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Kaisi Yeh Yaariaan

Cupid and Psyche (Page 3)

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Posted: 24 December 2014 at 8:42am | IP Logged
Originally posted by 13thwish

Doc!!! You and your post be such loveHug
Nandu functioning as Manik's ego.. the perfect analogy (Any science girl would be proud, Nandu included)

Res for now.. lots to say..
Wishy hugs

Science nerd and proud of it.
Do write I'm sure you'll spin some magical words.
Where is my better half? 

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charminggenie

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Posted: 24 December 2014 at 9:02am | IP Logged

I believe every living being on this planet develops it's own coping mechanism to survive life, pain and hurt. it is very involuntary. Like a child might be fearful of dark , either he avoids it and pretends that it doesn't exist or fight and strive to create a flicker of light to face the darkness. This is how Manik and Nandini learnt to face their darkness.

Manik specially took to pretending and zoning out because , he seemed to have spent many nights, wailing, wishing and having his hopes crushed repeatedly to expect any light. Nobody told him to fight or encouraged him , he was just flung around to deal with his issues on his own . Hence he developed his own mechanism, he started masking his emotions, vulnerabilities because if he can zone them out they won't be visible to others to hurt him, he won't have to deal with them. This is why he prefers to be the bad boy, because the good in him gave up on hope. Hoping comes with pain and hurt. He always stared at those stars because they reflected something which he was never meant to have- the light. He envies this light , the will to shine in all the darkness because for some reason he gave up believing that he could illuminate too. He took to working hard and letting his friends shine, protect them because somewhere they reflected some light in his life, he needed to take the blows and appear invincible to them because these kids would become like him , otherwise. He became that guardian , who he never had in his lifetime. 

Yes it's the Zidd  because he has always trusted himself , his instincts - he cannot let that go because he doesn't know anything else. Nobody has given him the "other perspective" . he was raised by his own struggles and experiences , hence he struggles to read the other POV.

Ego- he hides his vulnerabilities by his ego because there is a deep sense of insecurity. he is a boy who was told to always be perfect. he tries to be one for his friends and for his mask. So there is no margin of a Manik who will break down, be comfortable of acknowledging his mistakes because he never had someone he could do that with . He watches his friends and see them deriving their will from his strength , he thinks they might not be able to handle his break-down , so he puts the mask, because this arrogant, egoistic guy was told that showing or emoting vulnerabilities is a sigh of weakness. 

He looks for tangibles in actions and words, because that has been stepping blocks for all his validations. He cares, he will show you. He needs the physical touch to feel his emotions because the intangible, abstract part of emotions were never part of his life. This is why when he see Nandini walking away , he overlooks her care and her gestures. Because to him that is one memory , one vision he has always associated to him being left alone by people he always wanted to be loved from. Therefore he zones out the unconditional care and love Nandu pours in her hug and care. 

Love- He struggles with this word, what is it, he doesn't know . He has heard or felt that it is a very coveted prized position that probably is earned after years of knowing each other or which he is so out of his reach. He has no memory , event or person to associate this feelings. This love is different from what he feels with fab5, they are his family - the one he acquired , but where he has to hide his heart's conflicts , hence he cannot share the unconditional with them, because he cares and loves them too much to burden them with his heart's ache.

Nandini- She is anomaly of his life, the "other" to his being. Because her approach to life and conflicts is so contrasting to his. He refuses to acknowledge dark, she embraces it with a smile. She has that light which he thinks he cannot ever be. She taught him that life is not about give and take, there are some emotions , actions and relationships which are above them. Including friendship, so if for Manik compensating for Dhruv's debt was giving up on his love, it was not right. Her punch was to remind him that if he applies this philosophy to intangibles like friendship, love- there will be a collateral damage which will have far reaching conclusions. 

He makes mistakes with her, she gives those free advises  but he always searches and internalizes her words, actions because that has been his reference point. While she goes for the depth ,  he looks at the surface. This is the struggle, they both are teaching how life really is and should be lived. He feels that hope with her, the desire of the unconditional because she doesn't label his vulnerabilities as imperfections , that is why she is spotless light, the one to be loved, worshiped and revered. That someone , he always wanted but never thought himself to be worthy to be.

Self-destruction
Nobody has told him to value life. Friendship taught him to put himself on the line if need be but Nandini is teaching him to embrace and live life for himself. Because if he cannot love and appreciate himself, he will never know how he adds value to others life. Why he is so precious to her and others. 

For a 19 year old boy he has a lot of hang-ups, understandable , he is at an age where angst is everything, and emotional stunting seems to be convenient and the cool thing. It's easier to run away than to face problems. It's because his circle was so accommodating to his mechanism until Nandini arrived. She is the outsider who has shaken his world , so she becomes the fulcrum of his growing up . She and life in general will make a man out of this boy. Too young, too sheltered right now to have his own realizations. Nandini is the guide to teach him and open his mind to emotions, new experiences and life. 

