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Love, Friendship, Dating & Relationships

please help me - love problem UPDATE PG.4 (Page 4)

hotm3ss Goldie
hotm3ss
hotm3ss

Joined: 24 October 2010
Posts: 2405

Posted: 03 February 2015 at 1:47am | IP Logged
I seriously don't understand why you are communicating with the guy and somehow.. planning on getting rid of his wife from his life so that he can come back to you? If he is unhappy with the girl, what he wants to do about it is HIS call. The most screwed up part about your guy's story is that he only started feeling iffy and grew his "rebellious wings" after his brother married the girl he liked as opposed to him. Does that stem from his love towards you? Does it? Think about it! Why was he passive initially before the whole brother thing happened? Did he not love you then and did he not want to get rid of his wife then?!
By contacting you and sharing his dynamics with his current wife with you, he is also messing with your head. I'm sure I don't need to tell you what the guy sharing his bedroom activities does to you whether he touches her or not. The LEAST he can do is shut the hell up and work on leaving his wife if he truly cannot come to terms with the marriage and NOT make you a part of the mess. Your story makes me cringe in a major way. It's his marriage, it's not your job to sit and listen to him or fix his issues. Do you really think that it's your job to walk him through the entire process of leaving her? You are not his baby-sitter. The fact that he is consciously making you a part of his own home wrecking business makes him an incredibly selfish and stupid person honestly, I think so are you for humoring him with his "how to get rid of my wife" ideas and continuing to engage in conversations with him after everything.

At this point, even if he manages to divorce his wife and finds his way back to me in a year, I would get second thoughts no matter how much in love I might be. That's how screwed up your story is.


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nadaCroppedHorizon.

hotm3ss Goldie
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Posted: 03 February 2015 at 3:09am | IP Logged
...

Edited by hotm3ss - 03 February 2015 at 3:15am
hotm3ss Goldie
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Posted: 03 February 2015 at 3:15am | IP Logged
Originally posted by -Chicha-

UPDATE:


After a week, one night my bf was sleeping and she started to touch him on his stomach and slowly going down, my bf spazzed out and pushed her away and told her dont touch me, i have already told u. again she did not stop and went again, after that my bf just pushed her of the bed and he took out the mattress and slept on the floor.




From what I can tell, the girl is not stupid enough to throw herself at him. If he has drawn clear lines on where she stands, no matter how full of it she might be, she would respect the boundaries. Think about this as well - if you were in a bed with a guy you were married to but not necessarily in love with him, would you wanna roam your hands around him just because you're married to him? Would you even be in the same bed as him if he has made it clear that there is no future in sight? Obviously not. Why would you think that THAT girl is any different or less than you? 


Edited by hotm3ss - 03 February 2015 at 3:17am

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The_Alchemist.CroppedHorizon.

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Posted: 04 February 2015 at 1:50am | IP Logged
@ the update :
Ok chicha , he's a yogi! I can only imagine what kind of a guy talks about his wife like thatPig! His wife is all bad , who wants to seduce him despite his dislike towards herStern Smile and she wants to use him to get to USConfused. Unbelievable! And you are desperate to get to him by breaking his marriage while listening to his cock and bull stories(probably you like them too?) secretly on phone. I guess you too deserve him. You can be his partner and face what awaits you in future. Probably a dim future with a guy who doesn't know what he wants and can't take a stand.  Atleast make sure your legalities are correct when you marry him. Pity you for trying so hard to convince yourself that he's a good guy. 

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rita07hotm3ssCroppedHorizon.

