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Joint family or a Nuclear family (Page 5)

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jyoti06

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jyoti06

Joined: 30 December 2006

Posts: 90432

Posted: 06 April 2007 at 12:53pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by mcm226

Originally posted by ani11

Originally posted by mcm226

Originally posted by ani11

A marriage is not only the union of two people but of two families as well.
I think its very mature on ur part that u r thinking about the idea of adjusting in a Joint family(JF) before getting married because if u won't give it a thought right now it can not only cause a rift between the family members but among u and ur husband as well...

As far as i am concerned i have grown up in a nuclear family and prefer a nuclear family...
A Joint family has its own advantages but sometimes the rift and the disagreements between the family members nulls and voids all those advantages....
If the family members are in constant disagreement it has a negative affect on the kids growing up in that house hold...
I think a proper discussion with ur would be is in order now because this can be a major bone of contention between the two of u....

i agree with aniji.....................n i think ke shud talk to ur would be,n unhe seedhe seedhe saaf sabdo me bata de ke aap joint family me kuch time to adjust kar sakti hai but puri life nahi........agar aapke wud be aapko samjhte hai to wo aapki baat se zarur sehmat honge....abhi sehmat nahi bhi huwe to shadi ke baad dhere-dhere pyaar se unko is baat ka ahsaas kara sakti hai aap,plz negative na souchte huwe tactfully handle kare situation ko........n achha souchogi to aage achha hi hoga,be positive yaar,yeh bhi ho sakta hai ke aapke in-laws ki joint family bohat hi achhi rahe............i think ke saare negative thoughts ko alag rakh kar khushi-khushi shadi kare ..............in advance wish u a very happy married life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thanks Mandy for agreeing ..

while ur thoughts are beautiful but i don't agree on the highlighted part....I think the time to talk is now and not after marriage in the hope that the husband would listen afterwards.....she has identified a major potential problem big enough to break her marriage apart and to ignore it and go ahead and marry would be risky as per my opinion..........some people can't be sweet talked......speaking from experience here...LOL...my hubby and i had talked on certain issues before we got married and he still stands by those(luckily they are not big enough to shake the foundation of our marriage)Embarrassed.......or maybe i am not enough of a sweet talker..ConfusedLOL.........someone has identified athe point is if  problem then why wait for tommorow to solve it......why not today especially if its something as delicate as a marriage....my good wishes are with jyoti too...Embarrassed

oh oh,experience hai to than u r right........n i agree on the red colored part......but here is one thing  she is saying na ke she fell in love with her wud be husband................ab jab love hai n adjustment ka soucha hai isliye maine aisa kaha tha.............kuch paane ke liye kuch khona bhi padta hai....joint families bhi achhi ho sakti hai,pehle se negative thought ke saath new relationship me enter karna thik to nahi na,at least ek chance to dena hi chahiye is this what i think...........

no i m not against joint familyBig smile..in fact i hv seen lots of domestic problems in a nuclear family where a person doesn't even get a moral support and thats why always liked the concept of joint family where u can share your views with each other,its just that going to a complete new environment which is alien to me is a bit scary feelingConfused

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jyoti06

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jyoti06

Joined: 30 December 2006

Posts: 90432

Posted: 06 April 2007 at 12:54pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by egghatcher

joint family= marry in haste , repent at leisure Wink
nuclear family = marry in haste , repent in haste Tongue

in seriousness i wish all and sundry a very happy  life , married mated or single

and dont forget your rolodex of marriage counsellors and divorce lawyers and put them on display when visiting in-laws so they wont become outlaws LOL

Mayb that will b my next year resolutionLOL

MNMS

Goldie

MNMS

Joined: 15 December 2005

Posts: 1989

Posted: 06 April 2007 at 1:02pm | IP Logged

Originally posted by egghatcher

Originally posted by MNMS

Originally posted by Jyoti

so even i feel nuclear family is the best option but again in nuclear families we hv lots of domestic violence like a husband beating up his wife which can also happen in a joint family but there r people to support u in a joint family which is not the case in a nuclear family,where one has to overcome their problems single-handedly...so i think this confusion in my mind will always continue


If a husband is beating up wife, whether in nuclear or joint family.. Its time to shut the marriage! I have been taught one thing from my parents: "You will never grow in supression. Never ever tolerate injustice and supression" And the very first beating.. it means that the person we call as "Significant other" doesn't hold any significance of your presence.

