She blinked tiredly her eyelids, the light of the day woke her up, ignoring about the hard night that she went through. Her eyes were burning and her body was aching due the incomfortable position that she slept last night. After rubbing and massaging her eyes, she finally opened them, and stood there, inert, staring at the ceiling and recalling her night. She was lost and drenched, she felt pain, but she had no more tears to pour.
She loved him, she was in love with her best friend. She didn't realize when she fell for him, but it felt so nice to fall in love with someone who respected you and understand you more than yourself. She was lucky since she met him. They faced a lot as friend and today, she was standing by his side, like his girlfriend. It even sounded weird and each time, she said it out loud, she giggled stupidly. She was not used and it wasn't plan. Like everyday, she can't wait to meet him, but since they kissed, she was tongue tied and losing her words in front of him. This is what we called love? She heard about love's effect, but she didn't expect to fall miserably in the clich of love. She felt so stupid but yet so happy to live this beautiful feeling with him. She was lost in her reveries, preparing herself to meet him, when her father knocked at her door.
-Zoya? May I come in? He asked, standing next to the open door
-yes, of course, she was surprised to see him and happy too.
-Sit next to me please, I have something to tell you.
Her happiness diseapered all of sudden, and was replaced by some nervosity, her father never used this tone to talk to her. She was sure that she was going to hear something that it's not going to make her joyful.
-Zoya, next week, it's the last week of school, so with your mum, we decided to move on from this city. I will shift my company to India, and you and your mother will go there by the end of the next week.
Zed was stunned with his revelation, they were going to leave this place. She will be away from this place, where she found home for the first time in her life, she will be away from...Him. She stood up like electrified and jerked.
-NO, I don't want to go
-but, Zoya
-Abbu, I can't go from here, I have my school, my studies and I have my friends, she tried to justify, especially thinking about Leo.
-you don't have to worry about, you will have good school and you will make new friends, you will learn a lot. Maybe you will need time but I know that at the end, you will enjoy being in this place.
-NO, ABBU, I DON'T WANT TO LEAVE, she yelled at him but he misunderstood her pain with bad manners.
-Keep your tone low, Zoya, I am your father and don't forget about. We are going to move on and this is FI-NAL, you hear me?
-I hate you, I HATE YOU, YOU HEAR ME, I HATE YOU, YOU NEVER LISTEN TO ME AND YOU DON'T CARE ABOUT ME, YOU ONLY CARE ABOUT YOURSELF, YOU ARE SELFISH, JUST SEL...The words broke in the air when she felt his hand on her face, he slapped her inconsciously in anger, he couldn't stand to be insult by his own daughter, he was her father afterall.
-I am your father and not one of your stupid friends, WE-are going to move on in one week and you have no choice. He glared at her and left huffing angrily at her audacity.
She fell on the bed, holding on her cheek, it was paining but not as much as her heart was in pain to leave him. She needed to see him, to talk to him, he always knew what to do. She knew that she can't change her father's mind and she was inwardly sure that even Leo can't do anything, but she hope he can do something. What will happen to them now? How was she going to live without him? Her first love? Was he going to forget about her? Out of sight out of mind? She wondered what the future had for them.
She grabbed her phone and checked any missed call, but the screen was blank. She laid down on the floor again, and her heart constricted pushing her to whimper in pain. She was there laying on the floor, without blanket. She rubbed her forehead, still lost in him. He didn't leave her mind for seconds, since yesterday. Many questions came into her mind, but for the moment, she just wanted to know how was he going? One thing that she was sure about, that he was suffering like her but his own ego and the Asad that he was, will ignore this pain and pushed himself in danger. Her phone buzzed suddenly and she jumped hoping it might be him. Her smile fade as quick as it came, it was the hospital. She took the call and nodded nonchalantly at the voice.
-ok, I'm coming, I am on my way. She cut the call, and stayed here for a second, looking outside the windown. Asad, please, don't leave me all alone. An orphan tear rolled along her cheek.
-where is he? She jerked frustrated, he was supposed to be here already, she needed to find a solution about this. She can't go and leave his side, he was the best thing that happened to her. She was roaming desperatly here and there, in their usual tree, waiting for him to come, when she felt hand on her eyes.
-Leo, finally you are here, she sighed in relief, her eyes closed she turned to hug him tight. She can breath again, he was here and he will solve everything.
-Hello beautiful, she heard him say, but it wasn't his voice. Her eyes opened in horror when she recognized the voice. She pushed him away and her body shook with madness.
-How dare you, Akram, her jaw clenched in fury.
-what's wrong now? Few seconds earlier, you were in my arms and I could feel how you enjoy being in my arms baby, he approached her and she stepped back.
-Don't you dare coming closer, Akram
-Ok, I stayed at my place, he lifted his hands in surrender, you are waiting for Leo?
-It's not of your business, she looked aways, searching for him
-I think he is busy right now, he said amused and she looked at him quizzically. I made for him a surprise, his eyes grew with excitement.
-what did you do, Akram? She asked horrified and he giggled at her, AKRAM, WHAT DID YOU DO TO LEO?
-Come on, relax, I did nothing to him, I just maybe visit his house with friends
-No, she realized what he might have done, no, no, Akram, you didn't do this, tell me you didn't do this?
-Ok, I didn't do this, he was grinning like a crazy, enjoying her plead and cries.
-AKRAM, YOU WILL PAY FOR THIS, I SWEAR, YOU WILL CRY PAIN FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE FOR MAKING LEO SUFFERING IN PAIN. She pushed him hardly and ran to find him. Leo, I am coming, I am coming.
