Apology note - I know you all have a lot of complaints from me credit goes to my late updates. And I'm really sorry for this actually I was on trip that wasn't a pre planned trip i swear it just crossed my way and my cousin wouldn't let me touch my cell phone forget about writing so big sorry from my side. You have all the right to be angry with me but now enjoy the update other half is on the way only if i can complete it tonight other wise tomorrow for sure.
Manik sure you want to do this"I asked him.
"Yeah I'm pretty sure I want to talk to him"
"Give me sometime, I can handle this mess"
"No I have created this mess, let me handle"he assured me His eyes bore into mine and i couldn't speak as I look into them. His eyes are filled with assurance, he wants to assure me, he wants me to leave everything on him and i will..!!
"We can go through this together, I'm with you"I held his hand, he smiled.
"Okay lets go inside" Fear consume every part of me as we decide to tell appa everything now. Every step I take is daunting. I don't know what is going to happen. I just hope we get through this. I sighed. I opened the door. I was little surprised to see alya di there.
With an unknown number of nervousness we both entered the room and saw Appa standing near the window. The moment we entered I was pretty sure that he well noticed our presence but decided not to move a single bit. Keeping his gaze right straight to Manik he cut short to what I dreaded to hear.
"You might be thinking why did i called you all here, well according to meera I should talk to you so here we are speak up alya I want you to tell me why did you ran away without thinking twice. You could have tell us"I looked towards di, her skin turned pale though I know the answer but I wasn't sure she could convince appa through her answer.
"From the start I was aware you don't expect anything from me, and I can't give you what nandini can but i swear appa not for once i blamed nandini for all this. But what hurts the most, no one there is no one who expect something from me. i know i was clumsy, and careless. My dreams were silly for you all but it wasn't silly and useless for me. Without giving me a chance people started assuming i don't have that potential, it hurts the most when I came to know my parents really doesn't expect a damn thing from me. It feels like i was good for nothing, i was a useless clumsy girl. Who always took wrong decisions in her life. That night I got a chance to prove myself but I was aware now its too late. You all would never support me that's why I ran away but I swear appa I never thought nandini would marry manik I just wanted you to proud me. I'm sorry appa please forgive me"tears eloped from her eyes. I know she regret it.
"That's the problem you never thought about the consequence"he sighed, sadly.
"I want your confession" he seemingly commanded.
Though it was a puzzle but I knew what exactly was going in his mind. He was my father after all. Studying the confused expressions on our face he elaborated.
"I want to hear all what you did. I very much know about your press sorry and all but I want to hear the story behind it. Though I have some series of stunts you did but I want to know what was hidden. From me."
We stood there like those teenagers who feared to see that look on father's face. And when I say 'that look' you very well know what I am talking about.
Manik stiffened and uneasiness crowded him. Now he wasn't the only being scared to dead I was shaking too. I've never seen Appa so serious. Never at the news of Alya not deciding to marry nor at the time when I he came to know about the riff in our relationship.
Manik was one confident man. He could easily make world twist around his fingers but today I saw him, in his eyes, the pain that suddenly evoked in our hearts remembering those scariest moments. Well I wont blame the moments. They are the result of what we are today. A strong bond. Maybe! No doubt we loved each other and that was tested at every second in our lives but today it was different all together.
We were standing in front of my father not matching the eye contact.
He had enough of silence and now was the turn to blast. But before that Manik squeezed my hand In assurance while trying to find words to explain.
"I.. We.. Sir.. I mean.." He felt guilt building inside. I needed to assure him. So I did.
"Appa. That does not matter now. I want to have a new sta-.." But before I could just say it Appa spat fire from his eyes.
I was pretty well shaken at his fierce gaze.
"I am ashamed to call those ugliest moments of my life again. But if you want to know sir I will say it." Manik managed somehow.
"Before that I really want you to know that I wasn't thinking straight I was a complete different man then but when I fell in love with your daughter everything changed. And am very sorry to hurt her." He spoke genuinely and that made me relaxed. I knew this was it. Not that I ever doubted his guilt but this time it seemed pretty real.
