Karam Apnaa Apnaa

   

Moment of Truth... One-Time ff

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desi chic

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desi chic

Joined: 10 July 2005

Posts: 11360

Posted: 22 December 2006 at 1:00pm | IP Logged

Hey guys, I know how depressed all of us are at the turn of event in KAA… I'm so sorry I haven't updated "Khamoshiyon Ki Zubaan" in a while… I will do that today or tomorrow… In the meantime, I cam up with this… It continues from Shiv leaving on KC night… But the IS "love" is one sided… Only from Isphita… Read on and try to recover soon!

 

*Flashback* "... Jaanti hoon, agar aapke saath rahi, toh shayad mein marjaoongi, lekin aapke bina mein yakeenin marjaoongi Shiv.. Shiv, kehte hai ke patni apne pati ki bina adhoori hoti hai... lekin mein aapke bina hoon hi nahin... Aap meri duniya hai Shiv..." She is holding him as the world continues to run passed... Oblivious to their dilemma... One cannot live without the other for the sake of herself... While the other sinks deeper into a sea of guilt... (I know, if I stay with you then perhaps I will die, but without you, I will surely not survive Shiv… Shiv, they say that a wife is incomplete without her husband… but I am non-existent without you… You are my world Shiv…)*end flashback*... He holds his ears as if trying to shut out her voice... Her words pound in his head... His eyes shut tight... A pair of kohl-layered eyes in sync with the dimpled smile taunt his condition... Suddenly the smile fades... the eyes lines with moistness... Desperately he opens his eyes... and falls to the floor... Still holding his head...

A hand gently sits on his shoulder... He doesn't stir... Not a bit... "Shiv... Shiv, please, control yourself..." Its Ipshita... She kneels down... Looks at this man... This man whom she had shared every aspect of her life with... Since childhood... The tears the smiles... He now sits helplessly lost in guilt... Hands furiously brought over the ears as if to shunt out the truth... Eyes squinted as if to avoid reality... Truth... reality... What truth?... What reality?... She looks at him for a moment.. Thoughts run passed memory lane... *Flashback* A little boy runs somewhere through a midst of lush greens, laughing... into an opening... A river flows by... All of a sudden he stops running... The girl behind him keeps calling his name, "Shivv..." He doesn't move... She follows his gaze... Her eyes fall upon a figure just the same as theirs in height... The wind blows through the waves of her hair... Her eyes are shut... Hands folded in prayer... "Di..." calls another voice somewhere in the near distance. Her eyelids flutter open gently... She looks straight ahead for a moment and as if sensing their presence, she turns to face them... Her eyes reflect a blaring innocence... "Di.."... She looks back as if remembering she is being called... And then she runs off... The boy attempts to call out... but words fail him... "Shiv... kya hua?"... No answer... "Woh.. woh..." he stutters as if searching for words to express..."Shiv... Ishpita...", calls another voice... *end flashback*

Presently she calls out to him again, "Shiv please..." For someone who had been so close to him for so long... Known him more than himself... or so she thought... She felt she never knew him at all... The Shiv she knew never broke down... Never could break down... No one had ever been able to break him... So utterly helpless he looked... She felt... Tears threatened the edges of her eyes... They stung... For so long she had noticed something different... Something different about him... Ever since Gauri stepped into his life... But she never understood... Never attempted... Never perhaps wanted to... But now, the reality screamed out to her so... She could not dismiss it... A tear escapes her eye...

With a re-newed confidence she speaks, "Shiv... Woh tumhara intezaar kar rahi hai..." (Shiv… She is awaiting you…) Her voice threatens to break within a pause... "Agar aaj tum nahin gaye, toh woh toh yakeenin marjaayegi... Lekin tum bhi jee nahin paoge..." (If you don't go today, she will for sure die… But you too, will not be able to live…)

Faintly he hears Ishpita's voice... The words strike him as a slap in the face... "... tum bhi jee nahin paoge..." (You too, will not be able to live…) ... Slowly he removes the hands from his ears... They fall lifelessly to his sides... His face raises to look into the darkness... From behind he could hear her run... Suppressing the overwhelming emotions under her covered mouth... Tears trailing her steps...

