Diya Aur Baati Hum


Diya Aur Baati Hum
Diya Aur Baati Hum

When will we ask a man to be accountable for his action (Page 3)

b2011 IF-Sizzlerz

Joined: 03 January 2011
Posts: 12552

Posted: 29 December 2014 at 11:27am | IP Logged
Nice post Shruthi and nice comments by all.

.Ami. IF-Sizzlerz

Joined: 10 January 2012
Posts: 11448

Posted: 29 December 2014 at 2:12pm | IP Logged
What a thought-provoking post Shruti Di. Star

You have raised a valid question.

Like you I also feel really agitated that if man(husband/bro) make mistake : why we(girls/women) are always advise to forgive and forget his mistake? Angry.

And when I raise question why he did it? - The answer I often receive : I did it outta love. What kinda love it is where you become a channel to spoil someone's life. What rights he has to play with someone's life/emotions?Angry.

Honestly, I figured out that rules/regulations practiced in Indian culture are to make man's life easier and woman's life hell esp after marriage.Disapprove.
At a times when I get frustrated from my life(which often so much after my marriage) I feel like to runaway Himalayas and take celibacy and spend time in search of truth..LOL. But I hold back myself somehow by thinking about my parents as I have to look after them!Confused

Edited by -Amli- - 29 December 2014 at 2:11pm

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pyaaribehna Goldie

Joined: 26 February 2014
Posts: 1517

Posted: 29 December 2014 at 2:16pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by shruthiravi

I was waiting for some episodes to ask this question. The question that has enraged me as a girl from childhood, the question that enrages me even now as a woman.
When will a man be held accountable for his action. We as a society always love to put blame on the woman.
And as mother's wives, daughter's sister's we just love to override the fault of the men in our life telling oh he didn't intend it, he has asked sorry now leave it, he will not repeat it etc etc.
Here Bhabo getting shot was Sooraj's mistake not Sandhya's. But when Sandhya politely told him she has done her duty as a bahu only then she did try to do her duty as a police officer what answer the poor girl get.
That she didn't treat Bhabo as her mother. If Bhabo really thinks Sandhya is right she should give a slap to her son and tell him straight in the face he was wrong. She did her duty and it was his fault running behind her.
But no Bhabo wont tell. You know her son is so much disturbed. She will cry crocodile tears of sympathy to her beendini and will expect her beendini to forgive her son. He didn't do it on purpose beendini. Come back home.
Mother should be the first point who should teach accountability to her son. If he took action, make him accountable for it. If it is wrong tell him its wrong. If the DIL is right, support her openly even if that means going against son.
CVs expect me to approve Bhabo as Mahan. Sorry I cant. Unless she stands up for Sandhya now boldly all her tears are to me crocodile tears only. Her selfishness to run her parivaar which she knows cannot run without Sandhya. The control which she needs , which she will never have if Sandhya is not in the house. Meena and Emily are not going to be her door mats, only Sandhya can be her door mat.
So if they are ending this track with some half baked theory of Sooraj did this because of x,y, z reasons and Sandhya should forgive sorry to say I am not for it. CVs have to show accountability for Sooraj, he has to own and repent that mistake like anything before Sandhya comes back to him.
Nayi Soch of CVs will go for a toss if they don't show it. Because already movies and even telly serials have shown mother's making their son's accountable and DABH who tells they are creating inspiration cannot do it means they don't propogate Nayi soch at all. They are just giving Purani Soch in new bottle.
Will also list the examples where I have seen MIL supporting DIL
Kabhi Alvidha naa Kehna- Crap movie to the core. But the one thing I liked about it was when Preity slaps SRK for extra marital affair SRKs mother Kiron Kher stands by her DIL and decides to go with her leaving her son. She makes her son feel what he did to her DIL was wrong
Very recent EK Hasina Thi- Durga agrees to keep KC vrath on Suchitra's request. Her husband Dev tells her that he wont come to break the vrath. The way Suchitra rebukes her son telling he has no right to insult Durga as it was his decision to marry her. Suchitra brings her son home to break Durga's fast making him accountable for what he has done. She ensures her DIL is not insulted in front of society for respecting and obeying her.
Bhabo has to do half of it. She was running AD on small small mistakes of Sandhya. Let me see if she can run AD pointing out her son's mistake.

