Humsafars

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Humsafars
Humsafars

the story unfolds..

itsmeshingi Newbie
itsmeshingi
itsmeshingi

Joined: 19 June 2014
Posts: 44

Posted: 26 December 2014 at 11:32pm | IP Logged
If I was writing Humsfars, this is how the story would go. please give your inputs.. 

Part I
Aarzoo is happy yet confused- " why Sahir sir in a hurry for nikaah- pehle proposal phir nikaah and whats the fareb thing that Zaki is talking about. 

Intelligent girl, she decides to talk to Zaki, after all, woh "humare dost hai". Parallel Zaki and Sahir are conversing on "Sahir ki dhokebaazi",-

Zaki: Bhai aap aisa kyu kar rahe ho?
Sahir: Mai Samaira se tumhara nikaah karna ke liye kuch bhi kar sakta ho?
Zaki: Per kyu bhai?
Sahir: Zaki, Sayara / humara ghar sab uss deal per tika hua hai, aur Rahman sahab ki izzat ki baat hai
Zaki: Per bhai mai Samaira se pyaar nahi karta mai ...Aarzoo se pyaar karta ho-
Sahir: Tabhi toh tumhari zindagi se Aarzoo ko door karna zaroori hai.
Zaki: aur uske liye aap aarzoo ki feeling ke saath khel sakte hoo/ usse dhoka de sakte hoo
Saahir: (A brief silence/ clenched fist-) Haan mai kar sakta hoo.

Zaki- looks in the mirror, he sees Aarzoo, Staring at Saahir in disbelief.
Zaki: Jahaa aara
Saahir turns around and look at her.

aarzoo- Yeh sab sachch hai? Woh mohabaat/ mujhse nikaah/ saari baatein fareb
(my dialogue writing sucks)
Aapne aisa kyu kara- (she hits Saahir chest with clenched fist)- kyu? Itna bada Dhoka? hamari kya galti thi? Aap itne boray kaise ho sakte hai.( and more dialougue

Just then she sees her dupatta and the knots-



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divi93 Senior Member
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Joined: 28 December 2012
Posts: 277

Posted: 26 December 2014 at 11:40pm | IP Logged
Thumbs Up

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Bujee09

itsmeshingi Newbie
itsmeshingi
itsmeshingi

Joined: 19 June 2014
Posts: 44

Posted: 26 December 2014 at 11:46pm | IP Logged
PART II

Aarzoo sees the knots in her Dupatta and walks out of the room, and out of the house.

she sitting on the bench- monologues-

Kyu allah yeh humare saath kyu? kya sabhi aadmi aise he hote hai? she again looks at her knots- open up the one she tied for saahir- Kabhi nahi Saahir sir.. ab aap toh kya hum kabhi kissi ko apna humsafar nahi banegay.

then she see other knots for her sister/ mother.. remembers her family.
Aarzo: nahi aaarzo yeh samay aansoo bahaane ka nahi hai, ammi myra zaara daadi sabke baar mai sochna hoga. agar ammi ko iss sable baare mai pata chala toh??

( In background saahir is constantly callling her.. saahir tis pacing in the room/says to himself "Kahaan chali gay ho tum aarzoo")
Zaki is driving around - looking for her.

Aarzoo: Looks at her phone, while Saahir is calling her, she's like no sir , ab humaari zindagi aapke koi jagah nahi hai. Pata nahi kyu hum in sub baton mai ulaz gaye. Allah ab aap he koi raasta dikhaaye

Tabhi a car stops-No not Zaki/ Not Saahir- its Mr Mehra, the guys who liked Aarzoo's work @ Saiyaaraa ( who aarzoo and Zaki meet to get the contract).

Mr Mehra: Tum Toh Saiyaara ki designer ho na.. jo duniya ko dikhano chahti thi ki ladkiya kissi se kum nahi hoti

Aarzoo looks up and says: Sayaara ki designer thi, ab nahi.

 

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divi93 Senior Member
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Joined: 28 December 2012
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Posted: 27 December 2014 at 1:31am | IP Logged
continue dea... Thumbs Up

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Bujee09

itsmeshingi Newbie
itsmeshingi
itsmeshingi

Joined: 19 June 2014
Posts: 44

Posted: 27 December 2014 at 12:04pm | IP Logged
Part III

Mr Mehra: Toh kya ab nayi naukari ki talaash mai ho?
Aarzoo's quiet but nods.

Mr Mehra moves away and call up somebody, then he comes back and tells Aarzoo: Kal Company aake apna of offer letter le lena..tumhara kaam maine dekh rakha hai, we'll be happy to have you.

Aarzoo is surprised, but doesnt look happy.
Aarzoo: sure Sir, kitne baje?
Mr Mehra: 8 baje?
Aarzo: 8 baje?( she remembers this is Sahir's breakfast time)
Mr Mehra: Koi Problem?
Aarzoo: Nahi Sir, I'll be there

Mr Mehra Leaves, Aarzoo looks at the sky and thanks Allah. 