Meanwhile...

Her eyes search the doorway... every entrance... the open sky... the ground... But in vain... Her heart beats in the rhythm of a determined passion... Every minute she feels something break inside... Patience sunk... Desperately her fingers punched in the numbers... "Ring... ring... ring... ring... ring..." No answer... yet she clings on... as if life depended on it... on hearing his voice...

Simultaneously...

The continuous ring gradually comes into focus as he shifts his gaze towards it... Gently he picks it up... Still staring into nothingness... "...Gauri..." he breathes...

Her heart skips a beat... Yet a surge of energy breathes through her in the form of his voice... For a moment nothing is spoken... The silence speaks... After an endless minute she breaks it... "Shiv, aap kahan hai?" (Shiv, where are you?)... No answer... His eyes shut tight as if to hold back the tears... "... Shiv, aap nahin aana chahte toh na sahi... Lekin... itna jaan lijiye... Mein intezaar karoongi... Umar bhar... Chahe woh umar kal ki ho... ya aaj... Mein intezaar karoongi Shiv... Chahe intezaar karte karte marjaoon... Lekin ye aankhein raasta dekhengi..." (Shiv, if you don't want to come then don't… But.. Know this much… I will wait… Life-long… Whether this life ends tomorrow… or today… I will wait Shiv… Even if I die waiting… But my eyes will look towards the door…) His eyes flip open in horror as he listens to the silence of the conversation she had apparently ended... Shock... Amazement... "G.. Gauri..." He calls desperately into the dead phone... Desperateness obvious in his voice... But in vain...

As he walks in, he sees his family... Each face reflecting grave thought... His already tight muscles strain even more... Beads of sweat threaten at his forehead... Attempting to say something, his lips part... Yet words remain unheard... Frantically, his eyes dart to every which corner of the room, but to no avail... Finally his mother sees him... Instinctively she approaches him grasping his arm... "Sh..Shiv.. Gauri..." Dried tears washed away by new ones on her pale face... Hearing her name he goes blank for a moment... All of a sudden he takes hold of Nikhila by the arms, "Mom, Gauri kahan hai?" (Mom, where is Gauri?)... All eyes look over, surprised by his tone of voice... but he pays no heed to them... "Gauri kahan hai mom... bataiye na..." (Where is Gauri mom… tell me…) Nikhila's eyes search her son's face... For some reason he sounded different... It was as if he were... pleading... "Where is she?", his eyes demanded... Yearning almost... "Woh...woh beta... Gauri tumhari rah dekhti pata nahin kahan chali gayi... Bas ye kehti rahi ke 'Mein intezaar karoongi..'... Woh tujhe dhoondhne nikli hai shayad..." (She… She… Gauri left awaiting you… All she kept repeating was, 'I will wait'… Perhpas she went looking for you...) Instantly he lets go of her arms... Disappointed... Awed... How can someone love another so much?

Gauri is walking down a vacant street lost in a haze, yet repeating the name... Almost as if it were her only source to life... "Shiv... Shiv... Shiv..", her lips recite the mantra... Physically, mentally exhausted... yet she drags on... Her eyes searching only his... Her lips silently praying in his name... All of sudden she feels overwhelmed... The tiredness takes control... "SHIV!!!" she screams in a last desperate attempt before the world shuts out completely... Her senses fade as she falls to the ground...

With a sudden jerk, his head turns... For some reason he felt her call him... Need him... All eyes wonder at his movement... "Ky..Kya hua beta?..." (What happened son?), his mother manages to ask... Her hands take hold of his face... He continues to look somewhere towards the door as if still listening...  A deep anxiety sets inside him as he points towards the door... Tries to find words to explain... "...Mo..Mom... W..Wo..h..."... "Haan, haan Shiv, bata na mujhe bacha..."(Yes, yes Shiv, tell me dear…), Nikhila tries to calm her little boy who again seems like a little boy today... Yet a grown in that his eyes don't search a glimpse of his mother... Rather... her... "M...Mu..Mujhe jaana hoga... Mujhe jaana hoga..." (I must leave… I must leave…), he stutters releasing himself from his mother... He walks away briskly as if he had just realized something... Yet failed to express it in an understandable form... Each person looks on after him, faintly calling out his name... Yet, they know he is now beyond reach...

