In Pain Lies Healing // Manan

"You love someone, you open yourself up to suffering, that's the sad truth. Maybe they'll break your heart; maybe you'll break their heart and never be able to look at yourself in the same way. Those are the risks. You see two people and you think they belong together, but nothing happens. The thought of losing so much control over personal happiness is unbearable. That's the burden. Like wings, they have weight, we feel that weight on our backs, but they are a burden that lifts us. Burdens that allow us to fly."

T.J. Thyne

 

It's such a favorite quote of mine. Today, I don't even want to say much. This quote and the episode say it all. A relationship is like a curve. A roller coaster ride? When you're mounting, escalating, that going up ride is full of unpredictability, of adrenaline rushes, of blurry fast moments, of realizations, of fear, of anticipation, it goes slowly, building and building.

Then you slide off the edge and everything happens in the blink of an eye. You tip off and the ride tumbles into another world of lows with a light like speed. Too many things happen together, there's so much, the rush, the need, the pain, the misunderstandings, miscommunications. Sometimes you get all the time in the world to sit and ponder but sometimes you simply don't. You take the actions and you get reactions. The thoughts, the afteraffects and pondering, all of it is lost somewhere in the aftermath of your decisions.

Pain does that. Pain has the ability to surround you, surround you to the point you can't hold your breath, and surround you until you choke with it. Pain hurts, and when in pain, you see not that which is hidden beyond the simple comprehension, you see only the source of that pain.

Sometimes, we believe, we believe in our abilities to take decisions, we believe in doing the right thing, we believe that our objectives and our point of views, they're unblemished and true.

A fog wraps around us, cloaking us in itself. There's no one to provide the insight we badly need. We see things in black and white. Emotions take over. For some, it's anger. For some it's reconstruction. Different people handle different things differently.

Are they all wrong? Or are they all right? Or are they, right or wrong, in their own aspects?

Sometimes pain blurs the lines between that which is right and wrong.

A person once smartly told me, there's no right and wrong. It's always what's right for me and what's wrong for me. And that's where conflict appears.

What I might think right may not be your right.

What I think your wrong may not be mine.

And that's when, you're in need, you're in need of that pause. You need that roller coaster to simply stop, the speed to halt, and you need to ponder.

To ponder the what ifs. To ponder the whys.

 To ponder the possibilities. To ponder the capabilities.

To ponder if you can truly let go.

To ponder if holding back is right.

To ponder do you've a surviving chance?

Has pain destroyed it all? Or has it, simply, given you a much stronger bond to rely on?

For you harbor no delusions anymore. You know that there's a person out there, who's capable of, definitely and indefinably, hurting you. That they can be bullheaded and unreasonable and drive you to the edge of that cliff. That they have in them, that ultimate power, to crush you but you choose them anyway.

Pain gives you that power.

Because even when it hurts, it teaches the difference.

It teaches you the difference between life numbing and gut wrenching, unbearable pain.

The kind you find in only the deepest pit of agony.

That kind, with which, you cannot survive.

The one that makes a shell out of your life.

That sucks out all the color.

And that's the kind of pain, you realize, that comes with not being with that same person.

And you embark on a journey to learn, together, that, it takes time, the mind needs pondering, reactions take reflections, habits take deformation, the heart needs it boon, the life needs its lesson, and for all of that to happen, you need to find in your soul, its true calling.

And when, that happens, a bond forms. A new flower blooming after the last one withered to its death. And this one, in it, has the resistance and will to stand any storm.

And that's when you realize.

You realize...

That in pain lies healing.

Rida

 

 

Edited by MaybeSomeday... - 9 years ago

When you open yourself to someone, you choose to be vulnerable. You give the other person the opportunity to hurt you, break you, make you feel vulnerable and lost. Yet you do it anyway. That's because the pain of getting hurt is nothing compared to the pain of not being with the person. You choose to endure this pain as you know you will forever regret not taking the chance when it knocked at your doorstep willingly. It is this choice that you willingly take that speaks for itself. With happiness comes strife, with love comes pain...that is life. If you want to experience love in its fullest and truest form, you have to embrace pain too. You cannot have the rose without the thorn.

Res. I'll try to post  a long reply. (and fail miserably)

Rida I love the concept of vulnerability and change.

Originally posted by: medha16

When you open yourself to someone, you choose to be vulnerable. You give the other person the opportunity to hurt you, break you, make you feel vulnerable and lost. Yet you do it anyway. That's because the pain of getting hurt is nothing compared to the pain of not being with the person. You choose to endure this pain as you know you will forever regret not taking the chance when it knocked at your doorstep willingly. It is this choice that you willingly take that speaks for itself. With happiness comes strife, with love comes pain...that is life. If you want to experience love in its fullest and truest form, you have to embrace pain too. You cannot have the rose without the thorn.

