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Should arranged marriages be outlawed?

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~*MaNnU*~

Senior Member

~*MaNnU*~

Joined: 28 August 2006

Posts: 313

Posted: 23 April 2007 at 4:37pm | IP Logged

Arranged marriages make up vastly the higher percentage in human history but have, largely in the last century, become unusual and morally questioned in the Western world. Where overt arranged marriages still occur in Europe and the Americas it is usually within immigrant communities. This creates further complications in discussing the issue because it not only becomes caught up in discussions of racism and ethnic rights, but also in the loaded debate on immigration.The immigration debate in relation to arranged marriage is not essential to the question but cannot be left out because the discussion of arranged marriage is no longer one that can be addressed in the abstract without considering its effects in marking out different communities and maintaining their cultural integrity. In some senses we can see the entire model of multiculturalism in the developed world reflected in this discussion of whether substantially different practices which maintain an ethnically individual community, drawing heavily on outside influences and immigration should be allowed. It is vital to remember, however, that arranged marriage is not some kind of 'us and them' immigration issue. It occurs both in religious communities and social groups within Western countries and the debate must reflect them as well. In fact, drawing a distinction between the types of influence that do and do not constitute arrangement is one of the most difficult in this debate.

 

now the question is.....
in your opinion..
Should arranged marriages be outlawed?

 

some arguements in favour for this topic:

Arranged marriages are very much 'real' marriages. Vastly more marriages than not in human history would fall under any sensible definition of arrangement. More than that, an unusually small number of arranged marriages actually end in divorce. Maybe we should look harder at whether Pop stars marriages constitute 'real' marriages if we are about to make that distinction. More seriously, millions of people marry for the 'wrong' reasons: financial security, desire for children, parental pressure and lack of choice among potential partners. It is pure romanticism to claim that marriages must be love matches or they should be stopped. This only serves to illustrate that it is impossible to make any sensible division between what is and isn't an arranged marriage and therefore quixotic to attempt a ban.

Arranged marriages do involve choice. The difference is merely that whole families are involved together in both considering the best options and in helping to achieve what is wanted. This is particularly fitting in a social system which places high value on the way in which the extended family work together, and ensures that there is family support and shared expectations which contribute to the longevity of the marriage. Many of what we would call arranged marriages are actually either parents just introducing their children to potential partners, or effecting the negotiations necessary for marriage after their children have already chosen a partner. Most importantly, it is totally illogical for the government to intervene to stop people having the marriages that they and their family have chosen in the name of freedom of choice. This is exactly why the distinction between arranged and forced marriages is so important in providing protection for those who really need it without authoritarianism creeping in.

Arranged marriages in Europe and North America have idiosyncratically low levels of abuse and marital violence. The institution of marriage always creates interdependence and therefore scope for abuse and danger and the police and outsiders always find it more difficult to intervene where violence is within a marriage. This is a criticism of marriage per se, and not arrangement, and we can't ban marriage. The vulnerability of those without language skills is an accepted fact of immigration policy, again it applies to all immigration and not to arranged marriages. Finally, most marriage organisers are actually women, as in the 'Auntie' system in India. They gain prestige and authority through their role. This doesn't seem to oppress women. What you are really saying is that Islamic societies are patriarchal and that Muslims have arranged marriages. The latter does not in any sense cause the former. They are discrete social facts.

 is not just groups practising arranged marriage who maintain cohesive communities. Afro-Caribbean and Jewish people in Western Europe both maintain a distinct cultural life while taking part fully in the life of this country. In fact their cultural contributions are one of the most valuable additions to the societies in which they live. The basis of multiculturalism is to understand the social and even economic value that can accrue from having people with different perspectives and traditions living together. Furthermore, in the second and third generations of immigrant families from the subcontinent we can already see barriers breaking down so that there is greater understanding and cross-fertilisation of the ideas these immigrant communities have brought.

Both young and old people affirm the fact that arranged marriage is a cultural tradition and any ethnographic data confirms it, not to mention the frequency of arrangement throughout the world. As we have pointed out there is no conflict between arrangement and a guarantee of free choice, the two are entirely consistent. Who is going to stand up and tell ethnic minorities that they don't know whether they want arranged marriages and whether or not it really is part of their culture? It is just ethnocentrism writ large. Furthermore, how can we possibly insist that immigrants respect our virtues of 'toleration' if that amounts to denying them cultural freedom?

We have made pathetically small progress in stamping out mail order brides which just goes to show how completely unenforceable a much more complex system of regulation over arranged marriages would be. More important to remember is that these marriages last in exceptionally high numbers beyond the time required to receive a passport so they would be legitimate even in countries where marriages which are for the primary purpose of immigration are barred. Finally, it is totally legitimate that husbands and wives should be able to choose the country where they have the best chances of making a good life to set up their homes, and this only serves to prove why brides from the third world might make the free choice to marry.

some arguements against  this topic:

Arranging marriages is an insult to the very nature of marriage, which should be about creating a loving and lasting partnership and family. It reduces a central part of what is fundamentally a religious ceremony (and every religion, including Islam, guarantees choice) to a commercial transaction and therefore undermines family values. This is even more an issue where people come into a country where marriage is seen as a central value that should be free, where it is a specific challenge to any moral code.

