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peaches

Goldie

peaches

Joined: 24 March 2005

Posts: 1022

Posted: 10 June 2005 at 7:49pm | IP Logged

I have two questions related to the subject matter.

Question TYPE 1.

If you found out that your spouse was cheating on you (emotionally or physically) what would you do? 

If he asked for forgiveness and promised to not do it again would you accept him or her back? What if kids were in the picture?

Would you be more or less forgiving if it was a one night stand vs. an on going thing with another person?

Question TYPE 2.

Why do you think men or woman cheat? It is because the are not satisfied in their relationship (emotionally or physically) or are they just looking for an opportunity and are greedy?

Do you believe that a man or a woman can truly love his or her spouse, and still end up cheating on them?  In other words, just because they cheated doesn't mean that they don't love their spouse.

If you feel that cheating is different for men and woman, please state your view points.

 

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anonmember

IF-Sizzlerz

anonmember

Joined: 13 December 2004

Posts: 15187

Posted: 10 June 2005 at 8:13pm | IP Logged

Originally posted by peaches

Question TYPE 2.

Why do you think men or woman cheat? It is because the are not satisfied in their relationship (emotionally or physically) or are they just looking for an opportunity and are greedy?

Do you believe that a man or a woman can truly love his or her spouse, and still end up cheating on them?  In other words, just because they cheated doesn't mean that they don't love their spouse.

If you feel that cheating is different for men and woman, please state your view points.

There are many reasons why men and women cheat.  First, cheating is glorified on television and films (Desperate Housewives, Kkusum, most daytime soaps, Masti, Murder) Its portrayed as something exciting and adventerous. I guess some people get bored with their marriage and/or spouse and decide to engage in an extra martial affair. I think its a combination of boredom and greed. Maybe an affair can help someone get ahead in their professional career (stupid) Or maybe the spouse doesn't give enough time or care to the other spouse. These are some situations that are portrayed on TV and films. Whether they are true or not is open to debate.

About love- I don't know.  This is a difficult question. Everyone makes mistakes and no one is perfect. It depends on why the husband or wife cheated on the spouse.

Cheating should NOT be treated differently for men or women. In almost all societies, men are never blamed for cheating because its seen as a 'manly' thing. If a women cheats, she is considered is 'bad' person (can't use the word on the forum) On TV, the 'other' women is always seen as an evil person, the one who lures the husband into the affair.  And this is true everywhere, not just in South Asian countries.



Edited by sonynyu - 10 June 2005 at 8:14pm

cRaZyGrL192

Senior Member

cRaZyGrL192

Joined: 02 July 2005

Posts: 597

Posted: 02 July 2005 at 10:09pm | IP Logged
i hate cheaters so even if my kids were in the pic i would still get the hell out of my house.there is no excuse for cheating on ur spouse. ppl cheat just bcuz there greedy.thye wanna keep their spouse but go out and look for more.ppl like that should even get married.they dont deserve 2 be in such a relantionship or commitment.greedy ppl like that disgust me!Dead

peacestead

Goldie

peacestead

Joined: 04 May 2005

Posts: 1104

Posted: 03 July 2005 at 12:31am | IP Logged

If you found out that your spouse was cheating on you (emotionally or physically) what would you do? 

This indeed is a very difficult question to answer and i'm sure you'll get alot of different answers because everyone is different and everyone functions in a different value system. For me the most important aspect of a relationship or marriage is trust, trust is the thread that holds the marriage together and if trust is broken then the marriage is broken in itself. For me it would be virtually impossible to live or stay married to a person who has cheated on me, it would be a hurt , a betrayal beyond comprehension !!!!!!It would be a dent in my integrity, my wholesomeness, my worth , my pride, a blow from which i would never be able to recover. I am married and i dont know how to explain to you ( i gather you are unmarried???) how much trust and faith a wife or husband puts in his/her spouse, it is on this trust that you lay the foundation of your marriage, the whole infrastructure of your relationship and if this very trust were to be broken the pain and agony would be unfathomable.

For me my life would cease to have any meaning and the humiliation would be something i would never forgive my husband for, I may sound harsh but i would Never be able to forgive altho' i know forgiveness in itself is a virtue. To carry on with him from that point onwards would be impossible. Some people would say that it would be best for the kids if the parents did'nt divorce but in my eyes a child is better off if the parents

seperated peacefully than live in a house full of distrust, regrets and unpleasant vibes. I would live and perhaps live beautifully for the sake of my children  but putting myself in that position right now i think love and trust would not be a part of my dictionary ever again. You never know what life has in store and people do love again but this is a hurt that would shatter my world.As for the man who cheats, i have little hope that he will ever change, A leopard never changes its spots and once a cheater always a cheater!!!

 

pj04

IF-Veteran Member

pj04

Joined: 02 September 2004

Posts: 1623

Posted: 03 July 2005 at 3:11pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by peaches

I have two questions related to the subject matter.