"While marrying her I thought of always to give her the maximum amount of pain just because of what I suffered. So I was always rude to her and made her do tasks that were against ones.. sel.. self respect." He gulped down the lump in his throat and Appa just moved forward to have a clear sound of what he was saying. He wanted to register all what Manik said like a recorder. He needed that assurance.
"There were days when I insulted her and one such was our first night when I forced myself on her but then threw her out of my room. That day it rained heavily just how my heart did while giving her pain... Nextly there was this person Saxena who tried to rape Nandini because I insulted her in front of people and he took it as a chance to pacify her then have her." Manik shut his eyes remembering that scene and so did I. Manik's tongue was tied by now he didn't want to give a light on what happened further as seeing Appa tightening his fist probably trying not to punch him to guts.
More than angry appa looked disappointed. He loved all of us as his dearest child. He supported us, encouraged us and tried being our support system. Our smiles were his happiness or should I say specially mine was? He never let me feel that I was not the part of the family he always showered equal love to all of us. But today I saw him breaking and he was very well let down by us. His eyes were devoid of any tear drop cuz all the tears were dried as his eyes only could speak rage.
I felt horrible and so I did wanted to hide somewhere and never to be found. I knew it had hurt him and there weren't boundaries for that.
Silence deserted for few moments but the aftermath was Manik had to continue
His breathing fastened and his forehead had left no traces of dry place which wasn't drowned in sweat.
He continued for the sake of it.
"I know I was terrible to her but still my ego never allowed me to think. I never had had a good relationship with anyone except for my sister. I was always ruthless to everyone and even to her" He spared a look to me and I was already staring him. I blinked my eyes telling him that it was okay and I was here with him and that's what was important. Without breaking his intense regretful gaze he continued.
"All of it changed when she took the blame of drug case on her. I was saved she was blamed and was put up in jail the moment I got to knew this there was a different thing that welled up in my heart. I loved to fight with her without that I cannot fulfill my day. Also I was so stupid to realise my love for her so late... I cannot blame the situations or the destiny that played with us somewhere or all of it was upon how we reacted to each other. I always lost my temper and she would face the wrath. She did even on the day when some goons tried to molest her.
Appa had it all till now. His nose flared in anger showing that he was truly displeased by me because I hadn't shared a single bit. His knees would give up any moment that was at least how I felt. His jaws stiffened and teeth gritted. I've never seen him this was. I never wanted to. But he was disappointed. He felt failed in his parenting. It wasn't his fault. It never was. But it looked like he was blaming himself for my decisions as a person. Though he always supported me through out but I've also seen him suffering inside regretting the day when he couldn't stop me from marrying Manik.
"After that things changed. We became friends. I fell for her. All was good until I went to London. It was all magical. I was deprived of any love since my childhood. but your daughter. Being with your daughter gave me a reason to live to perform sanity. But all that had went to vain due to misunderstandings and egos. When I was back I found that she and Nyonika had a deal regarding me. The deal of living in marriage. I was broken learning such facts. I couldn't have clear thoughts then. I felt cheated. I felt it all as a lie completely unknown to the fact that she had fallen for me too. So I decided to ruin her and everything else by intensifying the pain as to hurt her. I thought hurting her would lessen my pain." A tear escaped from Manik's eye. I can understand what havoc he was going inside. Though he pretend to be unaffected by every relationship in his life but it killed him more. I kept no time distance in wiping the lone tear . His eyes moistened and a sorry escaped from his mouth.
Appa looked at me and he shook his head in disbelief. His heart ached to learn the facts.
I was still in account of holding Manik's hand.
"I brought a girl and pretended to sleep with her" Appa stumbled understanding the pain I went through. He was my father he very well knew me and that was it. His eyes gave up and tears flooded.
