Joined: 26 September 2010
Joined: 06 October 2013
Joined: 06 October 2013
Joined: 18 June 2011
Joined: 04 August 2012
Joined: 15 April 2012
You are the worst pen pal ever! I write two letters a day to you, and you barely respond. Badi Ammi says you are a waste of my time, and her money.
That's quite a temper for a ten year old. Must be true what they say about New Yorkers, hehe.
I do write, Sanam. I don't get the chance to post them off, because things have been a bit weird at home.
I promise I'll explain and make it up to you.
Don't pick on New Yorkers!
What's going on at home?
I finally sent the pic. Guess which one is me?
You're the one in the pink dress, obviously.
Don't worry; all will be okay here in a while. It's just family stuff, and I don't want to bore you.
Okay, I have to go. Abbu is getting some visitors for dinner, and Ammi is calling me to get ready.
How did you know it was me?
And I'm sorry for being angry at you. I've just received all your other letters. You didn't lie - you have been writing twice a day.
I didn't read them yet, just counted them so far. Badi Ammi is taking Seher and Haya to the park. I am going to stay home and read all your letters.
I hope you're okay.
So now you know what it was all this time.
He's finally moving out. Ammi and I will stay in the house. I guess it is at times like this that I miss having a sibling. I wish you were here in India and then I wouldn't feel so alone.
Oh, and about that picture from two years ago? I'll tell you someday how I knew it was you ;)
You are such a pain! It's been two years already - you can stop signing off all your letters like that. I'm bored with your taunt and I really don't care how you knew it was me anyway.
Almost Christmas time. I miss my parents most at this time of year, and I'm not sure why, when I can't even remember them. Oh well.
But this time in New York is so pretty. Sometimes it snows and everything is covered in a blanket of white. And no matter how cold it is, all you want to do is be outside. I hope it snows this year.
It would be wonderful if you could come to New York in December. You would love it, I just know.
And Aahil... I know you feel alone right now. But you never have to. Even if I'm not there, you must know that I'm always with you. I'm so sorry about what you and your Ammi are going through right now. But from what you've told me, she is a strong woman and I just know that you will both be a little happier now.
How have you been? Sorry, I know it's been a while since my last letter, but I have been helping Ammi a lot to get settled after the divorce.
Obviously, I still see Abbu, but all he ever goes on about is my bad grades at school, and how will I ever make partner at his firm if I don't keep up with my studies.
He thinks I spend too much time writing to you. But you know that nothing he ever says will stop me. You're my best friend, Sanam.
I hope that one day, we can finally meet.
Finally sixteen! Thank you for the sweet card and finally... a more recent picture of you. It made my day! You're getting even more handsome, my friend. I'm betting you have to beat the girls off, hey?
You've gotta do better at school now. What if he does stop you from writing to me?
I'm going for my driver's tomorrow, and I'm so nervous... I can't believe it's the end of another year, and that you actually have a holiday job. What were they thinking, hiring you! Haha, okay okay, only joking.
I've been promoted this holiday season. I'm no longer the spray girl... now, I am working behind one of the makeup counters.
What other plans do you have for the holidays besides working?
P.S. I know we have email and Facebook. I just love writing to you more. It feels more personal... more... I don't know. Just more. And now at least when I sit in my special spot to write to you, I can imagine what you look like now, instead of fourteen year old you.
It's hardly a job. It's an internship at my Abbu's firm. I'll probably be like, making coffee and filing and handing out mail. Nothing exciting and I mean, I could think of way better stuff to do in my last holiday before college.
Ha! Handsome... Are you making fun of me, because I always tell you how beautiful you are? (At least I really mean it).
And no... there are no other girls.
I have no other plans, except to work, spend time with Ammi and write to you. And don't worry. Nothing in the world could stop me from writing to you.
P.S. You imagine me while you write to me?
I do not have road rage, okay? I mean, I won't.
You'll be glad to know as well, that the great state of New York doesn't share your opinion, and I got my driver's. So there.
What do you mean, there are no other girls...?
P.S. I do... imagine you.
Miss you more.
It's actually not been so bad living with him again. I miss Ammi badly though. It all happened so suddenly. One day she was okay, the next... she was gone.
Coming to the end of yet another year. I'll be working at the firm again these holidays.
Abbu's friends came home with their daughter the other evening for dinner. She was quite nice and invited me to a movie tomorrow. Not sure I'll go.
Anyway... you said a while back that your prom was coming up. When is it? Are you excited about starting college next year?
I have no interest in Nida. You're pretty interested in her though... haha! You wouldn't happen to be jealous, would you?
Now come on, stop ignoring my texts and tell me what you want for Christmas this year?
I don't want anything for Christmas. Really... I have almost everything I need.
Miss you, too.
Sanam, you're only not jealous because you know you don't have to be.
Chat later, okay.
I've never missed you as much as I do, this Christmas. I don't even understand why. What's happening to me?
I feel like... if we don't meet soon... something is going to happen. Something bad. I don't know why I can't seem to shake this uneasiness.
Right now, I'm sitting in my spot at the window and watching the snowflakes fall. I wish you were here with me... looking at the beauty of it all.
I don't doubt that I'd be absolutely taken by the beauty in front of me, if I was with you.
How do you feel about finally graduating? It's amazing that you'll be following in your father's footsteps as an architect.
Work hasn't been as cool as I thought it would be. Yes yes, you did say it wasn't bound to be like an episode of 'Suits', but I guess I expected more excitement.
