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PLEASE HELP ME - MARRIAGE PROBLEM update pg.3 (Page 2)

Born2Pizza Senior Member
Born2Pizza
Born2Pizza

Joined: 03 November 2014
Posts: 940

Posted: 28 December 2014 at 10:55pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by -Chicha-

Thank you all for commenting .

1. I know I will convince my parents because my parents also had a love marriage and they understand what love is

2. He did speak to his wife - but she told him that he can beat her kill her but she's not leaving him and he told her straight up that he doesn't like her one bit. Also she doesn't want to talk with me .


3. His mom told him today that if he ever talk with me again then he will see her dead face

4. I know him more than myself and he has done a lot for me and him cheating on me is impossible . He had already try to kill himself for me , and he told me same if he doesn't feel happy he will kill himself again .

Tbh, its pushing each other to limits. Too much of complications and you don't know the consequences, how it will affect not only your life but other people's life as well. It may seems like to you right now that u will not able to move on without each other but eventually you will. Human is flawed, they crave for emotions. Once you'll be gone and if he will give genuine chance to his wife, you never know, he'll start loving her. 

And also i wonder, you guys did make boundaries .. why are you rebounding back now ? Just cuz you guys saw a lil ray of hope ? Don't get blinded by this darlin'. I know its hard and you have been treated unfairly but consider that there must be some reason that this situation has befall on you not on his elder brother. Its not the time to go in emotional impulse, think about it.. think about all situation, your family, is it worth to take such huge risk ? If i would be on your place, i would never try to manipulate a situation or even push and probably distant myself for a while. When this thing happen in such unpredictable way, you never know in future, things may lie in your favor. Some things you need to put on time. 

But its your life, you know whats better for you to either take risk or not but don't forget there will huge things you have to pay for this. 


The following 3 member(s) liked the above post:

.Frozen.--Ariana---Swetha-

starsanjana IF-Rockerz
starsanjana
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Posts: 7104

Posted: 08 January 2015 at 6:04pm | IP Logged
hi
sorry to hear that  his mom does not wanna agree because  of something so trivial such as caste

pray and ask God for help... thats the best i can tell u tbh


Mr.Sareen Senior Member
Mr.Sareen
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Joined: 23 November 2014
Posts: 825

Posted: 12 January 2015 at 1:24pm | IP Logged
Sad..Too late to judge his parents foolishness..
Now the best thing for you guys actually will be to embrace God's will and move on..Because even if after lot of 'pitt-syapa' , he eventually deserts her wife and bring you home , things probably ain't be milk sugar and honey for you now which you guys are dreaming upon..Think realistically ; there will be probably lot more emotional battering especially with his family ; everybody especially his mum going to hate you and add to this , curse of his wife..And what if that 'pure' love also evaporates in this tantrum ?? To be honest , it will be more crappy decision for you than falling at love itself..
So , just tell yourself and him to accept the Ordained Command and move on..And trust that time can heal even the deepest of wound ; just give it time to run..Born2Pizza has already given you a well founded advice..I just re-emphasized..Ok ?
These kind of love , tbh , ain't the 'real love' , how much your worldly mind tells otherwise ; it is just a 'reflection' of our innate desire for the union of Shiva & Shakti which is the 'real love'..
And this worldly love is psychologically addicting also - u quit it and for some initial months/phase , the 'withdrawal' will be getting on your nerves .. Thats the toughest phase which u must persevere with patience and rest I assure time will gradually taper off all those mental stuff completely giving u the usual lessons of life in not very disasterous way..
Alright ? Just accept , move on and give time its job to do (as it is the best anti-septic for mental wounds) ..
And hey..See..Who's that guy knocking 'ur' door ?? <img src="http://www.freesmileys.org/smileys/smiley-love003.gif" alt="[/IMG]

Ok..Just trust it ^^ will happen if you give another chance to life..Ok..

And wait..Better re - read all the above again..

If u need some tips in coping the blackout phase, feel free to pm ..All the best..