"I tried everything to hurt her but ended up hurting my own self. My pain reached heights when Nandini came and said she wants to move on. Move on that word sounded out of my dictionary. How could I have had her move on after she hurt me so much. So I.. I locked her in a store room not knowing that she was pregnant with my baby. And when I did come to terms that she was pregnant I made her sign the custody papers of our child stating that the child will be with me forever. That was not it my heart ached so much that when I came to know about the complications in her pregnancy I completely blamed her saying that she loved somebody else and dint want to have my child without trying to know the truth. I was foolish self centered man. She always did nothing but loved me and I kept hurting her.I was the kind of man who was jealous of his own happiness. But at the time of her delivery I got to know everything and regretted my being in this world. She lived with all the pain in her heart and never said about it. She suffered silently and so did I. But I couldn't hold my selfish self anymore so I did let go. I love her so much that hurting her was killing me. Am sorry" He said pinching Appa's heart unknowingly and the next thing just left me and Manik sunk in.
Appa slapped him. He slapped Manik hard on his cheek and pushed his shoulder in hatred.
I gasped and got a hold of Manik. To say that I'm completely and utterly , surprised and shocked at his sudden outburst. It seems like I don't know him but he is the same man I adored my whole life. I didn't knew what to say , manik stood there like a rock strong and unaffected as if it doesn't effect him not even a bit.
"But it was done by old manik malhotra, and I'm a new person, who loves your daughter I'm all hers, she owns my heart, body, soul and life. Everything I have. What do i have to do to make you realize, I love her. Tell me I'm ready for everything, just tell me the way i can get her, how?" His voice choke. Tears pool in my eyes, he take my hand in his.
"I know that I wasn't the best husband or person for your daughter but I love her more than any other man in this world, don't take her away from me please."he pleaded, his voice was nearly audible like a whisper, tears came out from his eyes. His eyes were full of fear, my heart was pounding. I didn't know appa was going to accept both of us or not but this time i wouldn't leave his side.
Tears made my way. And all the credit was to the sandwich self of mine. Appa and Manik were the stuffing inside and I was the sandwich bread.
Thankfully Manik controlled and stood silent hanging is head in shame. I pleaded appa through my eyes and thought he would understand. But his fuming mind knew nothing as for now. He was way beyond hurt. There was not limit.
He shouted for the first time at me and I shredded in fear. Looking at my state Manik protected me as a shield and made me face his back. Not that I needed protection from my own father. But then he was Manik. And had his own ways.
"Sir Nandini is not at fault. Dont shout.. I mean blame her" he requested which actually sounded like a request.
And I shouldn't have expected Appa to be calm at his words.
"Who the hell are you to teach me? She is my daughter first and then your wi.." he disgusted Manik and couldn't come with terms that I was his wife.
"After all what you did, you expect me to be quite? To happily give in to your demands? Of what sand are you made? Ridiculous!! I don't blame you. You are not even deserving of that. But Nandini you? I dint expect this from you. From my daughter? I've always thought that I made you feel like home. I never differentiated between you,Alya and Rishab..." Appa disappointingly said.
He was anyway right as a parent he truly would have felt left out and about not knowing what was going on in his daughters life. He handled everything a big time from Alya to me. Even though we made him sad before but he never sought to complain rather he always felt what were we going through ignoring his pain. That's what parents do they will guide you hold you when you fall show the the right path and understand you. But we as children decide to disappoint them all the time and then expect them to understand us. Surely they weren't some predicting readers.
"Manik go out please let me handle this "I pleaded, he understood and left the room with a word.