Bhabho is recovering from her wounds. But what stops her from telling Suraj that whatever happened was not Sandy's fault. That Suraj was wrong in blaming Sandy. 

And that she bhabho supports Sandy in whatever that happened during the hijack. and does not hold her responsible at all for her injuries. 

And whatever Bhabho  earlier or however she behaved earlier she should say for Suraj's sake  that Sandy  did not do anything against RP and he should not hold anything against his wife and bring her back. 

Bhabho can support Sandy and go and live with her.leaving her parivaar so that they understand Sandy's worth  

Why is she keeping quiet? That puzzles me. 

If her son is shravan kumar why cannot she insist that he apologizes to Sandy and bring her back? 

P.S sorry I mixed a few words in above paragraph so I had to edit it. 

Edited by pyaaribehna - 29 December 2014 at 2:31pm

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pyaaribehna Goldie

Joined: 26 February 2014
Posts: 1517

Posted: 29 December 2014 at 2:28pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by shruthiravi


accountablility is not something the men in RP have. 

Sandy's smallest mistakes were pointed out by Bhabho. Still sandy is supposed to regard her as above her own mother. Why because she is a woman. 

But Mohit refused to take responsibility for Emily's pregnancy. Vikram "punished" Meena for BS. by bringing another woman. 

A woman is "punished' by "replacement" (like Meena's case) and getting thrown out like Sandy's case but men like  Vikram or Mohit are not held accountable for bringing in Prema into the house or the motorbike theft case where Mohit was the 'innocent" one . 

Emily had to go to gaon "win" everybody's love to get respectability for her child. and then do DNA test too. She has to earn money with beauty parlor to win Mohit's pyaar. It was easier to get Mohit's child than to win his pyaar. 

But Mohit goes to jail and Emily becomes the dutiful wife not eating food crying because Mohit eats jail food etc. Meena shows "pyaar" for Vikram when Vikram replaces her with Prema. 

Sandya declares her love through radio when Suraj throws her out. And then takes offence only when he accuses her of treating bhabho differently from her own mother. 

Bbsa once supported Sandy now he is "protecting" his wife by throwing Sandy out. What good would it do? They harbored terrorists in the house and brought this on themselves. Now they conveniently put the blame on Sandy who would have looked after Bhabho unselfishly and helped her recover faster. 

Sandy a woman after doing so much is "forgotten" so quickly after getting thrown out. 

Mohit Vikram support Suraj's decision telling that it is a lesson to Sandy. 

I think the whole household is selfish because they want Suraj to earn money for their selfish needs . 

I don't understand. the characterization of all these men. Bhabho should tell them how they are the men in RP. and how she was earlier and now how she has realized Sandy's worth. (Hopefully they do not throw her out !!)

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curious1 Senior Member

Joined: 29 March 2010
Posts: 268

Posted: 29 December 2014 at 2:44pm | IP Logged
The show is going south. Nothing seems logical
Cannot stand Suraj and his dumb expressions for a minute. I have not watched this show in a long time. One bad track after the other. I've had it. Stick a fork in me I am done!!!!

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shruthiravi IF-Sizzlerz

Joined: 15 March 2013
Posts: 19947

Posted: 29 December 2014 at 9:39pm | IP Logged
@Ami welcome to the world of married womanBig smile. You sound so like me in the initial years of my marriage. I would say first 2-3 years. Mostly frustrated and you rightly said there were nights I felt I would just take a back pack and go somewhere Big smileBig smile.
But then I decided not to give up so fast. Then in my own way I fought for stabilizing my married life the way I wanted it. Complete unconventional way. That's why I so confidently keep on putting in the forum no sacrifice business, don't lose self respect, don't be a door mat etc etc.. because I walked the path and I know how it is.
It is difficult , but liberating , satisfying and def you will feel at peace with yourself. 100 times better than sacrifice business which 99% is done because of fear

