This is dedicated to my darling Lily and my soul mate Rhea, without
whom this chapter was impossible.
Disclaimer: This is a pure fanfiction with author rights only on the
plot and not the pretty characters owned by their creators.
The morning rays streamed through
the netted window on his face. He squinted to the light and opened his eyes
begrudgingly. He splayed his arms around searching his sheets for her warmth
but only found her lingering smell in her bed instead. He was lying on his
stomach and found his legs tangled in her sheets. He lifted his head and looked
around for her. A phone call from his office assistant woke him up completely,
And his day begins.
She's stirring the pot slowly;
this dessert needs slow deliberate stirs to add the flavour to the dish. The
smile on her face has made a permanent appearance since last night.
"Sanam!" She hears him shout out.
And her day begins.
Where is she? Why isn't she here?
Does it mean nothing to her? Is she still playing with him for his money?
Thoughts in his mind, especially the last one is grating on his nerves. He
needs to go to office and distract himself. "He can't keep thinking about
this girl," he tells himself. There's no breakfast on the table.
"What's the point of employing a cook if there is no breakfast
served?" He mutters under his breath, and then he shouts out,
She carefully pours the dessert
in the bowl and picks the bowl in one hand and breakfast platter in the other.
Precariously balancing the two, she greets him with a smile. Angry look on his
face dims her smile and just as her face retracts her smile, he smiles back.
"Does he even realise how beautiful he looks with a smile on his face?"
Sanam's thought startles her. She proceeds to place the breakfast on the table
and gestures him to begin the feast.
"God her smile lights up his
day." He sits at the table and all his insecurities vanish with the burst
of flavours in his mouth. He moans in delight and glances her way because he
can't stop looking at her. The look in her eyes halts his breathing. "Does
she even realise that her mouth is slightly open and her tongue is peeking out
to lick her lips?" His thoughts thrill him. He offers a bite to her.
His offer was unexpected and she
respectfully declines. It's surprising how they haven't said a word to each
other. As if they don't need to. She is brought out of her musing by a spoon on
her lips, he insists. She opens her mouth and tastes her dessert. She moans at
the perfect texture though she does wish she gave it another minute to cook to
get that perfect colour. Oh well she will do better next time. She opens her
eyes and is surprised to see his reaction.
Her moan, it brings back the worst
memories. His body goes rigid and his fingers refuse to move. This is the first
time he has heard her moan. Yesterday - flashbacks of yesterday are mellowing
his body slowly - he noticed yesterday how she never moaned at all, she was
breathy yes but she was quiet. She was perfect. He felt her hand on him and
instantly his skin was on fire and his memories were getting dimmer.
He held her hand so tightly she
thought he'll crush her fingers. His pain was clearly visible on his face and
she didn't even realise when her hand extended to his to comfort. Why is he in
pain? He was the one who offered her to eat; does it hurt him to feed her? No,
maybe it was her reaction; she mentally slapped herself for moaning. Did her
moan make him react? Why though? She has so many questions. She looks at him
with all the curiosity in her eyes.
He could almost read the
questions in her mind they were that clearly visible in her eyes. Her eyes,
those aren't as hollow as last night. Is it him? Does he help her like she
helps him? Can he trust her not to hurt him? Somehow, he doesn't know how but
something inside him trusts her. Trusts her not to hurt him and that's what
makes him say, "Ask, I'll tell you what I can."
"Why?" The question
leave's her lips without her understanding exactly what is she's seeking an
explanation about. Why did he want to tell her? Why is he so sad? Why has he
done this to her? Why is this morning so different from the others? She doesn't
know what she wants to be answered first. She places her other hand on his hand
leaving it on him to decide how he wishes to answer the open question. She's
pleasantly surprised that his answer is a smile.
"Why?" Such a simple
question. But not just one question. She's asking everything and nothing in one
word. It brings a smile to his face because it proves him wrong once again.
She's smart; she's not a Barbie doll with no thought process. It's a relief
because she's nothing like the woman he's been around all his life. He turns to
her and says with a smile, "Small steps jaan, how about we start with
small questions instead of existential ones? I would like to ask you a few
things too? I'm as curious about you as you are about me." Her answering
smile fills his heart with hope.
Questions and Answers are long winded
conversations to most, not to Sanam and Ahil. Once they started talking it's
like they couldn't stop. But they had an unsaid unwritten understanding of not
letting anyone know about their newfound relationship. This lead to the most
curious ways of communication between the two. He would leave a paper beneath
her pillow asking her about her favourite movie. She would ask his favourite
colour by drawing on his fogged bathroom mirror. It became a game to them, who
is more creative or more discreet.
