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My first attempt at Fanfic (Page 3)

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devilangel

IF-Dazzler

devilangel

Joined: 28 November 2005

Posts: 3459

Posted: 22 January 2007 at 5:39am | IP Logged

you are really good jivora.. i loved the fic until now altho i ddint understand many words properly..

but as kanak said, its definitely not a first attempt.. and i cant wait to read more Clap

and ritu is calling her husband colonel.. its hilarious Clap



Edited by devilangel - 22 January 2007 at 5:40am

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freakandnut57

Senior Member

freakandnut57

Joined: 08 December 2006

Posts: 717

Posted: 22 January 2007 at 6:02am | IP Logged
"Ali, tere liye phone hai."

"Ji, Aapa"

Ali walked up to his sister and took the receiver from her hand.

"Helo?"

"Tum samajhte kya ho? Jo man main aayega w o h karoge? Aur main karne doonga? Bro, you are very much mistaken!", a familiar voice yelled on the other end of the receiver. It took Ali a second to recognize it, and this baught a grin on his otherwise serious face.

"Oh, Yudibhai, hum samaj saktain hain, magar yeh sab itni jaldi….."

"I am terribly angry with you, dude. Aap shaadi kar rahe ho, and what do I get….??? This invitation card…..aur w o h bhi shaadi ke paanch din pahele?"

"Magar, aap aa to rahe hain na?"

"Now he is asking…..Haan, ab teri lovestory ko ham sabne milkar to banaya hai….ab uska success dekhne bhi nahi aayenge kya?"

"To fir der kis baat ki…."

"Anyways, congratulations dude! I will be there in a jiffy. Magar baaki saare bhi aa rahe hain?"

"W o h sab Pooja jaane, usne hi zimmedari li hai!"

"Alright bro…………See you soon!"

'Zaroor"

The chat ended there….Ali had a smile on his face, his friend, one of the closest….and after such a looong time……He had a feeling of excitement, but he feared….that the past, and long forgotten memories would re-surface……

"Ali, yeh tumhara dost Yudi hi than na, jo party waale din….Madonna….??", his sisters question baught Ali back to the present.

"Ji Aapa. Pahele yeh bade confused-se hua karte the, magar ab to sahab Captain Yaduvansh Sahani ho gaye hain, aur KMA main Strategy & Communications padhate hai cadets ko! Dhan-daulat aur saari suvidha main palne ke bavajod army ke sakht aur discipline saanche main khudko dhaala hai inhone!", Ali voice was filled with pride and love for his friend!

***********************************************************
Army Headquaters, New Delhi, 1200hrs:

"Saahab ka mood kaisa hai?",Orderly Mayank Shekhar asked his collegue, holding a coffee mug.

'Pata nahin, aaj kisiko andar bulaya hi nahin!"

"Aisi koi baat nahin hai, magar zaraa sa darr lagta hai. Saahab waise to hain apni hi umra ka, magar unka jawab nahin….is desh ko un jaise ek do aur mil jaye na, to in sab dushmano ki chhotti kar de!"

"Yaar, fir bhi, zaraa sambhalyo! Kabhi pyaar se dost ki tarah baat kartein hain, aur kabhi aise dekhtein hain ki………"

"…Kuch bhi bol, koi baat hai, saade Major main, pichle saal Diwali pe ghar aaye the, to amma ke pairon ke paas baith gaye aur phir unhi se baatein ki, saari shaam, aur jaate jaate bole, 'Shekhar, amma ki jaan se laga kar rakhna!'…."

Trembling, Orderly knocked at the door. The door, that beared a very familiar name, but it seemed so much more respectable today, "Major Aalekh Sharma".

"Aajao, Orderly", a voice as young as a boy's called out!

"Coffee, aur daak, Major!"

"Hmmm…"

Orderly departed.

Major Aalekh Sharma fumbled through his post, flipping through what seemed to be a dozen of different envelopes, his hands jerked to a halt holding a golden envelope. He smiled……pushed aside all other posts, and lay back on his chair.
For several minutes, the strict, efficient, perfect, determined Army Officer, Major Aalekh Sharma, became Cadet Aalekh!

"Yeh fookat ki chai, fookat ka kapda….kaam kya hai?"

"Oye, khotya, yeh jail nahin hai, academy hai…..aur tujhe army officer banana hamara jimma hai!", face of plump Suriji floated in his memories…….

