Hello guys. I am here with my first FF. I am not yet sure how many chapters this Fic may have but I hope you all keep reading. It's a little different from my usual stories but I hope you all like it nonetheless.
The Storm in our Soul
It shouldn't have come as a surprise and yet it all was. Twinkle was diagnosed with Clinical Depression and Kunj feels that he might have palyed a significant part to cause it. He only wishes he had known sooner.
She was young-too young for this. But really who's to blame, when all Twinkle faced was negativity and rejection ever since their marriage. Leela had abandoned her daughter, even though it was done with good intentions. Usha clearly wanted nothing to do with her new daughter-in-law, in fact she was just looking for ways to insult her. And then there was the whole Anita Luthra and Yuvraj Luthra case. Twinkle more or less found herself battling an uphill war. The odds were stacked against her, with more people fighting her than fighting for her.
It started with her smile. It became less and less frequent and ultimately disappeared completely. Her laugh was rare ever since becoming a Sarna but now her smile had vanished too. The next thing that drained out of her was her fight. She had always been a fighter, always had stood up for what was right even if it meant going against her loved one. Now? Now she'd rather bow her head and nod to the words being yelled over her than stand up and give them a piece of her ferocious spirit. Her appetite had suffered too. Twinkle who once was a foodie, craving Thai and Italian seldom, now hardly even ate a proper meal. She would sit with them at the dining table and nibble of half a Roti. She slept a lot though. Every time she ever found herself free and had nothing to do, she would place herself on the bed, maybe read a book or just stare off into space until fatigue took over and she dozed off.
Kunj noticed these things but always chalked it off as stress or wedding blues. He tried talking to her once, but she played a smile at him that never quite reached her eyes and said that everything was fine. He stopped asking after a while, when work load started taking up more of time. The only time Kunj and Twinkle got to see each other was at breakfast and before bed.
The routine went as so: Twinkle would wake up at 6am sharp, re fresh herself with a bath and head up to the kitchen to prepare breakfast for the whole family. Kunj would wake up at 6.30 and by the time he reaches down for breakfast it would be 7 in the morning. It was a family thing. Everyone would reach for breakfast sharp at 7, no excuses. Twinkle would help serve everyone before taking her seat next to her husband.
Sometimes, he wondered how Twinkle managed to cook so many things for breakfast every morning and properly on time. Every family member had a special preference for breakfast. So that meant at least four different kinds of dishes.
Then he would then leave for work.
By the time he returns home, he is dead tired on his feet. Twinkle serves him dinner and they both eat together. Now that he thinks about it, they never actually talked at all. Dinner time was always quite. He would be too tired to talk and she seemingly never had anything to say. The fact itself that the chatterbox' had nothing to talk about should have raised all kinds of alarms for Kunj but he dismissed it every time. They head up for bed and that's the end of the day.
When weekend would roll around, Kunj would get a glimpse of what a normal day for his wife was like. It would start the same, with her preparing breakfast and all. But by the time lunch time would roll around, he could hear his mom taunting her daughter in law upon even the smallest of mistakes. Once lunch was prepared she would set herself upon cleaning and dusting their room, folding up clothes and placing his files in their respective places.
She doesn't eat lunch, he notices, just holes herself up in their room and sleeps.
Now, sitting in the hospital room, Kunj wonders why he hadn't said or done anything. At least then it wouldn't have ever come to the point of Twinkle trying to kill herself. He shudders at the thought of her even thinking about attempting suicide and a tear escapes his eye every time he remembers the scene where he found her bleeding on the bathroom floor.
He had come home earlier than usual. A meeting had been cancelled that evening and Kunj didn't have any more urgent matters to attend to, so he packed up his briefcase and made his way home. He found the house in an eerily quiet state. No one seemed to be around. He called out for Twinkle and on a lack of response called for his mother. Usha came out from her room, greeted him with a smile of a mother awaiting her child's return from school and went away to prepare tea for him. He followed her to the kitchen and enquired about Twinkle.
"Apne room mein hogi Kunj. Keh rahi thi usse theek nahi lag raha hai, toh bina chai banaye hi aaram karne chali gayi." Usha said with contempt. According to her the least, Twinkle could do was make tea for them before retiring to her room.
The mother-son duo had tea in each other's company, chatted about trivial matters before Kunj decided to check up on Twinkle, in case she was feeling seriously ill.
He made his way to their room and found it empty. He decided to check their balcony and even the terrace. He knew Twinkle always came up to the terrace to think. When he found the terrace empty too, he decided that she must have gone to the kitchen to grab some tea. Thinking nothing of this, he then decided to take a good long shower and freshen up. He grabs his towel from the cupboard, when the sound of a quite hiccup catches his attention. The noise, he is sure, came from the bathroom.
