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Kaisi Yeh Yaariaan
Kaisi Yeh Yaariaan

In Pain Lies Healing // Manan

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Posted: 24 December 2014 at 8:17am | IP Logged

"You love someone, you open yourself up to suffering, that's the sad truth. Maybe they'll break your heart; maybe you'll break their heart and never be able to look at yourself in the same way. Those are the risks. You see two people and you think they belong together, but nothing happens. The thought of losing so much control over personal happiness is unbearable. That's the burden. Like wings, they have weight, we feel that weight on our backs, but they are a burden that lifts us. Burdens that allow us to fly."


T.J. Thyne

 

It's such a favorite quote of mine. Today, I don't even want to say much. This quote and the episode say it all. A relationship is like a curve. A roller coaster ride? When you're mounting, escalating, that going up ride is full of unpredictability, of adrenaline rushes, of blurry fast moments, of realizations, of fear, of anticipation, it goes slowly, building and building.

Then you slide off the edge and everything happens in the blink of an eye. You tip off and the ride tumbles into another world of lows with a light like speed. Too many things happen together, there's so much, the rush, the need, the pain, the misunderstandings, miscommunications. Sometimes you get all the time in the world to sit and ponder but sometimes you simply don't. You take the actions and you get reactions. The thoughts, the afteraffects and pondering, all of it is lost somewhere in the aftermath of your decisions.

Pain does that. Pain has the ability to surround you, surround you to the point you can't hold your breath, and surround you until you choke with it. Pain hurts, and when in pain, you see not that which is hidden beyond the simple comprehension, you see only the source of that pain.

Sometimes, we believe, we believe in our abilities to take decisions, we believe in doing the right thing, we believe that our objectives and our point of views, they're unblemished and true.

A fog wraps around us, cloaking us in itself. There's no one to provide the insight we badly need. We see things in black and white. Emotions take over. For some, it's anger. For some it's reconstruction. Different people handle different things differently.

Are they all wrong? Or are they all right? Or are they, right or wrong, in their own aspects?

Sometimes pain blurs the lines between that which is right and wrong.

A person once smartly told me, there's no right and wrong. It's always what's right for me and what's wrong for me. And that's where conflict appears.

What I might think right may not be your right.

What I think your wrong may not be mine.

And that's when, you're in need, you're in need of that pause. You need that roller coaster to simply stop, the speed to halt, and you need to ponder.

To ponder the what ifs. To ponder the whys.

 To ponder the possibilities. To ponder the capabilities.

To ponder if you can truly let go.

To ponder if holding back is right.

To ponder do you've a surviving chance?

Has pain destroyed it all? Or has it, simply, given you a much stronger bond to rely on?

For you harbor no delusions anymore. You know that there's a person out there, who's capable of, definitely and indefinably, hurting you. That they can be bullheaded and unreasonable and drive you to the edge of that cliff. That they have in them, that ultimate power, to crush you but you choose them anyway.

Pain gives you that power.

Because even when it hurts, it teaches the difference.

It teaches you the difference between life numbing and gut wrenching, unbearable pain.

The kind you find in only the deepest pit of agony.

That kind, with which, you cannot survive.

The one that makes a shell out of your life.

That sucks out all the color.

And that's the kind of pain, you realize, that comes with not being with that same person.

And you embark on a journey to learn, together, that, it takes time, the mind needs pondering, reactions take reflections, habits take deformation, the heart needs it boon, the life needs its lesson, and for all of that to happen, you need to find in your soul, its true calling.

And when, that happens, a bond forms. A new flower blooming after the last one withered to its death. And this one, in it, has the resistance and will to stand any storm.

And that's when you realize.

You realize...

That in pain lies healing.

Rida

 

 



Edited by MaybeSomeday... - 24 December 2014 at 8:21am

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Posted: 24 December 2014 at 8:45am | IP Logged
When you open yourself to someone, you choose to be vulnerable. You give the other person the opportunity to hurt you, break you, make you feel vulnerable and lost. Yet you do it anyway. That's because the pain of getting hurt is nothing compared to the pain of not being with the person. You choose to endure this pain as you know you will forever regret not taking the chance when it knocked at your doorstep willingly. It is this choice that you willingly take that speaks for itself. With happiness comes strife, with love comes pain...that is life. If you want to experience love in its fullest and truest form, you have to embrace pain too. You cannot have the rose without the thorn.

But the catch lies in how you deal with the pain. One can easily give up and walk away but someone who knows the real deal realizes that with pain comes power too. It can totally crush you but at the same time it can heal you too. It gives you perspective, it shows you the mirror with its intensity and it makes you realize the depth of your feelings . It also gives you the strength to stand tall through it all and take all the necessary steps to put it behind you. Coz you know this pain is fleeting, it is nothing compared to the pain of losing the person you love forever, the pain of ultimate separation and with this realization comes the desperate drive to make it work, to sail through it , to feel the all-encompassing beauty of love once again.

