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It's been an year.. I've been married.
A girl before getting married is full of doubts and questions and so was I.
I got some answers by my parents and some by my then fiance (now husband).
Alas! most of them were lies.
And before I could understand this, I had already jumped the cliff.
An year after, I need to find out why did they lie to me?
The society had made these so called norms for the lady who has married 'into the family'.
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I made a movie plan with my parents and brother who fortunately are in the same city as I am after marriage.
Before leaving, as the cab driver confirms that he is at my door, I 'inform' my father-in-law and go through a seires of questions.
The start of what he calls counselling and I call torture was done by explaining to me that since I was going out with my parents, my parents should call them first and ask them 'for permission'.
This needs to be done because I am a married woman now and my parents need to understand that I am now a daughter-in-law first and their daughter later.
Then I am told that I need to draw a line..watch movies with my husband.
I said I already have done that. My husband loves hollywood movies and hates bollywood.
So I convince him for some of the bollywood and rest watch with family and friends.
He did not look satisfied with the answer.
I am told that a day before, I was not supposed to answer back to my mother in law.
At 9:30 in the morning she came rushing to my room, shouting on top of her voice that the kitchen shelf is not clean and she is having a headache seeing that.
Yes to all those who are surprised, I am not the servant of the house but the 'Indian adarsh bahu' who instead of cleaning the kitchen shelf before 9:30 in the morning, chose to open up her laptop for completing some work that had a deadline of 10am.
All I could do was gather all my pateince, enter the kitchen and tell her that I know I have to do it but don't constrain this 'time-limit' on me.
And the next minute the head of our family, my father in law interrupts. He comes walking into the kitchen and tells me that when elders say something, all we need to do is agree and say 'hanji'. Its over then.
I do the same and say hanji and start cleaning the kitchen shelf.
My self esteem again shattered for the hundredth time.
But here I was getting lectured a day after because according to them I was not supposed to tell her that I might take some time - up or down, in cleaning her kitchen.
The cab driver calls for the second time and I excuse and save myself from further torture.
But this was just the beginning.
After I left, a call was made to my husband and then to my father because I had made this unforgiving sin of planning a movie.
In the cab, I was questioning on the set of rules the society lives in.
A married women is like a rented car, I thought to myself.
My owners who are my parents have sold me off to my husband's family.
But they still miss their beloved car or vice versa.
So on ocassions when they need a drive, they need to call my husbands family, ask for the permission and my husband's family very kindly would give off their car to them.
I laughed off at my own joke only to realize an hour later that my parents also don't see anything wrong in their demand.
They are ready to call them and ask for permission every time.
And now why lies were told before I got married.
To my parents who promised that I would always be their daughter. Why do they need someone's permmission before meeting your own daughter?
To my inlaws who promised that I would be like their daughter - no words !!
To my husband who held my hand and promised me that nothing would change - everything has changed my dear - for instance when was the last time you held my hand that way??
And to myself who promised that no matter what she would never do injustice with anyone and would never bear - because she was taught 'Anyaay karna aur sehna dono galat h'
I stand now looking at myself in the mirror wondering what if I atleast fulfill my own promise to myself.
A part of me feels alive smiling at the thought that I still love and respect myself.
So here I go on my mission to fulfill that one promise I made to myself.
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