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shruthiravi IF-Sizzlerz

Joined: 15 March 2013
Posts: 19947

Posted: 29 December 2014 at 10:03pm | IP Logged
@pyaribehna if you look at DABH the question you need to ask yourself is " Do I want this life" because a woman has a choice, only thing is that she should be bold enough to bear the conseqeunces of it.
Our society doesn't accept the fact that woman has a choice and even the educated lot think they don't have a choice. If they exercise the choice well society will not accept them. Sadly our telly serials also propogate the same rule especially the ones on top of TRP chart. Because they want to feed the ego of patriarachy and also ego of woman who lives on believing theortical sanskaars without even understanding the glorious past which is so much evoked beautifully in Indian mythology. Read Indian mythology and find me a woman who is a door mat. You will find none. All of them were assertive in their own way starting from Sita
Sita- She argues with Ram on her rights as a wife and make him agree to the fact that she has the right to accompany him to the forest. When Ravan takes her she is prudent enough to drop her ornaments so that Ram can trace her and also blesses the bird Jadayu who is hurt trying to save her that the bird will be alive to give information about her to Ram. She is a very brave woman who disagrees to go with Hanuman in the darkness of night telling her husband has to defeat Ravan and take her with full respect and honour. And last but not least after abandoning her when Ram asks her to come to Ayodhya she denies telling she has done her duty and asks Mother Earth to take her
Savitri- Whose intelligence defied the lord of death and saved Sathyavan's life
Panchali- Born from fire with one question in infamous hall of dice she made a king of Yudhi who otherwise would have ended up a slave to Kauravas for whole life. The way she asks question in the most vulnerable moment shows her internal strength and refusal to accept the theortical sanskaar a wife is a husband's property and she has to adhere to his decision. Whole of MB would have been different if Panchali has not raised the question did Yudhi had right to keep her as bet after he himself became the slave.
And one more thing In mythology Goddess Parvathi Lord Shiva's consort is called Sakthi. Do we know the meaning of Shakthi, Shakthi means Power. A woman is called power not for nothing and we call her abla.  Shiv- Shakthi is a clear indication showing a man who respects Shakthi will be respected all along. And a woman who recognizes she is the power transforms the men associated with her in the positive way if they respect, trust and love her. Woman has transforming power that is why mother is called first teacher, wives are called Ardhanginis. When will the young girls realize this is a question in itself. For that inspiring shows has to come , the type of shows I grew up with Udaan( Old one with Kalyani Singh IPS), Chunouti etc..
Last but not least our own Rani Lakshmi Bhai. The woman who led from forefront the first war of Indian Independence. Where is her tribe, where is the fighting spirit of Indian woman which was so much there.
We celebrate Sandhya here who never once stood up for her rights and thinking she can give rights to others. She had the choice to tell her brother go to US  put me in hostel but I wont get married.
She had the choice to tell Sooraj I have ambition to be a police officer and I don't think your family environment is conducive of that.
She had the choice to tell Sooraj that I cant live everytime proving to your mother I am good or bad. I cannot take this pressure cooker life anymore( In Reality if someone lives Sandhya's life they will have a nervous breakdown for sure). If you think I need to be an IPS officer find a way to stop these challenges, else I have accepted my life as house wife. Cant take insults anymore.
A woman who didn't do any of these when she has the option is talking big on sanskaars and liberation as an IPS officer. What liberation did she get. Nothing. If tomorrow Sooraj comes with some excuse I did this because I loved you and if Bhabo cries some crocodile tears telling the glory of her parivaar this woman would happily go to the family and the TRP of DABH will touch roof top with many forum members shedding tears of happiness for the love birds.

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malikakas IF-Rockerz

Joined: 22 February 2006
Posts: 5006

Posted: 29 December 2014 at 10:16pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by shruthiravi

I was waiting for some episodes to ask this question. The question that has enraged me as a girl from childhood, the question that enrages me even now as a woman.
When will a man be held accountable for his action. We as a society always love to put blame on the woman.
And as mother's wives, daughter's sister's we just love to override the fault of the men in our life telling oh he didn't intend it, he has asked sorry now leave it, he will not repeat it etc etc.

Thank you! Excellent post. 

And you know this happens not only in our culture but in the American culture as well. Sometimes I am shocked at the way people rush to defend male characters--  oh its okay, they were hurt/angry/afraid/drunk and that's why whatever they did, no matter how wrong it was can be excused. Just because something was done out of male ego doesn't meant it was justified. What about female ego? Don't we have self respect? Unfortunately, its the way women have been raised for centuries-- its the only way to survive in the patriarchal world is to forgive the men and just blame the woman. 

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