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Reshh16 IF-Sizzlerz
Reshh16
Reshh16

Joined: 24 May 2011
Posts: 12843

Posted: 21 January 2015 at 8:24am | IP Logged
Is it too much like bashing Pankaj?? 

Athene Viewbie
Athene
Athene

Joined: 30 November 2010
Posts: 122737

Posted: 21 January 2015 at 8:36am | IP Logged
Not according to me.
ANGELICEYES IF-Rockerz
ANGELICEYES
ANGELICEYES

Joined: 29 March 2013
Posts: 8817

Posted: 21 January 2015 at 8:58am | IP Logged
Good going Resh Thumbs Up ..
bluetides IF-Sizzlerz
bluetides
bluetides

Joined: 12 February 2014
Posts: 23267

Posted: 21 January 2015 at 7:02pm | IP Logged
lol pumpkin line Wink
luge raho Thumbs Up
bluetides IF-Sizzlerz
bluetides
bluetides

Joined: 12 February 2014
Posts: 23267

Posted: 21 January 2015 at 7:02pm | IP Logged
@ Shrey,
I will put OS.. review it and make it funnier... chalega?Embarrassed
bluetides IF-Sizzlerz
bluetides
bluetides

Joined: 12 February 2014
Posts: 23267

Posted: 21 January 2015 at 7:21pm | IP Logged
First chapter:
 
A lonely house, Past midnight

A person is working on something. He is surrounded by many book, papers, research journals, many equipments and charts. He is recording readings from a machine into table, feeding them to a computer. After readings are entered, he started working on them. His facial features show determination of finding something, while he is exhausted too. After couple of hours, he shook head in disappointment and banged on the computer table to indicate that he could not find what he wanted to. He looked at clock which showed 2:45 AM. " ab toh sona hai" he sighed and moved to other room after locking his lab properly.

Next day morning, CID forensic section

Forensic lab is busy as new case is reported. CID cops found no body but a lot of blood in a house which indicate possibility of murder. Dr Salunkhe and his two assistants Dr Tarika and Dr Vaibhav are busy analyzing blood samples. Their work is interrupted as ACP Pradyuman, Sr Inspector Abhijeet and Sr Inspector Daya stormed in.
ACP sir: "kya salunkhe kuch pata chala?"
Dr salunkhe: " haan boss, ab tak ye pata chala hai ki is khoon alag alag insaan ka hai"
Daya: "matlab doctor saaab, ek se jyada log ghayal hue ya phir unka ..." his last words trailed off as Dr Tarika interrupted as
Dr Tarika : "nahi daya .."
Abhijeet turns his attention to Dr Tarika and says,
Abhijeet: "wah Tarika jee, aap humesha kuch suraag toh dhoond leti hai humare liye... vaise kitna kaam karte hai aap, aap ko toh thora aaram karni chahiye"
Daya bites his smirk while ACP sir shook his head and look at Dr Salunkhe, There are many questions in his look
Dr Salunkhe jumps in : " bhai saab ye Dr Tarika jo hee karegi, meri guidance me hee na karegi, thora tareef muse bhee dedo"
Abhijeet: "arey kyon nahi doctor saab, aap .. aap ko koin nahi jaanta"
This irritates ACP sir even more and Daya suddenly finds walls fascinating.
Dr salunkhe in joy tone: " hai na phir karo mere bhee tareef"
Rest in the lab chuckle at his innocent acts and suddenly
ACP sir: " hogaya, ab case ke bare me baat kare?"
Discussion turns back to business and it is reviled that the blood is obtained from blood bank and further investigation leads to arrest of gang who sell the blood from blood bank for money in black market and use the house as their storage. The gang is handled to local police.
 
 
yaar batao kaisa hai... honest opinion plz.. my first time writing a story Shocked
shrey, add funny parts...
next chapter is Salunkhe succeeds in inventing the machine and CID team finds the culprit
Last chapter reveal that AT track is YSPT
 
looks ok? Confused

The following 2 member(s) liked the above post:

AtheneDemonStar

Athene Viewbie
Athene
Athene

Joined: 30 November 2010
Posts: 122737

Posted: 21 January 2015 at 7:46pm | IP Logged
^ I think it's great for a first time BT. I loved this line especially "Daya suddenly finds walls fascinating". LOL

Just one correction. For this dialogue: hai ki is khoon alag alag insaan ka hai.
I think you mean hai ke yeh khoon alag alag insaan ka hai.

Other than that keep going. The flirting was hilarious.

The following 1 member(s) liked the above post:

bluetides

Reshh16 IF-Sizzlerz
Reshh16
Reshh16

Joined: 24 May 2011
Posts: 12843

Posted: 22 January 2015 at 6:21am | IP Logged
Originally posted by -Reshu16-

Writing what came to mind at random.. Tell me of this is ok or should I make it serious?


Funny as some facebook posts,
Earlier a spy to see all coasts
Soon loyal and funnier he came
Though his jokes aren't worth a sugarcane

Walking as though a pumpkin rolls
Talking like the croak of frogs
Yet a simple and kind fellow from inside
His funny bond with Freddy-put it aside.




I'm seriously unable to think of more LOL

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