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Joint family or a Nuclear family (Page 3)

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jyoti06

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jyoti06

Joined: 30 December 2006

Posts: 90504

Posted: 06 April 2007 at 1:30am | IP Logged

Originally posted by tania.ganguly

Gags,
Nice post.
My personal opinion.It takes a lot of adjusting for someone who has been raised in a nuclear family to adjust in a joint family.It takes a lot of understanding and lot of shutting up on opinions when you have to live in joint family.
Joint family has its own pros in offering support in times of sickness and adversities. But sometime joint families cause a lot of strife.
Based on my experience of living in a joint family for a year, I would prefer nuclear family any day.
And it matter of raising children, nuclear family any day.
I hope I haven't confused you enough.If I have let us take this offline.
Tisha di

the confusion in my mind occured just because i hv seen suffocation even in a nuclear family and u know what i mean,so mayb a joint family can b a welcoming change for me but again adjusting with your in-laws and at the same time keeping your self-esteem and individuality intact becomes a huge issue in a joint family...i guess i will hv to leave it on my destinyLOL

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jyoti06

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jyoti06

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Posted: 06 April 2007 at 1:36am | IP Logged

Originally posted by mermaid_QT

Jyoti welcome back to DM Big smile
I think it really depends on the family itself! I think you can judge them based on how they live, how happy they are staying with each other, what your fiance's thoughts are so on and so forth. I am sure you had considered these elements before. If you feel you have questions, concerns, it will be great to discuss those before taking the big step. You do not wish to be judged as someone who is breaking up the family. The judgment can go against you for years to come. It is easy for me to tell you that nuclear sounds like a better option. yet, if you chose to marry someone from a joint family, it is for all of you to decide how compatible you are and why not and if not, what the options would be. Perhaps they are a happy joint family! Please find out before hand. Embarrassed

Lowe,
qt di..

Subhadi,thats the exact think what was going on in my mind,i din't want to b termed as a homebreaker,tomorrow my mom-in-law should not say i took away their son from them;

its not that i don't want to stay in a joint family,i m basically scared to enter into a world which is compleltely alien to meConfused

but yes i agree with u discussing it with my fiance will b the best optionBig smileprovided he understands my point of view and doesn't think otherwiseConfused

jyoti06

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jyoti06

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Posts: 90504

Posted: 06 April 2007 at 1:44am | IP Logged

Originally posted by egghatcher

  the thing about joint family is it is like a corporation ... you present a proposal on any matter it goes through several channels , hubby , MIL , interfering single sicko SIL etc and then comes back when you may not want to go ahead with the content of that proposal and the reet -rivaaz will kill you if you are not into such mock festivities .. STAY SINGLE LOL

see this is what is scaring meLOL..everytime i give a proposal to my husband,...without the certification of the censor board headsAngry,the proposal will not b passed and will become stagnent foreverConfusedLOL

jyoti06

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jyoti06

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Posts: 90504

Posted: 06 April 2007 at 1:55am | IP Logged

Originally posted by MNMS

Nuclear Family all the way!!

I have seen what can REALLY happen when a person who has lived all his life in a nuclear family.. and then joins a joint family: My sisters..

We are a nuclear family since loooong. And tell you what, its still much more time consuming to understand your parents, your siblings...and most importantly yourself..I really can't imagine how people adjust and get satisfied in a joint family where there is so much Dead type of things happening 24/7... Confused Confused Confused

Both my sisters didn't know the working and the gossip & politics & bickering and Dead things involved in joint families Cry ... Very Very very very hard to adjust.. and then the family expects you to tolerate all this non-sense alone. DeadMy sisters did tolerate a hell! Its a huge terrible bargain.. I would NEVER EVER sacrifice myself, my ideologies, my thinking, my decisions and most importantly my Identity for the sake of joint family .. Call me self-centered, Call me westernized, Call me anything!! I don't care. But guys, its simply not worth it! I have seen it for my sisters.. Huge amount of self-sacrifice Ouch And i would sincerely advise anyone the same...NOT to go for joing families..Period!

