I hope this update clears all the confusion created from
last update. There were many glitches in the last update and i am truly sorry
Secondly, people who consider this story as illogical ,
kindly stop reading it.
THANKS and i hope you enjoy the update.
someone has said correctly that life is like a roller
coaster , sometimes you are at the lowest and on the other times you are at
the top. I don't know how much this holds true for others , but in my case,
it's very much true.
Right from the time i had developed understanding of life
and death, i had lead a life, in which death would be considered better. Life
in the orphanage was a life of poverty, problems and drudgery. The orphanage ,
i lived in was self-run, with no external support. The kids in the orphanage
were made to work and do chores, that ranged from brooming to gardening,
everything. We kids used to do these chores because at the end of the day we
atleast got a bed to sleep and food to eat. Kids from our orphanage never got
adopted as it was not popular , and no one knew about this orphanage.
I never went to school. We had a teacher, who taught us,
privately. God had gifted me brain and i was thankful to him , only for that.
Whatever was taught i grasped it quickly and i pestered the teacher to teach
more. When i was a little grown up, i urged her to give me books and she would
bring second hand books for me to read , which i would have to return after a
few days. When i was in ninth, i registered for open schooling with her help,
so that i could give board exams and have certificate. In this way i completed
my high school. Girls of the orphanage were taught self defence techniques in
order to prepare them for their later life. The man taught us out of social service. I learnt
kick boxing while others opted for karate. I knew that legs are stronger than
hands. That is why i opted for kick boxing.
Apart from the financial crunch , i suffered many other
problem. I had grown up seeing many malpractices in and around me. And i
realised that life is a struggle. We have to continuously wage out battles.
These hardships of my life had made me hard hearted. I took spade for a spade.
There wasn't any fantasy in my life.
I just wanted to get out of this hell, but had no
opportunity. Then one fine day, maria aunty arrived. She was a good friend of
the owner of the orphanage. They were talking and i was asked to serve juice
and snacks. When i entered , i heard their talks.
"i have grown old seema, i can't run around and do laborious
work, that's why i have decided to quit the job.." maria aunty was explaining
"but they pay you handsome salary, and many perks, as much
as i know. I would suggest , you shouldn't leave the job" seema aunty , our
"no seema, it is not possible, manik is such a hard headed
and stubborn boy, its very difficult to manage him. It is too much for my
age" maria aunty replied.
I entered and placed the juice and snacks and said a hello
to maria aunty. She observed me from head to toe and then smiled a warm smile. Seema
aunty introduced me.
"she is nandini murthy. One of the brightest kids of our
orphanage. She has recently completed her high school with flying colours"
Maria aunty congratulated me and after a short conversation,
i came out.
If i get this job my independent life could start. That
was the only escape for me. And as far as i have come to understand , this job
didn't require any particular academic skills. Whoever this boy manik is..i can
manage him pretty well. I am good with kids.
I need to talk to seema aunty. So in that night, i went to
her and informed her about my decision. At first she refused stating that i am
not fit for such job. But when i continuously bugged her for several days to
atleast talk to maria aunty, she agreed.
And after 2 days i was informed that i would have to undergo
several tests to check my ability for this job. I agreed and later realised
that all the test aimed at checking my patience level and persistence level and
also convincing ability. I realised that the kid is a spoilt brat, that's why
so much of caution was taken in selecting his care-taker.
After i cleared all the rounds, i was informed that kid's
parents will be flowing down from Mumbai to mangalore to finalise my
One look at the couple and i knew , what the kid is gonna
be. They were extremely sophisticated urban people with an air of superiority
wrapping them. Probably they were too busy earning comfort for their kid that
they did not have time to take his care.
As soon as they saw me, they exchanged glances and then
turned to the man , who was looking after the recruitment and gave him an incredulous
look. They even whisper talked among themselves till i made my way to their
table in a posh restaraunt of mangalore. I sat down opposite them on the chair
and they first studied my posture and body language before starting the
"hello i am neyonika malhotra, manik's mom" the lady
introduced herself followed by his dad.
"hello i am nandini murthy" i introduced myself and shook
hands with them.
"so you think you can manage manik?" she asked as if giving
me a hint that it is gonna be an uphill task.
