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Love, Friendship, Dating & Relationships

please help me - love problem UPDATE PG.4

-Chicha- IF-Dazzler
-Chicha-
-Chicha-

Joined: 08 April 2007
Posts: 3316

Posted: 24 December 2014 at 5:51pm | IP Logged
Hi please read my post below


Edited by -Chicha- - 02 February 2015 at 12:40pm

-Chicha- IF-Dazzler
-Chicha-
-Chicha-

Joined: 08 April 2007
Posts: 3316

Posted: 24 December 2014 at 5:51pm | IP Logged

Hi all...I need an advice for you all please help me make the right decision and help me chose what to do. I know its long but please read it and help us. ..


I fell in love with this guy in Jul 2010, and we started going out. However, we found out our caste is different. But we are both punjabi. Later on he moved away to another state and still we kept in touch and still dated. He visited me once or twice a month. Later on in 2012 He moved really far away because his parents started their business there. He came to see me after like 6 months because it was really far. His parents knew about me and they didnt say anything to him. I spoke to his mom too and she just asked me if I loved him and wanted to marry him. I told her yes I do. However, my parents found out too but they didnt like him, they told me to leave him in 2011, because I was too young and still studying. However, we both planed that we will convince them after im done with my college.


We were together for 4 years, he was like my life. Everyday we talked from goodmorning to goodnight and we talked at least three times per day, and everyday on skype. However, this year in Jul 2014 his parents went to india and they told him to go to since it was his cousins marriage. So, his parents went one month early, and he went one month latter. He didnt know anything what his parents was doing. When he went to india, after 3 days his parents told him hes getting married. They showed him the girl on his counsin's marriage. His mom took away his passport and started emotional blackmailing him . He told me about it and I called his mom and I spoke to his mom. His mom told me straight that she is not going to let him marry me, because our caste is different, and now nothing can happen. After the mom, I spoke to the sister. She told the same thing. So much was going around that eventually he agreed to get married but he told me that we will always be friends and its just not meant to be together.


He got married end of jul and stayed in india for 1 and half month. He came back to the usa in September. He told me everything what happened. Latter on we just talked like friends, but I always loved him and I knew he loved me too. We still said I love to each other, and we still talked like we talked before. This month december he found out that his parents argree to his brother's marriage. His older brother has a gf who is not punjabi and his parents told him that they will never agree. But now they agreed to his marriage. My bf was totally shattered when he heard that . He asked them why and they told him that he should not interfere. That time he told me everything, he told me he doesnt love his wife, he does not like her. He is not happy with her. He is forcing himself to talk with her. And now that he heard about his brother wedding he is totally completely broken. He should have never listened to his parents. He told me he wants to leave his wife and come to me, since he hurted me. He also didnt have any physical relation with his wife cuz he was not ready. Also, his wife knew he was still talking to me but she didnt tell him that she knew. So, just two weeks ago he told his wife everything that he loves me and will always love me, and she should back out. The wife told everything to my bf's mom. Then his mom talked with him and he told his mom same thing that he is not happy with her and he wants to leave her. His mom told him, too bad they can not do anything now. He has to live with her no matter what. His mom said if he take any wrong step then she will do something wrong too. And his wife's family will even send them to jail...etc...


So, now we are stuck, we do not know what to do. He wants to leave everything and come to me, but hes also scared of what his mom told him. He doesnt want to live with a person whom he doesnt love.


Our love is so pure and true that we ony we can only be happy with each other. If I get hurt he feels it. I know it sounds kinda tacky, but if you ever been in love you will know. He completes me and I complete him. His one mistake of agreeing to marriage has become a big problem. We do not know what to do. We want to be with eachother but we do not see a way. Please if anyone has a suggestion please help us. Thank you.

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..Scarlett..ipkkndkasr--Ariana--

-Chicha- IF-Dazzler
-Chicha-
-Chicha-

Joined: 08 April 2007
Posts: 3316

Posted: 25 December 2014 at 7:10pm | IP Logged
someone please answer me and give me an advice
D3viL Goldie
D3viL
D3viL

Joined: 29 November 2013
Posts: 1181

Posted: 26 December 2014 at 12:19am | IP Logged
Ordinarily I would say if he married her he is a bit Immoral given the fact that he agreed yet couldn't fulfil contractual agreement he made to the county, god and to another human being.
undoubtedly he is a weak person firstly for giving in and secondly for maintaining close relations with you.


I was in an eerily similar situation as him, the emotional black mail, police threats, passport drama, being set up and walking in on my own party. the only difference being is that even though I utterly despised the family and the girl.. and at the time my parents ( the girl) cuz she knew about the trick. and it was a trick. I owned up to it and made a clean slate and inwardly and outwardly accepted her, because I publicly said yes and saying yes ... for me mattered. I did everything with one intention -- ' that when I go before God and complain to him about what everyone did .. he can ask me anything and I can say I did it because she is your creation and I didn't want to hurt her and because this is what you gave me (situation) and I didn't want to reject what you have given me.. 

this attitude .. resolved matters in a way in which everything was made black and white without my doing. humans can plan and plot but no one can compete with God's plan.

anyway .. long story short. your guy either leaves or he man's up and fulfils his obligation as a husband. secondly he hasn't consummated the marriage.. thereby not making it a legal marriage . you should look that up.. 

this guy is going to go down ... and will take his parents and family and his and hers down with him.. there is no way this injustice against a human person will go away .. simply because it's a massive crime against a basic human right. 

the question is what part should you play? if I were you.. I'd be on the sidelines .. don't push him .. stay morally correct, in 3 years if you are together the last thing you want to hear is that your presence never let him build a foundation with her. also you want to be able to live with yourself knowing you didn't harm another person ( his wife). also you should stay back because your bf  needs to grow up, he needs to know actions have consequences .. he can't have u for 4 years and do what he did. he needs to know how to stand on his feet by himself .. not by having someone else to hold his hand through this and someone else to blame him agreeing to marry himself on. he is to blame, and he is the only one who can get out of it. 

good luck


Edited by D3viL - 26 December 2014 at 12:21am

The following 7 member(s) liked the above post:

rita07hotm3ss..Scarlett..ipkkndkasrRibelle--Ariana--CroppedHorizon.

