Kaisi Yeh Yaariaan


Kaisi Yeh Yaariaan
Kaisi Yeh Yaariaan

Cupid and Psyche

Sexpot Goldie

Joined: 17 September 2014
Posts: 2392

Posted: 24 December 2014 at 7:30am | IP Logged

Emotional abuse, defined as "soul murder" (Garbarino, Guttman & Seeley, 1987), consists of recurrent parental critical attacks, rejection, devaluation, contempt and ignoring the child, all of which undermine the child's emerging identity. The parents preserve their harsh control over the humiliated child by presenting their critical and devaluing attacks as caring and protecting the child's welfare (Thompson & Kaplan, 1996).  

Self esteem and development of immature defence mechanisms are the two affected outcomes. Emotional neglect or abuse leads to narcissistic damage to a child's personality and detrimental to development of self. If this begins early then kids tend to overuse the id to counteract anxiety which then leads to egotistical distortion of personality. Often taking the role of protectors and indulging the "invincible" persona to douse their inner conflict of immature defence mechanisms.

Manik's journey up till now has showcased so much of his id because his Ego was spent in rationalising his neglect. Until Nandu entered the picture,she unwittingly became his Ego mediating between his id and super-ego and that's why they have this connection. The outside world can conjecture but will never be able to truly understand their connection. It's deep and basic (bushy you reading?). She challenges him, questions his impulsive decisions, calms him and is always a mediator.

 His negative self image,the whole "I'm not good I like to be bad" is the most moving thing he has said. This projection is a direct result of feeling very deeply as undeserving of love to cope with parental neglect. I think that's the reason he finds it easiest to be so harsh with his mother and Nandu in contrast to his interaction with his friends.

The mind is beautiful for  it craves balance,the endorphins,the inhibitory neurotransmitters. It knows what it needs to protect itself unlike the body which is Bacchanalian (Adhi couldn't resist). The inference being Manik is actually detoxing right now as a result of Nandus toxicity. Much like how a caffeine addict would feel once they start drinking antioxidant laden beverages. Our Nandu is his spinach and carrot smoothie with a dash of jaggery.

But saying that I'm really worried about Manik as he is now at the threshold of transitioning slowly from a boy to a man. If he continues his maladaptive behaviour it is going to impact his adult psychopathology. I briefly wanted to discuss his coping mechanisms. Ever since the dreadful Musicana week it has become painfully obvious that his defence mechanism is extremely immature and has been shaped by the very aggressive interaction between his mother and him.

Defence mechanisms are classified based on adaptive ness and maturity. Immature defence mechanisms incorporate projection,splitting,acting out,denial of external reality. This is Manik in a nutshell to me especially when he faces rejection,fear or anxiety.

On the other hand Cabir is such a beautifully written character and you can see he uses Mature defence mechanisms. This is seen with adaptive kids as a result of balanced parenting and they use sublimation,humor,suppression and altruism. Bira is awesome sauce.

I quickly want to mention Mukthi,because this girl really defines neurotic defence mechanism. She uses displacement,reaction formation,repression and isolation. Point in case being her obsession to a certain extent with Harshad. 

I really hope we are able to see Manik metamorphose into a well adapted and psychologically stable person. It will be refreshing and necessary to close the loop.

My girls come back. Miss you all

Edited by annboleyn - 24 December 2014 at 7:37am

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medha16 IF-Rockerz

Joined: 20 September 2011
Posts: 5151

Posted: 24 December 2014 at 7:36am | IP Logged

Doc Hug
This post is so you...I really love how you always come up with such rational and factual explanations to everything and this was quite enlightening for a layman like me as well.

Your theory about nandini acting as the ego or the mediator b/w the two states of Manik is interesting...It's actually quite true now that I think of it.Manik has always been a man of extremes and has always been guided by his natural instincts and impulses more than anybody else. His super-ego comes into pay only after he has already acted. But it's nandini who has always triggered the rational, organised and emotional side of manik. 

