in self control!' Sia said, and smiled at me reassuringly.

 

Barkha joined us back and asked me if I was leaving.

 

I replied politely, 'No I'm not leaving. I'm just beginning to enjoy myself! Cool na?' I hummed 'cool na?' just the way Barkha does. I did it just to bug her.

 

Then, I squeezed Sia's hand as if to say 'I appreciate it.'

 

That's one victory for me and the inauguration of my lessons in self control.

'Barkha, bring it on!' I thought folding my fingers into a fist.

 

(27 May 2007)

 

Translation/Word help

 

Cool na? It's what we youngsters in India use a lot when we want to ask, 'isn't it cool?'

 

--------------------

Criticism is most welcome. I've lost touch lately. Plus, i havent edited this one, so please bear with it!Wink

Preeti

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datspreets

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datspreets

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Posted: 29 May 2007 at 4:34am | IP Logged
No comments? Cry
Oh well, its okay! Ouch

Naughty_n_nice

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Posted: 29 May 2007 at 6:30am | IP Logged

Wow, i really love the way you write on the simplest of topics and make it seem like a beautiful story... Your language and style of writing is so unique i think i can guess it's you even if you didn't post it... And keep up the short stories, they're great to read when you just have a couple minutes to spare!!! Waiting for your long story Clap

-Sam

Morgoth

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Posted: 29 May 2007 at 7:46am | IP Logged
Preeti, your writing style and language usage is great. Your short stories would make good children's fiction.

One point: You need to elaborate on your description of Barkha's character to make the reader empathise with the narrator more. I as a reader need to be as irritated as the narrator at Barkha too to understand the effort in self control.

Edited by T. - 29 May 2007 at 7:47am

datspreets

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datspreets

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Posted: 30 May 2007 at 12:28am | IP Logged
Thanks Sam and Mysti di.

Sam, do you mean my stories are so typical kya, that you can even make it before reading it..lol..or is it cause its a short story? Embarrassed

Misty Di, thanks for your feedback. I do need to work on my descriptions, thats precisely why i never attempted a logn story. I might edit this story and mail it to you, perhaps you can review it again :)

Now about writing for children. I did attempt once, but it was a disaster..lol..maybe i should play with kids to learn the joy in simple things and maybe that way i can write for them :) BTW, arent you working on anything new? and what about Jerkwad?

Naughty_n_nice

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Posted: 31 May 2007 at 1:55am | IP Logged

Yeah, i forgot abt Jerkwad, and that Jehangir LOL

And nahi, i didn't mean that it's predictable, but it's short... and you're the only writer i know who takes such a simple topic and makes it so "story-like"... Get what i mean? Tongue

Morgoth

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Posted: 31 May 2007 at 4:19am | IP Logged

Originally posted by datspreets



BTW, arent you working on anything new?

Yes. But, it will not be posted on IF Tongue 

and what about Jerkwad?

I feel the need for a re-write on that one. I dont like the way the last couple of chapters turned out.

  

 

Morgoth

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Posted: 31 May 2007 at 4:20am | IP Logged

Originally posted by Naughty_n_nice


Yeah, i forgot abt Jerkwad, and that Jehangir LOL 

So did I LOL

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