... "Abe oye Quaidi, jail se to nikal gaya, insaan bhi banja, shave kar le, makkhan ki tarah chalega yeh rezor",he could see several cadets holding him back, and one of them came near and near to him holding a razor.

"Kya tum Mujhe ander le jaoge, handsome??", Madonna asked him. This one was too much even for the grim Major to resist….and he laughed sitting in his cabin!

'RING-RING'

"Major Aalekh Sharma…"

"Happy Birthday to you……", said a girl's voice. Aalekh's face gave a never before smile……

"Ek tuich hai, jo mujhe wish karti hai…..saala apun ko hi apun ka birthday pata nahin….", without even realizing, he spoke in a completely different manner….a manner which he now never used, which was alien to all his collegues.

"Mare liye wahi din tumhara birthday jab hum paheli baar mile the, wahaan…..", she said. Her voice has miraculous effect on this strong hearted Major, his face softened every minute……

"W o h kya kehtain hai, 'Thank you'!", his grin widened….

"Bol, kya gift degi mujhe aaj?"

"Jo tu maange, mere paas ab tere siva kuch bhi nahin bacha….."

"Maang loonga, fir denaa hi padega…."

"Ab kisi bhi cheez ki kaami nahin hai, koi cheen sake aisa kuch hai hi nahin….."

"….tera raag nahin sunna mujhe, bol, jobhi apun mangege, milega?"

"Milega, Major….."

"Apun ko, apunki wohi dost chahiye……pooraniwali…………"

There was a long silence on the oppoite end….and then…..

"Pata hai Aalekh, mujhe kal hi……."

"Baat ghooma mat!"

And silence followed…..until Major heard a 'click' on the other end….

The call was disconnected………………………

------------------------------------------------------------ ------------------------------------------------------------ ------------------------------------------------------------ ------------------------------------


kanak1309

IF-Rockerz

kanak1309

Joined: 23 September 2005

Posts: 8081

Posted: 22 January 2007 at 7:11am | IP Logged
Hey jivora, U know what I love most about u.... ur speed.... u post the parts really fast and we hav quite a lot of fun to read them so fast.... Clap

Thanx a lot for this...

as for this part........
simply outstanding.... both Ali-Yudi and Alekh-Naina part....
and that orderly convo was just sooooo good..... u do hav a very good imagination and u know where u r going

keep up the great work...
and do keep up the speed too Wink Wink

luv
kanak

devilangel

IF-Dazzler

devilangel

Joined: 28 November 2005

Posts: 3459

Posted: 22 January 2007 at 7:38am | IP Logged
jivora.. i have to take writing classes from you. youre too good.. this part was simply mindblowing Clap

drymaple

Senior Member

drymaple

Joined: 07 December 2006

Posts: 516

Posted: 22 January 2007 at 9:00am | IP Logged
greaaaaaaatt jivora Embarrassed ...sachi mein yaar...alekh naina's part was tooo good!!...i loved it..!! Embarrassed Embarrassed

the convo was 2 good Embarrassed Embarrassed

please continue... Embarrassed Embarrassed

take care and have loads of fun!!

devyani.

Prenz~13

IF-Rockerz

Prenz~13

Joined: 07 August 2005

Posts: 5966

Posted: 22 January 2007 at 10:41am | IP Logged
Clap Clap Clap its AWESUM jivora!!! Clap
i swear....sply alekh n nainas convo Embarrassed ...n ritu callin her husband colonel... LOL LOL
ur gr8888 at dis jiv..DEFINITELY not a first try..!! Clap

freakandnut57

Senior Member

freakandnut57

Joined: 08 December 2006

Posts: 717

Posted: 22 January 2007 at 7:51pm | IP Logged
Ritu's behaviour, raj's manner and her collong him colonel five years after marriage shows the distances in the couple.....it shows that after soo many years of aquaitance they have not gone further than "dr.ritu" and "captin/colonel".............it shows how dull, lifeless, dry their marriage is...........

and do u really want me to say whoz the reason????? LOL LOL LOL

freakandnut57

Senior Member

freakandnut57

Joined: 08 December 2006

Posts: 717

Posted: 23 January 2007 at 12:21am | IP Logged
Its about 1930hrs, Colonel Rajveer Singh Shekhavat is standing by the window leaning on the wall, his hands folded in a tight knot, deep in thought. The knot keeps gatting tighter, his expressions become more and more unreadable every minute.

Is it sorrow? Pain? Peace? Laugh? Shame? Or Love?…..noone can tell!