His neglect at the hands of nyonika has shaped his entire childhood and he has internalised the 'hate' so much so that he believes himself to be incapable of love or undeserving of it. He is afraid to feel, to live, to love freely and when he does give in to these emotions, he feels that his defenses are weakening as a result of which he lashes out even more deeply. It is more so in the case of Nandini because as much he loves and cares about his friends, he has always been their saviour or protector. It is in front of nandini and nyonika that he feels himself to be vulnerable as they generate these deep, all-consuming emotions within him and more often than not he doesn't know how to deal with such extreme emotions. Thus, he retaliates in the only way he knows by lashing out at them.

On the other hand Cabir has always been brought up in a far healthier environment wherein he shared an extremely strong bond with his mother. He is far more rational and balanced in his approach . However, at the same time this tiff with his mother would hurt him even more than anybody else. It was she who was one of the two major fulcrums his life was centered upon. it would be interesting to see how he deals with this impasse from hereon.

Mukti's life too has been a turbulent one. From what we know, she comes from a family that is always on war. Mostly, constantly battling parents is far more damaging to a psyche than a broken family. She yearns to be accepted, to be loved wholly and she tries to find that lack in her family in other men. It was Harshad who gave her a chance at happiness, at love and she welcomed it and gave it her all. His betrayal shook her heavily and she couldn't deal with the rejection, the dashing of her hopes of a perfect life and thus she went into denial.

PS- I love the title of your post...the story of Nandini and Manik does draw a parallel b/w  the story of Eros and Psyche. The "soul"and the "love or desire" are interlinked, one cannot exist without the other and even though they would have to take a journey to the metaphorical "underworld', they would only emerge stronger with a love that is akin to being immortal.

Edited by medha16 - 24 December 2014 at 8:14am

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diva82 IF-Rockerz

Joined: 20 May 2007
Posts: 9417

Posted: 24 December 2014 at 7:37am | IP Logged
Doc Hug

I will come back and comment Embarrassed

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TheShipWeirdo IF-Rockerz

Joined: 16 February 2014
Posts: 8322

Posted: 24 December 2014 at 7:40am | IP Logged

Warning: I don't do good comments and specially not in analysis :S

Doc Hug I've always found it interesting to read about psychology, for some reason. And all I could think while going through this was how it's totally a "Doc post".

It's truly great how you've penned down the inner workings of Manik's mind in such a spectacular fashion, leaves me dazed. I can't even try to add anything because it's all there. I'll just re-read this one gem of a post and the amazing replies that'll come with to be even more amazed.

I love reading analysis but I can't do it myself, I swear. Ask anyone. I would really, honestly do it if I could because I love you lots. But you make me want to study psychology LOL

Edited by TheShipWeirdo - 24 December 2014 at 10:10pm

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Noorie30 IF-Rockerz

Joined: 29 September 2014
Posts: 5059

Posted: 24 December 2014 at 7:51am | IP Logged
Doc, you know how much i love you Heartand how much i love these psychological stuffsDay Dreaming  To me these are more intoxicating than drugsLOL

I really love your explanation on Manik's defense mechanism.

You just made my love for you increased even more.Blushing

Thank you for this intriguing, enriching and beautiful post.Hug

(P.S: i don't do psychoanalysis but i love reading about themLOL)

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rubys07 Goldie

Joined: 24 August 2011
Posts: 2453

Posted: 24 December 2014 at 8:06am | IP Logged
RESDay Dreaming


The soul-murder thing, I kind of agree to that. From what I've learnt about Manik, he has this sense of subconscious self-loathing in him. While growing up, emotional abuse tends to affect a child a lot more than physical one. Out  of the constant criticisms and rejection stems the feeling of self-loathing. The feeling of "hating myself" or "not doing/being enough" leads one to be subconsciously dependent on Id alone, and in these cases often the superego almost ceases to exist. For a children growing up like that, it becomes very much conflicting and confusing to listen to the call of Ego, because it makes them question their life principles (that has already stemmed from id) and also because they feel it makes them vulnerable' to emotional rejection (defense mechanism at work).