Question TYPE 1.

If you found out that your spouse was cheating on you (emotionally or physically) what would you do? 

If he asked for forgiveness and promised to not do it again would you accept him or her back? What if kids were in the picture?

Would you be more or less forgiving if it was a one night stand vs. an on going thing with another person?

 

       what would i do........i am not really sure. it would depend on circumstances, i would be very hurt and angry needless to say.however it is time to pay attention to where the relationship went wrong and why these circumstances arose in the first place.

                would i forgive him ....maybe .again this is a function of circumstances and what lead him astray. over years i have devloped an eerie way of not being judgemental and understanding him. before forgiving him, i would just put myself in his place and think if i would think that he ought to forgive me.ofcourse children would play an important role in the decision.....should i turn everyone's life upside down because my husband was weak?. should i forget a long history together , his devotion to kids, his concerns for me in the past to salvage my pride or should i try salvaging the relationship that has been my anchor and window to love all these tears.i would definately consider giving him a chance to redeem himself.

               i would be more willing to forgive an one night stand(i think think of a million scenerios where that could happen) than a long term affair(these is one complicated issue becoz he cheated on me everyday for so many years and apart from physical intimacy ,he must have also devloped some kind of emotional ties to this third person)

Question TYPE 2.

Why do you think men or woman cheat? It is because the are not satisfied in their relationship (emotionally or physically) or are they just looking for an opportunity and are greedy?

Do you believe that a man or a woman can truly love his or her spouse, and still end up cheating on them?  In other words, just because they cheated doesn't mean that they don't love their spouse.

If you feel that cheating is different for men and woman, please state your view points.

                 there is no definate answer to the question of why man and women cheat. most common are

1) staleness in present relationship and an opportunity to feel some excitement or alive again

2) as a ladder to achieve your professional goals.

3)a way to assert the power of ones masculinity(men) and beauty(women ) when going through midlife or identity crisis.

4)acting on harmonal impulses, attractions or getting caught up in the myth of true love(you seem to find it while you are in a ongoing relationship)

5) an outlet for a brewing dissatisfaction(without any reason) with your current life.

6) the spouse is too busy with career, daily household work and kids and you end up getting neglected or as a fixture.

7) society is becoming more and more relaxed and accepting of extramarital affairs. 

                   yes, you can love your spouse even if you cheat on them(as long as it is not everyday occurance).as i said there are millions of scenerios where end up sleeping with some one without any plans of doing so. however there is a distinction between a fullfledged affair (where there are emotions and love involved) on the side and a stray one night stand. 

             traditionally cheating by men and women have been differents. women cheat with an innate sense of guilt(knowing she is wrong), her emotions are engaged in the act and the reason is normally to get back at current spouse or assertion of still having it(beauty and feminine wiles). as such cheating by women is often treated with utter disgust by the society. on the other hand men traditionally have been known to treat affairs as casual things, at times they even succeed in keeping thier emotions entirely apart from the act and treat the affair like a fulfillment of simple bodily needs.also most society believe that men have a polygamous streak in them(it can be tamed by the right woman ofcourse) and an uncontrollable urge to propogate and procreate the species(sowing the wild oats so to speak). as a result the the society is not very harsh on men.however with changing times when women are becoming more menlike and men are getting in touch with thier feminine sides, the lines are blurring very fast and there is very little difference in cheating by both the genders.

neha9

IF-Rockerz

neha9

Joined: 01 April 2005

Posts: 8407

Posted: 03 July 2005 at 8:18pm | IP Logged
Question TYPE 1.

If you found out that your spouse was cheating on you (emotionally or physically) what would you do?

If he asked for forgiveness and promised to not do it again would you accept him or her back? What if kids were in the picture?

Would you be more or less forgiving if it was a one night stand vs. an on going thing with another person?


_____________________

Well if he was cheating me i wouldnt forgive him... cuz if he can do it once he can do it twice.... If kids were in the picture NO WAY.. i still wouldnt i dont want mu kids with a father like him...

I would be equally mad if it was a one night stand or a long time afair

helmet12

Newbie

helmet12

Joined: 03 July 2005

Posts: 16

Posted: 03 July 2005 at 9:08pm | IP Logged

well i feel that cheating at every point of time is becoz of both the partners.

 

simi1295

Goldie

simi1295

Joined: 19 May 2005

Posts: 2069

Posted: 15 July 2005 at 11:41am | IP Logged
i feel that once a cheater is always a cheater.. if he can do it once then im sure he will do it again.. so i will never be able to 4give him...  i believe that trust is the most important thing in realationships and once u loose that u can never be or feel the same way..  im not sure why ppl cheat.. i guess they are not happy or they just want to see whats out thr.. and then they end up thinkn that the person will always be thr for them and forgive them no matter what... i will never be able to 4give and 4get and then move on...Angry

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