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Can Father be a Mother For a Child?

sowmyaa IF-Dazzler
sowmyaa
sowmyaa

Joined: 23 August 2004
Posts: 3658

Posted: 06 December 2006 at 11:15am | IP Logged
I was having this discussion with some of my friends. So thought to see what my rest of the friends here think about it.

My friends had to say that mother has the best instict for a child and no one else in this world can replace the warmth and love mother gives to her child. There is not substitution to mother's love and mother's instinct.

Now I think that anyone who live with the child from birth and nurture for her and care for the baby from the birth and stay with them all the time, they can give the similar love and care to child as a mother.

So can there really be a substitution for mother? Can Father or Grandparents or other give same love to child as mother? Our main discussion was if Father can take place of mother. And I say yes. Would love to know what you guys think about it.

Edited by sowmyaa - 06 December 2006 at 11:16am

vazz Goldie
vazz
vazz

Joined: 01 July 2005
Posts: 1024

Posted: 06 December 2006 at 11:21am | IP Logged
Fathers and Mothers impart love in different ways. The parenting styles are different and the difference is what makes it difficult to have one parent mimic the other.

Mothers are more emotional and fathers are more practical. Fathers may not be able express the emotional side well, but that does not mean that they cannot understand their children.

But the love of a father and mother are equal and its my opinion alone. Expressions of love is again different between the two. If for some reason, a child has to grow up with only one parent, it does not matter who it is as long as the child is loved totally and parent does everything in the best interest of the child.



Anoli IF-Sizzlerz
Anoli
Anoli

Joined: 15 February 2005
Posts: 16818

Posted: 06 December 2006 at 11:27am | IP Logged

To b honest a father can take place of mummy! But still being a child u alwayz want a mummy coz its obvious dat u cant share some of ur problems wiv ur daddy!!! Being a father on his own its a bit difficult for him to handle & give love to a child of both parents!!!

I kind of go wiv vazz!!Smile

Take Care

Anoli

xxx

Pradarshak Goldie
Pradarshak
Pradarshak

Joined: 24 January 2006
Posts: 1609

Posted: 06 December 2006 at 11:29am | IP Logged
In presence of mother that won't be required but in absence of mother sure he can. I have a friend whose mother died when she was few months old. Her father with the help of her Nani-nana-mamas-masis brought her up, he did not remarry and devoted to her. She was always taken good care of. I have never seen my friend shedding a tear for her late mother or look painful seeing others with their moms.
NKSUDHIR IF-Dazzler
NKSUDHIR
NKSUDHIR

Joined: 10 May 2005
Posts: 3179

Posted: 06 December 2006 at 11:47am | IP Logged
Very nice topic Sowmyaa. I have practical experience other way around I tried to be a good mother and father as well for kids since last eleven years. My husband was too close to our kids. In fact at that time, He took care of them more than I did as a mother. But all of a sudden responsibility of mother and father was upon me which I tried my best to be a mother and father for my kids but I failed badly. My sons and my daughter still miss a father's love in their life. Boys seems to be quiet by nature. They normally don't admit that they miss their father but from last 5 to 7 years what my older son went through, I can clearly see that if his father was here, he could have handled the situation better than me. Same with my daughter, even though I am very very close and friendly to her; still if she sees or hear some father talking about how they spend their quality time with their daughters, she starts crying.
Coming to your main topic, when my kids were little, this was always a big question in my mind: If It was me instead of my husband, left these kids alone with their father???? Would it be possible for a man to take care of three kids ( 6 years, 4 years and 8 months old), go to work full time and study part time for better job and better life style in future??? My answers was: No. I don't think so. As there is an old saying: Grief must have an outlet. Ladies cry a lot to releive themselves from any kind of stress but men don't cry. How do they take out their stress??? Either drinking or smoking or both??? If you are in these bad habits, how much you can think about your children's necessities like Diapers, baby food, baby sitters, breakfast, lunch and supper, laundry, grocery, bringing enough income home to pay for mortgae, bills, taxes, car expenses and children's clothes. I can definitely say that it is very very hard for men to be a mother and father both for kids at all stages of life especially if you are a father of a girl. I am not trying to be partial, but it is not easy at all to be both parent to a girl. Girls need their mother the most when they go through teen age and before their wedding.
I don't know what I said above makes any sense to you or not, but I personally think it is more difficult for a father to play mother's role in compare to mother playing father's role.
NKSUDHIR IF-Dazzler
NKSUDHIR
NKSUDHIR

Joined: 10 May 2005
Posts: 3179

Posted: 06 December 2006 at 11:54am | IP Logged

Originally posted by Pradarshak

In presence of mother that won't be required but in absence of mother sure he can. I have a friend whose mother died when she was few months old. Her father with the help of her Nani-nana-mamas-masis brought her up, he did not remarry and devoted to her. She was always taken good care of. I have never seen my friend shedding a tear for her late mother or look painful seeing others with their moms.

I salute that father for his love and affection towards his daughter and for his sacrifice for his child. I have seen many fathers leave their kids with Grands parents and remarry within few months or few years. When kids grow up in this situation, they turn out to be very different because they never received any love from their parents. It is give and take but it is different with every individual's family and financial situation. If we take care of our children when they need our love the most, we will get the same treatment from them when we are in need.

Anoli IF-Sizzlerz
Anoli
Anoli

Joined: 15 February 2005
Posts: 16818

Posted: 06 December 2006 at 11:58am | IP Logged
Originally posted by NKSUDHIR

Very nice topic Sowmyaa. I have practical experience other way around I tried to be a good mother and father as well for kids since last eleven years. My husband was too close to our kids. In fact at that time, He took care of them more than I did as a mother. But all of a sudden responsibility of mother and father was upon me which I tried my best to be a mother and father for my kids but I failed badly. My sons and my daughter still miss a father's love in their life. Boys seems to be quiet by nature. They normally don't admit that they miss their father but from last 5 to 7 years what my older son went through, I can clearly see that if his father was here, he could have handled the situation better than me. Same with my daughter, even though I am very very close and friendly to her; still if she sees or hear some father talking about how they spend their quality time with their daughters, she starts crying. 

Aawww.... Bless!!!

Take Care

Anoli

xxx

sowmyaa IF-Dazzler
sowmyaa
sowmyaa

Joined: 23 August 2004
Posts: 3658

Posted: 06 December 2006 at 11:59am | IP Logged
Neelamdi thanks for sharing your personal experrience with us. You have always been a brave lady and someone I get inspriation from.

I have a friend whose husband is a stay at home dad. My friend comes to work and his husband decided to stay home with kids as my friend wanted to work adn she earns more than her husband. Her kids are so attached to their dad that she sometime feels jelous and left out. She was sharing that how they need only dad during lunch and bed time etc. I know their kids are young. I had discussion with other friends who think that kids still need mother and mother should give up job for kids.

I personally think that if father takes care of potty, give them milk, feed them with his hand, put them to sleep he is caring so much for the kid, it's all about how much time you spend with regardless of gender. We are so used to seeing mother nurturing and doing domestic dutties including taking care of kids that we sometime cannot accept the fact of father being equally comforting as mothers withouteven trying it out. He takes his kids to playgroup, make them to homework, cook, laundry etc. He himself is an engineer but still choose to be home for his kids. I am sure not every men can do this, but if they can I think even father can give same love and have father instint for their kids. it's all about how much time you spend with them.


Edited by sowmyaa - 06 December 2006 at 12:03pm

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