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Joint family or a Nuclear family

jyoti06 Channel Moderator
jyoti06
jyoti06

Joined: 30 December 2006
Posts: 93095

Posted: 05 April 2007 at 7:03am | IP Logged

Hello everybody,

Even though i m not active in this DM ,but over the last few days i wanted to discuss something very badly,so i thought DM is the best place to do this discussionBig smile

Joint family system vs. Nuclear family system

I myself live in a nuclear family but after marriage i will have to shift my base to a joint familyUnhappy...i hv just one question in mind...is it easy for a girl to adjust herself suddenly in a joint family with lots of jethanis and devranis and all other ranis in the familyLOLwhen she has been born and brought up in a nuclear family since her childhood .

Today we have a generation of people who after having lived in a joint family system have taken the initiative to break out and start a nuclear family. The older generation today has come of age and very well appreciates the strengths and weaknesses of both the system(joint as well as nuclear)Wink.

The generation that broke out of the old joint family system did so when individualistic thinking began to gain predominance in the society. It was exciting to explore, experiment and establish a living set up on one's own. The nuclear family gave immense freedom from the traditions and ways of life that the old system was ridden with. Hence whenever and wherever the parents and the grown up adult children could not get along well and when the adult children could afford to build a house to call their own, nuclear families began to be formed. As it happens with most changes in the society, initially the people from the old system did not take this change very well. They were saddened to see the disintegration of family values and system and emergence of individualistic nuclear families. However, gradually when nuclear families became the order of the day, the old generation slowly began to accept the realities and became comfortable with it.

The other factor that gave rise to nuclear families was industrialization. Industrial revolution brought with it increase in job opportunities in and around major industrialized and commercial cities and towns. This forced men and women to move out of their family home and away from the parents. In this case, often the parents who remained emotionally attached to the place where they spent most of their life preferred to continue staying in their family home and accepted with some sadness their children starting out new life away from them.

As u can see i m really confused whether to built my own drean house with my husband thus asking him to move away from his family or try to adjust myself in a joint family systemConfused

I know its an individualistic approach,but still which system can give a human being more satisfaction...A joint family system or a Nuclear oneConfusedConfused

 

 



Edited by jyoti06 - 05 April 2007 at 7:07am

Yeah IF-Dazzler
Yeah
Yeah

Joined: 22 June 2006
Posts: 4772

Posted: 05 April 2007 at 4:24pm | IP Logged
I'm really not old enough... only 16... but from what I've heard and just from what seems right,

a joint family is okay as long as u can mantain relationships. If it is clear that you are only causing rifts between the relations... like between brothers or between devranis and jethanis...then it's better to move out and meet every week or something. That way you actually respect the relationships. I mean seriously it's difficult for our.. well your generation and probably my generation as well to adapt to a lifestyle where people are restricting you and u have to be careful... like u can't put ur feet up n watch TV n u always have to keep ur doors closed and stuff.... i unno if ever I couldn't put my feet on the sofa while watchin TV I would dieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
but yeah lolll.... i like Joint families.. like Hum Saath Saath Hain... but if you really can't maintain relationships then it's best to maintain a relationship where when u meet, u actually want to meet and appreciate the reuninion.

But though better to live in a nuclear family... sometimes I guess you have to adapt...like u have to understand the guy and his love for his family... I mean if ur leaving ur mom n dad and ur devestated.. do u really think he would want to leave his family.. bros and sis n parents.. but yeah... hope i made myself clear. Big smile
mermaid_QT IF-Sizzlerz
mermaid_QT
mermaid_QT

Joined: 25 September 2005
Posts: 11613

Posted: 05 April 2007 at 4:30pm | IP Logged
Jyoti welcome back to DM Big smile
I think it really depends on the family itself! I think you can judge them based on how they live, how happy they are staying with each other, what your fiance's thoughts are so on and so forth. I am sure you had considered these elements before. If you feel you have questions, concerns, it will be great to discuss those before taking the big step. You do not wish to be judged as someone who is breaking up the family. The judgment can go against you for years to come. It is easy for me to tell you that nuclear sounds like a better option. yet, if you chose to marry someone from a joint family, it is for all of you to decide how compatible you are and why not and if not, what the options would be. Perhaps they are a happy joint family! Please find out before hand. Embarrassed

Lowe,
qt di..
ChameliKaYaar IF-Rockerz
ChameliKaYaar
ChameliKaYaar

Joined: 19 February 2006
Posts: 9814

Posted: 05 April 2007 at 6:00pm | IP Logged
Well in my mind...we have 2 topics of debate....
1. Joint v./s nuclear family..
2. Baal Vivah....(16 years old and married LOL LOL LOL )...

So which one you want me to debate first..... LOL LOL LOL
lighthouse IF-Dazzler
lighthouse
lighthouse

Joined: 18 January 2006
Posts: 2842

Posted: 05 April 2007 at 7:16pm | IP Logged

Joint family system vs. Nuclear family system

First of all Jyoti , is this LM or AM? coz if it is AM then I am confused how you agreed to it in the first place after knowing about your nuclear fam upbringing...

 Anyway it depends on what your husband to be wants... If he wants to stay in joint family then you are going to fight a losing battle...

 Most importantly you have to know and stick with what you want and decide to live your life...It is hard but one can adjust if the joint family is not typical like Kekta families...

 Expect tons of changes in your life after marriage either way....Wink



Edited by lighthouse - 05 April 2007 at 7:17pm
nerdynerd Goldie
nerdynerd
nerdynerd

Joined: 19 November 2006
Posts: 1488

Posted: 05 April 2007 at 7:46pm | IP Logged
I don't know about you...but I don't think I'd go for a joint family...first of all I need that hour of day where no one disturbs! In joint families privacy can be on stake...and yes men & ladies sit around and gossip...I'm not a gossiper, and I cant' stand it so I wouldnt' be able to...other thing is when people live under one roof all the time, you tend to pick up on other people's habits and sometimes it can get annoying...just to be on safe side...I'd be in a nuclear family so I dont' mess my realtions with others over little things...but then again everyone is different so you might like the enviorment of big family and people around you to talk to all the time...both has it plus and neg. points Big smile
persistence Goldie
persistence
persistence

Joined: 11 August 2005
Posts: 1779

Posted: 05 April 2007 at 9:46pm | IP Logged
I would want time, and space with my husband. Embarrassed

No nagging by family members! Dead
nerdynerd Goldie
nerdynerd
nerdynerd

Joined: 19 November 2006
Posts: 1488

Posted: 05 April 2007 at 10:04pm | IP Logged

Originally posted by egghatcher

the thing about joint family is it is like a corporation ... you present a proposal on any matter it goes through several channels , hubby , MIL , interfering single sicko SIL etc and then comes back when you may not want to go ahead with the content of that proposal and the reet -rivaaz will kill you if you are not into such mock festivities .. STAY SINGLE LOL

hahaha the easiest way of lifeLOL

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