Their relationship slipped most
of Ahil's family member's attention. Somehow their small smiles and quick
kisses were missed by them. Their smiles were once traced by Rehan, Ahil's best
friend, but he didn't know of the reason behind them nor did he ever see them
smile at each other. He was happy that Sanam was more upbeat these days; she
looked beautiful with this near constant small smile on her face. But he also
noticed how some days were much sadder for Ahil than others.
Not all questions were easy or
fun for both of them. That night when Sanam asked Ahil his favourite memory of
his birth mother, it was no fun. Ahil's painful description of his past slashed
her heart. She felt so helpless facing the open window with nothing to lean on.
She leaned into him instead. She listened to him pouring his pain out in words.
She hugged him and prayed to god that she would absorb his pain and relieve him
from it. Her body against his was the best ailment to his wounds. He held her
close and drew strength from her. That night, they slept in crying hoarse each
"Drunk in love, this is what
it feels to be drunk in love." He murmured against her pale skin in an
early light of dawn. He needs to wake her up or someone could catch them. No
one can catch them because the world will destroy them. Their bubble is safe.
They are safe. They trust each other, they love each other. They are almost
always together, they sleep beside each other. Some days, they are wrapped in
each other's arms in the morning, some days she's tucked under his arm. They
can't sleep well without the comfort of the other anymore. One night when Sanam
spent the night at her grandma's house, they talked on phone for some time but
they were both really tired, they ended up on the phone all night just to hear
the other one breathe.
He remembers how she held him
when he cried all night in her arms. Last night, she told him about losing her
parents and how she knew they were murdered but had too many responsibilities
at the age of eleven and that took precedence to avenging their murder. She
doesn't remember her parents, she should love them, she said and that she does
but she loves the idea of her parents more likely. He was afraid after hearing
the kind of so-called parent he had if she would still love the concept of
parents, he's glad she decided to hate the man not a father. She told him he
wasn't a father; he doesn't deserve to be given that respect. He wonders if he
deserves such a perfect girl. He can feel her stir in her sleep. He kisses her
lips to wake her up. "She needs to get back to her bed. One more kiss and
I'll let her go," he thought.
One kiss became twenty and half
an hour and bruised lips later, Sanam tip-toed out of his room into hers.
Thanking god that no one saw her. No one saw her that was true. But someone
felt her. Ahil's mother that is visually challenged is very keen of hearing.
She could hear someone's padded feet coming out of Ahil's room. She assumed
they must be from some random woman Ahil is currently keeping company and
dismissed it. Sanam on the other hand, took deep breaths once inside her room
to get her heart rate normal. She got ready for the day and realised she's late
for preparing breakfast.
She didn't even glance at the
mirror before she left her room and her wet hair went flying behind her.
Halfway through she realised she's not completely dressed and she ran back to
her room to put on her pants. Ahil saw Sanam running to her room and followed
her, worried at the distressed expression on her face.
Sanam wears her pants at express
speed and buzzes to rush back when Ahil blocks her gateway and shuts the door
behind him. He reaches for her face and cups her cheeks softly and asks,
"Are you okay sweetheart?" Huh? She wonders, he never called her that
word, what does it mean? He smiles and repeats the question, "Jaan? You
okay? Why are you so stressed?" His question reminds her of how late she's
running and she explains to him at express speed at how late she is. Her haphazard
explanation makes Ahil laugh so hard that cat of the house hisses loudly at it.
Rehan observes the unusual behaviour of the usually quiet cat but dismisses it
quickly and resumes musing about breakfast cooked by Sanam, her cooking is
sensational and someday when he gathers enough courage he might just tell her.
"Shhh..." Sanam plants
her lips on Ahil's. Best way to shut someone up. Ahil naturally deepens the
kiss but she detaches their already bruised lips and asks him to leave because
there will be no breakfast if he doesn't. Ahil has loved her breakfasts since
she made him write a list of his entire favourite breakfast foods along with
breakfasts he wishes to eat in his lifetime and thereafter made breakfasts
sticking only to that list. He loves the small box of snacks that she sneaks
into his car for munching at work. Some days, there are two boxes not one and
the other box contains the answer to his question, like her favourite childhood
game. That box usually has another question by the end of the day, like why
does she hate the colour silver? And so it goes.
It's raining again. The noise is
back, pitter-patter, pitter-patter. Another rain, another window. Strange, it
doesn't hurt as much as it used to. Sanam made Ahil talk about it so much that
he started to remember the good days as well. The good days were far and few in
between but they're good memories to have. He used to love his mother cooking
his favourite bean rice on a rainy day; those memories were long forgotten
behind all the hurt caused by his father. Ahil is surprised at how far he and
Sanam have come. It's been months to the last rain. The rain that changed his
Is it a co-incidence that it's
raining today too? Last rain, Ahil filled Sanam's life with hope and happiness.
