SaHil OS: His Memories
Her steps failed her but she kept walking. Her eyes refused to cry anymore, they were tired. Everything around her seemed too unreal for her to notice. It all looked fake. She was walking just because she had to. She was seeing just because she had to. She was breathing just because she had to. She has stopped breathing hours before. Her heart refused to beat. She was numb; to feel anything around her, not even the pain, the sorrow, the guilt. Those feelings were snatched away from her in those moments earlier...
He took them with him. He took her with him. He took her soul with him. He took her smiles, her longing, her desires, her wants, her tears, with him. He left her only with his memories, his love for her, his face, his voice, his eyes, his smile, his tears, and his heart; which only spoke of her. If only, she could have listened. If only she could have heard, what he was saying. If only she could have remembered what she has forgot. If only she could have remembered HIM. If only she could have reached out and told him has remembered everything - him, his love, and their love. She was late, and it was too late to tell him. She lost him. Just when she has found him, she lost him, forever.
He was gone. He was really gone.
She reached the Holy ground; where his last and final rites were have to be performed. She had to be there, for one final time with him. There were a lot of people around, but she was alone - In the black Burkha with an umbrella over her head. It had suddenly started pouring, as if Allah was also crying for him. Aahil Raza Ibrahim, The Nawab Of Bhopal, was being buried into the Holy soil.
"He was such a noble man."
"He was so kind, so humble, so caring"
"Allah has called him up for he was such a good man"
"May his soul rest in peace"
"A true Nawab, he was"
Whispers of people could be heard among the rustling of raindrops. She was standing, rooted to her spot, staring at the coffin in front of her eyes. Her eyes started to well up, as she heard those words from people. She suddenly felt proud and closed her eyes "Ya Allah!" She smiled a little, but suddenly stopped herself from smiling. She didn't want to smile! "I couldn't even say I love you to you" She distractedly thought.
The place was empty now. Only the tombstones stood. Only his tombstone stood out for her, as she went towards it. She reached towards it and bent down on her knees on the ground beneath. Her fingers traced the words engraved on the surface.
In the loving memory of,
Nawab Aahil Raza Ibrahim,
Nawab Of Bhopal.
1982 - 2015.
A devoted son, A caring brother, A true friend, A loving husband, A great human.
Tears started falling from her eyes, unbidden; as soon as she read "husband". "I love you Aahil!" She sobbed. "I remember you! Look I am here. Won't you forgive me?" She whispered.
"I love you Sanam!" A voice from behind the tombstone reached her ears as she looked up expectantly. He was standing there, smiling, dressed in a white Kurta. "I love you too!" She spoke, suddenly delighted; as she reached to touch him.
But there was no one. It was only his silhouette. "I love you Aahil!! I love you!" She kept saying between her tears. She was broken. She sat there for hours, drenching in the rain, or was that her tears?
A Fakir Baba came and saw her sitting there in the rain, as he approached her for giving his blessings to the tortured young soul. She looked up and stood up. Wiping her tears she said, "Baba, I have a request for you." Her voice was still croaky and choked. The Baba nodded. "After my death, I want myself buried beside him, my husband. Please?" The Baba didn't know what to say, seeing her state right now. As she made her way back, he looked above at the Allah and prayed for her strength in this difficult time.
As she reached the gates of her house, the moments spent with him, the memories attached to this place, came flashing in front of her eyes. She kept walking, imprinting those memories in her heart, cherishing them, as those were all she was left with. The house seemed an empty place without him. Everything about it reminded her of him. She remembered how he brought her to this place that day, to make her remember. She remembered how he showed her the mirror. She remembered how he told her stories of her, his Sanam. She closed her eyes, as she approached the poolside. So many memories are attached to this place. She leaned on to the pillar, reminiscing those beautiful moments with him, all those days back. "Come back Aahil. Come back...please!" Her words came in whispers as she sobbed.
She felt the warmth of two hands on her face, wiping off her tears. She suddenly opened her eyes and saw him in front of her, smiling. He shook his head telling her not to cry, as he cupped her face in his hands. "I am here Sanam. I am always with you, in your heart. No one can drive me away from that place. Not even you" He kissed her forehead, as fresh tears started falling from her eyes. He held her from her shoulders, and started walking towards their room. She held on to him as they reached the doors of the room. But this time, she entered the room alone. As she turned towards him, there was no one beside her. "Aahil?! Aa..." She stopped suddenly, as the reality hit her.