It was the last place where she wanted to be today, but an emergency can't wait or understood any pain. Today was booked an operation of girl presenting a kyste close to her heart. The surgery was delicate but without any danger if it was well excuted, Zoya was in charge and she will be alone with nurse to handle this operation. Her job gave her enough reason to stop thinking, holding on her hands someone's life was always something that took all your concentration and ate your mind and she knew that her pain will stay outside the operation door, with the family of her patient.
She went to see her patient before to comfort her and her family. She was the only daughter living with her father, she lost her mother years ago in car accident, and she was the precious person in her father's eyes. The doctor was not only the person who was supposed to heal wound but to play psychologist most of the time for the anxious parents. How ironic was her job, she saved life and healed physical pain, but what about her own pain? How was she going to heal them?
-Doctor, my daughter was really nervous
-Daad, she objected, you are the one who was really nervous not me, she giggled at her father who just shook his head slightly. His eyes were for sure more stressfull than his daughter, who was looking cool.
-Don't worry, Ema, I understand your father and you, but it's going to be fine, it's just a routine surgery, but because it was close to your heart, it will be a delicate surgery. We will remove this cyste, and your heart will be able to beat normally, and for sure you will feel less tired or breathless once we will remove it.
-I know Doctor Farooqui, my dad was jumping from this morning, he gave me headache, Ema kept teasing her father to soothe his nervosity, which only help a bit.
-Doctor, tell me that everything will be fine, he asked Zoya hopefully
-We will do our best and soon your daughter will be able to breathe properly, Ema is a strong girl, she winked at her. The nurse will take you soon, she squeezed her hand in comfort, smiling softly at her.
-Dad, Ema called her father, and held his hands in hers, Dad, promise me, you won't die from nervosity before I left the operation theater.
-Ema, you are really stupid, he let out a sad chuckle, I will be waiting outside for you of course, and he caressed her hair.
-I know, Dad, she smiled genuinely and hugged him tight. Zoya stood there, awkwardly, she didn't want to make any move, she knew better the bond that both shared. She couldn't help but to remember her father and the last time, she spent with him. She composed herself and took a long breath to calm her sadness.
-Doctor Farooqui, I entrust her to you, she is the most precious thing I have, my life has no value without her.
-Dad, Ema rolled her eyes at his drama, you are really embarrasing me now.
-I will take care of her, don't worry about, she sent him a comfort smile.
The first shot of scalpel gave the tempo, the incision gently drew on her white skin that gently flushed red. The heart is an amazing organ, it is made with same materiel but we attribute to it all human emotions, when in reality, it's only reacting to images, sounds and emotions. Today, she opened the chest of her patient, while the only thing she wanted to do today was to remove the pain that her heart caged. No matter how you are prepared, and how many details you know about your patient's case, opening a chest was like opening Pandora's box, you never know what you can find in this cage.
She came running, and entered in his house when she sucked her breath. All the furnitures were upside down, as a tornado came here. She walked slowly in the mess, and the sound of broken pieces crashed under her feet.
-Leo, she whispered, she needed to see him and she knew where she can find him.
Inwardly, she wished that Akram didn't find this room but when she stepped in his parent's room, she gasped, and her worst nightmare came true just in front of her eyes. Her eyes brimmed with tears, and they fell on Leo's figure, standing like a statue in the middle of the room. She came closer slowly and called him softly in pain.
-Leo, he didn't move and her heart constricted more as if it was possible. Leo, she called him again, I ...
-where were you? He said in low tone cutting her
-I... She frowned wondering why he was asking her this, I was at school, Leo
-Alone? He asked again, but it didn't sound as question but as a reproof.
-Leo, what...what are you asking me? Of course alone. He turned slowly and faced her, but when her eyes sticked with his, she saw something she never saw in his eyes, and it was hate and pain.
-why did you come, Zed? He said bitterly
-what do you mean why did I come, Leo? I came for you when I heard about , I came as fast as I could, she was loosing her temper now.
-and how did you know about, Zed? He smirked sarcastically
-I...She stopped, she can't tell him the truth, that she was with Akram, that she hugged him thinking it was him and that Akram confessed his crime.
-Akram, right? He suggested and her eyes grew up widely, how did he know? She though, like he sensed her question, he replied, I saw both of you, her heart skipped a beat, in each other arms, he said menacingly and this time, her heart stopped to breathe. She linked the dots quickly and understood that Akram trapped her and him too.
-Leo, please, it's not what you are thinking, she tried to explain.
-please, explain, he said sarcastically, please, I really want to know how YOU were in HIS ARMS? His words came out from his tight jaw.
-Leo, I...I was waiting for you, and...and, I felt a hand on my eyes and I though it was you, so I didn't open and I hugged you, but it wasn't you, it wasn't you, it was this jerk. Leo trusted me, he tried to separate us.
Leo's face lightened up suddenly and he started to laugh like a maniac and Zed felt helpless, she knew that he didn't trust her. After a long minute, his laugh subsided and he looked at her amused.
-I didn't know that you know how to cook stories, I though I was the only one, he clapped his hands ironically at her.
-Leo, please, she moaned in pain
-what? At least, when you want to say story, make them logic. If you really think that I will believe such a stupid lies, you are really taking me for an idiot
-Leo, it was the truth, trust me, her eyes wetted with his accusation.
-Ok, let's say, it's true, why did I find this here? He showed her, the red heart that he offered. She stared at it and looked at her bracelet, it was indeed missing, but when did she lost it?
-I..don't know Leo, I don't know where I lost it. I wasn't here, maybe Akram stole it from me or...She held her head, trying to recall when it was the last time, she saw this red heart. Slowly, she was losing him and it seemed that all the evidence pointed to one way and she didn't know what to do. He was blind and she didn't know why, but for the first time, felt him far from her.