Arzoo comes back to her outhouse- Zaki is sitting on the stairs waiting for her. He sees her-

Zaki: Jahaa aara
Aarzoo looks at him , ignore him and move ahead.
Zaki: Jahaa aaraa, please ek baar meri baat toh suno.
Aarzoo turns around and says: Zaki agar aap humara dost hai toh abhi hum se koi baat nahi kariye please

Zaki: Per.. and then hes quiet
Aarzo turn around to go and tabhi in front of her-- our hero, Saahir Azeem Chaudhary.
SAC: Where were you? Tum kahaa thi?
Aarzoo looks at him with hatred and moves ahead
SAc, grabs her hand, : Maine tumse kuch pocha hai aarzoo. 
Aarzoo: Mera haath chodiye , she says it with so much of vehemence that SAC obeys

Aarzoo goes into her rooma nd locks it up

Once inside she starts crying- she looks at her phone and sees 58 Missed calls and 17 messages from Sahir
Aarzoo: Ab yeh sab kyu? Bahut jald hume yahaa se nikalna hoga

Aarzoo's phone rings- its her ammi

She wipers her tears- Says "Hello"



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bridgetCBujee09

Bujee09 IF-Dazzler
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Joined: 19 February 2014
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Posted: 27 December 2014 at 12:37pm | IP Logged
Hug take a hug darlingThumbs Up ...and i so wish u continue writing this ..with some HAWT HAWT thoughts WinkWink
aamnazuha Groupbie
aamnazuha
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Joined: 04 June 2012
Posts: 94

Posted: 27 December 2014 at 12:47pm | IP Logged
Congrats for writing such a beautiful story.do continue to write ,waiting for next  part.
itsmeshingi Newbie
itsmeshingi
itsmeshingi

Joined: 19 June 2014
Posts: 44

Posted: 27 December 2014 at 3:21pm | IP Logged
Part IV

Thank much  for such inspirational words. Lots of love and hugs back:)

Now back to the story-

Arzoo picks up the phone- Hello Ammi
Ammi: Haan Arzoo, beta tu kaisi hai? 
Arzoo: Ammi hum theek.
Ammi: Teri awaaz aise kyu laog rahi hai ki tu ro rahi hoo.
Arzoo: Nahi Ammi, Zukhaam lag gaya hai. Kahair chodo , aap bataye wapaas kab aa rahe ho?
Ammi: Parso aa rahe hai. Per tu chinta mat kar , hum khud niyamat( or whatever is the name) house pahoch jaaengay.
Aarzoo thinks to herself, no this can't happen- after all this she cannot stay here/ nor can her family.
Aarzo: nahi ammi , mai station aa jaaongi, 
Ammi: Nahi beta uski koi jaroorat nahi hai
Arzoo: Bas ammi humne keh diya toh keh diya, hum aapko lene a jaengay. Chale ab phone rakhte hai

After ending the call Arzoo thinks to herself. Ab kya kare- 2 din mai kaha jaaye.. Mumbai mai toh hum kissiko nahi jaantay. Per ab iss ghar mai nahi reh sakte. Allah rasta dikhaao and sits on her bed.

at the same SAC, is pacing in the room, remembering Aarzoo's expressions of immense hatred. he says to himself , " i need to talk to her and rushes out of the room.

Next SAC, is knocking on the outhouse door
SAC: Aarzo, Darwaza kholo? Mujh se baat karo.. Aarzoo darwazaa kholo, tum aisa nahi kar sakti. 
Aarzoo  looks at the door , for a moment she feels weak.
Just then SAC says: darwaza kholo... mai keh raha hoo, tumhe meri baat manani he padegi.
Aarzoo's expressions change: Mai keh raha hoo, (she repeats to herself). Mai darwaza issliye kholo kyunkin Sahir Azeem chaudhary keh raha hai. Kya hoo mai unki hukum ki ghulaam, ya unke haathon ki kathputli. 
Then with a sad smile,she add: Per sahi toh hai, maine he apney baare mai yeh soch banayi. apna istamaal hone diya. Kaise soch liya ki SAC mujh se pyaar karegay. 

Aur maine kaise unse pyar kar liya...Shaayad meri kismat ...jisme  aise he aadmi likhe hai- pehle sarfaraaz saahab jisne kabhi meri , meri ammi ki, humare zazbaatoon ki kabhi  kadra nahi ki aur ab Saahir sir, ( she remembers the scene when Sahir pushed her on the floor)..

A tear trickled down her face, she could still hear the knock on the door.

Zaki sees Sahir kocking on the door,  Alvira hears the noise too, she comes to outhouse-
Alvira (sees Sahir knocking furiously on the door, touches his shoulder).:Sahir kya kar rahe ho?Itni zor zor se kyu darwaraza knock kar rahe hoo- ghar tak awaaz aa rahi hai.

SAC: ( sudden realization , of where he is? What is he doing?):Kuch nahi ammi, woh aarzoo se kuch baat karni thi.

Alvira: (surprised expression). Kal baat kar lena , ab bahut raat ho gayi hai. Woh so chuki hoongi. 
SAC(to himself): Soyi toh woh nahi hai aur shaayad so bhi nahi paaegi.
Alvira takes Sahir with him.

SAC: Back in his room, talk to his vulnerable self-  Kya karo? Kaise Aarzoo se baat karo? usse Kya kaho? 
Switch personality, comes his evil self, Kya Hua Sahir Azeem Chaudhary, Khud per yakin nahi hai tumhe, Aarzoo tum se pyaar karti hai, aur tumhe pata hai tumhe kya karna hai?Kal subah breakfast table per mulakaat hogi

Sahir closes his eyes: He sees Aarzoo and murmur to himself- I want you Aarzoo!




Edited by itsmeshingi - 27 December 2014 at 3:53pm

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