"Twinkle?" he calls out for her. Instead of an answer, he is smacked with silence. He calls out again, and this time he hears another small hiccup. "Twinkle, tum theek ho?"
He counts to 10, before trying the door handle. The door was unlocked. He calls out to her yet another time before sticking his head in. As soon as he does he is greeted with a sight that makes his stomach churn and his heart fall into a bottomless pit.
He rushes in. Twinkle is lying limp on the cold tiles floor of their bathroom, blood oozing from two clean slits on each of her wrist. His razor lies close by her hand, stained with her blood. "TWINKLE!"
He drops to his knees by her side, gathering her lifeless form into his arms. Her head drops low lifeless, and his hands shiver as he grabs her chin to lift her head up to face him. He lightly taps on her cheek with gentle fingers "Twinkle! Twinkle? Uth, Twinkle, uth, apni aakhein khol Twinkle?"
He tries and tries again until her eyes flutter open into tiny, exhausted slits. "Twinkle" he says her name oh so gently like a kiss of a butterfly's wing and hugs her more tightly. He grabs 2 towel from a nearby rack and presses it against her cuts. The towel that once was pristinely white, quickly turns a sickening shade of red and Kunj could throw up right then and there at the sight.
"Absaguni" she stutters and then "Mera koi nahi hai."
A pearl of tear escapes her eyes, while a flood of them cascade down Kunj's cheek.
Those beautiful orbs of her flutter to a close and that's all Kunj needed to jump right into action. He tightly ties the towels around her wrists and carries her into his arms. He runs downstairs, both carefully because of the lady in his arms and in a frenzy because he knows he needs to get Twinkle to a hospital right now. He screams and sobs out for everyone, trying to get any help he can get.
Anand rushes out first. It paralyzes him into momentary shock before Kunj's stern pleading rouses him back. He grabs his keys and they make a mad dash towards their car. Kunj lays Twinkle down on the back seat, runs out to the other side and pulls her head into his lap.
"Twinkle! Twinkle? Please uth ja. Twinkle?" He fruitlessly tries all the way to the hospital, as Anand drives.
The hospital is a blur. He doesn't exactly remember what happened clearly. All he has a pieces of memory from here and there. He remembers reluctantly putting Twinkle on the stretcher, he remembers fighting with a man stopping him from entering the OR. He remembers crying on the hospital floor. He remembers trying to wash away the stains of Twinkle's blood on his hand until his skin is raw. And then black.
He wakes up on one of the cold hospital seats to his dad placing a warm cup of coffee in his hand. His hands are yet quivering.
He had quickly drained the contents of the cup and turns to ask something to Manohar. Manohar beats him to it. "Twinkle ko recovery room mein shift kar diya hai. Doctor ne kaha tha ki bahut hi narrow survival hai aur usse Clinical Depression hai."
Words hardly made sense to him. All he heard was Narrow survival and depression.' If he was a second late, if he hadn't found her on time, she would have- no can't think about her dying. To think that he was cooly having tea with his mom while Twinkle was up there trying to end her life. "Mujhe Twinkle se milna hai, abhi"
"Beta who ab so rahi hai, doctors ne usse sedatives diye hai"
Kunj remained adamant. "Mujhe, Twinkle ko dekhna hai, abhi ke abhi." He rips his hand out of his father's grip and asks him for her room number.
There she was in room 305, looking so serene and calm in her sleep, it takes Kunj's breath away. And then is gaze falls on those bandaged wrists of hers and everything comes crashing down. He wants to breakdown right there but he knows he has to be strong for Twinkle. He has to be strong for her, because she can't be string for herself right now. She has been strong and alone for far too long.
Kunj hold in the storm that is brewing inside of him, shuts it out completely, takes a deep breath and sits down next to her. He wants to hold her hands in his but is too scared to even look at them for long. He fears that if he touches her in any way, in this delicate state that she is in, he would end up doing irreversible damage.
Her words echo in his ears, loud and deafening. Absaguni' Mera koi nahi hai'
Why?' he asks himself. Why?' he asks her. Why this, Twinkle?' Why her, God?'
He isn't sure how many hours pass, but he hadn't left her side for a second. The hours of silence, punctuated by the noises of the medical devices, were filled with promises. Promises of being a better husband, promises of being her confidant, promises of everything that she would ever need him to be, only if she smiled and laughed for infinity.
A day passes.
Twinkle hasn't woken up yet...
TO BE CONTINUED...
Well guys this is the first part of my first FF. I hope you all liked it. I know it's a little dark but it will get better. Please comment. Thanks.
INDEX:
CHAP 1...PG 1
CHAP 2...PG 2
CHAP 3...PG 5
CHAP 4...PG 7
CHAP 5...PG 9
CHAP 6...PG 12
CHAP 7...PG 14
CHAP 8...PG 16
CHAP 9...PG 19
CHAP 10...PG 21
CHAP 11...PG 22
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