This rain, this time it's her turn. He's hinting at it from few weeks now, she
knows what he wants to hear from her. She knows from that first rain that
things have changed forever. They will never be the same. And she loves what
they've become. She loves what he means to her. She loves what she means to
him. She loves him. And today, today she will tell him what he's been waiting
for her to say. He won't say it, she knows. He hopes that she loves him but
doesn't want to hope because no one he knows has really loved him. Not even his
foster mother that he loves unconditionally. Deep down, he knows that's a one
way street. Sanam feels proud that she knows and loves a man like Ahil. His
struggles and his life, they make him a made-man. The type of man her grandma
always told her about. She's going to tell him, right after this special
Dinner that night was quiet.
Sanam gave Ahil a huge surprise when he saw his long-forgotten favourite bean
rice for dinner. He thanked her immensely through his eyes; she had to know
what it meant for him. She beamed a smile in return. Ahil saw Rehan turn to
Sanam and he looked away from her. Rehan saw Sanam smiling brightly with her
eyes closed, her smile faltered his heartbeat. He loved the bean rice and told
her so. Ahil snapped his neck to look up to her; he saw her blush at Rehan's
compliments. He's never seen her blush outside their bubble. Her blush is his,
only for his eyes. "Mine!" his mind screamed at him. Ahil noticed
Rehan's satisfaction at Sanam's blushing thanks and his fists clenched. He told
himself that this is Sanam and she blushes in his mere presence without sweet
words directed at her. He told himself he doesn't ever need to worry because
she loves him. She does right? He doesn't compliment her like Rehan did. Is that
what she wants from him? Rehan's next sentence snaps him back from his
"Have some please? You have
to know how tasty this is. I insist," says Rehan. Sanam respectfully
declines and when Rehan insists further she profusely refuses. Rehan feels
frustrated at her insistent refusal and decides to be bolder, he offers her a
bite form his spoon. Sanam is about to refute his offering when she hears a
clang of spoon on Ahil's plate.
"Stop it! She said no! She's
allergic to beans, she won't eat it!"
All eyes are at Ahil's face after
his sudden outburst. Rehan is visibly shocked at Ahil's rudeness directed to
him. He feels guilty for forcing Sanam to eat the rice but is even more
surprised that Ahil even knows about her allergies. "How does Ahil know?
He's never even in the same room as Sanam let alone talk to her." Everyone
on the dinner had that same question written on their face. Ahil realises his
slip the moment it leaves his mouth. He needs to leave this table before he
sees her face. He doesn't want to see her reaction. It will break him if its
fear or disappointment. He can't answer the question written on everyone's
faces. He pushes his chair and walks away, takes two steps and walks back,
picks up his plate and takes it to his room. Everyone is staring at him walking
up to his room. His footsteps match the pitter-patter of the rain, same as
That night when Sanam entered
Ahil's room she found him staring at the raindrops on his window sill, standing
completely still, like a statue. She hugged his broad shoulders from behind and
felt his stiff body loosening under her touch; he placed his hands on hers and
absorbed her warmth. She turned him around and planted a soft kiss on his lips.
She smiles and says, "You took the plate." He scratches his neck
averting his eyes from hers, he looks down and mumbles, "Couldn't exactly
leave it to get cold, it was amazing." She lifts his head with one finger
and grins, "just like Mum?" He shakes his head making her lose her
smile. "Much better, just like my jaan," he says, bringing her smile
back. He hugs her close to him and breathes her in. She always knows what to
say to him.
She's lying in his arms about to
drift off to sleep when she remembers what she planned to tell him today.
"Ahil?" she nudges him. "Hmm?" he pinches back. She tells
him she wants to tell her grandmother about them. "Tell her what?" he
asks. She knew his reaction would be to ignore the obvious truth so she
patiently tells him that they should tell her grandmother about their
relationship because she doesn't want to hide anything from her anymore. Ahil
realises from the seriousness of her words that he needs to ask her, really ask
her that one question before they involve other people in their bubble.
