Confession, straight from the heart
A few more hours had passed. Adarsh sat with his eyes closed on a couch at a corner of the hospital room, trying to understand his emotions. Was he in love? Was this love? The thought itself made him feel happy. He felt relieved. He felt light hearted. He looked around and noticed that maamu was sitting by Swadheetna's bed side, still holding her hand, and resting with his eyes closed. But Adarsh! He couldn't sleep. He felt full of energy with the realization that he may be in love. He looked at Swadheenta, lying there with bandages all over, needles everywhere. For a second, he was again in turmoil. But his heart reassured him that she was safe. She was going to be alright. With that thought, he smiled again. In order to while away his time till she woke up, he tried every known rule in the guide book of love (mostly from Bollywood). He closed his eyes and tried to see the person that came in his mind's eye. He could immediately see Swadheenta, covered in blood. He opened his eyes. Shit! I still remember the accident. Kuch aur try karna padega. He thought he will try to imagine how he would feel if she left him and went away... he was again reminded of the accident. Arre yaar, hamesha ke liye nahi. Jeevan ke saat chali gayi type... chodo, kuch aur try karta hu... He tried to imagine waking up in the morning, seeing someone lying in his arms... he remembered how he had helped carry her to the ambulance. Damn this. Ab toh kuch acha socha bhi nahi jaa raha.
Maamu suddenly woke up from his disturbed sleep because he felt Swadheenta move her fingers. He was sure that she will wake up soon, and looked towards Adarsh to let him know, only to listen to Adarsh mumbling to himself. For a second he thought that maybe he was dreaming or having a nightmare. Upon inspecting further, he realized that Adarsh was wide awake. He again smiled to himself.
Good morning. Koi aur baat karne ke liye nahi bacha toh khud se hi baatein kar rahe ho?
Maamu, good morning. Nahi, mein toh bas, aise hi
Maamu looked at Swadheenta who was occasionally moving her fingers even though she was unconscious. Still looking at her, he asked Adarsh - Kuch kehna hai?
Nahi maamu, aisa kuch nahi hai. Adarsh kept looking everywhere else but at maamu.
Doubt mein ho? Pyaar hai ki nahi?
Kya? Aapko kaise pata?
Haahahhahahahha. Aapse bade hai Adarsh baabu. Zyada experience hai.
Adarsh just smiled and blushed.
Teek hai, ek kaam karte hai. Jab humaare haath mein kuch nahi hai, toh Allah pe chod dena chahiye. Chod de unpe?
Adarsh just nodded his head
Maamu knew he needed a small push. Ok. Ab thodi der ke liye mein ghar jaake aata hu. Agar mere, ya kisi aur ke aane se pehle Swadheenta ko hosh aa gaya, toh tumhe usko bolna padega ki tum uske baare mein kya sochne lage ho.
Kya? Lekin kyon?
Kyonki iska matlab yahi hoga na ki Allah tumhe mauke de rahe hai, akele mein Swadheenta se baat karne ka?
Haan? Iska yeh matlab hoga?
Aur nahi toh kya? Abhi toh bola mujhe zyada experience hai... bharosa nahi hai kya mujhpe.
Nahi maamu, aisa nahi hai. Par, mein toh khud nahi jaanta pakke se ki mein usse pyaar...
Itna toh pata chal gaya na ki woh dost se zyada important hai? Wahi bol do?
Maamu could feel Swadheenta holding on to his hands tighter. It was now a matter of minutes, and he had to leave if Adarsh was to say anything to her at all. Ok, toh mein chala. Tum baito yaha pe. Iske paas
Adarsh hesitantly got up from the couch and came to sit besides Swadheenta. Maamu encouraged him to hold her hand, just like he had been doing some time ago.
Leaving him there, holding her hand, maamu walked out of the room. Just as he was about to leave the door, he looked back once more. He felt a sense of complete contentment seeing the both of them together. His daughter was in safe hands.
Adarsh sat there, holding on to her hand as softly as he could. He kept looking at her with reverence. While holding her hand, he closed his eyes and recounted everything that happened in a flash again. With each replay, he was becoming more and more certain of her importance in his life. He wasn't sure in what capacity he needed her, but he was certain that he needed her.