EXACTLY ^^ Love truly makes you vulnerable. The reason we sometimes do not survive love is because we're not ready for all sides of it with which it comes. We think, that love, is beautiful. There's that period. All you feel are hearts and roses, you've never been happier before, you can't stop without texting that person, they make you smile so much, being apart is a pain. But is that all and is that how it always is? No. That same person has the ability to make you cry the most heart wrenching tears you've ever shed, they've the power to hurt you and taint you. That's where most people give up. Relationships are struggle. It's the decision that all those painful times and unreasonable moments are worth the times when you're with that person. That your love is strong and is true, that you can have a difference of perception and still be together, that even when you're apart, it's torture, it's unbearable, it's impossible not to go back.

But the catch lies in how you deal with the pain. One can easily give up and walk away but someone who knows the real deal realizes that with pain comes power too. It can totally crush you but at the same time it can heal you too. It gives you perspective, it shows you the mirror with its intensity and it makes you realize the depth of your feelings . It also gives you the strength to stand tall through it all and take all the necessary steps to put it behind you. Coz you know this pain is fleeting, it is nothing compared to the pain of losing the person you love forever, the pain of ultimate separation and with this realization comes the desperate drive to make it work, to sail through it , to feel the all-encompassing beauty of love once again.


Sometimes the pain is too much and uncalled for. You deem it unreasonable and think this was never what you signed up for. The pain challenges your idealism about compatibility. This person has the ultimate power to hex and vex you and crush you, they hurt you more and more. This is not what you'd thought love was. Your ideologies are challenged and pain dominates everything else. and it's, also, pain that helps you realize, that if this is painful, then living without them is unbearable agony. And for those, who realize it, the alteration comes on its own. You want to be everything for that person. You're ready to communicate, to change something they don't like, to be that better person they deserve, you're ready to let go of a fear, and you're ready to work at your relationship. Two people, both of them, almost never admit who was right or wrong, not until they ponder and when do you ponder? Only, when being without them is not an option. And that's when you change too. For them. You emerge stronger, better, your relationship, so much more beautiful.

Beautiful post Rida...you know I'm a huge fan of your writing and this was lovely like always!😃

AWW YOU'RE SO SWEET MEDHSSS <33 LOVE YOU. THANKYOU.

Originally posted by: annboleyn

Rida I love the concept of vulnerability and change.

They are actually two sides of the same coin.

How can move if you don't allow yourself to open up.

A closed book,a closed jar,a closed mind, a closed heart...how can they breathe,explore,revel,defy. 

Loved it

Exactly, but the question is when do you give yourself that chance? To lower the guards around your heart knowing exactly what lurks outside, knowing it has hurt you once, deeply, scarred you, and can do it again? It's the realization that if the dark lurks outside, so does the good, and if you keep yourself closed up fearing that which is bad, you'll never discover that which is good.
and knowing that giving the good a chance is worth it, that being with them will heal you even if it wounds you from time to time. Because them, you, together, that bond is your true healing. And when you know that you love them, that they matter more than the hurt and the dark, that's exactly when you open up your heart and mind to the possibilities and the world. Simply put, to more.

Embracing vulnerabilities can be hard but not nearly as difficult as spending our lives running from it. It is a risky business but not as  suffocating as giving up on love and belonging and joy"the experiences that make us the most vulnerable.  Only when we let ourselves be open through our vulnerabilities will be able to  explore the darkness ,and eventually will we discover the infinite power of our light.

Originally posted by: charminggenie

Embracing vulnerabilities can be hard but not nearly as difficult as spending our lives running from it. It is a risky business but not as  suffocating as giving up on love and belonging and joy"the experiences that make us the most vulnerable.  Only when we let ourselves be open through our vulnerabilities will be able to  explore the darkness ,and eventually will we discover the infinite power of our light.

It is the only authentic state- be vulnerable, it lets you open up to people,e experiences ,events and finally yourself. Being open to the pain, hurt and the wounds of life means also being open to the joy and beauty. Hiding the vulnerability defeats the purpose of life, it's the greatest asset.

Sometimes we need that poignant influence, that deep understanding to open ourselves to that embrace, to that outerworld. It's like a little child who's too afraid of going into the sea or like that someone who'd say bullshit if you call them near the fire to warm yourself up. Because they will never associate the fire with warmth even if they see you feel it. They will remember all those terrible times that same fire burned them and it'd hurt, so so much. They'll never come near, not until coaxed, helpled, and that transitioning will always be slow. You can inspire them but the struggle will be always theirs. They'll have to need the warmth desperately to take that step.

"Because he could not afford to fail, he could not afford to expose his vulerability, but then he cannnot have love, till he lets himself be , vulnerable without filter . If love is trust to him than he oath to know that he cannot learn to give trust unless he sets open his vulnerabilities. 