Nandini is Manik's Ego. THIS. Your Ego won't let you do whatever you like. The conflicts, the fights of MaNan- a reason for it is because Nandini has always made Manik question his ideas of things, his principles- all of which are driven by his id, even now. Nandini isn't his Superego, because she is not perfection or goodness personified, like Dhruv imagines her to be. She is the girl believing in traditions and customs, but she doesn't be all shaadi-ke-baad' while in love with Manik. She is Manik's Ego, because she can properly rationalize, hatch a plan and take charge of an id-driven Manik wanting to murder Harshad even if he is to be destroyed in the process.

(Sorry I've had a year's worth of food today alone so I don't wanna think about any food right now. But I completely agree with the detoxing thing.)

And Manik's immature defense mechanism. In the show, he is what, 19? 20 at max? He is so close to developing as an adult. We all know that Nandini, his Ego, will eventually come around and be there to work as a mediator in Manik's life. But I believe Manik should at least try to appropriate his defected mechanism and that too soon. Relying on one's judgment and principles because you love her is fine. Being blindly and irreparably depended on someone because you cannot be trusted with your id-issues is wrong at so many levels.

Manik has a flawed way of dealing with rejection or fear. I call him a Gadha but even I know he can't help it. He keeps going back to the part where Nandini just walked away even after he'd let his wall down for her, even after he'd revealed his vulnerabilities. His sense of rejection affects his psyche so much that he hurts himself and Nandini, breaks within himself, snaps at everyone and tries to keep the indifferent, 'invincible mask on but never for once he takes a moment to think, ponder over the WHY'...the reason for Nandini's walking away.

On the other hand, we have Cabir, he can't boast of having the best past or anything, but the way he deals with things compared to Manik amazes me. I respect my bro. But then, human psychology works in its own peculiar way for each person. Cabir advises Manik to THINK why she had walked away, even though he doesn't know the past MaNan as a pair has, or the conversation they've had. But sometimes, like in today's epi, where he snaps at Manik and others for supporting Alya, I get worried for him. I've got people like Cabir (though not as awesome as him but close enough), and what I have seen is that they also have their moments, when they just can't take it anymore. Their suppression, positivity or humor burden them, with so much pressure they break... because suppressing strong emotions like betrayal, rejection, self-loathing etc doesn't make them disappear. Positivity or humor can lift up the mood temporarily but can't make one happy for good. I strongly hope Bira NEVER goes upto that point, where he has to break. I can't even think of it.

For Mukti, I think her defense mechanism is flawed as well, because she kind of has the same mechanism at work as Manik. But currently with the new track starting and all, I'd wait to see how she adapts and moves on.

Okay so it is a long, boring, incoherent and unrevised gibberish of a sleep-deprived mind, so just ignore if I start sounding nonsensical at any point/throughout the post. Plus, I'm no good with words so excuse moi. But in simple language, I LOVED what you've written, like seriously. KudosClap

p.s. The title. I be a mythology freak and I LOBE itDay Dreaming

Edited by rubys07 - 25 December 2014 at 1:07pm

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Medha.S IF-Rockerz

Joined: 01 July 2012
Posts: 8000

Posted: 24 December 2014 at 8:14am | IP Logged
DOC! *fangurl moment for Momma*Day Dreaming

Doc writing beautiful psychoanalysis of my boys is all I need to make my night. I am so dumb, even though I study Psychology, i have to re-read this many-many times to understand the real beauty of it all.

Edited by Medha.S - 24 December 2014 at 8:16am

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Firebolt IF-Rockerz

Joined: 29 December 2011
Posts: 5159

Posted: 24 December 2014 at 8:20am | IP Logged
Did you just use citations Doc? Because that's just gold!!!

You've already explained it all so wonderfully what can i possibly add? Manik is so messed up that sometimes we don't even realise how much behind all his bravado. He craves attention, he wants to make every decision, he has problem with authority...  He lacks an anchor. Fab5 indulge him, they don't anchor him. It was quite intuitive of Nyonika today,to see that spark between MaNan. The invisible "cord" as Cabir puts it. Somehow he's more "Manik" with Nandini. And it shows. Nandini is his anchor.

I lau you for making this absolute delight of a post. Hug

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