To allow arranged marriages leads to unacceptable pressure on those involved. They are often reliant on the parents who wish them to take part in arranged marriages for their futures as well as their current welfare. Moreover, the line between what constitutes an arranged and what constitutes a forced marriage is so hazy it can't be policed, as is the line between legitimate and illegitimate influence. To protect from the latter we must stop the former. The law can help children who are often seeking bargaining chips to help them evade the pressure to marry from their family and community.

Arranged marriage is bad both for the individual women concerned and for women generally in society. In the former case this is because they are very vulnerable. Often they are from far away from home, don't speak the local language or dialect and are totally reliant on the husband's house and family. The lack of a support network, the language to appeal for help or knowledge of their rights makes women in arranged marriages disproportionately likely to suffer abuse. In the latter case, arrangement commodifies women who are bartered between the male heads of houses. This is not acceptable within an egalitarian model of citizenship and does not fit with a western model of rights.

The practice of arranged marriage separates communities, helping to stop integration and encourage distrust between communities. This applies largely where it occurs among immigrant populations and helps to maintain a language barrier and an associated cultural ghettoisation. This doesn't just create a group of people who can feel trapped between two cultures and unsure of whether they have a place in their host society, and a poverty trap associated with the language barrier that creates further segregation. It also helps to foster distrust in the wider community by holding to such a radically alien value, particularly where it is opposed to our notion of equal rights.

Arranged marriage is not a true 'cultural value' that is in some sense inviolate. Every major religion including Islam guarantees the legitimacy of freedom of choice in marriage. Further, the extent to which this is custom is a product of a patriarchal culture that oppresses women and an element of that culture which maintains the imbalance of power between the genders. Although we cannot intervene in countries that hold to such a value system, we can stop such a system being imported. True multiculturalism itself relies on some basic shared value of commitment to a tolerant and fair society.

Arranged marriage provides a cover for illegal immigration. We attempt to challenge false marriages with non-nationals such as mail order brides for just this reason but are unable to properly examine most overtly arranged marriages because of the danger of being seen as culturally insensitive. Where arranged marriage is truly traditional and not motivated at least in part by immigration it is equally traditional that brides leave home to go to their husband's house. You don't see many European or American Asians leaving their home to go and live in their husband's home country.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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syrene

Goldie

syrene

Joined: 08 October 2005

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Posted: 23 April 2007 at 9:38pm | IP Logged
Depends on WHY the marriage is arranged in the first place...

~*MaNnU*~

Senior Member

~*MaNnU*~

Joined: 28 August 2006

Posts: 313

Posted: 24 April 2007 at 5:48am | IP Logged

Originally posted by .:Aphrodite:.

hahaha no way..how else will ugly people and people with no redeeming qualities find their match then?

hah lmfaoooROFLgud pointt..

sareg

IF-Dazzler

sareg

Joined: 10 January 2006

Posts: 3976

Posted: 24 April 2007 at 8:26am | IP Logged
Outlawing something means state stepping in and stopping a practise

A marriage is a fundamental right of a citizen, whether someone wants to marry or not should not be any business of the Govt, how people get married should also not matter, as long as certain legal age has been attained.

So no arranged marriages should not be outlawed(side note, I dont mind them totally outlawing the concept of marriage LOL )

I think this thread is talking about demerits of Arranged marriages, well the other alternative is love marriage, we have beaten that horse to death Wink

mermaid_QT

IF-Sizzlerz

mermaid_QT

Joined: 25 September 2005

Posts: 11613

Posted: 24 April 2007 at 9:43am | IP Logged
That's deep thinking about marital issues for a 15 year old mannu ..   Clap
NO, arranged marriages need not be banned. Several healthy- and happily marrried folks find their mates in that system. Why should one ban them?

cool_pooja

IF-Sizzlerz

cool_pooja

Joined: 22 January 2005

Posts: 12911

Posted: 24 April 2007 at 9:49am | IP Logged
Good Topic.. Clap

No, Arranged Marriage should not be banned. If Parents and our elders decide something for us, its usually for our betterment however they have not seen the future. I admit sometimes marriages do feel however even love marriages fail. Its all in ur destiny. However if arrange marriage has been done for poltical or finanaical reasons or against the wishes of the bride and groom then its wrong. Smile

~*MaNnU*~

Senior Member

~*MaNnU*~

Joined: 28 August 2006

Posts: 313

Posted: 24 April 2007 at 1:43pm | IP Logged

Originally posted by mermaid_QT

That's deep thinking about marital issues for a 15 year old mannu ..   Clap
NO, arranged marriages need not be banned. Several healthy- and happily marrried folks find their mates in that system. Why should one ban them?

thxx loll..

 

they SHUD b banned...bcuz we as human being have a RIGHT to choose who THE REST OF OUR WHOLEEEEEEEEEEE ENTIREEEEEEE LIFEEEEEEEE is gonna b spent wid..
how can we shud give our parents this decison??

mermaid_QT

IF-Sizzlerz

mermaid_QT

Joined: 25 September 2005

Posts: 11613

Posted: 24 April 2007 at 1:50pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by ~*MaNnU*~

Originally posted by mermaid_QT

That's deep thinking about marital issues for a 15 year old mannu ..   Clap
NO, arranged marriages need not be banned. Several healthy- and happily marrried folks find their mates in that system. Why should one ban them?

thxx loll.
they SHUD b banned...bcuz we as human being have a RIGHT to choose who THE REST OF OUR WHOLEEEEEEEEEEE ENTIREEEEEEE LIFEEEEEEEE is gonna b spent wid..
how can we shud give our parents this decison??



I did not and you don;t have to.  But that doesn;t justify banning them.

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