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Love, Friendship, Dating & Relationships

please help me - love problem UPDATE PG.4 (Page 2)

-Chicha- IF-Dazzler
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Posted: 13 January 2015 at 1:15pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by Rumination

I am sorry to say this, but why are you still in contact with this guy? He made a choice, and it was to marry this woman his parents had chosen. If he really loved you so much, he would never marry someone else - blackmailing or not.
He has destroyed three lives - yours, his own and the poor girl he now live with. Getting married to someone is not a joke. You can't just regret afterwards. And how could you continue as friends, after he got married, when both of you obviously have feelings for each other? It is just sad and grotesque.

My honest opinion is that you should have cut off all contact with him, when you found out he has said yes to marry someone else. You really need a man who could not even fight for you when it mattered? And FIRSTLY, when did we stop respecting ourselves?
You'll find other guys greater that him. They'll be there for you. You don't need to break other people's relationship. You don't need to hurt other people's feeling. Though it may be painful and of course, it will make you cry, but please accept that he will never be yours.
As soon as you've gotten through the old feelings, you'll find closure and realize that someone else is set aside for you. That someone else is not him and his someone else is not you.
Some things in life are just not meant to be. Accept God's will.


Hi, I agree with u and understand your view. but before we were dating and my parents did not agree because i was still in college, we both made a promise to each other that no matter who married who we would still be friend and keep in touch...and after he got married i did not talk with him for 2 months..after that he came back to usa and called me and explained me everything...after that we just talked as friends...also we are still kids..only 21..we are not mature enough to understand things we know that...but we also know that we can not leave each other no matter what...and he can never love his wife and give the right she needs...so we want her to be happy too and so she can find someone who will love her ...bcuz she is only 20 too.. shes young and she should be with someone who will love only her..and not a guy who has someone else in his heart..

-Chicha- IF-Dazzler
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Posted: 13 January 2015 at 1:18pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by The_Alchemist.

This guy should have had a good conversation with the girl before marriage. He quietly marries her and then does the drama? Yeah, I hope the girl's parents take serious action on this guy for cheating them. I hope you find someone good and worthy of you. Move on girl. 



Hi, He did not know he was getting married untill he went to india...his parents showed him the girl on his cousin's marriage after the wedding was over he got engaged...we both tried talking to his mom and sister and brother-inlaw but no one listened to us instead his mom took his phone and passport away...and i know him for 4 years..he has always been honest and he would never do this purposely.
D3viL Goldie
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Posted: 14 January 2015 at 6:17am | IP Logged
you aren't doing his wife any favours that is nonsense no matter how many times you try to justify it.
 
her husband has been sympathetic to her right from the start, you want to know why? Because he married her and some magical godly bond happened, if she meant nothing to him then he wouldn't be in this pickle he is, he would have walked away regardless of the mess. But you walked back in and confused him.


this guy is useless, he was going to stay married to her had he not found out his parents let his brother have his wishes? It was only after his brother got his way that he started to vent and get upset. Prior to that he was happy playing his wife and playing you. 


you are a home wrecker and you can paint yourself whatever victimish colour you would like but any woman ...regardless of her age that talks to a married man in the fashion that you have is a home wrecker. You didn't do the wife a favour, you are not a good person or a fairy god-mother whatever you think you are! you perhaps are an niave idiot for falling in NEED ( not love ) of a stupid man child. 


The way you keep justifying this makes me wonder what kind of person you are? And I am siding with his mother, your standards are poor and I wouldn't want a person like that in the family. Improve your morals .. good things will start happening. 


