SS: Waiting to Exhale

lambi_saans thumbnail
Posted: 9 years ago
HI There!
I am fairly new to this forum, intact i got acquainted with the serial fairly late, just a motnh ago almost year after it first aired! 
I have read Manju Kapur's books and while not a fan of her writing style her concepts are intriguing. I am interested to see a screen adaptation of it. 
There is a hopelessness about her characters that needs to be reinvented for television, but I find that the show may have taken it too far. I like what they have done with Raman mostly but Ishita, Shagun and Ashok have been made into caricatures not to mention the whole Tamil Punjabi scenario. 

Not too familiar with Desi TV, I have been fairly warned by friends about it ,especially Ekta's productions.

This is my attempt to bridge the differences as I see them.

The story is mostly a work in progress and is unedited. I am going to post as I write, I will edit at a later date and am open to suggestions. 

Hopefully I can use your comments in lieu of a writers group.

I ams till learning my way around the forum and posting so please bare with me ðŸ˜Š


 
Edited by lambi_saans - 9 years ago

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lambi_saans thumbnail
Posted: 9 years ago
Prologue

Shoulders slightly drooped after a long yet fullfilling day Ishita walked into the apartment to be greeted by her mother's shrill voice. Elevated intonations in Mrs Iyers normal drone meant only one thing, she was exited! These days very few things got her as animated as yet another prospective groom carefully selected after a tedious process of inquiries through a grapevine that would put the CIA to shame. Stars and charts consulted, gotras matched, qualifications verified, parents, relatives, siblings life styles cross checked.
"sigh" would her mother ever understand that she just did not want o be married. the whole process exhausted her and for what ? To be rejected yet again, for the same reasons. Over and over, it was thrown in her face she was a malady a bhanj. she could go on she knew the word in so many languages. At some point it had stopped hurting her, she was now just numb.
Mrs Iyer did not notice her daughter go through the motions of having her evening tea vacantly while she filled her in on the virtues of this potential match. "He is PhD you know. Professor like you brother in law. Haaa no kuraichal at all in him, enna he spent so much time studying konjam vayasu aachu. Only 43, but he looks very nice. good teeth yes and his eyes, you will see" she went on with the customary shake of her head, satisfied with her own groom searching skills.
"Oh and Ishu" she continued with a gulo of coffee to wet her parched throat he lives here in Delhi and he does not mind you working and all. Nalla manishan."
"Aur ha Ishu next Sunday he is coming here. So much to do." Madhavi now started to feel the stress of the occasion. The first part of finding a groom and convincing Ishita done, now it was up to her to make it a successful meeting.  She had to impress the grooms family. It was her duty to get Ishu Married, her dharma as a mother. "Enanana" she moved on to Mr Iyer  "you have to go shopping and yes get the air conditioner fixed and ... are you even listening to me. Aiiyoo must I be the only parent who is concerned and responsible here"
Mr Iyer was lost in the forlorn look in his little girls eyes. When had she grown so old. when had those lines around her eyes formed. when had her smile stopped reaching her eyes. when had she started to stoop. It hurt to see her so. HE remembered  his little Ishu going to school a bright little girl with long braids, with ready laughter. her continuous prattle as she greeted him with tales of what happened in school. Ishu getting into dental school; Ishu studying those long hard hours; Ishu graduating;her lost look when during vandana's wedding, her shy confession to having fallen in love with Subbhu. Ishu bridal wear her eyes bright with dreams as she got ready to go forward with Subbhu, with their blessings. Finally the day when he thought he was losing his daughter to her happy future, their world crashed around them never to be the same again. Yes  for all to see she had emerged strong, she was his daughter Dr Ishita Iyer. She had not let the betrayal get in the way of her life, her career. She even played the part of dutiful daughter and pandered to every matchmaking attempt Madhavi came up with. But, somewhere in it all he had lost his little girl. His Ishu had faded away behind the caring Dentist, the ever professional doctor, and it hurt him. Hurt him more because he felt helpless. He could not be her knight, her big strong daddy who could wipe away the sorrow, make things ok kiss the hurt away. tHe was resigned to the fact that he cross was hers to bare and he could only be witness and a shoulder if she would ever want to cry upon.
Ishita registered faintly the details about the potential groom. Her mothers excitement  was hard to swallow, and yet she did not have the heart to stop her. Yet another sunday, where she as required to get dressed, to serve tea and then be politely rejected when the groom learned she could not have babies. Who could really blame them. was it not everyones dream to have a child eventually. Families wanting their line to continue. Children were the heart of everything and she could not have one. That ruled her out of the market. when would her mother accept that. Yes she was an educated girl from a good Tamil Iyer Family, easy on the eye, and pleasant sociable, savvy even but barren that negated all of the virtues she had earned over the years. She was half a women, Hell she was not even women she would never be one, she would never be a mother. The hurt swirled around her chocking her. the vada she had for tea threatened to make its way back. the milk in her coffee curdled in her throat. she felt the heat radiate from her body. she made it to the bathroom blindly reached for the nob on the shower and turned on the shower letting the cold spray drench her clothed body. As the water washed the road grime away. the cold pelting on her body cooled and revived her body from the numb state it had drifted into.
Edited by lambi_saans - 9 years ago
lambi_saans thumbnail
Posted: 9 years ago
Index

Prologue : Above Pg 1

Chapter 1
Edited by lambi_saans - 9 years ago
theshushreader thumbnail
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Posted: 9 years ago
AWESOME START... do cont soon and if you can please do pm me for the other parts.. ahh poor ishu why does mrs.iyer bug her to do marriage.. i just loved mr. iyers part.. his thoughts..  u brought out his feelings with the best words possible.. hope mrs.iyers marumagan is raman.. but he is a professor..😲 cont n update soon
lourel24 thumbnail
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Posted: 9 years ago
Nice.I loved Mr Iyer 's soliloquy a lot.so touching.
Jenny_1709 thumbnail
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Posted: 9 years ago
Awesome start. I had tears in my eyes while reading. You have portrayed ishu's state and a father's feelings so beautifully..
It was superb. Waiting for the next update. Do continue soon and plz pm me for the next update
WhyAmIHereAgain thumbnail
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Posted: 9 years ago
U made me sad.. awesome writing. Continue soon..
ekta979 thumbnail
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Posted: 9 years ago
It was a very nice start ... Ishita and her Appa's emotions were very well writen ... plz continue soon and PM me whnevr u update ... 😊
RomComFan thumbnail
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Posted: 9 years ago
What a start!  I am loving this beginning...  Madhavi's explanations about the groom is so real.  I am loving this.  I hate that 'M' word so much.. but it needed to be said there...

and the way you described Viswa and & Ishu's state of minds and their thoughts... so real.  Honestly, I can't think of a better compliment then that for this, so very realistic. 

What a way to introduce yourself to the forum, I look forward to seeing where you take this!😊

Add me to your PM list as well because...wow!
Edited by RomComFan - 9 years ago
khushi_shankar thumbnail
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Posted: 9 years ago

Awesome story! Please do continue. I'd love to read more.


You are a very talented writer, and also a very creative one.


And, I do agree with all your friends have told you about Balaji tele shows. I have been watching them from my childhood. 

I do not wish to repeat the said comments since this is a Balaji show and I do not want to get thrown out of the forum (or maybe called out for my comments).