As he drives aimlessly through the bustling and deserted streets of Mumbai, a moist film lines his anxiety marked eyes... The guilt... the fear.. threatening to over-take... Presently, he finds himself on a dimly lit road, the occasional car passing by... Looking to his right, he sees nothing but darkness through the thick forest's trees... Looking to his left, his eyes detect the same fate... Looking ahead lies darkness yet again... Pulling onto the side, he shuts the car off... Attempting to take hold of himself... Closing his eyes, his head falls back onto the seat... Her innocent eyes stare back at him... As if questioning him... "What did I do?... What was my mistake?... That I loved you more than life... myself... everything...", they asked him... He had no answer... Again, he quickly opens his eyes, escaping... yet not... He had no answers to the unspoken questions, but there was a flicker somewhere... He was going to find her... No matter what...

Starting up the car again, the headlights brighten the path... Looking somewhere beyond the darkness his foot is ready to push onto the gas when he pulls it back... Not too far off on the road he sees something... someone... Coming out of his car, he perceives a figure clad in red, a dulhan perhaps... As he comes closer, he is faintly aware of the increase in his pulse... Now standing above the person, his heart skips a beat as he bends down... Removes the lost hairs to reveal her pale, pure face... For moment, he is completely lost... "G..Gauri...Gauri..?", his husky voice whispers as if pleading... But she does not stir... He looks up anxiously, but there was not a soul in sight.. He looks back at her... Determined, he lifts her in his arms..

"Inka BP bahut low hogaya tah, lekin ab ye khatre se bahar hai..." (Her BP had gotten really low, but she is out of danger now…), explains the doctor packing up his belongings. "Woh... Doctor sahab, ye Gauri ka pehla karva chauth tah toh shayad..." (Um… Doctor, this was Gauri's first Karva Chauth and so perhaps…), Nikhila attempted to add... Getting up, Dr. Khurana starts making his way away from the unconscious figure on the bed... At the door way, he quietly mentions, "Haan, ye bhi ek factor ho sakta hai... Lekin, shayad isse zyada kuch aur baat thi, joh inke damaag par thi... Joh inki sehat pe haavi hogayee. Lekin, she's alright. Meine inhe neend ka injection diya hai, aur ye ek do ghanton ke liye ache se so paayengi. Jab uthe, toh inhe kuch halka khiladijiyega aur ye tablets joh meine likhi hai... Take care of her." (Yes, this could be a factor… But, perhaps more prominently, she had something on her mind… which affected her health in this manner. But she is alright. I gave her a sleeping injection, and she will sleep calmly for one or two hours. When she awakens, give her something light to eat and one of these tablets that I have prescribed…) ... Not standing too far off, Dr. Khuraana's voice echoes in his head... "...shayad isse zyada kuch aur baat thi, joh inke dimaag par thi... joh inki sehat par haavi hogyaee..."( But, perhaps more prominently, she had something on her mind… which affected her health in this manner.)... His muscles, still stiff, refuse to relieve him... Looking to the ground, no one noticed the lone tear on the floor...