She closed the door and slid down to her knees, and cried "Ya Allah!" The pain was too much to bear.
She let her eyes wander around the room, etching all the moments spent with him, in her heart, once again. Somewhere in her heart, she felt at peace, finally. She was back to where she belonged. Her lips twisted into a reverent smile, in spite of her, as her eyes stopped at the poster size picture of him and her. The Nawab with his Begum. She stood up and approached towards the picture, as she traced her hand on it. She lingered her fingers on his face, a little more. All the memories came crashing down on her. Their fights, their clashes, their love. "I remember everything Aahil! Everything! You! Me! Us! Our love! Everything! I am Sanam, your Sanam. Sanam Aahil Raza Ibrahim. I am yours, and will always be yours. Only yours!" She whispered close to his face on the picture as she dropped a kiss there. She moved from there, dejected and broken. As she walked from there, a box from the stool beside the bed falls down on her feet.
She stopped suddenly at the thud, as she looked down. She bent down and picked up that box, as she looked confusedly at it. "I don't remember this." She muttered to herself as she looked around it. It was a wooden box with a beautiful carving over it. From the looks of it, it looked quite old, years old. As she turned it backwards, there was something written on it. "To my dearest son, Aahil." It was his box. His mom, his real mom has gifted it to him, before she died. She smiled between her tears at another precious possession of hers. She wiped her tears as she sat down on the bed to open the box.
As she opened the box, she found herself at a loss of words, too stunned to feel anything. There was an earring, her earring. The one she kept searching for, all those days back, when it fell somewhere in the hall. And when she couldn't find she gave up. It was the earring, which he picked up. She held it in her hands as a lone tear fell from the corner of her eye and her lips broke into a smile. "So it was you" She muttered to herself as she kissed the earring and was putting it back in the box.
A hand came up to her and stopped her from putting it back. She looked up and saw him sitting in front of him shaking his head at her."Unbelievable! You are not supposed to see all this, Sanam! You can't!" She laughed at him. "Why are you laughing? I just picked it up, because I found it. Nothing else!" He snatched it from her hands as he reached out to make her wear. "This looks much better" He smiled. She smiled back as her hand reached towards her ear to touch the earring he just made her wore.
But there was nothing to touch. She looked at the mirror and there was nothing to see. "Aah..." She stopped midway as she realised, it was all her dream. He was just a dream.
Her eyes started welling up as she put the earring back in the box. Her hand brushed with a Taveez sitting there. She stared at it as she held it in her hands, trying to figure out. Her mind flashed with a sudden memory of the farmhouse, where she was locked up in that washing machine and her Taveez fell off. "You picked it up." She muttered to herself as she put it around her neck caressing it lovingly. She felt his love through the threads that bind it, reaching to her heart and soul. His love was so pure. He never asked her for anything other than love. He never forced his love on her to love him back. He loved her silently, with his whole heart. It broke her more, maybe because she felt; she wasn't able to love him, as much he did. He loved her too much, that it almost completed her.
She came across a dry flower, kept so protectively. She held it in her hands, as she remembered what memory was attached to it. She brought it for him, that day, for his mother, which he refused to take it from her. She smiled as she looked at that flower and shook her head. "I would never be able to guess, how much you love me Aahil" Her voice choked as she remembered all the hurtful things she said to him. "He was only trying to make me remember" She cried again.
She felt him again in front of her as she looked up. "Stop crying Sanam! I am not here, that doesn't mean you would cry. What did I tell you? I hate tears!" He shook his head at her.
Her hands found something warm and soft. She looked down and found a scarf, a black scarf. She gasped as she took it and held in her hands. "This is the same scarf that..."
"You bought. I know" She looked up suddenly and found him standing in front of the mirror, tying that scarf around his neck. "Now, how do I look in it?" He smiled as he raised his eyebrow at her from the mirror.
"You kept it with you. Why?" She asked in a small voice.
"Because it smelled of you" He smiled at her.
