Ashlok SS - Love & Other Disasters/ Chapter 2/ UPDATED/ (Pg-9) - Page 7

Chapter Two

Second Disaster: Bull Struck

~ It wasn't a fart ~ my lower intestine blew you a kiss ~ 

"Ah babe...so sweet...ummm...mmm...yes...ah", a man with a shock of pink colored hair was murmuring to his babe irrespective of the speakers that were blaring with a shrill but sexy siren song which was resonating all around him in the disco club while the show girls were dancing and twirling their legs around the slim poles embedded on the stage. 

"Wanna dance", one girl with horrible false eyelashes that looked too long as to make a little duster out of them approached him. "No don't you see that I am not single", he pointed towards his babe. At his cute confession the girl smiled, baring two front donkey shaped teeth, the only thing left was to bray...

"Just one dance babe", the girl must be a "sibling of a leech" because she refused to budge from her place. He was about to open his mouth to retort back that he would never leave his babe alone when someone smacked him at his butt and startled he fell off from his stool where he was sitting with his babe.

"Hey farty what are you upto man, I see you haven't let go of your babe", another punk version of the fallen man came into view, this time with a shock of purple, green and black hair and extended his hand to lift up the fallen punk. "You destroyed my babe", Varad almost sobbed, pointing towards his "fallen babe", which was in reality a "blueberry cupcake"that he was eating just moments ago with great "sound effects".(Shocked! 😈😆).

"I only get them free after having three drinks here and you've just destroyed my money spent on three drinks", he added with a drunken sniff.

"Hey farty, I'll bought myself three drinks and then will hand over my cupcake to you, but please don't cry here", the other punk, who was Shlok threw a nervous look all around him to see if anyone was watching them or not. But everyone seemed to be too much endorsed in their enjoyment to notice one punk trying to lift another crying punk from the floor. 

Except that "donkey-teethed" woman who asked Shlok if he needed help or not, then after listening to his refusal with angry twitching of her parrot like hooked nose she went away with a swish of her funny costume, which had two lace holes at the place where her butt was located, directly on her butt cheeks...

Nice "butt windows", Shlok thought with a lecherous grin. It wasn't like he really liked bums, but he also couldn't ignore a nice one if it would come into his view. The girl headed towards a thin old man sitting on the sofa in a corner of the club and went to sit straight on his lap. He was already groaning under the weight of two other gals sitting on his skinny legs, the butt window girl's added weight made him give a "piglet like squeal"and his eyes almost pop out of their sockets with "painful excitement"...

There was another bunny shaped man, who had a gal sitting almost on his balloon like stomach. With the looks of the girl she was enjoying feeding him Cerelac with cherries on top. The man had a bib around his throat and he was laughing exuberantly as she popped cherries in his mouth while the Cerelac dripped from his mouth...

God save the children's Cerelac, rolling his eyes upward he gave a theatrical sigh. "Wanna eat another "babe" (blueberry cupcake😆)", whinnied Varad in his drunken state. "Okay farty, will get you another one, but please get up and stop making a nuisance out of yourself", he tried to pull at Varad's arms with all of his might, but only managed to lose his balance and went skidding on the floor on his stomach. The floor was very slippery with Varad's spilled drink and on top of that his clothes were also made of silk so like a jumbo jet he went headlong however much he tried to halt his landing.

A waiter who was going on his way to deliver the drinks to customers, gave a high pitched girlish shriek as Shlok's jumbo jet landed on his way and knocked his feet off the ground. The tray of cocktails went flying out of the waiter's hand and he fell on Shlok's back, the added inertia increasing the force of landing. The whole club had noticed the jumbo jet growing into a Boeing and people were now watching them both with open-mouthed surprise.

They went on skidding over the floor until Shlok caught the leg of a table in both of his hands to halt himself with a jerk. But the waiter sitting on his back couldn't balance himself and swayed after getting onto his feet and when he tried to balance himself he went toppling into the Bunny's lap, right into his "Cerelac"...