Staring into nothingness, he recalls her faint voice, "... Shiv, aap nahin aana chahte toh na sahi... Lekin... itna jaan lijiye... Mein intezaar karoongi... Umar bhar... Chahe woh umar kal ki ho... ya aaj... Mein intezaar karoongi Shiv... Chahe intezaar karte karte marjaoon... Lekin ye aankhein raasta dekhengi..." (Shiv, if you don't want to come then don't… But.. Know this much… I will wait… Life-long… Whether this life ends tomorrow… or today… I will wait Shiv… Even if I die waiting… But my eyes will look towards the door…) Burying his face in his hands, he hides his face in frustration... Feeling his mother's affectionate hand on his shoulder, he instinctively buries his face in her stomach... Clinging to her as if a little child, lost... Her eyes sting with tears as she sees her son break.. bit.. by.. bit.. The guilt... Her eyes close, letting the tears flow through... Hesitantly at first, she brings her hand over his head... and then smoothes his hair... Seeing him in a new light... "Shiv, jab tu chotah tah, tere bolne se pehle mein jaan leti teeh ke tere mann mein kya hai.. Wahin, mein tujhe woh sab lekar deti thi joh tujhe chahiye tah... Jab, jab tu bara hua, toh mujhe laga ke mere bache ko... mujhse zyada aur koi nahin jaan sakta... Pata nahin, aaj pehli baar, lag raha hai ke mein tujhe kabhi jaan hi nahin paayi... Shayad tu khud hi aapne aapko nahin jaan paya... Lekin koi hai... Koi hai joh tumhe shayad khud se bhi zyada... samajhta hai...chahta hai... Mein sirf itna kahoongi, ke insaan laakh koshish kare, lekin apni haathon ki lakeeron ko nahin mita sakta... Uska karam usse apni manzil ki taraf kheench leta hai... Apni manzil ko pehchaano Shiv..."... (Shiv, when you were young, without you speaking, I could understand what was in your heart… Right there, I would give you what your desired… As you grew older, I thought that no one else knew my son more than I did… For some reason, today for the first time, I feel like I never understood you… Perhaps you yourself, don't know you… But there is someone… Someone who perhaps knows you more than themself… Understands you… Loves you… I will just say that humans can do anything, but they cannot destroy the lines on their hands… Their fate leads them towards their destiny… Recognize your destiny Shiv…)

Her words ring in his head... As she pulls him away... Walking away...

Sitting on sofa, he observes her silently... *Flashback* The little boy running through the forest... His eyes fall upon the stranger... The girl...*End flashback*... "Tum bhi jaante ho Shiv... us din... woh larki... woh kaun thi.." (You also know Shiv… that day.. that girl… who she was…), Ishpita whispers in the still room... How long had she been there?... A whiff of air let him know she had left... Her eyes remained closed... Dressed in the deep red, he remembered that fateful day... Where he had been tied to her... What had he thought?...

She felt herself fall... the bullet searing through her... She feels him fade into darkness... The fear... the fear of losing him... it hit her...

Her head shifted from one side to the other anxiously... Gripping the covers of the bed tightly... Suddenly, her eyes flick open and she sits up breathing his name... "Sh..i..v..", came the whispered scream... He is jolted out of his thoughts... Running up to her... Taking hold of her by the shoulders... "Gauri..."... She takes his face in her hands overcome with sudden relief... Her chest heaving up and down quickly... "Shh...iv.. Aap teekh hai na... kahan chalegaye teh aap?..."(Shh..iv.. Are you ok... where did you go?...) Smoothing her hair, he calms her... whispering soothingly in her ear... Holding her in his arms... "Its ok Gauri.. mein teekh hoon (I'm fine...)... Just relax..."...

Later on, Ishpita arrives in the room.. A plate in hand... He is in the bathroom perhaps as she searches for Shiv... Gauri is sitting up in bed... Lost in thoughts... She approaches her and extends the food filled plate... "Gauri, kuch khalo." (Gauri, eat something.) Gauri looks up at her... Her face says nothing... but the eyes... they speak volumes... An aged sorrow makes itself apparent in those truth-bearing eyes... Not a word is spoken between them, yet she understands and gets up... Before turning to leave, she gives a faint, yet genuine smile...

