Posted:
OMG!! for a minute I thot Khushi wil just give NK another chance bt soon realised dat she is used to someone else's touch. Oooh Arnav, u sooo gt her now. Missed him in disupdate tho. Fabulous update😉
Originally posted by: Arshi67
I'm glad to see Khushi question herself and NK.
Part 7:
Such a wonderfully perceptive analysis of low self esteem and it's debilitating ramifications.
Would that there were more Arnavs in a world abound with NKs.
Originally posted by: srmirjiI really liked this story...in a way it might bring perspective to anyone feeling low in confidence...a makeover is essential, it does make one feel positive, confident and all good things... But that is only for us... Not for it to revive a dead/ hopeless relation
Thanks. . Well writtenSri
Part 9
Khushi squinted, through tear-fogged eyes, at her reflection in the washroom mirror, as she struggled to make sense of her emotions. She was grateful for the fact that it was a Saturday and most of the office staff had not come to work, so she could be away from prying, curious onlookers. More than half an hour had elapsed since she had left NK's cabin, and she still could not decipher what it was that had changed so drastically within her.
She supposed that was still angry at NK, still hurt, still disappointed. No surprises there. For sure, she had not imagined that it would be so difficult to forgive him, when he would finally apologise. But that was not the reason for her confusion.
Someone knocked on the door.
"Khush?" came NK's voice from outside.
He had followed her to the washroom for some reason, and had probably been waiting outside for her to come out.
She did not reply.
She remembered the few occasions, during the short time when they were dating, when she had been upset at something or the other. NK's policy had always been to leave her alone and give her "her space," and her faint murmurs of protest had never been able to convince him to stay back with her. Unwilling as she was to be a burden on him, she had never been able to insist further. And on his side, he had never been able to understand that in the loneliness of her own thoughts echoing back at her, her sadness became amplified and more suffocating than ever.
She thought of Arnav, of how stubbornly he would persist on being with her in times when she was sad or even nervous, and this, despite her attempts to drive him away. She remembered how that day in the park, he had simply sat with her in silence, waiting patiently, until she had finally poured her heart out to him. Somehow, he had always managed to read her mind, to know what she needed.
"Khush?" NK repeated.
He had still not left. How things had changed... and yet, NK could still not read her emotions. For once, she actually did need her space.
She dried her eyes and came out of the washroom.
NK looked up at her expectantly.
"Sorry, Sir," she said softly, but firmly, "I don't think we can go back to the way things were."
Even in her confusion, that much was clear. She was surprised at how easily the words flowed out of her mouth.
A marked sadness washed over his face at her words.
She felt sad for him too, but strangely, that that was all that she felt. Where had the anger gone? And more importantly, where had the love gone?
"Khush, you can't be serious."
"A lot has changed," she replied, truthfully. She did not know what, when, how and why, but the fact that things had changed was undeniable.
"You know..." he said, in a sigh, almost, "With Sheetal... it's just not the same. We fight a lot, and she does not seem to like me. I sometimes feel that she's with me because it's a status thing."
Khushi stared at him, astounded. It was perhaps the first time that he was confiding in her in such a sincere manner. She had always sensed that, for all his outgoing, extrovert nature, he kept his innermost thoughts and any emotions and vulnerabilities safely stowed behind the mask of 'coolness' he wore. But he had never let down the mask, insisting on keeping up with appearances.
She did not know what to say, and looked away, somewhat embarrassed at being privy to details of his personal life.
"I'm sorry," she mumbled, "But..."
Her sentence trailed away awkwardly into silence. She could just not translate into words, whatever it was that was acting as a barrier between her and him.
"It's Arnav, isn't it?" NK asked brusquely, "What does he have that I don't?"
All of a sudden, a harsh expression had appeared on his face, and in that moment, the sense of him having somehow become a complete stranger to her became all the more intensified.
"You won't understand," she managed to utter by way of answer, before leaving hastily.
As soon as she was back in her cabin, she took a few deep breaths, and began to flip through the file on her desk. She wanted nothing more than to finish the project presentation as soon as possible so she could go back home. For the first time ever, all she wanted was to be away from him.
She had barely completed two powerpoint slides when the phone on her desk rang. She jolted at the sound of the ring, at the thought that it might be NK with some more uncomfortable questions, but relaxed when she read the Caller's ID, and saw that it was an external call. Probably a client.
"Hello?" she answered.
"Khushi," came Arnav's voice on the other end of the line, "Where were you? Are you okay?"
"Yes, why? Did you - Why are you calling on my office number?"
"I tried your cellphone several times but you didn't answer. All good?"
"Oh," Khushi said, as she reached for her cellphone and saw all the missed calls, "Sorry, the phone was in my cabin and I was... in a meeting."
"Alright then. I just - Khushi, are you okay? You sound like - you're okay, right?"
"Just a bit busy," Khushi smiled, touched by his concern.
"I'll charge extra if you make me guess what happened."
"What?" she asked, confused.
"Well," he replied, with a hint of a smirk in his tone, "In case you've forgotten, you'll be paying me to pretend to be your boyfriend and all. So if you don't tell me why you sound like you've been crying, I'll add that to the bill too."
Khushi could not help but laugh, "This amounts to extortion and blackmail, Mr Raizada. Anyway, that won't be necessary. I'll see you at the bar tonight, okay? We can talk then."
She sighed as she hung up.
What would she tell Arnav when she met him? That she was even more messed up in the head than she had thought? That after all those efforts, it turned out that in fact, she did not love NK anymore?
But how could it be? It was decidedly absurd! For five years, pretty much all she had done was pine for him. Even after he had begun to openly date Sheetal, she had prided herself on the fact that her heart was not fickle enough to stop loving him. Decidedly, she no longer felt angry at him for hurting her. And yet, she was not able to accept him back into her life. Had she even loved him at all to begin with?
She peered through the blinds separating her cabin from NK's. He seemed to be wearing his blazer and getting ready to leave the office. She focused her attention back to the presentation. Finally, she could work without dreading that he might want to talk to her again.
Later that night, she was at the bar, sharing her theory with Arnav that she was the most insanely confused person to have ever lived.
"You probably are," he replied unhelpfully as he handed over a cocktail to one of the customers.
If it were not for the table separating them, she might have punched him on the arm.
"Arnav, be serious," she pouted.
"Okay," he conceded, smiling, "Seriously, if you feel that you no longer love NK, it probably only means that you've moved on. It happens."
"But so quickly? How can it be?"
"Well, that's one explanation. The other explanation is that you still love him, but you're still hurt, even though you don't realise it. You just need some time before you are able to forgive him and accept him back."
"Hm," she said thoughtfully.
Could that be it? But why was it that she simply could she not bring herself to believe that she still loved NK?
"And the third explanation," Arnav continued, "is that you're a miser who doesn't want to pay me for accompanying you to the office Christmas party, so you're chickening out four days in advance and trying to get rid of me."
"Wh-what?" she spluttered, completely taken aback by this angle.
"Yes, well, if you feel that you no longer need to make NK jealous, it means I no longer need to pretend to be your boyfriend at the party, right?"
"So that means you won't come to the party?" she said, ignoring his customary quips and feeling disheartened for some reason. It had completely escaped her mind that the party was next week. And oddly enough, even though she never enjoyed parties, she had somehow been looking forward to going to the party with Arnav.
"Do you want me to?" he asked, his eyes poring into hers intensely.
"Yes," she answered instantly, without knowing why.
Thankfully, Arnav did not ask her for the reason either.
...
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