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How important is baby in a relationship? (Page 2)

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greatmaratha

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greatmaratha

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Posted: 14 July 2005 at 9:52pm | IP Logged
No relationship... which is one in every sense of the word becomes monotonous unless the people in the relationship want it to...  Any relationship to survive needs constant work, almost like in a machinery, which needs oiling to keep it going for ever.  So if the people in the relationship have allowed it to slide so much down that it has become monotouns do not really stand a chance of working it out again unless they pump in that much extra effort. 

That effort cannot certainly be a baby as then the concentrations of the parties move away from themselves, which it should be, to the baby, which will only widen the chasm between them. 

baby, in a healthy relationship, brings families closer....  In the case of relations which have become monotonous, it may just be the catalyst which would widen the gap and make it worse

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anjali.nair

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Posted: 14 July 2005 at 11:07pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by greatmaratha

No relationship... which is one in every sense of the word becomes monotonous unless the people in the relationship want it to...  Any relationship to survive needs constant work, almost like in a machinery, which needs oiling to keep it going for ever.  So if the people in the relationship have allowed it to slide so much down that it has become monotouns do not really stand a chance of working it out again unless they pump in that much extra effort. 

That effort cannot certainly be a baby as then the concentrations of the parties move away from themselves, which it should be, to the baby, which will only widen the chasm between them. 

baby, in a healthy relationship, brings families closer....  In the case of relations which have become monotonous, it may just be the catalyst which would widen the gap and make it worse


maratha, your views are brilliant.ClapClapClap i got my answerSmile

pj04

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pj04

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Posted: 15 July 2005 at 8:13pm | IP Logged

Originally posted by greatmaratha

No relationship... which is one in every sense of the word becomes monotonous unless the people in the relationship want it to...  Any relationship to survive needs constant work, almost like in a machinery, which needs oiling to keep it going for ever.  So if the people in the relationship have allowed it to slide so much down that it has become monotouns do not really stand a chance of working it out again unless they pump in that much extra effort. 

That effort cannot certainly be a baby as then the concentrations of the parties move away from themselves, which it should be, to the baby, which will only widen the chasm between them. 

baby, in a healthy relationship, brings families closer....  In the case of relations which have become monotonous, it may just be the catalyst which would widen the gap and make it worse

very well said great maratha. however sometimes as you mentioned the couple move from me/mine issues and all thier efforts are concentrated on the baby. if the issues that were pulling them apart were petty and immature, having a baby almost always help. also baby is an affirmation of intimacy of the relationship between the couple,which normally pushes the intruding third party out of the scene. they are forced to grow up and become more responsible and look at thier lives together more as a social unit which helps. also almost invariably the couple is forced to spend more time together during the months of pregnancy, which helps them to know each other other and resolve issues between them and get attached to each other on more mental level(in case of arranged marraiges , joint families, consumate party people or people with very busy work lives)

greatmaratha

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greatmaratha

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Posted: 15 July 2005 at 9:39pm | IP Logged
i agree pj.  These issues differ from couple to couple and one cannot have a generalisation. 

Where issues are only immaturity, possibly the baby could help them come closer because the love quotient in their relationship has not yet died out fully and the monotony is probably only thanks to their life style etc.  I have seen a couple who have had long courtship and then been married for a while and bam, when the wifey went for her delivery, the man set up house with another woman.  There was no pretence of even waiting for his wife to come back after the normally followed 4 month post natal break.  The baby came, yet did not bring about the bonding.

ultimately, it is entirely on how different people and different couples handle this situation. 

Sometimes, it is not the wife alone who gets pregnant at such testing times.  Very often it is the "other woman" and this fact usually acts as a catalyst in breaking up the marriage completely.  There, the baby does bring about the bonding required, albeit between a married man and to be mother and possibly the to be wife. 

To a great extent living in joint families or close knit families helps as this takes a great deal of stress off the couple and they get a chance to sit back, see their mistakes and timely advice.  But what happens when the couples live apart from their families. 

But yes.  the theory is a general one and ultimately, it is entirely upto the man and the woman in the relationship to decide what they want to do of it.  If, in their minds, they know they want to continue it, ways and means, which need not include babies, are found to make it work and work it does.  But if they are actually looking for an exit in the marriage or maybe even a temporary time off, babies normally do not bring about that bonding required. 

OodlesDoodles

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OodlesDoodles

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Posted: 16 July 2005 at 10:59am | IP Logged
Hey guys you have raised some interesting points  to ponder upon. I think this will be a great topic for the debate mansion. 

pj04

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pj04

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Posted: 17 July 2005 at 11:01pm | IP Logged
yep..i think so too , so i am moving the thread to debate mansion.

memsaab

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memsaab

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Posted: 18 July 2005 at 3:06pm | IP Logged

I think a baby is important when the couple starts getting bored with eachother and starts looking for something else.. a child can bring that something else in a relationship ..

However, I have known some old couples the oldest one married for last 58 years and happy with eachother, did not had child as the wife was too scared after having one bad miscarriage in the past..

I think it really depends on the two main individuals who decide to spend rest of their lives together....

 

Aparna_BD

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Aparna_BD

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Posted: 24 July 2005 at 4:57pm | IP Logged
I think many of you raised several good point . I personally feel having a baby in a happy marriage helps in bringing a couple closer at times , but its not a remedy for boredom in a marriage . It doesn't always work that way . If the marriage is rocky ,....its not advisable to have a baby at that point .

But how does one revive the monotony in a marriage???? . I would say find common interests and then work on them together .Whether its something sporty , art , music ,travel , whatever the common interest . Its necessary to take time out and do things together . Family is what you make of it . To me my family is complete with my husband and two furry babies !!! Smile

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