New SS: Our Ishima Needs Us! (Part 4 on Pg 12 - 1/6/16) - Page 6

PART 3 -

"Raman... Raman... come fast the breakfast is ready" I smile as I hear my Madrasan call me... I walk down the stairs to see my wife teach my elder daughter how to make coffee the "Ravan Kumar" way! Giggling away to glory... "my JKR and Roohi-Choohi"... most probably discussing about me... the bond that Ishita and Roohi share is pure love... it is divine... with the two of them beside me I feel that my life is complete... before I can move forward I see my younger daughter run towards her mother... demanding that she make the same hairdo for her that some OTT actor had in her TV show yesterday... and then the bickering started... Pihu wanting the hairstyle... Ishita not agreeing to do it for school... and Roohi trying to calm the situation... my ladies are at it again... eventually Ishita will agree... because no one can tackle Ishima better than her two girls... no... that is not true... the one person who can get Ishita to do anything is her son... her Adi... and my girls know it... so they will all gang up and convince their Ishima... and that is what happens... I see Adi coming behind Ishita... hugging her... and whispering something in her ear... and she agrees... the girls break out into an impromptu dance pulling their brother, Ishima and me also... suddenly I look at my Madrasan and the peace that I see in her eyes resonates in me also... I return her smile...  as always slowly the world fades away and it is just us... somewhere behind I hear my son's voice... "Papa... Papa..." She winks at me... it has been 9 years but we are still disturbed... I turn back to look at Adi... and then reality sinks in...

I am back at the hospital... in front of the OT... waiting to find out if my wife will live... the wife that I loved... no love to infinity and more... the wife who made me human... the wife whom I hurt with my words... the wife who did not trust me... who like the others heard my words but did not see the broken father in front of her who was numb with grief... the wife who was betrayed by her husband... the wife who chose to give up on her life than live with a brute like me... the wife who I thought was dead...

I am angry... I am hurt... because she left me... she was supposed to be the one person who understood... we both had lost Roohi... but she left... I am angry because she did not fight back... she was my JKR... we always argue... but she always stays... she stayed when my son almost killed her mother and I lied about it... she stayed when my ex-wife created a havoc in my life... she stayed when I lost my job... she stayed when I cheated her into having a baby... she stayed when I asked her to leave after the ghost fiasco... then why did she not stay then... she left me... she left her daughter... she left her son... she left everyone...

"Papa... Papa..." I look down to see Adi remove shards of glass from my hand... I didn't even realize that I had broken the glass in my hand... I see Pihu holding my other hand... I can hear Roohi scolding me for hurting myself... and just like always I see my Ishita in them... and that kills me... because it was my fault... I could not protect my daughter... I knew it would hurt her... and I still said those words... and I gave up on her... I broke my promise to Ishita and I killed her... I wish I could do things over... I wish I could take back my words... I told her that she was not a mom... but I see her in all three of my children... for the last 7 years I saw her in Pihu and Adi... it is ironic... Pihu is Ishita's biological child but it is Adi who is her reflection... Pihu has the sassiness that Ishita had... that headstrong belief that everything has to be good... that everyone needs to be happy... only then her life functions... I heard she tried to get Amma and Mummyji close... everyone stopped her but she is still trying... just like my Madrasan would...

On the other hand... Adi's personality managed to get the best in the 1 year he spent with his Ishima... he spent the least time with her... but got her patience... her ability to smile through all... the ability to keep pushing till you wear down the person in front of you... but most of all... he got ability to hide his pain and smile for the sake of others... something that even I was not able to do... I look up to see Adi console Roohi... he is telling her that their Ishima will be ok... but as he hugs her I see the fear and panic in his eyes... my son has had to pay the price for his parents' actions... and it breaks my heart to see that...

I can't stop the tears from coming... because I can't stop crying... for the lives I messed up... for the childhood that all three of my children lost out on without their Ishima... Ishita and I were supposed be living our happily ever after... but here we are... at another crossroad... but this time I will not make the mistake that I made 7 years ago... I will not let her go... I will apologise for what I said... because I am guilty of not trusting her... for using her weakness as a weapon to destroy her... but mostly for breaking the promise of being there... for better or worse... I am also going ask her... how could she leave me... seven years... was our relationship nothing... was I not important... were my mistakes more important that her children...our parents... our families... and most importantly our marriage...

It is not going to be easy... yes I feel guilty... I feel bad... I feel sad... I mourn what we lost because of my actions... but I am also angry... angry that she left me... angry that she did not trust me... there is a lot of pain, guilt, hurt, resentment, anger and confusion... but we are going to make it... Madrasan has to be ok... the surgery is going be successful... because this time I am not let her go... and no one is going to stop me...

I call Adi... Roohi rests her head on my shoulder... Pihu is sitting on my lap... I know she is confused... I ask her to trust me... Adi comes and sits on the ground in front of us... I gather my children in a hug... I wipe their tears... I see the relief in Adi's eyes as he realizes that his Papa is ready to fight for their family... their Ishima... I look into the eyes of each of my children as tell them "No more crying... everything is going to be ok... we are not weak... we are strong... we have the Punjabi strength with the Iyer determination... so we are not going to cry... we are going to fight... we are going to fight the world and even God if needed... because right now... Our Ishima Needs Us!"