-Where is the key that I gave you Zed? He asked again, and his voice became threat question after questions
-At home, Leo, she shivered suddenly, she never saw him at this state and it scared her.
-Are you sure, Zed? Or did you lost it too? He said ironically
-No, Leo, I am sure about, she said confidently
-So let me summarize all the things correctly, I saw you hugging the man who did this, I found your red heart here, in my parent's room and the door of my house wasn't broken like he got the keys of MY house and you have YOUR keys at your home, am I correct, Zed? Or did I miss something?
-Leo, please, she pleaded him. She didn't know why for the first time, she couldn't talk or defend herself, his pain and anger froze her from inside.
- Do you have other lies to say to me? What are you hiding from me, Zed? Do me a favor, kill the last part of me, right now, because I am not anymore alive.
Her heart started to beat faster, and the number on the screen increased rapidly to stabilize after few seconds. She managed to remove the cyst, it was really bigger and deeper than what the MRI displayed, but thanks to God, she managed to take it all and finally Ema's heart started to beat in normal speed. Suddenly, the alarm of heart screen started to beep crazily, it wasn't normal, her heartbeat shouldn't increased and the worst happened, it bleeded. Zoya started to panic and asked the nurse to aspirate the excess of blood, she needed to suture before she lost her, but she couldn't find the cut, they aspirated again and again, Zoya managed to stitch one, when another cut appeared, and other. Her heart was bleeding from everywhere and Zoya fought with the nurse to plug all those small cuts.
-Please, Ema, don't do this to me, please, I promise your father, she called her desperatly asking her to fight, don't do this, please, stay with me. DON'T GO IN THIS ROAD, YOU HAVE NO RIGHTS, DON'T DO THIS TO ME, PLEASE, FOR GOD SAKE, DON'T DO THIS TO ME.
-you're a liar, manipulative, I would have never thought you would manipulate me to break me like you just did, I gave you my trust, I revealed a part of me that no one knows and that I never ever told anyone before, but you have trampled my heart, my hopes and you just broke the only thing that kept me going in this ungrateful world. I never thought I brought in my heart a wolf that waited to bite me when my back was turned. You can't hurt me more and you just have kill me, today, you kill that Leo, you kill that weak and dreamer, and you bring me to this rude life. You're like the others you've enjoyed, used and abused me, you're superficial and selfish. I have never hated anyone but today I hate you as much as I have loved you, I hated you from the bottom of my heart and I never want to see you ever again, I prefer to die a thousand times to see such a false person like you. It pierced his heart to tell her this but his pain was much bigger with her lies, he said those acid words to her and he didn't melt seeing her tears begging him to believe her, he gripped the broken perfume of his mother in his palms, letting the broken glasses penetrating his skin.
-Leo, please, trust me, Zed begged him crying incoherently
-Just stop it, please, go and enjoy with Akram, enjoy to see me broken with your TRUE love, hold him tight, and be proud of yourself for what you did to me. I just hope you didn't vomit after kissing me, he said sarcastically while his heart was breaking into pieces.
-Leo, you can't say this, I...Love you
-Love? Really, he chuckled painfully, you mean I lie to you and not I love you, it's ME who are in love with you but you... He looked at her in disgust
-Loe, you can't accuse me and trust him, I mean seriously? You trust the man who beat you till death over ME? She was in pain but more, she was angry on him, how can he question her love, her dedication, and her loyalty, her mind was stunned to hear him and can't accept his accusation, like all their friendship had no solid foundation. He didn't even give the benefit of doubt. She couldn't accept the fact that he was blind and it just shook her inside to see his weak trust for her. Just tell me one thing, why would I hold him if I was with him destroying your parent's room? Why would I take the risk to meet him where we used to meet, tell me? TELL ME, LEO?
- You are poisoning my mind, I saw you with my own eyes and all the proof pointed to you. If a part of me want to believe you, I can't ignore what my eyes saw, please just shut up, SHUT UP, you got what you want, then you are free from plague victim that I was in your life, just go away from here, please, leave from here, you are not welcome anymore in this room, in this house or in my life. GET LOST ZED. He gave her his back, concluding their discussion.
-You let him win, Leo, I though you change but you are still the same, weak and fearful. You bent down in front of him, like always. She lowered her head totally powerless, she can't save him, he chose for himself. I will go far from your life, Leo, forever, but one day you will realize what you did and I will not be here anymore. You will leave your life in regret for trusting him over me. I did nothing, and you know it, you are just blind with your loss and you are looking for a culprit, instead of punishing him, you are punishing me, because it's easy to face me, because you are a coward Leo. If I was like you mention, I would have let you dying this day and not stay by your side waiting for you to wake up. You lost everything today, Leo, you lost everything. He was supposed to be her reason to stay, but her reason died like her love for him.
She slonged along the corridor, mind still in that room, haggard, she couldn't realize what just happened, how everything has eluded from her in an eye blink. She was supposed to deliver good news, but instead, she had only tears to offer him. She did not know what to say, she felt responsible for not having been able to save her. Nothing was predict, everything was under control until destiny chose another end for all of them. She lifted her eyes and saw him, sitting, his hands clasped in prayer, looking tensed. She couldn't hold her tears, it was the worst part of her job, and the heaviest thing to do as doctor and human. He looked up and came to her running, his eyes full with hope, but Zoya just shook her head lazily and sadly.
-Mister Aaron, I...am so sorry, her voice strangled in her throat
-No, no, he shook his head in denial frantically, no
-I am so sorry, her heart...didn't handle...the operation, I am ...so sorry, she stammered
-NO, NO, he sat heavily on the chair, holding his head, repeating no, in denial to the loss of his daughter.
-I'm, she was about to pose her hand on his shoulder in comfort when he jerked, dejected, looking at her in disgust.