Beautiful post Rida...you know I'm a huge fan of your writing and this was lovely like always!Big smile

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Posted: 24 December 2014 at 8:46am | IP Logged
Res. I'll try to post  a long reply. (and fail miserably)

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Posted: 24 December 2014 at 8:50am | IP Logged
Rida I love the concept of vulnerability and change.
They are actually two sides of the same coin.
How can move if you don't allow yourself to open up.
A closed book,a closed jar,a closed mind, a closed heart...how can they breathe,explore,revel,defy. 
Loved it

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Posted: 24 December 2014 at 9:06am | IP Logged
res

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Posted: 24 December 2014 at 9:24am | IP Logged
Originally posted by medha16

When you open yourself to someone, you choose to be vulnerable. You give the other person the opportunity to hurt you, break you, make you feel vulnerable and lost. Yet you do it anyway. That's because the pain of getting hurt is nothing compared to the pain of not being with the person. You choose to endure this pain as you know you will forever regret not taking the chance when it knocked at your doorstep willingly. It is this choice that you willingly take that speaks for itself. With happiness comes strife, with love comes pain...that is life. If you want to experience love in its fullest and truest form, you have to embrace pain too. You cannot have the rose without the thorn.

EXACTLY ^^ Love truly makes you vulnerable. The reason we sometimes do not survive love is because we're not ready for all sides of it with which it comes. We think, that love, is beautiful. There's that period. All you feel are hearts and roses, you've never been happier before, you can't stop without texting that person, they make you smile so much, being apart is a pain. But is that all and is that how it always is? No. That same person has the ability to make you cry the most heart wrenching tears you've ever shed, they've the power to hurt you and taint you. That's where most people give up. Relationships are struggle. It's the decision that all those painful times and unreasonable moments are worth the times when you're with that person. That your love is strong and is true, that you can have a difference of perception and still be together, that even when you're apart, it's torture, it's unbearable, it's impossible not to go back.




But the catch lies in how you deal with the pain. One can easily give up and walk away but someone who knows the real deal realizes that with pain comes power too. It can totally crush you but at the same time it can heal you too. It gives you perspective, it shows you the mirror with its intensity and it makes you realize the depth of your feelings . It also gives you the strength to stand tall through it all and take all the necessary steps to put it behind you. Coz you know this pain is fleeting, it is nothing compared to the pain of losing the person you love forever, the pain of ultimate separation and with this realization comes the desperate drive to make it work, to sail through it , to feel the all-encompassing beauty of love once again.


Sometimes the pain is too much and uncalled for. You deem it unreasonable and think this was never what you signed up for. The pain challenges your idealism about compatibility. This person has the ultimate power to hex and vex you and crush you, they hurt you more and more. This is not what you'd thought love was. Your ideologies are challenged and pain dominates everything else. and it's, also, pain that helps you realize, that if this is painful, then living without them is unbearable agony. And for those, who realize it, the alteration comes on its own. You want to be everything for that person. You're ready to communicate, to change something they don't like, to be that better person they deserve, you're ready to let go of a fear, and you're ready to work at your relationship. Two people, both of them, almost never admit who was right or wrong, not until they ponder and when do you ponder? Only, when being without them is not an option. And that's when you change too. For them. You emerge stronger, better, your relationship, so much more beautiful.



Beautiful post Rida...you know I'm a huge fan of your writing and this was lovely like always!Big smile

AWW YOU'RE SO SWEET MEDHSSS <33 LOVE YOU. THANKYOU.

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Posted: 24 December 2014 at 9:33am | IP Logged
Originally posted by annboleyn

Rida I love the concept of vulnerability and change.
They are actually two sides of the same coin.
How can move if you don't allow yourself to open up.
A closed book,a closed jar,a closed mind, a closed heart...how can they breathe,explore,revel,defy. 
Loved it

Exactly, but the question is when do you give yourself that chance? To lower the guards around your heart knowing exactly what lurks outside, knowing it has hurt you once, deeply, scarred you, and can do it again? It's the realization that if the dark lurks outside, so does the good, and if you keep yourself closed up fearing that which is bad, you'll never discover that which is good.
and knowing that giving the good a chance is worth it, that being with them will heal you even if it wounds you from time to time. Because them, you, together, that bond is your true healing. And when you know that you love them, that they matter more than the hurt and the dark, that's exactly when you open up your heart and mind to the possibilities and the world. Simply put, to more.


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Posted: 24 December 2014 at 9:48am | IP Logged
Embracing vulnerabilities can be hard but not nearly as difficult as spending our lives running from it. It is a risky business but not as  suffocating as giving up on love and belonging and joy"the experiences that make us the most vulnerable.  Only when we let ourselves be open through our vulnerabilities will be able to  explore the darkness ,and eventually will we discover the infinite power of our light.
It is the only authentic state- be vulnerable, it lets you open up to people,e experiences ,events and finally yourself. Being open to the pain, hurt and the wounds of life means also being open to the joy and beauty. Hiding the vulnerability defeats the purpose of life, it's the greatest asset.

"Because he could not afford to fail, he could not afford to expose his vulerability, but then he cannnot have love, till he lets himself be , vulnerable without filter . If love is trust to him than he oath to know that he cannot learn to give trust unless he sets open his vulnerabilities. 

She needs to know that love can only be cultivated by letting herself be vulnerable to pain. Love is not something we give or get; it is something that needs nurturing and growth , which is why pain and hurt is essential. The need to let go and take that leap of faith is essential. She cannot run away, because that will be deceiving herself and life. But hurt is one of the elements of life, it will chase you one way or another.

Oh Rida - you be such a blessing, cannot adore you more!! Always with the wise words which sing to the soul, make me so so proud. Hugs, kHug

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