"Are you sure?" he asks quietly. She asks him to clarify and narrow
down his vague existential question like he asked her to do all those days back
that first morning after 'the' rain. He rubs his hands down her arms and asks
again, "Are you sure about me? You are so much better than me. You could
get someone so much better than me. I mean, you're so loveable, I can already
She flips her body at hearing
Rehan's name and straddles Ahil. She slowly brings her forehead to touch his
and asks him softly, "Do you still doubt?" Me? Us? My feelings? Your
feelings? He smirks at her vague existential question that asks more than one
question but understands her unsaid words just as clearly her said words. He
shrugs vague response to her vague question. She flicks her eyes to his shrug
and back to his eyes. The uncertainty in his eyes and the reluctance to include
her in his real life halts her plans to kiss it better. The moment she halted
her plans, she heard him say, "No. Whatever you're thinking, no. Please,
let there be only one of us that has a doubt if at all." He kisses her
lips and doesn't stop kissing till she kisses him back and pours out all her
agony in it.
She takes both his hands and
places them on her love handles. She presses herself on his chests and proceeds
to bite his lips thoroughly. Her kisses were slow and then rough and then they
became downright painful because she bit him hard. He took it all and gave it
right back. He squeezed her waist and lifted her to remove the offending
clothes on her. She dug her fingers in his waistband and removed his t-shirt.
Soon, clothes went flying in succession and their heavy breathing and kisses, licks
and bites were the only noises heard.
He shifted his hands to her hips,
squeezing a little and kneading it. She started kissing his neck and chest,
small kisses, kitten licks, she was driving him mad. She then switched to
sucking his skin, taking bigger bites out of his chest. She was a woman on a
mission today, leaving dark red marks on his skin. She softly kissed his scar
above his navel, dragging her lips across the welt because she knows the pain
behind it. He once said her kisses absorb his pain and since then, this scar
and many others are her special places to kiss him.
Her soft lips against his skin
are too much for him, he cups her face in his palms and sits up to thoroughly
kiss her lips and proceeds to kiss her neck. He kisses her neck and her
collarbone. He licks her while rubbing her skin with his thumbs. He palms her and
squeezes her softly at first and then firmly. He moves below her collar bones
where he kisses, licks and bites her long and hard. Her sharp intake of breath
makes him stop. He immediately takes her in his mouth and sucks on her skin. He
takes small bites on her too, she loves those small bites. He takes her hardened
skin between his teeth and pulls at it.
She stills his biting and
pinching and pulling by thoroughly kissing his lips and slowly pushing him back
on the bed. She can feel him, hard and hot. She slides down him and puts her
hands on him like he taught her. She pumps him faster as he bucks his hips in
her hands and just as he thinks to slow her down so he can give her pleasure
first, he feels her soft lips on it and the scenes of it inside those lips make
him lose his control and he pushes her away to save her from the jet stream.
She didn't know kissing it would
make him react like this but she sure liked it. She slowly comes back and
kisses his lips softly. She's smiling that same permanent smile of hers. They
drift off to sleep for some time when she remembers her question and how it's
still unanswered. She moves to straddle his hips and slowly runs her palms on
his chest and rubs herself on him. "Do you still doubt?" she
whispers, rubbing his hardening muscle. "No. I never should've doubted at
all. I'm sorry, it's difficult for me -" She kisses his lips, "Who am
I?" she asks him. "Sanam." He automatically answers; she shakes
her head and asks again, "Who are you?" "Ahil," he answers.
"Sanam's Ahil," she completes. "Ahil's Sanam," he smiles.
"What we have, do you
honestly think I have this with anyone else?" she emphasises on this by
pressing further into him, enough to him feel her warmth. "Never. You're
mine, only mine." She stops rubbing and lifts herself, he flips her and
places her on her back, he proceeds to kiss and lick every part of her neck and
below telling her every small thing he knows about her. He tells her everything
she knows about him. He tells her he never doubted their feelings for each
other, he just never wanted the world to create any problems between them. He
flips her again and she lies on his chest.
They talk all night about his
potential fears and her flicker of doubt. Slowly before the first rays drifted
through the window, they were both drifting to sleep when she asks him,
"Do you still doubt?" He looks straight in her eyes and says, "I
love you too, no, there's no doubt." She grins sleepily and mumbles,
"I love you so much." She's off to sleep when he realises that
another rain has changed his life yet again because now he's Sanam's Ahil and
she's Ahil's Sanam and its time the world knows about it.
Translation: Jaan means life.
This is it, thank you. I hope you enjoyed it. I'll be back with
something else hopefully sometime soon but this story ends right here. Just so
you know, you will make my day if you send me a review. Thank you again.
I'm not sure of the rules and regulations of India-Forums, I've censored as much as I can, if this is still deemed inappropriate or the thread is removed please know that the uncensored version has been posted on fanfiction.net under the same penname.
Link to the story published at fanfiction:
Also, this is only for your kind information. This is not a request to redirect traffic to fanfiction.net, please use the link in case the current thread is missing.
All my love
Edited by sri_ffn - 02 August 2014 at 12:02pm