SO TRUE ^. Right now he's struggling, he's trapped in conflict. There's a wall of confusion and pain. He always likes to control, his life, his fate, whatever happens in his sphere but now knowing that even when he's doing the controlling, nothing is in his control, that nothing ever will be the way he wants to until he gives something of his ownself, he won't really find what he's so desperately seeking, what's driving him so restless, the need to have those answers, but the fear that if he demands them he'll loose that so hard won control of his life is what's truly holding him back, even if subconsciously.

She needs to know that love can only be cultivated by letting herself be vulnerable to pain. Love is not something we give or get; it is something that needs nurturing and growth , which is why pain and hurt is essential. The need to let go and take that leap of faith is essential. She cannot run away, because that will be deceiving herself and life. But hurt is one of the elements of life, it will chase you one way or another.

^^ AAH GENNIE YOU EXPLAIN EVERYTHING SO BRILLIANTLY That idek what to add <33 Love is not always beautiful, it's pain and ugly and dark too. it makes you bleed to. the question is if you can somehow go back in time, and you're given a chance to remove every bad thing, but it comes with the removal of all the good you had with that person too, will you take it? will you erase everything? the good? and if your answer is, no, that even  though love can be ugly, it's always worth it because those moments, they're worth anything and everything, they're what makes love, love, you know, that this love is worth fighting for.

Oh Rida - you be such a blessing, cannot adore you more!! Always with the wise words which sing to the soul, make me so so proud. Hugs, k🤗

IT'S ALL YOU <33 IM SO GLAD YOU LIKESS. I LOVESSS YOU AND YOUR WORDS SO SO MUCH!!🤗

it's a beautiful, insightful post👏👏👏...indeed pain is not one dimensional, it does not always just bury you alive under ruins of broken dreams and heart and ashes of now-withered emotions

as you pointed out pain is also accepting one's vulnerabilities and having the courage to accept them and walk towards love inspite of the hurt that would surely leave bruises. loving someone more than oneself, with everything that heart and mind can possibly feel, without any walls or shields definitely takes courage and maturity that somehow can be found through that gut-wrenching soul-numbing pain you have talked about.

pain is not always a shard of ice that can leave a pool of crimson hurt and melt into nothingness,

pain is not always something that kills some naive, breathing part inside

pain is not always just incriminations, blame game and self-pity

pain is not always a message bearer of the ending, it is not the words before a full stop.

pain can be a reminder that life is still unexplored, depths of heart still unfathomed

pain can be a mirror to the confused soul, scared by the intensity of feelings unknown

pain can be that comforting blanket which reassures you are not cold, dead inside

pain can  be understanding, acceptance and courage to take that first step ahead

pain is perhaps nothing but the pause before you turn the page and a new chapter begins.

Originally posted by: daisy_luvs_ ff

it's a beautiful, insightful post👏👏👏...indeed pain is not one dimensional, it does not always just bury you alive under ruins of broken dreams and heart and ashes of now-withered emotions

as you pointed out pain is also accepting one's vulnerabilities and having the courage to accept them and walk towards love inspite of the hurt that would surely leave bruises. loving someone more than oneself, with everything that heart and mind can possibly feel, without any walls or shields definitely takes courage and maturity that somehow can be found through that gut-wrenching soul-numbing pain you have talked about.


Thankyou so so much ^^ <3 And truly, pain has its facets like every other emotion, pain brings so much with it. The fear, the anxiety, the wariness, the cowardice at times too, stubbornness, sometimes it leaves scars too. But pain has that power over every other emotion. Pain has the power to make you really really strong. As they say, what doesn't kills you makes you stronger. Pain does that. Either you crumble or either you rebuild yourself. Pain, also, alters you, it gives you that power to change because when intensities vary, it makes you realize that a certain pain to that gut wrenching one that you get being apart from something you so utmostly love, is unbearable.

pain is not always a shard of ice that can leave a pool of crimson hurt and melt into nothingness,

pain is not always something that kills some naive, breathing part inside

pain is not always just incriminations, blame game and self-pity

pain is not always a message bearer of the ending, it is not the words before a full stop.

pain can be a reminder that life is still unexplored, depths of heart still unfathomed

pain can be a mirror to the confused soul, scared by the intensity of feelings unknown

pain can be that comforting blanket which reassures you are not cold, dead inside

pain can  be understanding, acceptance and courage to take that first step ahead

pain is perhaps nothing but the pause before you turn the page and a new chapter begins.

OH MY GOD THESE LINES ^^ You've described it so so beautifully that I simply cannot say anything that's as perfect ^^ You put it perfectly. Pain also gives you the courage youve been looking for all your life. The courage to take that one step forward and let go <33