He was brought back to the present when he felt her stir a little. He looked at her to see that she was still sleeping. He wondered what he was going to say to her when she woke up, and thought it to be a good idea to practice some -
Swadheenta, woh mein... nahi. Swadheenta, tumhe aise dhek ke mujhe bahut bura lag raha hai? Stupid Adarsh, bura toh kisi ko bhi lagega na. Teek se soch. Acha, I will look at the wall and practise. Usko dekhta rahuna toh aur nervous ho jaaoonga.
He turned to face the wall, while still holding on to her hand. The slight movement of his hands when he turned to face the wall woke Swadheenta up. She was still a little groggy from all the medicines and found that her throat was completely dry. She was trying to make sense of her surroundings, and the pounding headache she felt, when she saw him. His back was facing her, but there was no mistaking who it was. And then she looked at the way he held her hands. Was she dreaming? Where was she? Was she dead? She kept looking at him, not knowing what was happening.
Swadheenta, jab hum pehli baar milne waale the, tab tumse milne se pehle hi maine soch liya tha ki yeh sab work-out nahi hoga. Mein mana karne waala tha. Bahut ajeeb lag raha tha ki mom mujhe set-up kar rahi thi, apni assistant ke saath. Lekin jab maine tumhe dheka, toh mein mana nahi kar paaya. Mujhe laga ki woh isi liye tha kyonki tum ek bahut achi ladki ho. Mein kuch bhi karke tumhe hurt nahi karna chahta tha. I was being a gentleman you know. Socha, mu pe mana karna acha nahi rahega. Lekin mein khud bhi jaanta hu, ki mujhe hamara woh lunch acha kaga tha, aur isi liye maine mana nahi kiya tha. I felt so comfortable with you. Uske baad mein inti baar mil chuka hu tumse. Jagada kiya hai, misunderstandings hue hai, lekin sab kuch tumhare saath suljhana kitna aasaan tha. Pata hi nahi chala kaise.
Adarsh continued to practice what he hoped to tell her without knowing that Swadheenta was listening to everything he was saying. He continued to face the wall and hence couldn't see the tears that were rolling down her eyes. When Swadheenta realized what was happening, she couldn't believe it. She truly must be in heaven, for despite the pain and the discomfort, she felt extreme happiness listening to his words. She would have been happy with just him being in the same room as her, but listening to his words just chocked her with emotions. As overwhelmed as she was, she let him continue without interrupting him.
I believed that it was because we had become good friends. Hum ek dusre ko samajne lage the, ache friends ki tarah. And I was happy with it. Khush tha mein. Phir, maamu se tumhari shaadi ke baare mein suna. Sach bolunga, I was a little taken aback, but did not feel like I was heart-broken. I was ok with you getting married to someone else... or so I thought. The last few hours have told me more about myself than I ever knew. Uss ek pal, jab maine tumhe dheka, lifeless in Asad's arms.. meri saasein ruk gayi. I couldn't breathe. Mujhe sach mein laga ki agar tumhe kuch ho jaayega toh mein phir kabhi bhi zindagi mein khush nahi reh paaoonga. It felt like that was it. That was the end of everything for me too. Nahi jaane de sakta tha tumhe. Tumhare liye nahi, balki mere liye. I need you. I need you to be alright for myself.
As much as she tried, Swadheenta could not stop the sob that escaped her lips at his pure confession. Adarsh quickly turned around, he hadn't realized that she was listening to him. They kept looking at each other for a few moments. No words were needed. Unknowing to him, even Adarsh had tears in his eyes. Without their knowledge, the hold of their hands had gotten stronger, tighter.
Now, looking into her eyes, Adarsh continued Mein nahi jaanta ki yeh kya hai... nahi jaanta ki mein tumse pyaar karta hu ya nahi. Lekin in kuch hours mein mein yeh samaj gaya Swadheenta ki tumhare bagair mein khush nahi reh paaoonga. Tum jitni khushi meri zindagi mein laayi ho, mujhe nahi pata if I will be able to match it. But mein koshish karna chahta hu. Will you give me a chance? Kya tum zindagi bhar mere saath rahogi?
Edited by Soapoperasrfun - 04 June 2016 at 7:33am