-Chicha- IF-Dazzler
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Posted: 04 February 2015 at 11:00am | IP Logged
Originally posted by hotm3ss


From what I can tell, the girl is not stupid enough to throw herself at him. If he has drawn clear lines on where she stands, no matter how full of it she might be, she would respect the boundaries. Think about this as well - if you were in a bed with a guy you were married to but not necessarily in love with him, would you wanna roam your hands around him just because you're married to him? Would you even be in the same bed as him if he has made it clear that there is no future in sight? Obviously not. Why would you think that THAT girl is any different or less than you? 



i understand what your trying to say, and i thought about that before too and still till today there is a feeling in my heart which tells me to just leave. but i think about our love and our memories and again i ignore that leave feeling.
right now whats in my mind is that: he is  human and human makes mistakes. if one makes a mistake they have the right to ratify their mistake. and i have not got too much into details. but after he was married, i did not talk to him for about 2 months, when he came back to usa and still kept on calling me and msging me then i started talking to him and he told me what has happened and why he did this. then i put myself in his shoe and thought about it that what if my mom found a boy for me and she told me to marry him as she can not let me marry my bf because we are different caste. no matter how hard i try my mom says no. and i too have a older sister and what if my mom let my older sister marry her love and keeping that a secret from me just so i can marry someone who my mom wants. i too would feel so bad about it. yes i do love my mom and would do that for my mom since she said no but then if my mom betrays and my sis betrays me i would be angry too.

and i have never told him to leave his wife and we are not planning about it either. his wife herself brought up the topic and she herself told him that she will leave him. she herself said that she understand that his mom and sis and whole family did very wrong with him, but if she leaves him then there will be lot of problems between the two families.

i always think with my heart and i have put myself in his wife's palce too and that is is the reason i never told my bf to leave her instead i was the one who told him to give it some time but after few days he found out about his bros wedding.

but what would u do if u were in omy place?
-Chicha- IF-Dazzler
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Joined: 08 April 2007
Posts: 3316

Posted: 04 February 2015 at 11:17am | IP Logged
Originally posted by The_Alchemist.

@ the update :
Ok chicha , he's a yogi! I can only imagine what kind of a guy talks about his wife like thatPig! His wife is all bad , who wants to seduce him despite his dislike towards herStern Smile and she wants to use him to get to USConfused. Unbelievable! And you are desperate to get to him by breaking his marriage while listening to his cock and bull stories(probably you like them too?) secretly on phone. I guess you too deserve him. You can be his partner and face what awaits you in future. Probably a dim future with a guy who doesn't know what he wants and can't take a stand.  Atleast make sure your legalities are correct when you marry him. Pity you for trying so hard to convince yourself that he's a good guy. 


that is what i dont understand either, he told her straight up and set boundaries yet she is not understanding . im not trying to make the wife look bad or anything i simply told the truth about what was going on. and me and him never forced her to get a divorced, she herself brought the topic up and told him that. and he is taking a stand, he wants to leave her (i have never forced him to leave her). but he talked with his sis about this and his sis told him to keep his mouth shut and he has to live with her. i might be wrong, but im reflecting on what i am seeing and hearing. and he has admit about his mistake and still says sorry for going with his mom. he is ready to leave everything right now but im the one who is stopping him because there will be more problems if he just gets a divroced( which he wont because she straight out told him that she wants greencard and then he can leave her).

also, i recently noticed that his wife is always on whatsapp late in the night and early morning, prob the whole days. and i'm not blaming her but to me it seems like she has someone, because a weeks before when my bf was about to get married, there was a rumor that the wife had a bf who the parents did not like (he's was not financially stable) and that is why they are marrying their daughter really fast. my bf never really cared about that as he did not like her. but now i am starting to think that she is with someone and that is the reason she wants greencard and she told him that he can leave her.

and i dont think hes a good guy, i know he is a good guy. circumstances can be bad but that doesnt make a person bad. this guy has stood with me for 4 years before he got married. he told his entire family about me from day one and he has helped me with whatever i needed. and 4 years to me is long to see if a person is worthy or not , good or bad.


but that is your view and i respect that and would like you to tell me , what would you do ?
hotm3ss Goldie
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Posts: 2405