When he walks out, he looks towards the bed, but she is not there... He looks over by the window, where she stands, back facing him... Her pallu draped over her head... Slowly, he approaches her... Sensing him immediately, she turns... He looks at her... Dressed up, face brightened with her dimpled smile... Not a sign of regret, pain... nothing... His heart aches, yet a pleasantness gains momentum as he sees the smile... His mouth opens, but before the words escape, her hand covers his mouth... Slowly, she removes it, and beings her ritual... Looking up at the moon, closing her eyes... and turning to him... opening them, only to see him... She hands him the little container of water... He takes it gently, and forwards it to her lips... His eyes do not flinch... As the moon looks down upon these two souls...

....

Stepping into the darkened room, he is greeted by the dim light of the moon... A little breeze blows through the open window, playing with the silhouetted figure's hairs... Quietly, he approaches her... Step... by... step... He stops at a few feet away. He looks to the ground, unable to face even her back... With a rejuvinated determinance, he begins in his deep husky voice... almost whispering... but knowing she was listening... "...Gauri?...", his voice soothes her chaotic emotions... Slowly she turns to look at him... His face is lowered, the eyes looking towards the ground.... "... Ga..Gauri... jab humaari shaadi hui teeh... tab meine kabhi socha nahin tah.. Humara ye rishtaa... shayad humaare na chahte hua judh gaya... Aur meine kayi baar koshish ki... ke tum meri zindagi se... - voice threatens to break - ..." (...Ga..Gauri.. when we got married... I  never thought... Our relationshio... Perhaps we were tied despite not wanting to do so... And I so many a time tried... to get you to leave me...)... All of a sudden his legs feel like rubber... eventually giving way as he kneels before her... helpless... Burdened by a steady guilt, shame... but more so, a desire... to finally accept and let it out... the truth... Little droplets of water fall to the floor as he continues with much effort... " Lekin, dheere dheere mein samajh gaya Gauri.. ke hum chahe kuch bhi karlein... lekin, hum apni haathon ki lakeeron ko nahin badal sakte... Ye lakeerein hi toh hai, jinki wajase humaari shaadi hui... Humaare beech koi rishta bana... Hum apni manzil ke kareeb chalte aaye... Yehi humara karam hai Gauri..." (But, slowly, gradually I have come to understand Gauri... that we can do whatever, but we cannot dismiss or alter the lines on our hands... These lines are, the cause of our marriage... The cause of our developing relationship... The cause of our steps moving towards our destiny... This is our fate Gauri...) ... He pauses as if gathering the last remanents of his strenght... "Shayad, mein abhi bhi nahin jaanta ke pyar kya hota hai... Mein jaana bhi nahin chahta... Mein bas itna jaanta hoon Gauri, ke tumhare bina, mein zindagi ki kalpna bhi nahin kar sakta... Mein bas tumse hoon Gauri.. Tum hi meri zindagi ho..." (Perhaps, I still don't know what love is... I don't even want to know... All I know is that Gaur, without you, I cannot even attempt to live... I am, because you are... You are my life...)  ...

Her eyes shut tight at his words... Her heart threatens to leap out... Yet there is a calmness... A satisfaction... Slowly, she falls to the floor... For the first time daring to look into those eyes... The ones which had so many times tempted her... But she had feared falling into some deep sea... Never to emerge... Their tear-stained eyes meet... "... Tum hi mera karam ho... mere jeene ki wajaye..."  (... You are my fate... The reason for my existance...) ...The little breeze seems to have become stronger... but the two pay no attention to it... They are immersed in themselves... Lost forever in the unknown sea of passion... She takes his face in her hands gently... Slowly they raise... Her fingers wipe away the tears on his cheeks... And gives into his open arms... loses herself in her destiny... The moment... time... stands still has they hold onto each other... Letting everything else wash away...

Cheers,

dc

Awaiting your comments!! and sorry about the length!

Hug For you all...

 



Edited by desi chic - 22 December 2006 at 1:31pm

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sareeta

IF-Sizzlerz

sareeta

Joined: 14 August 2006

Posts: 11542

Posted: 22 December 2006 at 1:23pm | IP Logged
Wonderful read!!!!! Very nice... DC!!! Very subtle and nice... and loved it all the more since it was a continuous train of thought!!!

Incidentally, I penned a FF too, not too long, will post it tomorrow!!

