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Manan FF - Kaisi yeh Yaariyan season 3 Thread 1 - till chapter 63 (Page 11)

Aashna_chawla Goldie
Aashna_chawla
Aashna_chawla

Joined: 22 June 2015
Posts: 1060

Posted: 11 May 2016 at 3:21am | IP Logged
Nice update neel's dialogue cracked me up vella hi hoon na me lol
Umm i have something to say give the little description of scenes let your readers feel the emotiona as if it is happening in front of their own eyes when dance scene came i was excited lets see what is going to be happen but it ended in one paragraph only video is something readers like me wont watch because my net sucks big time you could include them but scene bhot chota tha i wanted to feel but start hua or pta nh chla kab khtm ho gya so wotk on it take it little and describe the things. You have to make the character alive through the writing i hope you got it what i wanted to say its just my habit i usually say what i feel to honest with my opinions indeed you're a very mature and good writer and i know you are going to rock in this thing as well but i wanna feel it manik falling in love with nandini once again any ways waiting for next update
Update soon

1_drop_of_rain Senior Member
1_drop_of_rain
1_drop_of_rain

Joined: 23 September 2012
Posts: 519

Posted: 11 May 2016 at 4:02am | IP Logged
Originally posted by Aashna_chawla

Nice update neel's dialogue cracked me up vella hi hoon na me lol
Umm i have something to say give the little description of scenes let your readers feel the emotiona as if it is happening in front of their own eyes when dance scene came i was excited lets see what is going to be happen but it ended in one paragraph only video is something readers like me wont watch because my net sucks big time you could include them but scene bhot chota tha i wanted to feel but start hua or pta nh chla kab khtm ho gya so wotk on it take it little and describe the things. You have to make the character alive through the writing i hope you got it what i wanted to say its just my habit i usually say what i feel to honest with my opinions indeed you're a very mature and good writer and i know you are going to rock in this thing as well but i wanna feel it manik falling in love with nandini once again any ways waiting for next update
Update soon
This is what i looove about u..  Ur constructive criticism. I wait for ur feedback everytime. I actually wanted to ask this.. R d scenes adequately descriptive.  In this case its half d scene.  My next post will hv a continuation.  After reading tht if u still feel tht i m not making it visual enough... Let me know.  I hv to wrk on it.  Readers should be able to visualize it.  If they cant i m not writing well enough
voldemort Senior Member
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Posts: 760

Posted: 11 May 2016 at 4:37am | IP Logged
amazing chapter..nandini n manik are true to their on screen avtars..liked that u ddnt alter their personalities.

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1_drop_of_rain

1_drop_of_rain Senior Member
1_drop_of_rain
1_drop_of_rain

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Posted: 11 May 2016 at 6:52am | IP Logged
Originally posted by voldemort

amazing chapter..nandini n manik are true to their on screen avtars..liked that u ddnt alter their personalities.

I m glad u liked it.  Yes the intension is to retain them as they were.. N carry on their stories from where the creatives butchered it. I hope i can give them a logical n emotional direction

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voldemort

rockstarlover IF-Rockerz
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Posted: 11 May 2016 at 6:56am | IP Logged
awesome update
Aashna_chawla Goldie
Aashna_chawla
Aashna_chawla

Joined: 22 June 2015
Posts: 1060

Posted: 11 May 2016 at 7:06am | IP Logged
Originally posted by rk21

Originally posted by Aashna_chawla

Nice update neel's dialogue cracked me up vella hi hoon na me lol
Umm i have something to say give the little description of scenes let your readers feel the emotiona as if it is happening in front of their own eyes when dance scene came i was excited lets see what is going to be happen but it ended in one paragraph only video is something readers like me wont watch because my net sucks big time you could include them but scene bhot chota tha i wanted to feel but start hua or pta nh chla kab khtm ho gya so wotk on it take it little and describe the things. You have to make the character alive through the writing i hope you got it what i wanted to say its just my habit i usually say what i feel to honest with my opinions indeed you're a very mature and good writer and i know you are going to rock in this thing as well but i wanna feel it manik falling in love with nandini once again any ways waiting for next update
Update soon

This is what i looove about u.. Ur constructive criticism. I wait for ur feedback everytime. I actually wanted to ask this.. R d scenes adequately descriptive. In this case its half d scene. My next post will hv a continuation. After reading tht if u still feel tht i m not making it visual enough... Let me know. I hv to wrk on it. Readers should be able to visualize it. If they cant i m not writing well enough