The bunny gave a might roar like "King Kong" at seeing his much adored Cerelac destroyed by a mere boy and holding his by his neck, shook him like a rag doll. Shlok who had gotten to his feet now tried to calm the Bunny (who was looking like a Mighty Himalayan Man now with anger 😆) down. But the Bunny punched him right into the face , knocking him sideways, where he was plastered across the bum of the butt window girl...

Varad who had been sitting on the floor in a drunken stupor had started to remove his clothes, singing "Sheila Ki Jawani"  & "Chammak Challo"on the top of his voice (he must have inherited his mother's genes, because she was very fond of singing in the shower and had once dislocated her hipbone while singing Chammak Challo and trying to initiate Kareena's steps 😆) By the time Shlok removed himself from the clutches of that butt window girl who had thought that he liked her well enough to kiss her ass, Varad had started swaying towards the stage, doing Kareena & Katrina's dance steps on the way...

"Shh...Varad come back", all his warnings went unheeded by Akash who jumped on the stage at once clad only in a pair of boxers much to the ado of the people gathered in the club and started to pole dance exuberantly on the beat of a crazy hip hop song...

The gal who was feeding Cerelac to the bunny gave a hoot with glee and jumped on the stage too to join Varad. As if her jumping on the stage was a signal to the other people. Many drunkards started to take their clothes off and began joining Varad and the bunny's girl on the stage. One of them, a fat old man who was stripped to his knickers which has the words "Love me babe I am young" emblazoned across them heaved himself up on the stage with the help of two girls and started to dance between them, his fat tummy jiggling up and down and side to side in accordance with his dance moves.

Another one a young man was shaking his whole body as if he was being electrocuted, while his mouth was open and his tongue was lolling out. The bunny being unable to get on the stage was calling his girl as he was hanging half on and half off the stage but no one seemed to care about his dilemma. Shlok had jumped on the stage too and was now trying to tug at Varad who was trying to wind himself around a spoon like thin man, thinking of him as a pole.

"No, don't wanna go", Varad whinnied grabbing the fat old man's knicker for leverage as Shlok started to drag him off the stage. Dragging him away had been Shlok's worst mistake, he should have remembered his uncle Varad's "Delicate Condition" which would always trigger off major catastrophe, whenever Varad's body would try to use force. And just as such the disaster happened, infact two disasters happened at once...

There came a loud sound like a tiger's roar combined with the hiss of clothes tearing and the bunny man who had succeeded in reaching to the top of the "Everest"...ooops 😆😆...the stage and was now grinning like a Cheshire cat, holding his arms above his head in victory froze in mid grin at after the sound erupted. Like a tree trunk he crashed right off the top of the "Everest" to the "First Level" (ground) from where he had gotten up on the "Everest" after so much of effort.

Second Disaster (why not the first because it's reason will come later as the first disaster already happened in the morning) had been the old man's knickers coming right off his body into Varad's hands, as he had succeeded in giving the old man his birthright by making him stand there in his "Birthday Suit". Third Disaster had been the bunny man fainting right after his fall...

The reason of his downfall had been the "Tiger Salute" that Varad had given him by releasing gas right into his face with a "Tiger's Courage"...

"Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall, Humpty dumpty had a great fall", Varad was still singing the nursery rhyme when Shlok dragged him off the stage and took him outside the club. He was whinning for his blueberry cupcake, lost in his drunken state by the time Shlok bundled him into the back seat of the car. They soon reached home with Shlok manoeuvring the red mini convertible between heavy traffic and a drunken Varad continuously farting all the way back...

It was because of his "Delicate Disastrous Nature" that he had been labeled as farty Varad by everyone.

Shlok's family was very huge and everyone was related to every other one. His maternal great-grandmother was alive too although barely in the original shape, but still a hundred years old snake would have been proud of her. His maternal great-grandfather had died just five years ago of a heart attack & drowning while watching po*n on internet. 

But don't be confused here 😆😉 the heart attack hadn't come while he was watching po*n, but it had come when he had decide to follow on one video and had initiated lovemaking with his wife in the pool which was situated at the back of his garden. He had died by having a heart attack during an orgasm and then right after he had drowned in the pool...