-YOU PROMISE, IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE EASY , YOU JUST KILLED HER, YOU KILLED HER AND YOU DIDN'T SAVE HER, SHE...She was the only thing that I have in this life, he broke down crying for the loss of his only daughter. He stood up and walked with heavy step, weeping in pain.
She watched him going away, crying too. She sat at his place, her front titled down like her heart, Ema was just 17 years old, like a symbol, Ema lost her life at the age, when she lost the love of her life. Ema was in peace now, she was free from any pain or any broken heart, but life is still hard for those who stayed, living with the loss of someone you love, it's unbearable. She lost a lot too today.
After some hours,
Zoya was in the doctor rest room, she was scribbing some patient files, she cancelled all her appointment today, and she was not in a good mental state to handle any operation. She preferred to do something without any risk. The quietness was disturbed by some of her collegues who came.
-Yeah, I asked him to sign the consentment and when I told him that her organs will save other lives, he just pushed me, I though he will punch me. So at the end, we lose organs, this is really useless.
Their discussion caught her attention and she turned to ask.
-which patient you were talking, Marc?
-It's your Ema Aaron, I guess it's your patient
-WHAT? She jumped from her, how could you do this? It was his only family
-Zoya, calm down, she was on the list of organ donnors, in fact, I didn't need his consent for taking organ but because she was minor, I asked him but he refused.
-You should have ask me before, he was not in mental state to accept this request, you shouldn't have ask him, for sure, he would have say no.
-I understand his loss but other has a chance to live because of her, you know how it works Zoya, you know it well.
-I know, she said bitterly. We all can help someone to live another life but sometimes, it asked to lose another life to let other to breathe once more.
She went to the roof top, she was suffocated with all this bad atmosphere around her. She wanted to live her solitude in peace, her life, her work and her heart were in mess, and she didn't know which one were the worst in term of misery. She looked over the roof, watching the car moving and stopping, people living their life in recklessness or maybe all of them were also carry a heavy emotion luggage.
-Doctor Farooqui? She heard someone calling from behind, she didn't hear the door opening behind her.
-Mister Aaron? She was surprised to see him. He took from his pocket a bright metal and pointed at her. Her eyes grew up widely when she recognized the object, he was holding a gun and in his eyes, only displayed pain and revenge.
-I came to pay you back what you did to my daughter, you killed her to take her organs, you didn't show mercy to me and I will not show any mercy to you.
-Mister Aaron, calm down, please, she lifted her hand to stop him
-person like you should not breath, you are a monster. You're a liar, manipulative, I would have never thought you would manipulate me to break me like you just did, I gave you my trust, I trust you with my daughter's life but instead you took her from me. You said it's delicated but safe operation, you said lies, LIES LIES, he approached her pointed his gun menacingly.
Zoya's heart was beating faster, he was in pain, she can understand and he needs someone to take revenge from, but she was not responsible. Death don't know age, religion, fortune or glory, when it was your time, it's your time to go. She needed to talk to him, to ease his pain, she was all alone here with him and she can only count on God and herself. Maybe it was the time for her to be free, she wondered.
-Mister Aaron, I understand your pain, I know Ema and I can't forgive myself for your loss, but it wasn't in my hand, I didn't predict that her heart will not handle the operation. Some details can't be predicted.
-LIES, you are LYING to me, my daughter was strong, she was a fighter, she...He wiped his tears with the sleeves of his coat, his tears blinded his view. You...
-What are you doing man? He was interrupted by a man's voice coming from behind.
-Asad, Zoya whispered. He was here with her, her happiness didn't last long when she realized that he can put himself in danger for her, Asad can be impulisve and she saw this before. Aaron was not in control of himself, and Asad didn't deserve to be killed.
-Who are you? Are you a doctor? Aaron pointed his gun to Asad this time, he didn't need any intrusive guest to his revenge.
-Don't please, he is not a doctor, he is patient, Zoya tried to stand between him and Asad to protect him.
-Don't move, Doctor Farooqui, his voice was dangerously low and Zoya looked at Asad helpless.
-she's right, I am not a doctor and I don't even know how to take care about myself, he giggled at his joke.
Zoya found him strangely relax and cool despite the tension of the situation, she though he would have already threw himself on him but he was abnormally calm and he looked in peace.
-Ok, step a bit far, I have something to do first, his attention turned to Zoya this time.
Asad and Zoya exchanged a look, while she showed fears, he just blinked slowly to reassure her. Aaron extanded his gun when the sound of a crumpled paper came on. He turned to look at him, and Asad was opening a chocolate bars. Aaron cleared his troath and Asad looked up, he smiled at him and said.
-you want some? He proposed nicely and Aaron raised his eyebrow in shock, was it for real, he though. Zoya looked at him and like Aaron, she was in shock.
-Leo, she breathed
Asad bit his chocolate and chewed it like everything was normal.
Flash back started
Asad was tied tongue, Akram was the last person he expected to see, he even though that the probability to meet angel of death was higher than meeting Akram, but maybe Akram was his angel of death afterall. It was a small room, the light wasn't bright and it's looked glaucous, there was a few furniture, old stained sofa and a table with a chair, a small kitchenette. The few that he knew was that Akram was coming from a rich family, then how come, he finished in this small place?
-I am working here, Leo, he answered to his silent question, Asad opened and closed his mouth totally agape and Akram giggled softly, giving him a coffee. It's ok, you are asking yourself what I am doing here, I am the watchman. Asad simply nodded and immersed in his coffee, he has a lot of question but he didn't know how to ask. What are you doing here, Leo?