Edited by D3viL - 14 January 2015 at 6:17am

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Posted: 14 January 2015 at 10:44am | IP Logged
Be practical. Think about yourself. What's your status in his life? Just an extra?? Just a mistress?? What about your life? Your dreams? Your family? Your parent and their expectations?? This man is looping between two boats. If he loves you that much and care for your feelings then he would never marry the girl chosen by his parent. He's hurting you n his wife as well..though both of you are innocent. He had many ways to stop the marriage if he was really willing. When his mom can threat him to commit suicide couldn't he do the same?? Could not he blackmail them like they did?? I know its a wrong way but u know sometimes wrong is the right.. He is basically a spineless man who can't stand for anything in life. I will advice you to erase him from your life n move on. I know its hard..killing when u truly love someone but there's fate there. He is not the man for you... Accept it. I know how much painful it would be as I myself had broken up with a guy for the same reason.. Sometimes parents become too protective and blind in their stubborness that they can't see the real happiness of their children.
Please love yourself too. You r not doing any sin rather stopping a man and yourself from doing any more sins.

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hotm3ssThe_Alchemist.

-Chicha- IF-Dazzler
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Posted: 14 January 2015 at 2:54pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by D3viL

you aren't doing his wife any favours that is nonsense no matter how many times you try to justify it.
 
her husband has been sympathetic to her right from the start, you want to know why? Because he married her and some magical godly bond happened, if she meant nothing to him then he wouldn't be in this pickle he is, he would have walked away regardless of the mess. But you walked back in and confused him.


this guy is useless, he was going to stay married to her had he not found out his parents let his brother have his wishes? It was only after his brother got his way that he started to vent and get upset. Prior to that he was happy playing his wife and playing you. 


you are a home wrecker and you can paint yourself whatever victimish colour you would like but any woman ...regardless of her age that talks to a married man in the fashion that you have is a home wrecker. You didn't do the wife a favour, you are not a good person or a fairy god-mother whatever you think you are! you perhaps are an niave idiot for falling in NEED ( not love ) of a stupid man child. 


The way you keep justifying this makes me wonder what kind of person you are? And I am siding with his mother, your standards are poor and I wouldn't want a person like that in the family. Improve your morals .. good things will start happening. 



I understand your view, but your misunderstanding it

1. After he went to india...a week latter his family showed him a girl at his cousin's marriage..he called me straight up that his family is going to get him married...the next day i called him and we both spoke to his mother, sister, and brother-in law...we tried explaining but his mom just did not agree..i begged his mom  to think about it...she said no ..there is no way because the caste is different..i told her am i not a human...she said she doesnt care...but she is not getting her son married in another caste...

2. after that day i told him to come back, and he was ready to come back he spoke to his friend for the tickets,but his mom took his passport and phone away...and said if he didnt marry she will kill herself

3. he told me after that he has to get married and once he come back to the usa we will find a solution as there is nothing we can do now

4. he always kept a pic of me in his wallet and after few weeks his wife saw the pic but she didnt ask him...she asked his cousin and his cousin told her everything about us. the wife kept it to herself that she knows about me

5. when he came to the usa after 2 month (i did not talk to him when he was in india as i told him i dont want to cheat his wife and we are done)...when he came back he called me and told me that he wants me to stay with him

6. I told him to leave his wife and he said ok he will but his sister found out that he was about to leave her as he did not apply for her in the usa...she threaten him that it would be shamful, what will people say etc...out respect...everyone will die cuz of this..etc...so he told me he can not leave her...but we will still be friends

7. we talked as friends after that for about 2 months just messaging hi hru..no calling...just on facebook ...but i wnted to move on and i did not want to hurt him..so i lied to him saying that i am getting married soon and we should stop talking...and the next day (maybe god's way) his family told him about his bros marriage to his gf...and he was completely shattered...he wanted to leave everything...even me...jsut everything

8. he has a gun and he was about to shoot himself when the guy who works with him called me and told me...i called him up and stopped him and told him that i will be with him ...

9. after tht he told his wife everything and the wife told him that she already knows...and she feels bad of what his parents did but she can not leave now as there will be too many problems.. after that he told his mom and she too said that he has to stay and she can not do anything...

10. till the day he got married...he has not touched his wife ... so he is not playing with is wife and she knows that he tis talking with me but she does not say anything...she ask him do you still talk to her and he tells her yes...after that she doesnt ask him anything...when he asked her why do you like me...she told him cuz you are always honest and tells the truth...