In his life he had been in love with Shakira's bum and had always tried to make his wife meaning Shlok's maternal great-grand mother dance on"Hip's don't lie" and like a faithful wife she would follow his orders and would start dancing. Only her dance would not be at all like Shakira but it would horribly look like a robot trying to follow a belly dance with much difficulty...

His maternal grandparents were very much alive and healthy. They were so much fond of pets that the interior of their house always resembled a zoo. Any sophisticated three piece suited booted person visiting their house would come out resembling a man from the "Stone Age". 

His clothes would be torn by monkeys scampering across the table, pigeons would have made a nest on his head and if the poor man had somehow had a long hair style then the pigeons would have certainly given eggs on his hair. There were huge ducks too that used to peck at the shoes and socks, then there were two goats "Jackie Chan" & "Bruce Lee" who loved to kick people's asses as per their names...

And to top it all off they had even got a pet cobra which would laze all day around in his glass case, but when someone would knock on his case, he would be attentive at once and would start to make various designs of his face and opening his mouth he would let the disturber of his sleep see his forked orange tongue, wriggling it at the intruder as if a child would stick out his tongue to annoy. That's why his grandparent's had named it as"F**k Master". Because they had thought that was his way of telling the intruder to f**k off.

Shlok's paternal great-grandparents had been too much fond of making babies and that's why Shlok had a litter of fifteen grandfather and mothers. (Don't be confused they are alive 😆😉...not dead...they are just not present in India actually they had gone to Paris for their sixtieth honeymoon and also for great-grandfather's treatment so that they could have another baby).

In their parent's competition Shlok's paternal grandfather (paternal great-grandfather's son) & grand mother had eighteen children, so beating up their parents with three points. He had never been able to remember their names altogether as he would always gets confused between his fifteen grandparents and his seventeen uncle & aunts.(Seventeen because one of them is Shlok's father 😉).

Shlok had been himself an only child and had used to think that someone would have definitely cursed his parents; otherwise he would have definitely gone mental while living between ten or fifteen siblings. Varad was his uncle, his father's youngest brother and three years younger than him and an annoying & disgusting farty to boot. Although he was a nerdy, geeky type but when he would get drunk he would morph into a rebellious, troublesome child and then would go back to his childhood days, singing nursery rhymes to reminisce those days...

God knows why he had put up with Akash with almost all of his life, maybe because he was his uncle (Shlok's dad's youngest brother😆) and he had to give him respect even if he had embarrassed him badly many times in public because of his "Delicate Disastrous Condition". 

Once five years ago Varad had gotten drunk and while Shlok had been bringing him home their car had broken down in the middle of the road.

With difficulty Shlok had dragged Varad with him on the public bus, trying to hide his uncle's drunken condition with the other people riding the bus. Varad had somehow snatched his hand away from Shlok's hold and had gone straight for a fat woman's lap. Settling himself in her lap he had started to sing "Hush a by baby, on the tree top". 

The woman would have squeezed him to death with her ham like hands, if Shlok hadn't intervened between them. He had excused his uncle by saying that he had lost his mother when he was five and from then, he had been diagnosed with "Motheralaria" a disease, in which a person thinks every woman to be his mother...

That had reduced that woman to tears and she had hugged Varad so tightly in her beefy arms that many of his ribs had cracked and his face had been almost squashed, stuck between her cushiony breasts...

On the next stop she had left in tears but not before she had given him a tight embrace and kiss which had caused Varad to give a girlish squeak and shriek "Mom" with pain. The woman had been really overwhelmed by hearing him call her as his mom and had told Shlok to take care of his brother Varad well...

