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Sujalthegreat

Goldie

Sujalthegreat

Joined: 13 January 2005

Posts: 1295

Posted: 25 January 2007 at 6:12am | IP Logged
Hi Everyone!

This is a story that I've been working on, for quite sometime. Its a murder mystery/thriller. Some of you have already read this and have told me to post it as they think its good. So I'm posting it on this forum. I have already posted this on IF.in. However as I have only started it, I have only written the first chapter. I am also almost done with Chapter 2 as well.

As seen as the first chapter is a bit too long, I'm going to post a section of each chapter, every 2 days or so. But as seen as some of you have already read it on IF.in, I'm going to post all the parts to chapter 1 today.

So today I'm posting all of chapter 1, and the first part of chapter 2

Also as you read the story, I'm thinking of having a small competition.... I want you to think of a title for the story........ Very Happy

P.S. If any of you have any ideas as to what should happen next in story or anything that should be changed then feel free to PM me and let me know or just post a reply in this topic.

So I hope you enjoy the story........ Very Happy


Chapter 1




It had been almost a year since what had happened. The memory of that horrifying incident had followed Sean. It haunted him. That one incident had taken away all reality.
Even now, Sean could still see Sarah, in that frightful state. He could still see, her hand shaking in fear and her finger pointing towards him, accusing him of a crime he didn't even commit.
Because of this one incident, everyone that Sean had known, his family and his friends had turned against him, leaving him on his own.
What hurt him the most, was when Amanda refused to believe him and reminded him that he was never part of the family.
Even Nicola, the girl of his dreams, had hurt him in such a way, that he was left with nothing. Because of this pain, he was left broken from the inside. He had no feelings and no emotions. He didn't know what or how to feel anymore.
Nothing seemed to be clear to Sean; he didn't know what to do or where to go.
It was then that, an old friend, Nisha, who believed in him, came to his aid. She convinced him to come with her and get away from everything and start a new life. At first Sean was reluctant to go with Nisha, because he was afraid of getting hurt again. But Nisha convinced him, that she believed him and that she wouldn't hurt him like everyone else had done.

Sean had now moved on with his life, although no matter how hard he tried he just couldn't forget about the past. Even now he just stared up at the sky, while looking back at his past. It wasn't just tonight. Just about every night Sean would go up to the mountains and look back at his past and ask himself, if all of the good times were just one big happy dream. But then it would all come back to him, telling him that everything was just a faade.

In a way, the moon reminded him of him self. It just glowed, all on its own, up in the dark, motionless sky. Sean just stared at all of the places where the stars used to be.
"Looks like the stars have deserted you, like my friends had deserted me"
Tears started to form in his eyes, rolling down his face. The moonlight reflected from them. He just sat there on a rough, cold patch on the ground and just thought to himself.

"So much of my life has passed by, but it feels as if I haven't even lived a moment of it. I haven't got any friends. Even when it gets dark, my shadow leaves me alone. I'm all alone like you. It's only just you, me and my loneliness"

Instantly Sean broke away from his thoughts, because he started to get the feeling that someone was approaching him from behind. But he already knew who it was, as he had already felt that presence before. The atmosphere indicated to him that it was a presence from his past. It was a presence for whom he held so much hatred inside himself. It was Amanda.
"Why have you come here?" asked Sean, with hatred.
Amanda could sense how much Sean hated her, for what she did to him and what she had said, in the past. She could tell that even now he still remembers the past. Sean just stood there with his back turned against her. She didn't know where to start or what to say.
"I…I…I've come to take you back", her voice quivered.
"Well I don't think you have that right anymore".
Amanda could easily sense the coldness and bitterness in his reply. His voice was as cold as the air, up in the mountains.
Tears started to form in her eyes. She could feel her heart breaking, while she remembered the past.
"I…I...know what I did and what I said was wrong, but…."
Instantly Sean broke her off. "So what are you doing here anyway?"
"I've come to take my brother back home"
Just by hearing the word 'brother', Sean went into flashback, trying to remember a time where Amanda treated him like a brother.
"I don't even think, that in your whole life you have ever considered me as your brother"
Amanda knew that, what ever Sean was saying, he was right. Neither could she remember a time, where she was there for Sean. Maybe it was the fact that he was adopted and not her real brother, what made her hate him. However it was now that she had realised that she was wrong.
"I know that I was wrong and I'm sorry"
"You know as far as I can remember…whenever I needed you, you just pushed me away from yourself"
All Sean could think about was all of the times when he needed her, but she wasn't there for him. When their parents were alive, they trusted him and believed, no matter what anyone said. All they did was just look into his eyes and they would get their answer.
More tears started to form in his eyes as he remembered his parents. But then the realisation that Amanda was still here, bought him back.
This time he turned around and saw her standing there in the darkness. He could barely make out her face. She was camouflaged by the darkness.
"Can I ask you one question?" asked Sean.
"Of course" replied Amanda. For some reason Amanda started to get the feeling that there was still hope for Sean to come back with her. Her heart started to feel at ease.


To Be Continued..............

Link To Next Section -:

http://www.india-forums.com/forum_posts.asp?TID=527387



Edited by Sujalthegreat - 25 January 2007 at 6:35am

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umrao_jaan

Goldie

umrao_jaan

Joined: 11 January 2006

Posts: 1212

Posted: 02 February 2007 at 11:44am | IP Logged
Wow!!! A detective story!!!! Exactly the kind I love reading! Great work Sujal!!!! I really liked the start and it totally intrigued me, but try keeping some more spaces in between to make it more easy to read!!! I also love the way you've brought out the mood of the atomosphere to suit that of the character!

Keep up the great work!!!! Wink

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