Mukti is like Manik self-destructing , sticks to her opinion , fab5 because changing that will make her vulnerable and she has never been able to handle it well. She needs fab5 as a constant because she despises change , probably she associates that with pain, misery and too hurt. So she prefers to fake it , revel in the misery and struggle to maintain the constant of her life. Because being alone is something she is most fearful about. 

Cabir has had his brush with outside world, he had his guide in his mom - who taught him how to lead life with respect . He loved and realized that hiding behind the veil is more suffocating than facing a hostile crowd. He is the one who is more welcomed to outside environment and branches out , which is why he is sorted and realizes that all his friends hide behind facades and that is fab5 stick together because it's easy , comfortable and enabling.



Particularly for Manik , Nandini is the branch to the outside world. She is the push he needs to step outside from his self-percieved dark world.


So this is all I can think right now, Doc. Gotta sort our save the date cards, you reckon we can go out on a date soon?





Edited by charminggenie - 24 December 2014 at 9:13am

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sukshSexpotBoxedInFireboltEXOL

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Posted: 24 December 2014 at 9:04am | IP Logged
Doc I've so much more to say but I died at the 'Bachhanalian' reference, okay? 
Brb. 

Hug for coming up with this analogy. We commoners just say 'Gadha' and get done with it. LOL

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sukshSexpot

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Posted: 24 December 2014 at 9:12am | IP Logged
DocHug

res

unres

I had to go through some articles to understand defence mechanisms and ego. You have explained it beautifully Doc. This is a fab post.Clap You made me search on such things...I love this damn it!!!Hug

Now what I get is that defense mechanisms usually come in play when anxiety and the feeling of all of it 'crumbling down' comes.It is the feeling of all of it failing and shattering that one adopts these mechanisms...to survive and protect themselves, to enclose themselves in a nutshell coz that is where they feel safe. Doesn't this sound ManikMalhotra2.o on our faces?LOL Well that is what he is, isn't it? This is how he escapes situations...and has been doing it for a very long time. Isn't this all related to your yesterday's question to Genie as to how he shunts Fab5 but not her...ever. He has been playing this way coz this is how he feels safe, this is how he overcomes issues and problems, conflicts which need his attention are solved this way only. He in a way runs away from them.

We use defense mechanisms to protect ourselves from feelings of anxiety or guilt, which arise because we feel threatened, or because our id or superego becomes too demanding. ---Saul McLeod

Finally 'EGO' comes in play which I would associate to the denial phase..which is one of the many defense mechanisms. And that is what Manik mainly plays other than acting out.

His refusal to accept the changes, the emotions--whatever they maybe...not only restricted to love--is what makes him act out differently. His ego comes in play and he just simply stops accepting things just coz he doesn't wanna admit to them, come at terms with them. This is typical him...choking himself to a point where he can't be reached by any, shutting himself in a cage of his own ego, his own denial, his own refusal---to his own experiences and reality.

I associate acting out as his other defense process. He simply starts acting out as 'extremes'. (Isn't that what Nandu says?) 

Self-injury may also be a form of acting-out, expressing in physical pain what one cannot stand to feel emotionally.---Dr. John Grohol

He takes the path of going to extreme behaviour when there is something he fails to express. Majorly coz of the emotional extremes he has faced in his life coz of the parental neglect or not enough care from their side...he prefers to go the 'BLACK' or 'WHITE' way...no grey in between, is it?

Now Nandu comes in play...she pushes his limits unline Fab5 and Nyonika and touches those nerves...hurts his ego, makes him act out...and then is the balm he needs. She is taking him out of this black hole he is in subconsciously. 

She is the one who hurts his ego, he answers abck, fights for it and eventually sheds that veil of ego and his inner softie rises above all---she sees through his vulnerability and tries to mend him.

She is the one who makes him act extremes...makes him o black and tries to act as if she is white but they gradually settle at grey coz there is the middle path they both chose...something neither too loaded for him nor too simple, something which isn;t a burden nor a magic spell...they chose a path on which he can walk bare feet with her.

Thus she is special...she is light...she is fireflies...she is stars...she is his love...which our Gadha doesn't understand.LOL

Phew!!! DONE...I hope it matches up to ur level Doc.Wink
----Zoha



Edited by zohasad2.0 - 24 December 2014 at 9:49am

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Sexpotcharminggenie

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Posted: 24 December 2014 at 9:12am | IP Logged
WOW. Firstly, the title ^ it's a mindblowing topic in itself. IT'S SOO. HOW YOU USED CUPID AND PSYCHE IS LOVEE DOC!