Brother my foot, he had seethed. People always thought of Varad as his younger brother and Shlok had never tried to correct their mistake because he hadn't the heart to tell anyone the story of his fifteen grandparents and seventeen uncles & aunts. (Whose complete story is still to be continued as Shlok's paternal grandparents are trying for another child in competition to their parents who were on their sixtieth honeymoon in Paris! 🤪😆)

It was this morning of the Disco Club incident that Shlok had been driving angrily on the rain soaked road of Bombay, with Varad lolling on the back seat. (Varad would always go outside with Shlok except when he had a craving for blueberry cupcakes, then he would sneak to the disco alone 😆)

His parents were putting too much pressure on him to marry and produce a litter of babies, giving him examples of his grandparents & great-grandparents. (Shlok's family had never invited anyone on their wedding occasions, they hadn't any need to because their whole family hadn't been able to fit in one wedding hall ever, a tent was another thing. 😆)

He had been fuming while driving the car, his mind stuck between his five girlfriends (all of the girls were chosen by his Politician mother and instead of choosing to marry one of them he had made them all his girlfriends to get to know them better 😲😆) when he had caught sight of a mob gathered around a group of girls who were juggling with the balls...😆😆 meaning...beating the shit out of some boys.

Women, before they used to only verbally abuse men now they were also devising new ways to scare the shit out of them too, he had thought rolling his eyes upward. Feeling a craving to defend his sex he had had skidded to a halt not faraway from one girl who had been standing on the foot path wearing a pair of baggy jeans and a t-shirt far bigger than would be necessary to cover her slim torso. 

Her brown hair had been secured in two fat braids, lying over her back and she had been shouting instructions to the other girls, waving her arms like an "Army Major" commanding them on how to "Butt Whip", them in a better way.

Cute, he had thought, getting out of the driver's seat to walk curiously towards the commotion. He had been curious as to what was happening there on the road. Until the girl, who had been standing like a robot from the time when he had deliberately sprayed mud on her clothes, (the naughty "chote" in him couldn't resist 😈😆) had started to walk towards him with her face going red like a tomato from outrage. 

She had taken only a few steps towards him when her feet had landed on the mud, before he could have shouted a warning she had gotten unbalanced and had fallen flat on her face right into a puddle filled with mud, but not before she had performed a little "Puppet Dance" for his benefit.

"Here madam", the human-alien was extending a hand towards me, as I fell back into the mud yet again, in my third attempt to get back on my feet. Ignoring the extended hand, I resumed cursing him and my mud smeared state. I wouldn't have taken his help even if he had been the last"Alien on Pluto"...errr 😆😆...the man on earth, such was his hilarious style and weird attire. 

His hair were streaked with purple and green hair color and spiked up like a shoe-brush to form a tail in the middle of his head. Comic tattoos could be seen on his neck and arms which were visible beneath his brown shirt and black trousers. My mind was confused as what to name him, as he neither looked a full-fledged punk from his sober attire and nor a sophisticated man from his sense of hair style and tattoos. That's why I had thought that he was human alien...

"Hey madam, take my hand a little help won't lower your pride", the stupid man was enjoying my plight as could be indicated from his smile which was splitting his face into half and his caramel-colored eyes, which were dancing with glee. "Arrey tumharay babu ji ki sarak hai kiya, jo istrah car chala rahay thay? (Why were you driving so rashly, is it your father's road?)", I asked shaking my head, to remove droplets of mud from my eyelashes.

Instead of answering me he threw back his head and began to laugh. "Did I joke?", I fumed. "No lady you didn't joke infact you got it right, it's really my father's road, he is a government contractor so he built this and many roads around this area", the stupid alien was mocking me while I looked at him with open-mouthed surprise. "Hey do you want to make a house in the puddle?", waving a hand infront of my shocked eyes he was still laughing at me.

So the man thinks he can joke at my state, well the joke is on him, I thought fuming, then without giving him a chance to crack one more of his stupid jokes at me. I got on all fours in the puddle then like a bull who would prepare himself before running towards a matador I gave a shriek(which sounded more like of a "Horny Cat" than a bull's mighty roar 🤔😆) then drawing my head forward as if showing two invisible horns I leapt on him and butted him right in the middle, taking him down with me in the puddle...

That was the second disaster, getting hit by a "bull in girl's clothing" 😈😆...

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