India - A Male Dominating Society

1. Do you think India is still a male dominating society?
2. Do you think male domination (as a father, husband, brother) sometimes interfere in your freedom as individual? Is it suffocating?
3. Does young generation (specially men) want to see it as equal or they are happy as it is?
4. What can we do as young generation to change it?

Yeh Aap ne kya shuru kar diya BgDesai?

1.     Do you think India is still a male dominating society?

You agree with you Rupal on most of the points. India is a male dominating society. We see physical domination in some familes too and then most of them are just emotional and monetary domination. For e.g. if some guest comes over to our house usually male in the house "orders" "request" whatever to female to get water or snacks etc. I always used to hate it when my dad used to sit on couch and ask my mom to fetch a water. He never helped in kitchen and household chores. Even when women are getting higher education and higher position outside house, most of the cases they are the one responsible to do cooking, take care of kids, take leave from work when child is sick, etc. I think some generation back male was the only one to earn and that made him powerful to rule the family. Usually financial idependance plays major role in domination. Even youngsters in India have to listen to their parents sometimes, 'coz they don't have good source of income when they are in college that they can rebel their parents apart form tradition, values, respect they are giving to their parents.

2. Do you think male domination (as a father, husband, brother) sometimes interfere in your freedom as individual? Is it suffocating?
I personally think male domination does make me think about freedom as individual and about living life as I want. Ofcourse, if you are in relationship be in men or women there are some norms and restriction you have to follow and you cannot just live your life according to your wish in society. But in general as Rupal said, I also had different rules for me and my brother. My brother has been always the best and he always used to fight for my rights, but my dad never allowed me to go outside for late nights movie, or anywhere after 8:00 PM. I was not allowed to have boy "friends" (that does not mean I didn't have any ;-) but technically iwas not allowed to have. I was not allowed to go to school tours (accept only one day picnics) and my brother was allowed. Isn't that injustice. I really used to get suffocated with all those partiality. And trust me now that I have a daughter I will make sure she won't be judged and told to do things just because she is a girl. I always used to get irritate me when I was not allowed to do things just because I was "girl" and my mother even though wanted me to support she was not much allowed to 'rule" the house. And it's just not me or my family I have seen tons and tons of girls around me having these small issues. Ofcourse, then when I look at women in Taliban rule I feel I am so lucky and don't have any complain, but then it does not make domination any less. Once you have kids women are expected to leave their profession and stay at home to raise them until they start school and are big enough. Why not, men leave their career and stay with kids for 2-3 yrs? Does that hurt their ego? What plp will think? What neighbours will think? Etc.

3. Does young generation (specially men) want to see it as equal or they are happy as it is?
As Rupal said, atleast they are pretending to see them as equal. And compared to previous generations I think they are little tolerant or I should say they don't have option. Women are getting financially independent and they can survive and live without men. They can raise their kids without men rather than enduring their domination. Atleast I have seen it in my brother and my husband. They are lot more adjustable and self sufficient than my father, uncle, and generation before us.   Me and my husband discuss about our financial planning together, he also gave me choice if I wanted to stop working for 2-3 yrs when we have ababy or you want to send her to day-care or whatever …he still insisted on me staying home, and we did it but atleast they are starting to give respect you deserve. we have devided household chroes like he does laundry and vaccume , lawn, snow shovel, and I do the rest cooking, cleaning, taking care of little one etc. that helps a lot! I still have friends who won't let their son do things just 'coz he is their "son"… and I swear…if I have a son he is not going to do anything less than my daughter. So anyway, I think young generation want to see it a equal. Some men don't have option 'coz of women being independent and some men really appreciate all the work women does and really respect them.


4. What can we do as young generation to change it?
I have nothing to say more than what rupal said… Mujhe apna alag asman nahin chahiye jab tak mujhe bhi udne mile…!! That is so true.


Edited by bgdesai - 28 June 2005 at 8:35am

 Hi BgDesai,

I understand your turmoil ,It'll be a lie if I say I didn't go through all these.I like your  idea of planting the respect for woman & equality while  bringing up the child.  but you know if we go deeper into the issue there are extremes too.

       I feel there is difference between the serious 'Suppression' of woman & so called feminist's liberation. As you said about Taliban...!even in India there still exists society where woman is treated as a housemaid & a doll to phisically play with, where sixteen yr old innocent girl is made to marry forty yr old divorcee, where woman is not allowed to undergo tubectomy even after five deliveries till she gives birth to a male baby, where sex determination & killing of female fetus is still prevalent....yes this is serious male domination & has to be dealt with strictly , the key being woman Education,self respect,self preservation , confidence & courage to rise..!
       On the other hand there is slowly developing another mentality ,If males can have n no. of extra marital affairs why can't we? Mallika sheravat & Neha dhupia's interviews scare you..we see well educated ,well to do girls into modeling  for  remix albums only for fun...increasing no. of divorces on the basis of independence..all this is other side of coin.
        I feel we shouldn't go beyond the established society norms 'coz they  were set with a particular reason & logic behind it.Yes it's true that woman has to invest much more input in the family but God only gave her that extra strenghth.God gave her uterus & capacity to bear a child & undergo labour pains,ability to nurse the baby & spend her life to bring up her own flesh & blood....!!we can only be proud of ourselves  for this & expect only some sensitivity & consideration from man in return.
        Another fact is , I've never seen an independent woman staying alone really happy within,God made two sex only to complete each other...this give & take may be 50/50 or 80/20 ,we only have to try our best so that both of them get equal chance to expand their wings & use their potential to the maximum by complementing each other.. be more patient ,be more tolerant & be more strong ......woman is symbol of that...!!