-Chicha- IF-Dazzler
-Chicha-
-Chicha-

Joined: 08 April 2007
Posts: 3316

Posted: 26 December 2014 at 8:03pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by D3viL

Ordinarily I would say if he married her he is a bit Immoral given the fact that he agreed yet couldn't fulfil contractual agreement he made to the county, god and to another human being.
undoubtedly he is a weak person firstly for giving in and secondly for maintaining close relations with you.


I was in an eerily similar situation as him, the emotional black mail, police threats, passport drama, being set up and walking in on my own party. the only difference being is that even though I utterly despised the family and the girl.. and at the time my parents ( the girl) cuz she knew about the trick. and it was a trick. I owned up to it and made a clean slate and inwardly and outwardly accepted her, because I publicly said yes and saying yes ... for me mattered. I did everything with one intention -- ' that when I go before God and complain to him about what everyone did .. he can ask me anything and I can say I did it because she is your creation and I didn't want to hurt her and because this is what you gave me (situation) and I didn't want to reject what you have given me.. 

this attitude .. resolved matters in a way in which everything was made black and white without my doing. humans can plan and plot but no one can compete with God's plan.

anyway .. long story short. your guy either leaves or he man's up and fulfils his obligation as a husband. secondly he hasn't consummated the marriage.. thereby not making it a legal marriage . you should look that up.. 

this guy is going to go down ... and will take his parents and family and his and hers down with him.. there is no way this injustice against a human person will go away .. simply because it's a massive crime against a basic human right. 

the question is what part should you play? if I were you.. I'd be on the sidelines .. don't push him .. stay morally correct, in 3 years if you are together the last thing you want to hear is that your presence never let him build a foundation with her. also you want to be able to live with yourself knowing you didn't harm another person ( his wife). also you should stay back because your bf  needs to grow up, he needs to know actions have consequences .. he can't have u for 4 years and do what he did. he needs to know how to stand on his feet by himself .. not by having someone else to hold his hand through this and someone else to blame him agreeing to marry himself on. he is to blame, and he is the only one who can get out of it. 

good luck



Thank you very much, and yes I agree he needs to stand up for what he did, and he has made a mistake . Right now he is ashamed of what he did, he admits that it is his mistake and he has said sorry 100 times already.
But also, his parents tricked him saying that his brother wont marry his gf either because she is not punjabi. We both thought about it and his parents told me there is no way they can accept me. He had no choice, and he agreed. But now his parents agreed to his brother's marriage with that girl. they hid that from him , they didnt even tell him . he found out from his sister. and when he asked his mom dad they said its their decision and he should not interfere. 

Also, i am also thinking about that girl...he will never love that girl ,,,he will just adjust, and it will be injustice to the girl cuz she will never get the love she deserve. therefore, we think its better that she finds someone who will love her and only her.

we dont know what to do.. if we go separate the three of us will never be happy. ..if he stays again no one will be happy.

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--Ariana--

Rumination Goldie
Rumination
Rumination

Joined: 18 November 2014
Posts: 1462

Posted: 30 December 2014 at 7:01pm | IP Logged
I am sorry to say this, but why are you still in contact with this guy? He made a choice, and it was to marry this woman his parents had chosen. If he really loved you so much, he would never marry someone else - blackmailing or not.
He has destroyed three lives - yours, his own and the poor girl he now live with. Getting married to someone is not a joke. You can't just regret afterwards. And how could you continue as friends, after he got married, when both of you obviously have feelings for each other? It is just sad and grotesque.

My honest opinion is that you should have cut off all contact with him, when you found out he has said yes to marry someone else. You really need a man who could not even fight for you when it mattered? And FIRSTLY, when did we stop respecting ourselves?
You'll find other guys greater that him. They'll be there for you. You don't need to break other people's relationship. You don't need to hurt other people's feeling. Though it may be painful and of course, it will make you cry, but please accept that he will never be yours.
As soon as you've gotten through the old feelings, you'll find closure and realize that someone else is set aside for you. That someone else is not him and his someone else is not you.
Some things in life are just not meant to be. Accept God's will.

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rita07hotm3ssRibelle--Ariana--9tankiTargaryenCroppedHorizon.

kaaeedah Newbie
kaaeedah
kaaeedah

Joined: 26 December 2014
Posts: 7

Posted: 08 January 2015 at 4:58am | IP Logged
Please remove him from contact list and try not to contact him
The_Alchemist. Goldie
The_Alchemist.
The_Alchemist.

Joined: 05 October 2013
Posts: 1696

Posted: 08 January 2015 at 8:00am | IP Logged
This guy should have had a good conversation with the girl before marriage. He quietly marries her and then does the drama? Yeah, I hope the girl's parents take serious action on this guy for cheating them. I hope you find someone good and worthy of you. Move on girl. 

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rita07hotm3ssRibelle--Ariana--

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