Well, this is what happens when someone else dictates your life and what you do.
I miss you, Sanam. Will this feeling of emptiness ever leave?
Damn it! I lost the case...
And do you know what Abbu said when I told him? He said I'm an embarrassment to him; that he should've never let me handle this.
I wish Ammi was here. She'd have understood.
You know what else he told me? He wants me to get married. MARRIED!!! Can you believe it?
Doesn't he know me at all? Doesn't he get it?
Oh Aahil, I'm so sorry to hear you lost the case, but it was only your second one? Things will get better, I'm sure.
And listen to me; you are no embarrassment, okay.
As for the marriage thing, I totally get it. Badi Ammi keeps harping on it as well. Maybe your father just thinks you need a female influence in your life...?
Anyway, at least you're on holiday for a while now. What are your plans?
Aahil, this is awful. So very awful. For seven years now... all of seven years, we've chatted every single day. Every single day, Aahil.
At odd times even, but we always make it a point to check on each other. Always. For the first time in seven years, we've gone two entire days without talking. Two full days.
I can't do this. I cannot. I really am at a loss here. I need you - don't you get that? I've always needed you.
And... I think I've always got what you meant... I just never really acknowledged it.
Aahil, it's scary to think and hope for something so much... so, SO much and not knowing at all whether it will ever become a reality.
I know what you mean. And, now when it seems like you've disappeared from my life, I realised that I want it too. I want it so much.
I never realised how much until now... I can't, Aahil. I can't go on without you. I need you. I want you. In whatever form I can have you.
I've spent so many years in this kind of limbo, wondering what would happen to us... if this would ever work? And now, I'm thinking it more than ever.
You've just started your career, and I'm about to start mine, how are we to work this out? I'm so confused and simply clueless... like you always say.
I don't know anything except that I miss you. I miss you, I miss you, I miss you so very much, so much that it feels like I'll never smile again.
What's going on with me? Is it like this with you too? I don't know what to think...
Please talk to me.
P.S. You've always asked me... so today, I'll tell you. All I Want For Christmas Is You
My heart is beating out of my chest. I don't even know how I'm writing right now, but if I don't... I'll forget every little bit and then I won't forgive myself. I can't believe it...
Christmas Eve was a bit boring this year. My sisters were out with their men. And you know that Badi Ammi isn't feeling too well these days so she went to bed early.
Anyway... I was still trying to reach Aahil. This is the longest we haven't spoken. Only you know how my heart broke the last few days.
To finally admit to myself what I've been denying for so long, but only after being forced to... and then have no one listen to you.
I'm an idiot anyway. I was waiting until midnight because I love doing that. There's something about when the clock strikes midnight and suddenly it's Christmas. The most joyous time of year for sure.
Except this year... This year, the person that always wishes me first, even before my family, wasn't even speaking to me.
So it was nearly midnight. I'm such a child; I started counting down from five minutes before.
The doorbell rang at two minutes to twelve. I was really confused as to who it could be at that time of night. Sure it's Christmas, but we New Yorkers aren't exactly the friendliest bunch around.
And the knocking kept on so before it could disturb Badi Ammi, I ran to answer, and swung the door open.
My eyes widened in shock and something else... I don't know. I felt the breath knocked out of me as I took in the most heart-warming sight on my doorstep.
With the cutest, most shy smile I've ever seen, he raised his eyebrow at my shocked face, no doubt.
There were little snowflakes falling on him and I stared as he shook his head to get them off.
"Well, aren't you going to say something?"
The sexiest voice I've ever heard. Seriously. And what I predicted happened. His voice gave me goosebumps.
"Sanam... I came all the way to New York to hear your voice and you're suddenly mute?"
I snapped to attention. He was certainly enjoying teasing me.
Before I could say anything, the shock finally wore off and I burst into tears. Loudly.
He stepped forward. "Heyyy..." he reached his arm out hesitantly.
Before I could think or talk or cry or yell, I did the only thing that actually made sense. I threw myself into his arms. I think he was surprised.
"I didn't come all the way here to make you cry" he said soothingly as we held onto each other.
"I thought... I lost you" I finally whispered. "You're really silly. You know that's impossible. And once I got your last email... I knew there was nowhere else I'd rather be"
He got the email diary... the one where I spilled my feelings, my confusion, my upset at everything. And I don't even feel embarrassed, because he's actually here. With me.
"I can't believe you're here. Let's get out of the cold" I said, ushering him into the warmth of the house in an absolute daze.
He gently wiped the stream of tears from my face before taking a seat next to me on the couch.
"It was time to finally get us both what we've always wanted for Christmas"
He said that! Diary... he always knew.
I'm so thankful he's here.
I so want to tell him how I feel about him, but maybe tomorrow... He's sound asleep now.
How's your first day going, Mr Hot Shot Lawyer?
Guess what? I just spoke to Abbu. He's actually coming to NY for the wedding. Can you believe it?
I didn't think he would after I walked out on him. I mean, it's been almost a year since we've even spoken. But he got the invitation and called me.
Sanam, I'm so happy right now.
I love you so much, baby.
I told you he'd come around. I'm so happy for you, love.
I can't believe all of this is really happening...
I love you so much, too.
"Hi! You've reached Sanam and Aahil. We're not home right now, so please leave us a message and we'll get back to you. Bye!"
"Okay random, but you never did tell me how you knew it was me in that picture when I was ten?"
"How can you be so happy about having to work on Christmas Eve?"
"I've told you before, I hate this time of year, okay?"
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