Posted:
Sumo, my Sumo
I am so sorry for unknowingly hurting you. Believe me, I had no intention. I was so intent on winning the case, so intent on keeping my promise to you that...that I just didn't think all this though. You know, I am not usually this implusive. But when it comes to you, I just become reckless, I forget to be rational, I forget to be the typical calm and composed Shravan. I become the old Shravan, the Shravan that wrote a letter years ago.
Could I have taken the time to come up with a solid plan? Yeah I could have. But I didn't want to. I just wanted this to be over, as soon as possible, I wanted your misery to end. Last night, I sat on my knees next to you, completely helpless. I saw the strongest girl I know shatter and break down right in front of me. I wish I could explain what I felt as I held you by the shoulders,you looked so lost, so defeated. I wish I could explain what your tears did to me. I wish I could expalin what your pain did to my heart.
But I will try.
Last night, when you lost all hope, I thought I was literally holding you upright. That If I had let go, you would have crumbled. That hurt my heart. You are my fearless Sumo, but last night you gave up. And I needed to find a way to see my Sumo again. If wanting my Sumo back is a mistake, then I have made that mistake
Last night, your tears ached my heart in a way it has never ached before. I needed those precious tears to stop. I needed you to smile..smile in joy when you got your house back. If wanting your smile is a mistake, then I have made that mistake.
Last night, I made a promise to you. I promised you I would never let you lose. All night I thought about about how I could keep my promise and this is what I came up with. I may have not gone about it the right way but I kept my promise. And if keeping my promise means I made a mistake, Then, I am telling you I have made a mistake.
And I will apologize. I will apologize for being implusive and reckless. I will apologize for hurting you and your memories of your Ma...I will apologize for hurting your heart.
I am hurting too, Sumo. It hurt to
see tears in your eyes...again. I wanted your eyes to smile. It hurt when
you freed your wrist from my grasp, because you took away your warmth.
And it really hurt to let you walk away. It hurt when I had no right to
stop you from walking away from me.It hurt to watch you walk away.It hurt
to see your retreating back. It hurt to watch you grow smaller and
smaller in my vision until you faded away. It hurt. Today, I can
understand how hurt you were when I drove away from you years ago, when I
didn't stop as you called out to me. How it must have hurt when I
didn't give you the chance to say sorry.
Thats why I am saying right now ..I made a mistake and I am really sorry.
I promise you I will fix this mess. I don't know how yet, but I will fix it.
Shravan
~~
Fair warning, my brain is most likely fried from the two exams i wrote
today. And I just caught the episode and did a quick letter. Today
actually really called for a letter to Sumo..and clearly Shravan has
lots to say. May not be written all that well written so apologies in
advance.
What an episode ! Especially loved the Shraman scene, how these two have grown over the last few weeks, and how far their relationship has come that they can now listen to each other, understand each other's point of view and respect it. There are mixed reactions to the epsiode and the current track. Quite frankly, I love this track and its doing all sorts of wionderful things for Shraman's relationship. And I have faith the writers know where they are going with the story. So I say, just sit back and enjoy the ride.
~~
What an episode ! Especially loved the Shraman scene, how these two have grown over the last few weeks, and how far their relationship has come that they can now listen to each other, understand each other's point of view and respect it. There are mixed reactions to the epsiode and the current track. Quite frankly, I love this track and its doing all sorts of wionderful things for Shraman's relationship. And I have faith the writers know where they are going with the story. So I say, just sit back and enjoy the ride.
~~
Other orders of business:
Some
of you readers have asked from Sumo's perspective..letters to Shravan.
And while I really want to write from Sumo's POV. technically she
doesn't know such letters exist so it doesn't make sense in my eyes. So i
was thinking of doing something like 'Sumo's box of memories'. Sumo has
memories saved in a box. What if, she penned her thoughts and they were
for her 'Box of memories'. Let me know what you folks think of this
idea.
And as exams come to an end, I can start a ongoing thread.
Loads of love
- Reya <3
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