I am also a woman and in understand her pain too but i also know the guy who i love i know him for almost 4 years and i know if i leave him and go from his life..he will eventually go in to depression or end up killing him seldf...bcuz in the beginning i did leave him for 8 months and we tried twice to end his life...he is not emotionally stable ...and i know that...i dont want someone to suffer cuz of me..i love that guy and if he is going to suffer cuz of me then my love is useless.


and i have had lost all hopes of me being with him when he got married...but i still had that hope that  one day we will be together...even right now i try to talk my self into thinking that he is married and nothing can happen but i dont know there is one ray of hope which keeps us from being separated.

and i am not saying i am doing his wife a favor...but i think everyone deserve a partner who love them understands them and i know my bf is not right for her...there is someone waiting for her better than him ...

and i believe getting labeled as "married" does not mean that the person is your soul mate...people marry divorce and then they find their soul mate...some people marry 3 4 times and still cant find their soul mate...you only get one life and if you are not satisfied in this life you take your pain to your next life... and as far as my morals ... i dont have to show what my morals are as only god has the right to judge me...

-Chicha- IF-Dazzler
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Posted: 14 January 2015 at 2:57pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by Miss_uliuli

Be practical. Think about yourself. What's your status in his life? Just an extra?? Just a mistress?? What about your life? Your dreams? Your family? Your parent and their expectations?? This man is looping between two boats. If he loves you that much and care for your feelings then he would never marry the girl chosen by his parent. He's hurting you n his wife as well..though both of you are innocent. He had many ways to stop the marriage if he was really willing. When his mom can threat him to commit suicide couldn't he do the same?? Could not he blackmail them like they did?? I know its a wrong way but u know sometimes wrong is the right.. He is basically a spineless man who can't stand for anything in life. I will advice you to erase him from your life n move on. I know its hard..killing when u truly love someone but there's fate there. He is not the man for you... Accept it. I know how much painful it would be as I myself had broken up with a guy for the same reason.. Sometimes parents become too protective and blind in their stubborness that they can't see the real happiness of their children.
Please love yourself too. You r not doing any sin rather stopping a man and yourself from doing any more sins.


thank you will consider that :)

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CroppedHorizon.

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Posted: 14 January 2015 at 7:12pm | IP Logged
Chicha -

firstly I have a Question, won't his Mom die now, if you settle with him? Or do you guys think it is ok for her to die ?

secondly why the hell would he take a gun and try to shoot himself while his friend watches him. doesn't that sound like a drama? he's not happy about that marriage for something else and is trying to use you. If he loves you let him leave his wife formally and come to you. only then you can even start considering what he days. If you're going to continue living with him listening to his stories you'll suffer big time cause you'll be his partner in crime.

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rita07hotm3ssCroppedHorizon.

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Posted: 14 January 2015 at 7:43pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by The_Alchemist.

Chicha -

firstly I have a Question, won't his Mom die now, if you settle with him? Or do you guys think it is ok for her to die ?

secondly why the hell would he take a gun and try to shoot himself while his friend watches him. doesn't that sound like a drama? he's not happy about that marriage for something else and is trying to use you. If he loves you let him leave his wife formally and come to you. only then you can even start considering what he days. If you're going to continue living with him listening to his stories you'll suffer big time cause you'll be his partner in crime.


Hi,

now we know that his mom is not trust worthy and she can lie to get what she wants, as she did. if you do something for someone and they betray you you start hating them ...and now he has lot respect for his mom ...and its not like the mom did not know...she knew from the beginning that we wanted to get married and she knew he was with me for 4 years still she forced him to marry someone else.

and he is really upset because no one in his family tells him anything...he worked for them earned money and gave everything for his family but his family just betrayed him . and he was never happy with his marriage from the first day. on his wedding night he told his wife straight up that he was forced to marry her and she shouldn't expect anything from him.

and he does want to leave his family but i dont want him to leave his family. i want everything settle down peacefully, and i just want the first thing for him to get a divorce, whiich the wife is not ready

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