All in all, Have a good career. Be financially Independent.. Secure your money and future.. And kick the husband out of your life who is trying to torture you to hell... He simply isn't WORTH your companionship!
this should be addressed under the thread  should children be spanked LOL

ROFL

Possibly that should be discussed in Kiranjit's thread..... When the "Sar-ka-taj" husband jee is going out of control in controlling his wife, Red flags are raising higher and its time to take action rather end up being dead

 And if someone foresees problems Before marriage. nib the evil in the bud!

lighthouse

IF-Dazzler

lighthouse

Joined: 18 January 2006

Posts: 2842

Posted: 06 April 2007 at 1:45pm | IP Logged

Originally posted by salooni

just a humble aside
wouldnt it be better if we do not treat marriage in joint or nuclear family as one in shantiniketan?
As long as one keeps joys and sorrows under wrap ( avoid the temptation to run over for advice to an elder as long as it is possible ) the marriage has a great chance to work and flourish in years as you think of welcome bundle of additions
In Marathi they have a wonderful saying . "Jhakli Mooth savva lakha chi" .
Thank you all

 I am not marathi expert but I think you are saying "Bandh Muthi Sawa laakh ki" as in bury your problems under the carpet lest anyone sees it...

 All can I say is till how long? till you can't close it anymore due to severe athritis of the hand...Confused

sareg

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sareg

Joined: 10 January 2006

Posts: 3976

Posted: 06 April 2007 at 1:47pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by jyoti06

This is more of a decision that is driven by the women(atleast in my experience)

One should weigh the advantages vs Disadvantages. Everyone seems to be walking into a Joint family system with a fear of the already existing relations. Not all Joint families are as dysfunctional as the one's in the serials, not all are as conniving/ scheming as the one's showed in the serial.

If one shows the existing members due respect and makes a place for oneself, it can be a win-win.Individualism can be retained that way too.

It only starts becoming a problem if one of the party is only looking at the negatives of a relationship. Not all clashes are ego clashes.

In the end a joint family system is beneficial for the kids, Parents might have to make compromises to live in a JFS, but dont Parents always make sacrifices for their children?

If one decides to walk out of a JFS, they are bound by duty to create a similar environment for their children, A lot of times people fail in this and children pay the price

It is everyone's dream to have a dream house, but it is a choice whether you want people in the house or furniture

mcm226

IF-Sizzlerz

mcm226

Joined: 11 October 2006

Posts: 15813

Posted: 06 April 2007 at 1:55pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by sareg

Originally posted by jyoti06

This is more of a decision that is driven by the women(atleast in my experience)

One should weigh the advantages vs Disadvantages. Everyone seems to be walking into a Joint family system with a fear of the already existing relations. Not all Joint families are as dysfunctional as the one's in the serials, not all are as conniving/ scheming as the one's showed in the serial.

If one shows the existing members due respect and makes a place for oneself, it can be a win-win.Individualism can be retained that way too.

It only starts becoming a problem if one of the party is only looking at the negatives of a relationship. Not all clashes are ego clashes.

In the end a joint family system is beneficial for the kids, Parents might have to make compromises to live in a JFS, but dont Parents always make sacrifices for their children?

If one decides to walk out of a JFS, they are bound by duty to create a similar environment for their children, A lot of times people fail in this and children pay the price

It is everyone's dream to have a dream house, but it is a choice whether you want people in the house or furniture

Clap...........very well said......i agree with saregji......

ani11

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ani11

Joined: 13 October 2005

Posts: 14996

Posted: 06 April 2007 at 2:05pm | IP Logged
.

Edited by ani11 - 08 October 2009 at 3:34pm

mcm226

IF-Sizzlerz

mcm226

Joined: 11 October 2006

Posts: 15813

Posted: 06 April 2007 at 2:09pm | IP Logged

[/QUOTE] i think a family that has survived for long as an HUF or simply UF deserves a shake up with yet another married woman in its fold ..

wondering if people search can google thus and churn out spicy details on MIL FIL BIL SIL  so as to be prepared for war or peace a la tolstoyishtically LOL

[/QUOTE]

sarva dokyawarun  gelaConfusedOuchOuch..........plz explain this in simple words Smile

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