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Deception - A Sinister Betrayal...C2- P4

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Sujalthegreat

Goldie

Sujalthegreat

Joined: 13 January 2005

Posts: 1295

Posted: 30 April 2007 at 7:01am | IP Logged
Deception - A Sinister Betrayal ...... Do Not Believe What You See....?

Link to last part -:

http://www.india-forums.com/forum_posts.asp?TID=607230&T PN=1&#10291670

"Hey! I'm talking to you!" shouted Rebecca. You could hear the anger and rage in her voice, echoing throughout the car park. She wasn't just going to let him walk away, after what he did to Amanda. She just stood there waiting for him to turn around. Eventually he stopped in his tracks and turned. Rebecca could clearly see the sickening smile on Andy'sface. There was a young couple, that were either coming or going from the hospital that had stopped. They were staring at both Rebecca and at Andy.
"You heard what I said...Amanda is pathetic and useless"
Tears were starting to form in Rebecca's eyes. She just couldn't believe what Andy had just said to her. How can anyone be so evil, she thought to herself. At this very moment, all she could think about was Amanda.
"How can you say that...she needs your support, she's...she's just lost your baby!" Rebecca screamed back at him.
He still had that sickening smile, no matter what Rebecca said to him, trying to get him to come back, it still didn't affect him. It was then, that he walked up to her, grabbed her and pulled her towards him.
"Hey - let go of her" Someone shouted, as they were coming towards them.
Instantly Andy pushed Rebecca, to the floor and punched that person. His wife ran up to him, to check on her husband as he pulled out a handkerchief out of his pocket, to stop his nose from bleeding.
"Sorry about that, but as you can see, this isn't any of your business"
"I'm going to get security" The wife had said, after her husband assured her that he was fine.
Andy then turned towards Rebecca. Her heart started to beat faster and faster, she was afraid of what he would do to her. She never saw this side of Andy before, she didn't know what to expect. He just knelt down in front of her, looking into her big dark brown eyes.
"Yes, you're right she lost my baby, but most importantly she lost the money to her uncle, I mean how can she be so stupid"
"Is that it...the only thing that matters to you is the money"
"Well, obviously"
Rebecca just stared at him, with great disgust.
"You're sick, you know that!" She yelled back at him.
Instantly Andy grabbed hold of Rebecca's hair and pulled tightly. She let out a painful cry.
"I pity Amanda, not only did she lose the baby and the money, she also lost her so-called adopted brother"
He pulled even tighter at her hair, forcing her to scream. He just enjoyed hearing her painful cries.
"Sean's the one who's lucky out of all of this...he managed to get away before Amanda messed everything up"
It was then, that, Andy heard a group of people running up towards them. He looked up and it was the wife of the guy, who he had just punched, coming back with security, closely followed by Akbal. He let go of Rebecca's hair and got up straight away.
"I'll see you later Rebecca" said Andy, as he blew her a kiss.
As Andy walked backwards, while he kept his eyes fixed onto Rebecca, he felt a tap on his shoulder. He swiftly turned and before he could say anything, a fist came out of nowhere and punched him in the face, sending him to the floor, like Andy had done to Rebecca. Before Andy could react back, the security guards pinned him to the floor. Rebecca was relieved to see who was standing in front of her. His hand reached out to help her to get back up. She just smiled back at him, as he wiped her tears away and then she just hugged him. Rebecca was so glad that he was back. Sean had come back.

End Of Chapter 2


........To Be Continued 

I've tried to make this chapter more exciting than the first one. So please let me know what you think of this chapter.


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kitty468

IF-Dazzler

kitty468

Joined: 16 September 2005

Posts: 4453

Posted: 30 April 2007 at 7:34am | IP Logged
i read all the parts, how many sisters does sean have. was amanda the girl who came to talk to sean on the hills. i thought in the chap 2 part 1 sean was angery n left the house, but the next scene is the hospital with amanda n rebecca.

all the 3 parts were well done. right from amanda's shock, andy's true nature, and the car park incident.

Sujalthegreat

Goldie

Sujalthegreat

Joined: 13 January 2005

Posts: 1295

Posted: 30 April 2007 at 8:14am | IP Logged
Originally posted by kitty468

i read all the parts, how many sisters does sean have. was amanda the girl who came to talk to sean on the hills. i thought in the chap 2 part 1 sean was angery n left the house, but the next scene is the hospital with amanda n rebecca.

all the 3 parts were well done. right from amanda's shock, andy's true nature, and the car park incident.


Answers to all three questions SmileLOL

 - Sean has 3 sisters -:

Amanda
Rebecca
Samantha

 - Amanda was the one who came to talk to Sean on the hill top.

- In Chapter 2 Part 1, yes Sean left the house really angry, this is beacuse Samantha told him what happened to Amanda, what led her to being in hospital, so neither Sean nor Samantha know what Andy did at the hospital, well now Sean does. I would have gone into more detail, with Samantha telling Sean about what happened, but then I thought that would have like slowed the pace of the chapter. I thought it would be better if everything that has happened to Amanda be revealed in the second half of this chapter and also in the next chapter itself. I thought this would make a bigger impact and take the reader by suprise.

Any other questions, then feel  free to ask. I will be more than happy to answer all questions.



Edited by Sujalthegreat - 30 April 2007 at 8:21am

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