……………"Sirji, kudi dil di badi changi hai…..aur sabse zyaada aap pe bharosa karti hai"…….

----FLASH----

"I know everything….tum usse bhoole hi nahin……bhool na hi nahin chahte…."

"Ritu! PLEASE! Sach to yeh hai ki tum mujhe kabhi kuch bhool ne hi nahin deti!"

----FLASH-----

"Sir, yeh main bhi janti hoon aur aap bhi, ke w o h ladki badi hi lucky hogi!", an innocent face smiled at him. He gave a smile…though a fril and painful one…as if he was regretting….regretting something……

"Kaun hai who lucky ladki sir?", she asked her again…..

-----FLASH-----

"Take me out of this safely, Captain…..and she will come to no harm……", his face strained again….

-----FLASH-----

"Sir…w o h….main…..mujhe pata hi nahin chala…..main kab…..sir….aap….appse….pya….", the girl in army uniform looked nervous, at a loss of words, but her eyes said it all….even befor she had started…..he found herself enveloped in a hug……and there was no space for words…. "Main samaj gaya…………..tumhare dil ki baat tumhe mujhe kehne ki zaroorat nahin……main……tum to janti ho….hameshase….tumse……", and nothing else was said and they stood there, holding each other, as if to their hearts….for ever and ever…..her smile….her eyes….her words……

-----FLASH-----

"So Captain, what do u have to say? Her life, her trust, her faith, her future, her career…..uski har ek saans aapke hath main hai…..", he felt himself go numb, by mere thought of it. He wouldn't let that happen..…again…...what should he do?

-----FLASH-----

"Hai ek pagli, tun jaanti ho usse….", he had once told her, and she had smiled….her smile, expression he had failed to wipe out from his mind! And the two had laughed …..as she had behaved as if she was a stranger…..she dinno who he was talking about…. "Achha sir, kaun?"

-----FLASH-----

Major Bhargav's hysterical laugh, Major Nair's deceitful glare, Ritu's blank but cruel expression………her silence, Aalekh's glare, Naveen's face…………his helplessness was killing him every second……he had to loose……on both sides…….

Tears flooded, and to hide them……he closed his eyes……

'Knok-knok"…….knok at the door, and Colonel Shekhavat was back again.

"Come-in"

"Colonel, a message from General Singh, he is likely to call you for an urgent business withing 2minutes", conveyed Orderly.

"Hmm…"

He walks around the room for about a minute when,

'RING-RING'

"Colonel Rajveer….."

"Ahh…Yes. Gen.Singh speaking. Colonel, over last week there has been some tension on the Punjab border, and the intelligence has informed that there is to be some kind of disrupt by the terrorists…….unfortunately, some people have successfully entered out territory."

"We can send some officials…."

"No, I don't want people to panic. This will alert them….I want them to continue with their activities and catch them red-handed", explained General

"Orders for me, Sir!"

"I have a special job for you, Rajveer. You are my best officer and I think I can trust you with the job."

"Yessire"

"Well, Colonel, there is a wedding in interior Punjab near Amritsar. A baraat will be reaching there within three days from Kanpur. Son of our retired Subedar is getting married, he himself is a Captain. I want you to go to the wedding under disguise, and keep a track of the happenings, silently, and report back. I will explain and instruct the Subedar and Captain with reason."

"…Sire!"

"I will send you the details of the wedding and your confidinates, by 2300hrs."

"Yessir!", and the call was disconnected. Raj was happy….he had something to occupy his thoughts….he tried in vain to push everything out of his mind…..he had his duties….and engrossed himself in other thoughts……

He wanted to leave…..work, fight……….go on the mission as soon as possible….Ritu's presence in his life was like a mirror that was around him all the time, which reminded him of her all the time….which took him back always…….

'Khana tabke par hai! I will be late.', read a note on the fridge. He pulled it….and had a glass of water….

'Beep-Beep', his palmtop yelled.

He opened the mail from the General. As he read it, his face grew more and more stern….shadows of pain and sorrow passed his face….

'…..I have spoken to them, the groom was silent as I spoke, I think he is undergoing a forced wedding….however they say it's a love marriage….Anyways, I have informed them about your mission and Subedar has promised to help…..Subedar Begh and Captain Ali Begh will be your hosts for the mission. All the best….'

………………. and as he shut and threw thw machine on the sofa, tears rolled from his eyes…. "Why me?"

------------------------------------------------------------ --------------------------------

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