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AkDha OS--"Scorching Desire (16+)"(imp Note pg 9) (Page 3)

haya_gorgeous Goldie
haya_gorgeous
haya_gorgeous

Joined: 16 July 2014
Posts: 1363

Posted: 03 May 2015 at 12:09pm | IP Logged
so hott..
thnks for pm

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Forthislifeonly

...Thendral... Senior Member
...Thendral...
...Thendral...

Joined: 03 October 2010
Posts: 575

Posted: 03 May 2015 at 12:09pm | IP Logged
Awesome Os Di 
THe End was the best thing i mean jalal warning surya ROFL

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Forthislifeonly

--cute.manasi-- IF-Sizzlerz
--cute.manasi--
--cute.manasi--

Joined: 16 June 2010
Posts: 20759

Posted: 03 May 2015 at 12:11pm | IP Logged
thanx for such a fab OS umm... loved it...Embarrassed

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Forthislifeonly

Magpie_ IF-Sizzlerz
Magpie_
Magpie_

Joined: 20 December 2014
Posts: 11878

Posted: 03 May 2015 at 12:14pm | IP Logged
hi sush ...
I read it Approve but not able to comment Confused LOL
I just can say that you are an amazing writer Thumbs Up

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Forthislifeonly

chandgothia Senior Member
chandgothia
chandgothia

Joined: 16 August 2012
Posts: 336

Posted: 03 May 2015 at 1:39pm | IP Logged
It was beautifully written...loved the way jalal got over surya the ass...
The best line was ur "p.s." LOL
Write more often...

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Forthislifeonly

LekhSha Senior Member
LekhSha
LekhSha

Joined: 01 December 2009
Posts: 713

Posted: 03 May 2015 at 3:04pm | IP Logged
Nice writing, Just a small suggestion, If you could increase the protagonist's age  when writing there night outs it feels nice.
Means 16 yrs is  much too young to be in such night outs.

Its your story just a thought, 

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Forthislifeonly

swatiluthra Goldie
swatiluthra
swatiluthra

Joined: 13 April 2009
Posts: 1233

Posted: 03 May 2015 at 7:44pm | IP Logged
Super hot n sensual sushi
Thanks for the pm Tongue

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Forthislifeonly

lovejodhaakbar Senior Member
lovejodhaakbar
lovejodhaakbar

Joined: 08 January 2015
Posts: 401

Posted: 03 May 2015 at 7:55pm | IP Logged
Cut n hot...the way jalal cant help but give in to his desire toward jodha but still asking jodha first for the ultimate love making :) ..please write more...tfs..

Edited by lovejodhaakbar - 03 May 2015 at 7:55pm

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Forthislifeonly

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