I smiled "well i guess i am sitting here in front of you, it
says it all" i answered back.
They smiled passing looks to each other.
"we were here just to put the stamp on your appointment, so
i hope you know all the details ? like its a round the clock job, no
restrictions of day or night...whenever
manik needs you , you have to be there. Your fooding and lodging will be
totally our responsibility apart from the pay cheque. Any queries?" she asked
and i knew that she is the head of the house in every sense as her husband just
sat there .
I had a request and i knew this was the right time to put it
"i have a request" i started
"go ahead" was her prompt reply
"i want to study further. I want to enrol in a college. If
you can manage.." i trailed off , leaving the suggestion in the air.
She looked at her husband as if for approval and he gave a
"this is kind of tricky situation. I can enrol you in our
college where my son also studies..." i was shocked to know that her son is in
college and i was thinking him to be a kid! Even the couple didn't look old
enough to have a son in college. I will ponder on it later. I controlled my
expressions while she continued "but i don't want any negligence in duty" she
spoke with an air of authority. I nodded.
Her son is already in college that means he is older than
me! Will i be able to handle him. I was sceptical now. But i have cleared their
standard of test that means i have the capabilities to do so. I just need to
focus on getting out of here and live my life independently. With this
determination i returned to reality. They asked time to get the fresh legal
papers ready, with the new details added to it and also asked for documents
which would be required for my admission in college.
After a week , i reached Mumbai, finally! Out of the hell! I reached in
night and was informed that my duty would start from tomorrow morning. I had
got the details of what to do and what not to do from maria aunty already. I
was led to my room and i crashed there , tired from all the travelling.
In the morning , my first task was to wake up manik on time,
which according to maria aunty had been a difficult task from last three years
as he went to pubs and returned late night or even early morning and slept
through whole of the morning and got up only in the afternoon. College was
never a problem for him as it is owned by his mom.
The door was open so i entered inside.
I found him
sleeping on his stomach with bare upper body. He has a well sculpted body and i
felt myself getting attracted to him. I reminded myself that this is not , for
what i am here. I should focus on my task. So i began with it. I called him
softly aware of his temper and tantrums. Maria aunty had narrated an instance
where in manik had emptied a jug full of water on the head of a servant who was
forcing him to wake up.
As he heard my voice, he stirred in his sleep but didn't
open his eyes. Taking encouragement from his calmness, i tried once more and
this time i found that he is really very tired and sleepy because of which he
is not able to wake up. Probably he must have been to a pub again last night. I
tried for the last time, if he doesn't get up i will come back after sometime.
But to my relief he opened his eyes but was about to shut it again as he found
no one in his field of vision. I called out again and this time he got
irritated. Suddenly the funny and sarcastic side of me popped out. And that
seems to have ignited his sudden interest in me as he sat up on his bed and
squinted his eyes to see my face and the word beautiful' escaped his mouth. I had heard that compliment a lot but
from him, the same compliment felt special and different. I realised i was
blushing! Oh my god nandini control yourself! I commanded myself. He was
speaking very sweetly to me and by the way he was looking at me , i felt like a
prey who can be devoured any moment by this predator. I need to be careful and
composed, but his body was distracting me a lot so i handed him his vest and i
don't know what happened to him, he suddenly left to workout. And i quickly
arranged his room and then went to be
around him as he might call out for me
Slowly time started passing and i came to know that a lot of
girl are after him. I already had an indication of it as manik was a handsome,
rich boy. I didn't give these thoughts any space in my brain. I met his friends
too. They seemed nice.
I was still sceptical of manik and his way of looking at me.
I tried to maintain distance from him.
First day of my college was also
eventful. I had joined in the mid of the semester . students tried to make me
feel comfortable . some even tried to be friends with me but i turned them down
politely as making friends meant hanging out and spending time with them which
was impossible for me considering my job. So i would just chit chat as much
Manik was trying to woo me really hard..i wondered ,why is
he after me , when he has so many girls after him? One fine day, i gave in to
his persistence when he offered to drive me to college. I thought of giving it
a try , because i had seen him trying to be nice and caring, which was clearly
against his character. This step led to another and i ended up on beach with
him. That was the best time of my life till then. I had truly enjoyed myself
and laughed so freely , probably first time in my life as far as i remember. On
that day , my opinion of him changed drastically and i started seeing him in
new light. He was good at heart. Only the lack of parental guidance and control
had made him the way he was...a flirt! But i had seen him respecting the deserving girls like his friends alia and
mukti and even me. That day on the beach, when i had laid my head on his arms,
i had taken a big decision!