These are my two cents Smile I hold high respect for the views of other members.. please respect mine Smile

very well saidClapi completely agree with u...the main problem of joint family is that every member of the parliament..oops i mean houseWink,wants to outdo each other and in this game of one upmanship u loose your own selfOuch

and one more problem living in a joint family is that after u start your own family,your in-laws will force u to give more importance to your domestic life...in short leave your job,sit at home and nurture your kidsAngrythats all they want from a ghar ki bahu ..no matter how modern we become...and as a career-oriented girl ,i will never prefer that

so even i feel nuclear family is the best option but again in nuclear families we hv lots of domestic violence like a husband beating up his wife which can also happen in a joint family but there r people to support u in a joint family which is not the case in a nuclear family,where one has to overcome their problems single-handedly...so i think this confusion in my mind will always continueConfusedLOL

MNMS

Goldie

MNMS

Joined: 15 December 2005

Posts: 1989

Posted: 06 April 2007 at 3:35am | IP Logged
Originally posted by Jyoti

so even i feel nuclear family is the best option but again in nuclear families we hv lots of domestic violence like a husband beating up his wife which can also happen in a joint family but there r people to support u in a joint family which is not the case in a nuclear family,where one has to overcome their problems single-handedly...so i think this confusion in my mind will always continue


If a husband is beating up wife, whether in nuclear or joint family.. Its time to shut the marriage! I have been taught one thing from my parents: "You will never grow in supression. Never ever tolerate injustice and supression" And the very first beating.. it means that the person we call as "Significant other" doesn't hold any significance of your presence.

All in all, Have a good career. Be financially Independent.. Secure your money and future.. And kick the husband out of your life who is trying to torture you to hell... He simply isn't WORTH your companionship!

lighthouse

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lighthouse

Joined: 18 January 2006

Posts: 2842

Posted: 06 April 2007 at 5:25am | IP Logged
Originally posted by jyoti06

Originally posted by ChameliKaYaar

Well in my mind...we have 2 topics of debate....
1. Joint v./s nuclear family..
2. Baal Vivah....(16 years old and married LOL LOL LOL )...

So which one you want me to debate first..... LOL LOL LOL

to b very frank i had a indirect baal-vivaah onlyConfusedLOL..we got engaged when i was 12yrs old Ouch...and thats another topic for debate that is it right for the parents to get your children engaged at such an early age just for the sake of your family paramparaAngry..but anyways i don't hv any complain because i fell in love with the same person when i was 16yrs oldLOL...see how  complicated my life isLOLConfused

 Balike... Do you really want to get married? and that too to your fiance? ... I mean you may not be ready if you have doubts and concerns about how your future will shape up... Think hard and long and stick with your decision once decided...

Having said that , there are no gaurantees after marriage , only possibilities- Like he may turn out to be a monster and not the same person you thought you got married to... Of course he may feel the same about you too.LOL

 Or you may have revelation and find that you don't really love him when you thought you did....Getting married on just feelings of love and nothing else is not wise... be prepared for contingencies and traps...Confused

 I hope I haven't scared you but just pointed out some realities that have known to happen quite often... Remember every silver lining has a dark cloud..Embarrassed

 Good luck....Big smile



Edited by lighthouse - 06 April 2007 at 5:29am

MNMS

Goldie

MNMS

Joined: 15 December 2005

Posts: 1989

Posted: 06 April 2007 at 5:47am | IP Logged
Originally posted by LH

Balike... Do you really want to get married? and that too to your fiance? ... I mean you may not be ready if you have doubts and concerns about how your future will shape up... Think hard and long and stick with your decision once decided...


Exactly what I was thinking! Very Valid question raised Clap

Jyoti, I would like to ask the same question..Whatever decision you take, Good luck in that.. But precaution is always better than the cure. Smile If you detect any problem..be that related to family or the guy himself, It is the time to raise your voice and act immediately. Smile

jyoti06

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jyoti06

Joined: 30 December 2006

Posts: 90504

Posted: 06 April 2007 at 8:02am | IP Logged

Originally posted by MNMS

Originally posted by LH

Balike... Do you really want to get married? and that too to your fiance? ... I mean you may not be ready if you have doubts and concerns about how your future will shape up... Think hard and long and stick with your decision once decided...


Exactly what I was thinking! Very Valid question raised Clap

Jyoti, I would like to ask the same question..Whatever decision you take, Good luck in that.. But precaution is always better than the cure. Smile If you detect any problem..be that related to family or the guy himself, It is the time to raise your voice and act immediately. Smile

thanks a lot for all your adviceBig smile...but i definitely want to get married Embarrassedbut mayb after i make a name for myself,but again its extremely important that higher authorities listen to your voice Wink...so many BUTS in my lifeConfusedLOLmakes a perfect confused soul like meLOL

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