- I don't know how I landed here, I walked and I found myself here by chance
-we don't come back here by chance, Leo, we don't come back in past where we faced many thing if we are not searching for some missing answer, you must be looking for something, what are your questions, Leo? Asad stayed mute, he didn't want to share his pain with a man who spent all his years humiliate him. I know you don't trust me enough to share with me, you are scared that I will make fun of you. Again, Asad stayed agape, how can he read him? Did he say it out loud? Don't look at me, like this? I am not an alien, it's just your face is so expressive that I can almost hear you thinking. Akram laughed at him sympathetically.
Asad shook his head, hiding his smile. He looked again and stared at him intently, it was not the same Akram, he looked serene, kind and happy, all adjectives that sounded impossible to be link to this monster, how did he change so much? How all that happened and when?
She finally left his life, he knew that she was just a dream but he didn't expect that it would turn to be the worst nightmare ever. He gave her his heart and he let her in but it was all fake. It has been already three days that last time he saw her, the room was cleaned, bit by bit and he was the only person who was allowed to clean it. He didn't trust anyone anymore. All those broken piece were his precious treasure. He didn't go to school for three days, he didn't care and he knew that no one cared too. He laid down on the floor and closed his eyes, he needed to find himself, and he was shattered. The broken pieces of his parents were collected but what about his heart? Where can he find peace now? It changed him forever and he knew it.
-what happen to you, Akram? He finally dare asking him without fears, if Allah landed him here, there was a reason and he wanted to know why this encounter. If he had to face his past, he should start with the one who change him forever. Akram smiled softly and let his back lazily on his seat.
-this is a good question, Leo? You must be asking yourself what I am doing here, working as watchman and living like a fish in a tin. He chuckled sarcastically, I will say fate, actually, my choice put me here today in front of you. I spent my whole life walking like an arrogant man, thinking that I was invincible and nothing can harm, not sadness, not pain, nor love or not even kindness, he stared at him particularly, I was strong and confident enough to think that I was controlling my life and not even, he pointed to the sky, can touch me. It's so pathetic to think you will live your life like a king where you are nothing in this world. I never bowed in front of anyone, instead, I wanted everyone to bow in front of me. I used the force, the humiliation, the fight, the fears and everything to break the other. I was always satisfied to see fears or hate in their eyes, it gave me power, and it was normal for them to hate me, because I hated them more. I never showed any mercy to anyone, not a woman, child, old men. He closed his eyes and his face showed pain and shame recalling his words. He sighed to regain his story and stayed focus. I was selfish man and I can have everything I want by hook or by crook and when I got what I wanted, I moved to something else easily without regrets. You know all of this, you were one of my favorite toy in this school, but you know you were the only one who didn't show fears but pity. Asad's eyes grew up hearing his words, yes, Leo, you only showed me pity, not fears, pain or sadness, but you were having pity for me, like you were telling me, I won't hate you or I won't bend down in front of you, you are more miserable than me. And I used to hate it, so much, that's why I wanted to break you, I wanted so much to erase this feeling from your eyes, and I spent my time mocking you, hurting you, beating you, I did everything but you didn't change. And when Zed came into your life, I felt you stronger than ever and I continued to torture you, but this time, your pity was mixed with strength and I felt you unbreakable and it scared me.
-it scared you? Asad asked surprised
-of course, no matter how much I humiliated you, you always stayed stronger than ever. I took it as a challenge. No matter how much, I tried I didn't remove this happiness from your eyes, you were fearless and I was telling myself how could it be? No one resisted so much but why I can't break you. And came this day when I beat you till death, I could not break you soul that's why I broke your body, but you stood on your feet, I was about to rape Zed, he said in disgust, but you stood between us and you protected her. But it didn't stop me until I separated you from her and then I saw you finally broken. But strangely, I didn't enjoy seeing this pain in your eyes, I was surprised to feel pain and pity for you, and I realized why you always had pity, because you saw me broken, you saw my soul like no one as did before and I felt vulnerable. In your eyes, I was not anymore strong or invincible, but weak, and I hate it, that's why I hated you so much, I hated you because of your kindness toward everyone, while you have all the right to hate them as I hated them, but no matter how life was hard with you, you seemed not tarnished but pure. And strangely, with this beautiful feeling, you were stronger than anyone else. Hate or pain didn't gave strength Leo, it only increased your solitude and turmoil. I can understand hate can make you feel powerful because you are hermetic to emotion, but the truth was that it just showed you how much you are lonely. And I can see today how much you are alone Leo. Asad looked away clenching his jaw to stop his words to reach his heart. Akram can see through him and didn't insist, he knew that he was responsible for what happened to Asad years ago.
Just tell me one thing, why would I hold him if I was with him destroying your parent's room? Why would I take the risk to meet him where we used to meet, tell me? TELL ME, LEO?
He jerked from his sleep, sweating, her voice woke him up. He felt a doubt suddenly, was she right? It sounded logic but is there anything logic in cruelty? He shook his head to remove those doubts, inside, a part of him seeks a reason to exonerateted her but other part of him, didn't want to find because he went to far in his accusation that if he was wrong, he will be unforgivable.
-Leo? His nanny knocked at his door
-yes,
-you receive this, she gave him an envelope. He opened and he found the key that he gave her, she brought him back what he gave her and as expected, there was no note inside. He took the keys and threw it on the wall.
-I hate you, he whispered
He will not hide anymore, it was the last day of school and he will take revenge from the person who destroyed his life, Akram. He prepared himself and took his stuff. Once at the door, he looked for his own keys and couldn't find them. He tried to remember where he put them, they supposed to be at the same place, in his bag but it was empty. He looked in his room but couldn't find them too, he asked his nanny, but she ignored about them. He recalled his last days, he didn't move from his parent's room for a almost a week and the last time, he might used them was when he came to see the desaster, but the door was fully opened, so he didn't used them, then...He froze suddenly, Zed brought him her keys but what about his? What if Akram took his keys from his bag and not from Zed? Slowly, he realized that Akram trapped him in the worst and pathetic trap, but why did he do this to him? Leo was not a danger for him, then why did he destroy this part inside of him? What was his motivation? Why someone chose to be wicked instead of being human?