I decided that i am gonna give manik a chance, this
happiness that i feel with him, i am gonna give this a chance. What's worse
that could happen? Probably i would end up with a broken heart and used up
body. But then i could have the happiness that i have craved all my life. The
care , the warmth that i have missed till now. And moreover i was sure 95% that
manik won't break my heart. I will just have to work to make this 95% ...100%
Once i am 100% sure, i will tell him.
Time was passing swiftly and manik was making slow advances
towards me. I stopped some advances of his deliberately , while i let go of
some advances. For instance, he took me out for a movie , that was our first movie date/outing and he knowingly
paid for the last row of the theatre. I settled down on the corner most seat as
suggested by him and he sat beside me creating a barrier between me and other
men. I don't know if he did this to impress me or he is always this gentlemanly
, but i liked it! We had gone to watch DEADPOOL as i am not much into romcoms
or tragedies. Half way through the movie, manik slowly and carefully slid his
arms on my shoulders. I didn't react , so he laid it comfortably. In fact , i
felt his whole concentration was on me rather on the movie and he watched my
expressions keenly. I was very conscious throughout the movie of my reactions
specially during those type of
scenes. I saw him pursing his lips to control his smile after watching my
expression and i elbowed him to stop from annoying me. He didn't bug me much
ONE FINE DAY ...my class ended early so i was moving towards
the library as manik's class will end after sometime. On the way i was pulled
to an empty classroom. The touch was unfamiliar. As he removed his palm from my
mouth and tried to molest me , i turned around to find the same boy who had
been constantly bothersome to me ever since i had joined the college. At that
moment the only thought that was there in my mind was to get rid of him before
he is successful in his motive. I struggled under his grip. My attempts were
turning futile and panic started gripping me. After sometime , my mind
suggested me to calm down and attack him freshly. I took a deep breath and in
that moment his grip on me slackened and i quickly grabbed the opportunity and
turned and kneed him in his groin. I landed two more kicks in his stomach and
he fell on the floor crying in pain. I quickly ran out of there. As soon as i
was among the crowd, realisation dawned upon me about what just happened and
the after effects of the incident started showing up. I started feeling weak
and disgusted. I sat down on a chair and tried to relax myself. I was sure , he
won't repeat his action after what happened today but i was little aware of
what was going to follow. Never in my life had i experienced such a thing. It
came like a blow to me but i won't tell this to manik or anyone else. As, i
felt it was unnecessary. I was sweating
profusely and feeling weak too. I checked the time, manik's class must have
ended. I headed towards the parking. When i reached an empty pathway , i felt
the panic returning , so i ran to reach crowded place and found manik near his
car. he enquired about me, may be he noticed my shaken state but i gave
excuses. He didn't buy them, but didn't bug me either. In the night i caught
him staring at my buttocks and an angry surge took over me. All men are same ,
i concluded and left from there but i found a guilty expression on his face and
i realised that he is not like that pervert, he will never force himself on any
girl. I couldn't sleep the whole night , as the incident haunted me. I felt
those hands running on my body and i hugged pillow to create a barrier between
the hands and my body. Pillow acted as a
cover for my imaginary naked body.
When something hits
you for the first time, you panic because you were not prepared for it but the
second time you are aware and experienced. Same happened with me as i was
attacked again, this time my enemies were 4 in number with the boy of
yesterday's incident being the leader. I knew instantly i can't escape but i
can delay them till manik finds out that i am missing. He will surely come for
my rescue. In that moment all my hope was pinned on manik. When he did appear,
it felt like , he was my knight in shining armour. The anger, the rage that i
saw in his eyes, rose the 95% to 100%. And i knew i loved him. Now i was ready
to even experience a failed first love , bear a broken heart but what was more important is that i will get to
experience the highs of first love, even if it is one-sided love, driven by
lust on the other side. I will not expect anything in return.