Secondly, this, IS WOW. Such a brilliant topic and backed up by such concrete factual details ^^ you've described them all so so brilliantly, them and their psyche, and with such great arguments and scientific findings and also the comparison between the three is so apt.

Whereas I completely love Manik, I also think, that he's a conflicted personality. Like you said, due to all the neglected, there's so much in him that never builded up the way a normal child's does.

I remember this. It was posted my MTV on their page, and this was posted under manik gyaan defining his personality so brilliantly.

People treat you the way you let them treat you - so it's better to be the bad boy - Makes things much simpler.


^ and that's how he thinks, doesn't he? I am not good. I like to be bad. And he believes it. the bad in him. So hurt in life, deprived, he has come to believe that he wants to live life the way he wants, he doesn't want to give anyone the power over him, the power to hurt him, the power to mould him, he doesn't want to be good because it has never done him any good. When you're good, people come to expect from you, and he never wants to stand up to anyone's expectations, never want that guilt of not being worthy enough of love and warmth anymore. So he doesn't give anyone the power to hurt him, he does it by taking everything in his control, by crushing their ability to affect his life and have a dominating hand in the play of fate in his life.
Like he said to Nandini in that shower scene "Mujhe kisiko koi explanations nahi deni aur nahi mujhe kisi ka hero banna hai!"

I think emotions conflict him, he's confused, wary of giving that power to someone else again so people can hurt them, so people can do what has been done so much to him in the past that he's not ready to take it.

Is that justified? No. Few things in life are. but I aslo think the fear of giving somebody else that power stems from experiences that have scarred him. How will he repair himself or rather what will repair him?

Nandini. I think we all know the answer to that. And not just because she wants to, but because he'd want to be a better person for her. She inspires him and I think the transitioning is slow, it has its backlashes. When you see a number line and you define 1 as the positive you forget that when someone goes from
-10 to -1 they're improving. You still find them negative, still in the dark, but somehow they're not. They're so much close to that 1 then they ever were. I believe Manik's on that journey.
He has to let go. He has to be the one to give somebody that power over him. Yes, he fears, yes the risks haunt but the question, the ultimate fight would be, is it worth it?
and I truly truly believe DOC, when the answer will be yes, he'll find that transition and he'll let go, and bloom like leaves and flowers do in spring.
they find color and their true home.

I loved how you described Mukti and Cabir.
I would like to add Aliya too. I love this girl. She's never had a guiding light all her life too. All she had was her friends and a brother whom she loves fiercely but who she finds on the wrong path. This girl as well, is conflicted, is hurt, everytime she realizes the rift between her friends and her brother, the guilt of being stuck iin btw, knowing how much he's hurt her friends, the girl shrivels a little inside. She hurts but tries not to show. She lets the guilt take over everything and finally she's finding that confidence. To share, to tell someone, to let someone see the vulnerability and it's Dhruv. I'm so glad for that.

this got so long lmao

this topic be such love DOC <3

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sukshSexpotBoxedInmedha16Fireboltzohasad2.0SunoNa...EXOLcharminggenie

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Posted: 24 December 2014 at 9:16am | IP Logged
He makes mistakes with her, she gives those free advises  but he always searches and internalizes her words, actions because that has been his reference point. While she goes for the depth ,  he looks at the surface. This is the struggle, they both are teaching how life really is and should be lived. He feels that hope with her, the desire of the unconditional because she doesn't label his vulnerabilities as imperfections , that is why she is spotless light, the one to be loved, worshiped and revered. That someone , he always wanted but never thought himself to be worthy to be.
Genie this para was just so perfect.the struggle is definitely real. I really hope they handle him well. 
I've never gone out on a date..let's plan something risque

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medha16zohasad2.0nyxxEXOLcharminggenie

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Posted: 24 December 2014 at 9:19am | IP Logged
Doc loves my writing?
Yay! I'm in 'rejoice mode' right now...
But honestly, I do love your medical and pschological explanations to these character traits...it's extremely enlightening though some of the heavier terms do confuse me sometimes. Tongue
As for writing, I'm too lazy to make topics...usually I reply to others; posts ar stick to rambling in the AT and now twitter. LOL

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Posted: 24 December 2014 at 9:25am | IP Logged
Doc - YOU know what this does to my brain, err synapses reading this right in the morning? Stimulation!
I absolutely admire the way you penned down the analogy behind Manik's workings (especially because you asked so many yesterday on twitter land, but we all know you were the correct person for this!) - So broken, vulnerable, yet can be one of the strongest pillars. I like you, equally want to see this character shine...let him grow..and I'll be back. Lots to say. Let me get ready ;-) 

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