-You must be asking yourself why I was like this. I was broken. I lost my mom when I was 10, I was enough old to remember her, before she left, my home was beautiful and after she left, it changed all of us, my father was not anymore himself, he was rude, insensitive and merciless with me. He was throwing all his pain to me but I was young and I thought that he hated me. And then, he got married again but my step mother hated me too. My house was transformed from love to hate and I grew up hating everyone and I knew that love was for dreamer and weaker, and I decided to block this emotion from my heart. Each time, I used to see them in eyes of person, I broke them, telling them, that life was not easy, we lost who we loved the most then be prepared to change and to be strong, because life only belongs to the stronger, but you, he pointed at him, you stayed stronger with those emotion, it was strange for me to see that love, friendship and loyalty can give you so much strength. You never showed any animosity or hate toward anyone and it didn't change your smile and this sparkle from your eyes, you were always full of hope of this life and I was going mad. You didn't file a complaint when I beat you, first I thought you were stupid but after I realized that you didn't want to spoil my life, right? Asad nodded. I knew it and I knew how generous you can be even for your enemies. I then destroyed your parent's room accusing Zed and it worked. Then when you realized that I lied to you, we had a fight and you know I am still caring this scar on my forehead. He showed his forehead and Asad smiled at this. It always remind me you. I was then fired from the school and my dad decided to marry me thinking that it will calm me. So I married a beautiful girl, she was damn hot actually but her eyes contained again innocence and I hated her for this. I never respected this commitment, not respected her, I cheated on her so many time, but she was patience and no matter how much hate and hardship I gave her, she always remained full of hope and I felt more and more miserable, but it didn't stop me. And she was expected but it didn't change me, I even missed my daughter birth, how I can be a good father when I was not even a good human being. But everything change one night, I woke in a room, and I didn't know how I reached this place, I was in a shed with lots of other people sleeping around me, they all seemed stoned and drunk. I walked between the dead bodies and I felt so dingy and low. I wanted to get back place where I knew I would have found solace and it was in my wife's arm, she was always the one to put me in bed when I used to come home drunk. She only gave me love, but when I came back home, she left me. His tears started to roll on his cheeks. The day, I decided to come back home no one was there for me, I was so lonely. I looked at her everywhere and I found her. I tried to convince her but she was broken, I broke her and her heart. I was in rage, she should have stayed strong for me, I was the weaker, I was so angry and I...He closed his eyes, and bit his hand closed in fist, his face hardened, I slapped her, and slapped her and when I was about to slap her again, I saw my daughter standing there looking at me, with...Fears and tears in her eyes, I came back to my sense and I went to her but she was scared, I broke my daughter's innocence, Leo, I broke my daughter too, she was only 3. She was looking at me with hate, sadness and pain. I lost both of them that day. I left this house and I walked in the cold road, shattered by the pain in their eyes. I realized how much I loved them and how much I broke their souls. I was not human, I was an animal, he let a soft bitter chuckle, and I think animal can show mercy, I was nothing and I wanted to destroy myself. I don't derserve to be alive anymore for all those crimes that I did to many persons. I wished I was dead before living this moment.
Leo closed his hand in fist, in anger, he could believe that he stepped so low, accusing the only person that stood by his side, the only person who accepted him and loved him. He closed his eyes painfully, she was right, he was weak and a coward. He didn't deserve a pure soul like her. His chest was burnig and his breathe was sharp, Akram needed to be punish for what he did to him. Life seems to be merciful with him, but he won't be. He always believed in humanity but today, Akram killed the last hope of his humanity, he shouldn't have done this to him, to Zed and to his parents, he will pay and he will be the person, who will make his taste his own medecin.
He came to the school and found him, sitting lazily on his bike with his goons. He went to him fearless, ready to face him.
-look who we have here? Pussycat, where were you man? You were sick?
-why did you do this to me?
-Me? I did nothing, he replied innocently
-don't play smart Akram, because of you, I hurt Zed, you trapped both of us for what? FOR WHAT? TELL ME
-Ooohh, calm down man, it took you one week to realize, I don't know if you are stupid or I am too smart. I thought you will understand sooner, but...I am proud of myself. Leo was boiling with his audacity. Why I did this? You want to know, to remind you your place, Leo. Noone stood in front of me, NO-ONE. Zed and you are really strong together and I just seperated you, I didn't think it will work, both of you looked so strong, but I placed a small doubt in your mind and you fell miserably in it. I steal your keys and I made a visit in your house. I let you think that it was Zed who gave me the keys, while she did nothing. And the last part of my plan, was to let you see her in my arms. Ha, I masked her eyes and she held me saying your name, but you only saw this and turned your eyes because it hurts you. If you just waited for some second more you would have seen her pushing me away, but no, like destiny was by my side this day. I poisoned your mind and you did the rest. And after you pretend to be her friend, if I was her, I will not trust a guy like you, weak and so influenceable. Leo you are nothing, and you really think that you will last forever with a girl like her? Look at you and look at her. You were in a dream and I just wake you up. You don't need to thank me, at all. I did it for free. He laughed sarcastically at him.