Update your other FF yaar, kitna intezzaaar karrooogi apne fans ko bolo???? Smile I have been waiting , waiting , waiting.....


Edited by sareeta - 22 December 2006 at 1:26pm

loveanime

IF-Rockerz

loveanime

Joined: 29 October 2005

Posts: 5067

Posted: 22 December 2006 at 1:32pm | IP Logged
Awesome no Ipshitty. Great emotions. Loved it. You write the best. It does take the depression away from what is currently happening in KAA. Thanks a lot for giving us what we wanted to see. Clap

desi chic

IF-Sizzlerz

desi chic

Joined: 10 July 2005

Posts: 11360

Posted: 22 December 2006 at 1:33pm | IP Logged

Originally posted by sareeta

Wonderful read!!!!! Very nice... DC!!! Very subtle and nice... and loved it all the more since it was a continuous train of thought!!! Thanks so much Di!! You're wonderful!! Hug ... My writing is nothing compared to yours, but I try!

Incidentally, I penned a FF too, not too long, will post it tomorrow!! Oh yes... I'm awaiting this one... Imagine me screaming "YES" right now!!Big smile

Update your other FF yaar, kitna intezzaaar karrooogi apne fans ko bolo???? Smile I have been waiting , waiting , waiting..... I know... I'm horrible aren't I?... Sowwy..Ouch Will do soon!

Cheers,

dc

desi chic

IF-Sizzlerz

desi chic

Joined: 10 July 2005

Posts: 11360

Posted: 22 December 2006 at 1:35pm | IP Logged

Originally posted by maragathm

Awesome no Ipshitty Yep... She's not worth it you seeWink. Great emotions. MerciBig smile Loved it. I love you too!LOLYou write the best. I try, but you guys are the ones that make it worth while! It does take the depression away from what is currently happening in KAA. Good, cause I hate seeing my buddies like thisOuchThanks a lot for giving us what we wanted to see. Clap

Thanks jaan! Glad you liked it... I know, KAA has turned upside down for the moment... Oddly, I still have hope!

Cheers,

dc

loveanime

IF-Rockerz

loveanime

Joined: 29 October 2005

Posts: 5067

Posted: 22 December 2006 at 1:56pm | IP Logged
Hope all hope lost. Did you hear yash tonk as new shiv. i repeat yash tonk a good actor, but he is tooooooooooooooooooooooooooo old. what is ekta doing. she has lost her marbles i tell you. how can iqbal not even consider a return, cant there be some chance. why oh why. please iqu dont completely forget us. banging my head against the wall. ok i have a migraine. someone give me a hug. Cry

desi chic

IF-Sizzlerz

desi chic

Joined: 10 July 2005

Posts: 11360

Posted: 22 December 2006 at 2:38pm | IP Logged

Originally posted by maragathm

Hope all hope lost. Did you hear yash tonk as new shiv. i repeat yash tonk a good actor, but he is tooooooooooooooooooooooooooo old. what is ekta doing. she has lost her marbles i tell you. how can iqbal not even consider a return, cant there be some chance. why oh why. please iqu dont completely forget us. banging my head against the wall. ok i have a migraine. someone give me a hug. Cry

I hear you hun... I heard the news... Let me tell you, I got a jhatka alright!... Oh Lord... This lady has lost it... I know, Yash is not a bad actor at all... Its just that he isn't Shiv Kapoor... To play Shiv, you have to have certain qualities... Yash has his own special ones, but I dunno... I guess we'll just have to wait and watch... Give the man I chance I guess... But I want Iqu back!!CryCry I miss him like a baby already... Na jaane aage mera kya hoga!!Ouch

Cheers,

dc

DJKM

IF-Rockerz

DJKM

Joined: 23 September 2005

Posts: 6205

Posted: 22 December 2006 at 2:45pm | IP Logged
dast woz brilliant Clap i woz wantin 2 wtch a scene lke dis btwn shiv/iqbal n gauri bt it lks lke dats nt gna hpn so ur ff made me happy

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