She wanted to wrap her arms around him and cry, but he wasn't there anymore. She sobbed her heart out. Her blurred vision found a beautiful diamond ring in the box. She picked it up and stared at it in awe. It was an eternity ring and it was for her. She traced her fingers over and over it. She found an engraving on it - SaHil; which meant a shore, a destination and their names joined together. Her eyes shone with love for him. She wished he was here. She wished he could have put that ring on her finger. She wished he proposed her right now.
She felt a hand holding hers as she looked down beside him. He was sitting beside the bed holding her hand in his with the same ring. He held her hand and brought it towards her lips. He laid a soft kiss on her hand. Holding her hand, he looked into her eyes "Sanam Aahil Raza Ibrahim, will you marry me, again?" She smiled at him. It felt so real, to be with him. She wished it was real. She wished it wasn't a dream. She wished as she kept holding his hand, in the fear of getting away from him again. He put the ring on his finger. "I love you Sanam"
She reached out to hold his face in her hands, but her hands never reached towards him. He was gone, again. She looked up at her Allah up there, closing her eyes, letting her drown herself in his memories for once and for all.
She looked down at the box for one last time and her eyes found a letter. She picked it up and opened it to read it.
"Sanam! Enough now. You can't read that!" She looked into the letter as a scene played in front of her eyes. Aahil snatched that letter from her hands. "Come on Aahil! I am your wife!"
"Its not for wives. Its only for husbands." He made a weird face at himself, for saying that.
"But husbands are for wives only Aahil" She giggled.
"Whatever! But this is BEFORE we were husband and wife Sanam! That's when I fell in love with you! That was something I wanted to tell, but never was able to!"
She stared at those lines as she read it again and again.
Miss Dhabevaali,
"Well, this is weird. I have never written a letter even in my school. Hell, I haven't even written a Thank You or Sorry note to anyone. I don't know what and how to write. So if you think I don't know how to write, thats not true. I am a Harvard graduate, for your information. But I don't want to tell you this eh.
Its been too much and I want to push this off my chest. I..I was..in love with you long before. Don't get this to your big head. I know you have a big self respect, I do too. If you want to laugh at it, you may. But that's the truth. And I can't deny it anymore. You may call it a trick or whatever, but that's the truth. I hate lies, and I know you do too, that much I have known about you till now. Maybe that was another reason I fell in love with you. So, yes I do love you. Here, I told it.
I was in love with you since that night. That night, when you held me in your arms and was asking to never let you go. To save you. I remember how you held on to me. I remember how you didn't want to leave me. That was a night, which I was never able to forget. That night, YOU saved me Sanam. You saved me from all those nightmares. You healed me, my heart and soul. That, I was even capable to save someone. You took me out from the darkness, that night. You were the saviour of my soul. I have never experienced such a thing in my life ever. I swear. I wanted to tell you, ask you, but was never able to. I thought to tell you by this letter, but I couldn't even give you this, ever. I am a jerk, I know.
Enough of that heart talk. But come on, you should have been more careful, don't you think? What do you think about yourself? I know you are quite brave and stuff, but what was the meaning of going alone at that hour of night? Your calling danger yourself. So your at fault too here, don't blame me only. Your at fault for not knowing what you have done too. You had my heart and you were asking that morning what wrong have I done?" Really? Maybe you didn't want to see. Maybe you loved him more..Rehan.
I guess, I made a fool out of myself writing all that. I am never gonna give this to you. I swear. Your unbelievable Sanam. Can't you just see the real me? Do you only see the rude and arrogant ARI? Can't you see the Aahil beneath that? I thought only you could understand, but I guess you will never understand! I still hope you understand...
Yours Jallad Jinn.
If that's what you call me, eh. But to be honest, you could have done better.
"Aahil! My Aahil!" She muttered to herself as she reached the bottom of the letter. The letter was becoming a little wet with the tears. "He loved me since that night" She held that letter close to her heart and closed her eyes. She didn't know when she fell into a deep slumber, dreaming of him. Her Aahil.
He saw her sleeping. His innocent Sanam. He came towards her, bent down and laid a kiss on her forehead. "I love you Sanam, always" "I love you too Aahil" She whispered in her sleep as a smile fell across her lips.
He went happy.
The End!
Thanks for reading! ❤️
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