"All my life I thought that I loved my children enough to have faith in me. In their parents. You guys were my biggest strength and weakness. You people grew up and made decisions that was a part of growing but meaning that you are grown physically doesn't mean that you will compete the maturity of your parents. It is all about trust. I believed my family my children will stick to me through thick and thin like a family sharing all things. Worries,pain,happiness and all but I never knew that you ppl grew so big that you started hiding. Hiding from the parents who thought you how to live love forgive and cherish. Is this what a family is supposed to be? All the while you decided to stay with this mine keeping us aloof about the happenings what did you think? This will make you a good human being or a child? How are we as parents supposed to know ? Just because you guys grew up we dont have a right on your happiness and pain? And alya You both are equal for me, but you never trusted me enough. As far as I know marrying manik was your decision, I never forced you into something, You could have tell me about your dreams. Do you really think so I would have forced you for a marriage but you just ran away without thinking twice, and nandini you I know that I shouldn't have let this marriage take place but I wasn't in my senses, I regret it every moment but when I asked you about your marriage instead of telling me you pretended everything is okay, you lie to me. May be your intentions wasn't wrong but Do you really think so i could sleep peacefully when my daughter is in pain, you think that low for me. That is what you kids always do to us, you don't tell us what you want, what problems you have, you don't trust us. And then when such a things happen you could blame us ? What we are a mind reader ? You know what hurts the most, my daughters for whom I can die doesn't trust me. You would never tell me what is going on in your life, what problems you have and then you can blame, i don't understand you. Yeah don't I'm not a perfect father I get it. You guys are making me feel pathetic. I feel that all these years living and trusting you were a lie."
Appa was exhausted from knowing what I had gone through. I was not left with a word to explain him that I loved him and my faith in him was as strong as the love in family. But his anger couldn't handle to be consoled. His tears took a hug in his eyes as he shut them for a brief moment.
"Appa" I let out a whisper
He dint utter a word. Without an alarm I hugged him and wept as hard as I could. He didn't held me. I wanted to but that was okay. He was hurt.
" "Appa am sorry. I really am. Dont say these. Please dont mean it. Am sorry" I displayed as sorry's as I could give at the moment. I knew his heart ached. I knew thousand of knives pierced his heart hearing the horrible things. His face expressed it all. He gulped down not knowing what to say. All I needed was a hug from him to me. To embrace me as he always did when he knew he couldn't be angry.
"Iam your Nandu Appa. I know I have let you down. But I never wanted to give you such pain. I never wanted to put you through it. I couldn't have afforded to see you breaking. Never doubt my trust on you Appa. I can bet my life on the faith I have on you. Things took a toll on me. I know iam at fault. I should have. But I couldn't. The pain was such that it dint allowed me. And I very well knew that it would set your heart on fire. Appa please" I sobbed uncontrollably and Manik let us have the moment he wanted to hold me but then knew that it was best for Appa to console.
"Appa I've loved you all of your children have loved you too. We are never big enough even when we get old we will always remain the same for you. I know marrying was my decision not sharing was mine creating a ruckus in my life was mine but dont blame yourself for that. You are the best father a girl can ever have. Don't doubt your parenting appa. Just because of my fault dont put yourself through this. It pains hard. Don't blame yourself. What has happened has happened APpa it was the past. You yourself say na ke make mistakes and learn from them and never stop trying. I've learned from my mistakes Appa and so did I never gave up. Iam and always be your daughter. I've made a mistake and you can rightfully punish me for it if you say not to marry I wont. But speak something Appa. Say something. I wont if you say not to. But if you keep silent I will die in such" THAT was it for Appa he couldn't handle it more and took me into his warmth. We both hugged and cried,he held me close to his heart. It felt hell to see Appa this way. I have hurt him enough to do it again. I couldn't let him feel that he lacked any single thing in his parenting. I cannot live with that guilt in my heart even if it came at the cost of leaving Manik. Appa had done much more than enough in delivering a pro upbringing in all his children I CANNOT let that sink in vain.
"Bohot mahaan banti ho tum" he said while caressing my hair.
I was hiccupping by then.
"You want to forgive him nandu, please don't"he pleaded, which actually sounds like a plead to me.
"I love him appa and even I know what he did was wrong but I every time was saved by him only be it his business partner, police, or goons. He had saved me every time. I really want to give him a chance please appa"I spoke between my tears.
"Enough of the drama now Nandu. I've always loved you no matter what and I cannot cost your happiness at the sake of my anger but you wouldn't hide anything from me" He declared
"If I ever found that he had hurt my daughter again. I will rip his head right apart." He threatened
"I promise appa I wouldn't"I said while hugging him tightly.
"Appa what about me ?"di saud
"I know that I'm left with no option this time I hope next time you won't do this "
"I wont"she said
"Come here"appa called her and hug her tightly. I was happy to got my family back.