Amidst the chaos, he promised me that he will never let
anything to happen to me. i don't know if it was a genuine promise or he just
said that to pacify and calm me. however hollow the promise was, i decided to
have faith on it, on him. On the way back home, he was constantly holding and
comforting me. it felt good. After all it is my first experience of love.
But later on i noticed he was talking like a boss to me, and
that too for the first time. I wondered if he was considering me responsible
for the incident? Because i had been wearing crop tops and shorts all this
while. May be like other men he too considered that my cloths invited the trouble?
Mukti and alia were good friends. They gave me company and tried to lighten my
mood. It helped considerably as those creepy feelings from yesterday were not
bothering now. But as soon as they left, those creepy hands came back again
with heightened effect. I was not able to sleep. I heard some noise on the
door, so i went to open it and found manik standing there. May be he is worried
for me. i assured him that i am not gonna commit suicide and my guess was right
, he seemed to relax after that.
Suddenly he asked me to get something for him to eat and i
instantly felt good, felt needed. He next mentioned me and him together as us and my heart fluttered at that. After
dinner when he said that you don't trust me' , it felt like he really believed
that. How i wish i could tell him how much i trust him! If not tell him , i can
atleast show him, so i sat close to him and tried to manofy him, showing him
that i am not afraid of coming close to him. Moreover i feel safe and secure
around him. Thoughts of yesterday and today's incident didn't cross my mind
when i would be with him. I forget everything when he is with me. he has that
effect on me.
I need to forget what
happened and make a new start . i need his help in that, so i need to build our
relationship for that we need to do things together. I also want to know what
he thinks of me after today's incident, so i asked him to watch horror movie
with me. he agreed. During the movie, i got scared and jumped and landed on his
lap. When i realised my position i quickly returned to my former position but
he hardly seemed to notice that. He was lost in his own thoughts. I so
desperately wanted to know what was disturbing him. I asked him but he refused.
Leaving no option for me, i had to go to my room. But again as i was alone ,
panic attacks started. I was sweating badly. I increased the temperature of the
AC and wiped the sweat. Sweating stopped but still i felt uneasy. I had to do
something to distract myself, so i took out a copy from my bag and began
sketching. After painting landscapes , when i started writing manik's name , i don't
know but it helped. Repeating his name gave the feeling that he was there for
me. soon i drifted to sleep. I woke up only when i heard something drop on the
floor. The shuffling of the foot was familiar. It was manik. I knew it even
with closed eyes. He is still awake? I have to talk to him so i stopped him. He
was quiet, that was unusual. He looked at his wrist which i had been holding
and his face looked as if he is in great pain and he is controlling himself. He
is controlling himself because he thinks i might not like it? I gave him the
assurance that i felt he needed, that he is not bad. When he didn't respond
again, i took him to terrace. May be fresh air will help him to open up and
voice out his worries.
Even on the terrace, he was quietly staring the stars. I couldn't
help it and began speaking what i was thinking all this while. When he heard my
sobs, he took me in a bear hug , instantly and i realised it was my first hug
with him. How good it felt! Thank god he did not blame me for today's
incidence. I was fool to even think that, when i knew him so well. But what
reason he gave me for his silence helped me bring up the topic which i had been
waiting to talk to him about.
After the initial self doubt , manik too decided to give it
a chance and finally we were in a relationship , although it was on trial. Later
that night we chalked out our future plans which included keeping this
relationship hidden, which was totally my call, as i didn't want that, if this
relationship didn't work out, he should be answerable to anyone. But of course
i didn't tell him this. I also informed him about my panic attacks. He got
worried and suggested that we should see a doctor but i stopped him saying that
we could wait for somedays. As time is the best healer. But the problem was i
can't sleep with him in his room nor can he accompany me to my room, so he came up with an idea and
recorded a lullaby in my phone which maria aunty used to sing him to sleep in
his childhood. The idea worked. I slept hearing it on the first night and next
two nights manik talked to me on phone till i slept. Meditation also helped and
within a week i was fine.
And today, i am waiting for manik's parents arrival. This would
be the first visit by them after manik and mine changed relationship equation. I
don't know how they will take it if
they figure out. However i had warned manik against it , to which he had agreed
after a lot of persuasion. I have my fingers crossed...