Leo glared at him and saw how human can be ruthless, he never saw such a disgusting image in all his life. Akram went too far and like a slap on his face, Leo realized that humanity in his heart was dead and he didn't need to give him another chance. He laughed at his pain, he laughed at his loss, and he enjoyed seeing him agonizing without regrets. He was shaking with anger recalling Zed's cries and words. He couldn't stand anymore and he strangled Akram, slidding his fingers into his neck. Akram was taking back with his sudden gesture and he tried to free himself from his grip, but Leo was so strong, and he shivered. He looked into his eyes, but Leo was lost in revenge. He tightened his grip.
-Llle...o, st...p, he tried to say. Akram's friend tried to free him, and beat Leo, but he didn't move, his eyes was glue to Akram. With his free hand, he took the neck of one of them and kicked the other on his legs. He threw the other and dragged Akram with him, pushing on the ground. Akram cough hardly, Leo didn't let him regain his breath and jumped on him. He hit his face again and again, until his nose, his mouth started to bleed.
-YOU WILL PAY, I HAD ENOUGH OF YOU, ENOUGH, I AM NOT ANYMORE SCARED, I WILL MAKE YOU PAY, I WILL MAKE YOU PAY FOR WHAT YOU DID TO ME, TO ZED, TO MY PARENTS.
He was unstoppable, Akram's friend looked scared at him and they stepped back leaving Akram facing alone the lion. Akram couldn't react, he was been kicked from everywhere, punches rained in dozens. Leo took a small stone and cut his forehead with it, he then stood up and took a big stone and was about to threw it on him, but he froze.
-please, please, Leo, don't please, Akram begged him. Leo was breathing loudly, still freeze in his position, he threw it next to him, Akram yelled in panic when it crashed next to his face.
-I finish with you and I will let you with the humiliation that you were beaten by me, watching by everyone, but still other didn't take their rights from you and destiny will make you pay with tears, you will feel such a pain that you will wish to die a hundred death that living a second in this moment. You will finally realize and feel all the pain that you gave to me, to Zed, to others and you will dive into the darkness of misery. The worst thing that could happen to you is to be hated by the only people who truly love you, if those person really exist, I am skeptical. He chuckled ironically at him.
-your words don't touch me, and I feel nothing, you hear me, I am strong, fearless, and I care about no one, I AM STRONG, NOTHING CAN TOUCH ME, NOT YOUR CURSE, NOT EMOTION, I FEEL NOTHING, NOTHING, LEO.
-I was so low, so miserable, all those emotion that I stopped myself from my heart came to me, swamp me, I was suffocated and I was feeling such a pain, that I wanted to end my life. You were right, I saw all those faces that I broke in my mind and their calls hurt me and...His throat constricted. I decided to end the life of the monster that I was. I was on the brigde, ready to throw my evil soul when some pleading call stopped me. A woman came to me, begging me to save her husband who was beaten. I though I never do anything good in my life then why did she come to me? Why me? I didn't realize what I was doing and I protected her husband and pushed them far. This is when she hold me and thank me, and I saw in her eyes something I have never seen: respect and gratitude. It was so new for me that I broke down once they left. I spent my time threaten people to have respect while I only needed to do something selfess to have it. I understand how my life was meaningless, that's why I came here, living in a small place looking like a cage but I am feeling free. I worked here and in the evening I study to be psychologist. I worked hard to regain respect of my wife and daughter, and everyday, it's a victory for me. I don't care how long it's going to take, but I will fight for them because they deserve it and if redemption asked me my entire life, I will give it.
Asad was speechless, he didn't live Akram's life but his emotions, he knew better. It took it few minutes to find his voice, but still, he didn't know what to say, should he comfort him or should he feel pity or should he enjoy his pain? Afterall, destiny finally took revenge from the person who put him in this misery, but he couldn't enjoy his pain. Asad was not like this, and this new emotion knocked in his mind, he didn't feel satisfied or angry like he was supposed to feel, instead, he felt sympathy, like Leo used to feel. It didn't reject it from his heart instead, it was nice.
-why are you here, Leo? Akram asked
-like you said, I am looking for answer
-what about Zed? Did you stop her that day? Akram asked full with hope and Asad nodded in negative. I am sorry.
-I found her again, but it seemed that we both changed and she doesn't want me in her life anymore
-but why?
-She doesn't like the person that I am now, she wanted me to be Leo again. I told her that I don't want to be weak again or easy to be manipulate, that the person that I am was what I have to give, but she said that I am bitter and sad, that I have to find myself. I need to find this lost innocence and happiness that I've lost. Some strange thing that I don't understand.
-She is crazy, why does she want you to be nerd again? She must like unique specimen, Akram cracked a joke
-exactly, I don't understand why she want to change my heart into Leo, I am fine like the way I am.
-what you became that she does not want you anymore?
-Look at me, I am Asad now and not Leo. I am different, I am well build, good looking, rich. I understand life and how to deal with it. You know I always wished to be like you, fearless and strong. After what you did to me and when Zed left, I decided to be another man and to never be Leo again. He was too nice and as you said, too much kind. I only see him as stupid and innocent person, that I understand that person like him will never survive in this kind of life. I told her hundred of time that I don't want to be Leo that the person that I am is enough for her but she...
-was scared of you? Akram finished his sentence
-Yes, how you...Asad was stunned again
-it's easy to see it, I only need to look into your eyes to understand what she saw in them. There is hardness and anger in your eyes that Leo hadn't, and it scared her. Leo, let me ask you a question? The man that you are now, is he able to love her?
-Of course, I will protect her from everything
-she doesn't need you to protect her, she lived her life without you for so long, she asked you love, are you able to give her this love?
-I guess yes
-you are not even sure about it. If you are happy with the person that you are, then why your eyes still trapped this kind of emotion?
-because what I did to her was unforgivable, if we remove the fact that it was you who triggered everything, I should have trust her and not you.