Well now what to say i liked it because personally i love criticism more than sugar coating comment it really helps, and as reader what i can see and feel as a writer you can't but i really love this conversations with you some time its not about lot of comments and threads readers its about satisfaction at least for me i keenly observe everything whatever i read so yeah i love it when you take as a positive comment because some of the time my criticism let the person down LOL happened with me before LOL anyways glad you took it in a positive way waiting for the next update Smile

Edited by Aashna_chawla - 11 May 2016 at 7:08am
1_drop_of_rain Senior Member
1_drop_of_rain
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Posts: 519

Posted: 11 May 2016 at 8:04pm | IP Logged

Chapter 20

Wednesday, May 11, 2016

 

 

When the music stopped, there was pin drop silence. Even the DJ needed time to gain back his senses before playing the next track. Manik and Nandini were still locked in an embrace. She was arched backwards, her long hair almost touching the floor while he stood bending over her,  supporting her firmly.

Someone started clapping and slowly it gained tempo as more and more people from the crowd that surrounded them on the dance floor, started cheering along.

The applause grew thunderous accompanied by the hoots of 'Once more - once more'.

Slowly breaking the stance Manik gently pulled Nandini up. His hand was still wrapped around her.



 

He was looking straight into her eyes, expectantly. He could dance away like this forever, if only he had her permission. But her face had turned scarlet and Manik wondered, if she was hot from the exhaustion of the dance or the applause had made her self-conscious and caused her to blush. She broke the eye contact and looked away. Manik instantly read the hesitation in her eyes and didn't want to cause her any further unease. Unlike his regular self, which was usually brass and angry, he gracefully bowed and addressed the crowd "But all good things must come in small packages, else u lose its magic."

The crowd cheered once more, this time there were a lot of 'oohs' and 'aahs', especially from the girls. They were going green with envy just as Nandini's fiance sitting in one far corner.

 

When people are emotionally overwhelmed, they stop thinking from their head and let their hearts rule. That's why most people make fool of themselves when they are in love. But this guy, Neel Dixit was a man of his own kind. Even when his inside was surging with anger, his head was fully operational. Sitting there, watching the whole world applaud his fiancee with another man, he was busy doing a permutation and combination of the options at hand. He knew he was an asshole and took immense pride in it.

If he did slap Nandini now, infront of those 200 odd people (which he actually wanted to do), what was he slated to gain? - Public outrage, perhaps a few blows from Manik, a night in jail (if Manik chose to use his contacts) and a risk of losing Nandini for good.

 

On the other hand, what would happen if he let Manik flirt with that dumb girl? The girl wasn't as dumb as she appeared, he thought. It had only been a week and Manik was actually besotted by her. The way he stepped forward in her defense, the way he was looking at her all the while, this.. Had potential.

He would let this continue. In fact, if need be, he would plan and plot so that they bump into each other all d tym.  He would see to it that Manik falls hopelessly in love with Nandini and that's when he would play his master stroke. He would play the 'Betrayed Lover's role to perfection. He would get easy access to Manik's empire and at the same time retain all the sympathy from Nandu's family. The only ever thing he would lose out on is Nandini. But then no matter what he did,  he would never be able to claim her heart. He knew that as clearly as he knew his mathematics.

And he didn't care, as long as he could claim her in person. In fact it was her defiance, the fact that she was unconquerable, that fueled his obsession for her. He had tried in his initial days to act sweet with her, to woo her and win her heart and he had understood that no matter what he did, he would never be good enough for her. Now he didn't even bother to keep up the pretense. He already had her in his trap and he was satisfied with that, but now with the entry of this Manik Malhotra, he had to redraw his strategy and try to act sweet once more till it was time to strike the Neel way.



 

Neel got up as soon as he saw Nandini walking in shy, unsteady steps towards him. Manik followed behind.

"Wow guys, you were beyond amazing. "

He patted softly on Nandini's back and said " you never fail to surprise me Nandini. I had no clue u dance so well."

HE intentionally avoided mentioning anything about their chemistry.

Manik: "Its too loud here, let's get out."

Neel: "But where, wasn't it so much fun here."

Manik: "Lets go to my place. We can have a drink and get some food and just chill."

Nandini was relieved. Did he suggest it because of her, had he noticed she wasn't feeling comfortable? What was she thinking? When he didn't care for 'Nandini - his souldmate', how the hell was she expecting him to care for 'Nandini- the stranger'.

But he cared, and even though he himself was puzzled y, he did bloody notice every small thing about her and he did care



Edited by rk21 - 11 May 2016 at 8:14pm

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1_drop_of_rain Senior Member
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Posts: 519

Posted: 11 May 2016 at 8:17pm | IP Logged
Huh... so another chapter updated n now I am super tired. Need some glucose in my blood :):) n some sleep to keep me sane :):) Send in your love, comments and complaints..
Will be back soon with more :)Smile

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