Posted: 05 February 2015 at 12:40am | IP Logged
Originally posted by -Chicha-



i understand what your trying to say, and i thought about that before too and still till today there is a feeling in my heart which tells me to just leave. but i think about our love and our memories and again i ignore that leave feeling.
right now whats in my mind is that: he is  human and human makes mistakes. if one makes a mistake they have the right to ratify their mistake. and i have not got too much into details. but after he was married, i did not talk to him for about 2 months, when he came back to usa and still kept on calling me and msging me then i started talking to him and he told me what has happened and why he did this. then i put myself in his shoe and thought about it that what if my mom found a boy for me and she told me to marry him as she can not let me marry my bf because we are different caste. no matter how hard i try my mom says no. and i too have a older sister and what if my mom let my older sister marry her love and keeping that a secret from me just so i can marry someone who my mom wants. i too would feel so bad about it. yes i do love my mom and would do that for my mom since she said no but then if my mom betrays and my sis betrays me i would be angry too.

and i have never told him to leave his wife and we are not planning about it either. his wife herself brought up the topic and she herself told him that she will leave him. she herself said that she understand that his mom and sis and whole family did very wrong with him, but if she leaves him then there will be lot of problems between the two families.

i always think with my heart and i have put myself in his wife's palce too and that is is the reason i never told my bf to leave her instead i was the one who told him to give it some time but after few days he found out about his bros wedding.

but what would u do if u were in omy place?

You're overcomplicating the issue by coming up with one sorry excuse after another to put him in a favorable light but I'm sorry, I am not buying it. You're being overtly emotional and making a fool out of yourself if you don't mind me saying that.

If I were in your place? I'm gonna keep it simple and suggest you to muster up some self-respect and ask him to contact you only after he has ended his marriage if he intends to do so at all. Because you don't deserve to be a victim of his issues with his wife or his life and nor do you want to play the part of "the other woman" while his marriage is still there. 

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CroppedHorizon.

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Posted: 05 February 2015 at 2:16pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by hotm3ss

Originally posted by -Chicha-



i understand what your trying to say, and i thought about that before too and still till today there is a feeling in my heart which tells me to just leave. but i think about our love and our memories and again i ignore that leave feeling.
right now whats in my mind is that: he is  human and human makes mistakes. if one makes a mistake they have the right to ratify their mistake. and i have not got too much into details. but after he was married, i did not talk to him for about 2 months, when he came back to usa and still kept on calling me and msging me then i started talking to him and he told me what has happened and why he did this. then i put myself in his shoe and thought about it that what if my mom found a boy for me and she told me to marry him as she can not let me marry my bf because we are different caste. no matter how hard i try my mom says no. and i too have a older sister and what if my mom let my older sister marry her love and keeping that a secret from me just so i can marry someone who my mom wants. i too would feel so bad about it. yes i do love my mom and would do that for my mom since she said no but then if my mom betrays and my sis betrays me i would be angry too.

and i have never told him to leave his wife and we are not planning about it either. his wife herself brought up the topic and she herself told him that she will leave him. she herself said that she understand that his mom and sis and whole family did very wrong with him, but if she leaves him then there will be lot of problems between the two families.

i always think with my heart and i have put myself in his wife's palce too and that is is the reason i never told my bf to leave her instead i was the one who told him to give it some time but after few days he found out about his bros wedding.

but what would u do if u were in omy place?

You're overcomplicating the issue by coming up with one sorry excuse after another to put him in a favorable light but I'm sorry, I am not buying it. You're being overtly emotional and making a fool out of yourself if you don't mind me saying that.

If I were in your place? I'm gonna keep it simple and suggest you to muster up some self-respect and ask him to contact you only after he has ended his marriage if he intends to do so at all. Because you don't deserve to be a victim of his issues with his wife or his life and nor do you want to play the part of "the other woman" while his marriage is still there. 



I know im very emotional and i melt fast when someone accepts their mistake, and that is my biggest mistake. but i'm taking your advice and going to call him up tonight and tell him that. you have made it so much easier for me. it seems like common sense but when ur mind if 24X7 thinking you dont see the sense even in the common things. but i'm going with your advice, thank you very much Hug

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hotm3ss

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