It's nice that you brought it up. Majority of people fall in this category, but then there are plp who have started to realize not to sweat on small stuff. I have not changed my last name or middle name after marriage. Nor has my husband's sister. And my husband does not even care if I do change or not. He thinks I can have whatever name I want if I am comfy. On the other hand, MY parents keep on reminding me year after year that why have I not taken my husband's name. They are like you are married and you should get his name. What will your daughter ask and won't she be confused. Luckily it's not India so transition for her will be very easy, but what if she was in INdia and me and my hubby had different last name? Would she ask why I have diff. name compared to her friend's parents? But yes, these small points are also as impt. Also, my in-laws have never cared if I keep my old names. They are pretty rational and my husband's family is really very tolerant and diff. from my examples. My husband's sister was allowed to do all things my husband was and she was allowed to come here stay on her own to do her MS and she also had "indian boys" as her room mate for 1 semster as she didn't have any other girls to share room with and my inlaws and husband were pretty ok with that. My fatherinlaw is the only person i've seen in that generation who helps in all houseold chores despite of being a top professor...he does not have any ego and he not only help my mom in law but also me and does laundry and stuff when he comes to visit us here. But these type of family/male are very less compared to one who dominates women.

Edited by bgdesai - 29 June 2005 at 2:03pm

First of all don't you dare call me bgben
Yes, my inlaws are pretty openminded. My father never let me even go to my friend's pajama party if they had "elder brother" isn't that stupid. I know his family is really something to learn from. Specially my moninlaw treated both my hubby and his sister same he is so self sufficient. if i am out of town, he does not need to me cook foor for 1 week he can cook his own food. My sisterinlaw has also proved her successful and great person ....!!

Yes, for my offsprings I want her to take my husbands middle name and his last name like traditional indian would. I love my husband's name attached to her name. I just kept my maiden name 'coz I didn't wanted to take pain to change all paper work and plus desai is easier to pronounce than my husband's last name in US

ok maniac bhai!!!

1. Do you think India is still a male dominating society?

Most definitely is. Though, its much better than North America in terms of politics. At least we had a female PM!

2. Do you think male domination (as a father, husband, brother) sometimes interfere in your freedom as individual? Is it suffocating?

In my case, its a bit strange as it often used to be the other way around. My father is ok with me staying out late etc, but my mother will not allow that. She tells me that if I was a boy, it would be different!

My mother also used to make comments like "Chokri jaat e mote nahi bolvanu!" (Girls should not speak loudly)...which didn't exactly work with me  

So in my case its female dominion based on worry and androcentric viewpoints drilled in by old geezers and biddies.

3. Does young generation (specially men) want to see it as equal or they are happy as it is?

I think they have become more tolerant about it, but they still refuse to see women as equals many times or act like MCPs.

Though my father is fairly open-minded about most things, at times he just makes really chauvinistic comments. Something like "Look at him - gossiping like a woman!". Just irritates me because of the stereotype associated with women.

4. What can we do as young generation to change it?

Work hard, never give up dreams of topping that corporate ladder and send male chauvinist pigs back to the muck from where they emerged.

Edited by MysticaMagic - 29 June 2005 at 3:21pm

ok something more to add on this topic, i have couple of friends here who are pretty educated and well to do family. I always have difference of openion with them.... they think that making your husband help you with your household is not good.... My husband suggest me not to tell them that I help you all the time 'coz they don't get the whole point and they think i make him do the chores. Even if i tell my friend that so waht he is your "son" why can't he help you clean the dishes and she is like "no yaar, i can't make him do that"... If she makes her daughter do that work, why can't her son do it....that is so absurd.. specially woman putting her leg on axe thing! Its just hard to fit into my mind that why these standard rules are different for gilrs and boys... i understand long time agon due to lack of educationa dn stuff there were different norms, but now plp should be able to make their own decisions and should be able to figure out that its so frustrating for your daughter to think taht just 'coz she is a girl she cannot have certain prevelidges and fun and she has to do certain chores!!

like Rupal said, beating women, playing with them as doll who is just meant to have sex adn making kids is something i dont even know how to react. Just 'coz woman are physically weak that does not mean you can abuse them. they have this child abuse thing in US which is very sensitive we see woman being abused all over world. Physical strenght, financial independance, lack of education amoung woman are major causes for these kind of abuses, but apart from them there are also some woman who does not want to be equal to men ..they just want to follow their men rather than walking together. it's its hard for me to figure out why?

Edited by bgdesai - 30 June 2005 at 4:06pm