-I agree, but you should look at me in disgust, but you are not, instead you are looking at yourself with pain, why? You can show her always this kind of emotion, you forced her to live this moment again and again. What she saw in your eyes, it's your guilt but not your love for her. Love shouldn't be tanished with pain, it hurts both of you.
-she said this also, but what I can do, I don't want to be Leo, ever again. Asad shared his helpness with him.
-It is gauche from her to ask you to be Leo but she only knows two faces of you and where she finds this unconditional love was in Leo's eyes. If you don't want to be Leo, then don't and if you don't want to be Asad, then don't be, just be yourself, if you want to be strong, then be but try to be enough strong to recognize your weakness, don't lie to yourself, be honest, try to say to yourself that you are wrong and you are taking the wrong decision. You will make a lot of mistake, like I did, but try not to let them put you down, don't punish yourself too much. If you are hard with yourself, who will be tender with you, you justify to other to treat you harsh. Life it's not one road, it's so many like tree branching, but we have one life and not enough to explore all the possibilities, so try to find a way when it will be easy for you to live and to stare at your reflection without regrets. We are looking for happiness, but we are all having our definition for happiness, try to find yours first. Even if it's scared you, and will push you to change your life, accept the fact that sometimes, you need to erase everything to start fresh. First forgive yourself, second recognize that you are doing wrong and third, smile, it might help you a bit.
Asad adressed a soft smile to him, but still, he didn't know what to do. Akram stood and sat next to him, he posed his hand on his shoulders, giving the feeling that he understood his turnoil.
-Anger don't make you strong, but widsom , and it needs to be in peace. You don't need to be Leo or Asad, you just need to be in peace with yourself and it ask you to forgive yourself.
-I can't forgive myself Akram
-but why?
-because what I did wasn't fair for her, I didn't trust her, and I am full of regrets
-did she forgive you? He asked and Asad nodded, then why don't you forgive yourself?
-I love her, Akram
-I know, but you know lovers are mirror of emotion, if you are sad, she will be sadder, if you are in pain, SHE will be more in pain, but if you smile, she will give you her best smile ever. And if she forgave you, then why don't you forgive yourself? She moved on and you should do the same.
-What if I do the same mistake again? Asad stared at him with teary eyes.
-you really think you will do it again? And if you think I will play this kind of game, I promise, I won't. Both chuckled. We are human and we all do mistake, human is like a kid, he loved to play with his limits and we are most of the times arrogant and confident, but the truth was something else, we can't control anything, not what life has for us, and day after day, the test can be higher and higher, but it's with our mistake that we learn, and we forget again, and we do mistake, and we regret, and we forget until it happen again, no one is perfect and this is what make us stupid human. Until you will have regret, you will do mistake to punish yourself, but those test are just here to push you in the good way, learn from what you did wrong, don't keep yourself in wrong way. Be wise but don't be stupid. He tapped the back of his head playfully.
-I'll try
-Leo, don't let me win again, and don't cage yourself in regrets you didn't ask for. Don't give me power I don't deserve to have. You deserve to live your life with her and she loves you a lot, she just want to see you happy, it was her only request. Akram squeezed his shoulder and Asad let out a deep breath. I have something for you that I keep for all this time.
Akram went in the cupboard and brought with him a small phial and he gave it to Asad. He asked him quizzically.
-Open and smell it.
Asad did as he was asked and the moment, the first molecule touched the cell of his nose, a lone tears rolled along his cheek.
-My mum has the same perfume, when I came to your parent's room, I recognized it and I took the liquid and broke the bottle. This perfume wasn't sell anymore and when I found it, it was just amazing. And I think it was the time to give it back to you. I just borrow you without asking you.
What started as a lonely tears turned to be torrent, Asad just broke down, he thought he had lost everything this day, but no, his mother's perfume was still alive. He held it closed to his heart and choked with tears. He cried like he never cried before, not even when their room was broken, nor when she left.
-if it can help you, look at my life, I am still paying for what I did to you. I ..am so sorry. Akram started to cry too with him and held him in his arms.
Asad cried for those last years, 13 years of pain which was caged in his heart, came out all of sudden. He finally let out all his pain, when he lost his parents, when he grew up alone, when he saw her for the first time, when she cried for the first time, when she protected him, all her memories, when he found his parent's room broken, when he broke her heart, when he couldn't stop her from leaving, for all those moment, during 13 years waiting to be free. Ironically, the man who caged him, freed him today and he was crying in his arms.
-you will be a good psycologist, Asad said between his tears
-don't tell me, I failed in my exam, I have to do it again. Akram smacked his own forehead, and both laughed freely, mingled with tears.
After some long minutes of tears and laugh, Asad grabbed Akram's hand grateful, without saying any words.
-Akram, I...
-don't say anything, don't. Just live your life Asad and came back to Zed when you will be ready to love her, she deserve the best of you.
-it's the first time, you call me Asad?
-this is your name, right? You are not Leo anymore, he winked at him.
Asad left Akram's place finally, he felt light. The pain of those 13 years were removed in one night. He always thought that once, he will find her, he will be freed, but he was so wrong. Like the dawn rose in the middle of darkness, today, he was a new man. He looked up at the sky and closed his eyes, enjoyed the warm of the ray of light on his skin. He missed so much in his life, he had the world to explore first, before returning to the love of his life, Zoya.
Flash back end
-No, I don't want your chocolate, stay quiet, now
-Ok, he shrugged his shoulders and started to eat his chocolate.
-let's proceed to the end of this chapter, he said pulling the trigger, she closed her eyes, accepting her fate, but strangely, she wasn't scared.
-finally you are back, Leo, she smiled.
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I want to promote a new story that i am reading now, intriguing one, please take a look
from asya7 (click on the title)
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