Edited by Shaan85 - 05 February 2015 at 6:30am

The following 1 member(s) liked the above post:

-Swetha-

starsanjana IF-Rockerz
starsanjana
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Joined: 02 December 2012
Posts: 7104

Posted: 12 January 2015 at 5:20pm | IP Logged
res

Edited by starsanjana - 12 January 2015 at 5:26pm
-Chicha- IF-Dazzler
-Chicha-
-Chicha-

Joined: 08 April 2007
Posts: 3316

Posted: 13 January 2015 at 1:06pm | IP Logged


Thanks for the advice and we have tried that when initially my parents did not agree we went different ways and for almost 8 months we did not kept in touch..but we realized that we can never  leave eacho ther ...we truly feel like we r soulmates..we r connected souls..we both understand each other without expressing anything... and he asked his wife too if she loves him and she told him he only like him for one thing and that is that he is always being honest and telling the truth...we feel that she too deserve someone who will love her and keep her happy...and he doesnt care about anyone now as everyone did wrong with him especially his mom...his mom told him that if he talk with me again then he will see her dead face...but he still talks to me...he did everything for his family...gave them whatever they needed..money everything...especially his mom...he loves his mom lot but he can not take what she did with him


Edited by -Chicha- - 05 February 2015 at 2:11pm
-Chicha- IF-Dazzler
-Chicha-
-Chicha-

Joined: 08 April 2007
Posts: 3316

Posted: 13 January 2015 at 1:09pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by Born2Pizza

Originally posted by -Chicha-

Thank you all for commenting .

1. I know I will convince my parents because my parents also had a love marriage and they understand what love is

2. He did speak to his wife - but she told him that he can beat her kill her but she's not leaving him and he told her straight up that he doesn't like her one bit. Also she doesn't want to talk with me .


3. His mom told him today that if he ever talk with me again then he will see her dead face

4. I know him more than myself and he has done a lot for me and him cheating on me is impossible . He had already try to kill himself for me , and he told me same if he doesn't feel happy he will kill himself again .

Tbh, its pushing each other to limits. Too much of complications and you don't know the consequences, how it will affect not only your life but other people's life as well. It may seems like to you right now that u will not able to move on without each other but eventually you will. Human is flawed, they crave for emotions. Once you'll be gone and if he will give genuine chance to his wife, you never know, he'll start loving her. 

And also i wonder, you guys did make boundaries .. why are you rebounding back now ? Just cuz you guys saw a lil ray of hope ? Don't get blinded by this darlin'. I know its hard and you have been treated unfairly but consider that there must be some reason that this situation has befall on you not on his elder brother. Its not the time to go in emotional impulse, think about it.. think about all situation, your family, is it worth to take such huge risk ? If i would be on your place, i would never try to manipulate a situation or even push and probably distant myself for a while. When this thing happen in such unpredictable way, you never know in future, things may lie in your favor. Some things you need to put on time. 

But its your life, you know whats better for you to either take risk or not but don't forget there will huge things you have to pay for this. 




Hi... i understand your view and i have tried that..when he got married i didnt talk to him for 2 months untill he came back to usa and he called me... but my heart says that we will be together...i dont know i have that hope that we will be together and that is why we are not leaving...
Mr.Sareen Senior Member
Mr.Sareen
Mr.Sareen

Joined: 23 November 2014
Posts: 825

Posted: 14 January 2015 at 1:16am | IP Logged
Originally posted by -Chicha-

Thanks for the advice and we have tried that when initially my parents did not agree we went different ways and for almost 8 months we did not kept in touch..but we realized that we can never leave eacho ther ...we truly feel like we r soulmates..we r connected souls..we both understand each other without expressing anything... and he asked his wife too if she loves him and she told him he only like him for one thing and that is that he is always being honest and telling the truth...we feel that she too deserve someone who will love her and keep her happy...and he doesnt care about anyone now as everyone did wrong with him especially his mom...his mom told him that if he talk with me again then he will see her dead face...but he still talks to me...he did everything for his family...gave them whatever they needed..money everything...especially his mom...he loves his mom lot but he can not take what she did with him




Well smthng sounding off but well .. I hope u r right as well as do right :)
..


But I still can't believe that Punjabis can engage in that shitty crappy caste thing on cost of happiness of their kids !! Probably Jatt / Turkhan / some pendu mentality ?? Bcoz afaik Punjabi especially Punjabi Khatris is the most liberal group of India in those respects..M too a Punjabi Khatri and there is never a such thing in marriage etc. to that extent as far as I observed in my whole circle..Married with Gujaratis to Rajputs to Southies to Brahmins to Baniyas to Hindu-Sikh to what not..Punjabi Brahmins too not that conservative now afaik..
R u sure caste was really the bar (especially seeing inter caste mrg of his bro) ??
Anyway , thats too late now :( ..


Wait..It sounds filmy but what if u guys makes wife understand & ready to marry another man and then secretely finds , as per her liking , an understandable person (especially among divorcees who would be most understandable as well as willing to marry) and then go ahead with urself ?? As no need now to think abt ur guy's family , society etc. if he is self stand/sustained.. I remember something like that happened in a family living in our vicinity..Same story like yours where the wife finally let go her man..
But remember..The wife is the one who seems the most innocent in this tantrum..So if , at the end , she still wishes no to seperation ,
then everybody must shake hands with fate & move on ..

All the best ..


Edited by Shaan85 - 14 January 2015 at 1:44am

The following 2 member(s) liked the above post:

-Chicha--Swetha-

-Chicha- IF-Dazzler
-Chicha-
-Chicha-

Joined: 08 April 2007
Posts: 3316

Posted: 14 January 2015 at 2:14pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by Shaan85





Well smthng sounding off but well .. I hope u r right as well as do right :)
..


But I still can't believe that Punjabis can engage in that shitty crappy caste thing on cost of happiness of their kids !! Probably Jatt / Turkhan / some pendu mentality ?? Bcoz afaik Punjabi especially Punjabi Khatris is the most liberal group of India in those respects..M too a Punjabi Khatri and there is never a such thing in marriage etc. to that extent as far as I observed in my whole circle..Married with Gujaratis to Rajputs to Southies to Brahmins to Baniyas to Hindu-Sikh to what not..Punjabi Brahmins too not that conservative now afaik..
R u sure caste was really the bar (especially seeing inter caste mrg of his bro) ??
Anyway , thats too late now :( ..


Wait..It sounds filmy but what if u guys makes wife understand & ready to marry another man and then secretely finds , as per her liking , an understandable person (especially among divorcees who would be most understandable as well as willing to marry) and then go ahead with urself ?? As no need now to think abt ur guy's family , society etc. if he is self stand/sustained.. I remember something like that happened in a family living in our vicinity..Same story like yours where the wife finally let go her man..
But remember..The wife is the one who seems the most innocent in this tantrum..So if , at the end , she still wishes no to seperation ,
then everybody must shake hands with fate & move on ..

All the best ..



Yes caste was the only thing...there are two castes i dont want to mention names but they dont get along with each other very well...and we belong to both of them...but my family is good with inter-caste..in fact my cousin brother married a girl who is the same caste as my bf...but it was his mom she did not agree...and the bro's marriage...she agreed after my bf got married...when they came back to the usa...when my bf asked his mom told him that it is their decision and she should not interfere in it. ..and now his bro is getting engaged to his gf this month...his bro even agrees that his mom did injustice with my bf...

also, we talked with the wife and she is not ready to leave...i told my bf let me talk to her and explain her but she doesnt want to talk with me...when ever i call her she disconnects my phone...there r two reasons why she is not leaving...1. her parents would face people's words...2. my bf is very handsome lol no joke..hes like a mini version of akshay kumar...and all of the wife's friends told her tht you have won a lottery you have got such a handsome good looking husband...he is so cute..etc...and in her mind she thinks she can she can not get someone like him..shes only liking him from his looks...she is not understanding that love is something from the heart not looks...and my bf gave a whole lecture to her about that he loves me from his heart and she can never ever take my place...but she just doesnt understand... we dont know how to explain to her...if we want he can file divorce in the usa..but we dont want to hurt her like that...i have known my bf for almost 5 yars now...and hes a type who will never cry no matter what happens...and in the last few months...i'm seeing him cry almost every week because he is suffering inside with the pain...if he doesnt call his wife (she's in india)..she tells his mom that he is not calling me..and then his mom tells him that he has to call her...he is forcing himself...but long story short now...we have decided that in feb after his bro get married...he is just going to leave everything and come to me and we are just going to tell his wife that i am pregnant and he has so choice but coming to me...LOL (i know it is kinda funny but we got no choice...)

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