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what should be gents first choice wife? or mother? (Page 2)

No2Pencil IF-Dazzler

Joined: 29 July 2013
Posts: 4445

Posted: 21 August 2014 at 7:47pm | IP Logged
To be very practical, its the wife ... isn't it ? Embarrassed 
I mean, taking one side doesn't mean you're disrespecting other one but let just get honest here, wife comes to husband leaving everything behind and basically its her husband only with whom she can share her everything.. problems, emotions and all other stuff; With mother, they do have support of her husband/Father and of other members as well. I think gents should take responsibility of wife's every action either its right or wrong.  And if we look at different perspective a good wife or a understanding mother won't put their husband/son in a situation where he has to choose one. :) 

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SRKian_ Goldie

Joined: 09 October 2012
Posts: 1614

Posted: 23 August 2014 at 2:55am | IP Logged
give priority to your wife along with taking care of mother.
Student-No1 Senior Member

Joined: 09 December 2013
Posts: 191

Posted: 23 August 2014 at 3:01am | IP Logged
one is conditional
another one unconditional...some lucky person having mother like wife
but i feel always it has to be mother .no one fill her place
so i goes with mom  
maha2us IF-Dazzler

Joined: 29 October 2007
Posts: 2936

Posted: 23 August 2014 at 8:26pm | IP Logged
In this era where the divorce rates are increasing, this becomes an important question.

But more importantly how did this question come up? What I learn is both wife as well as mother don't feel secure and they don't want to share the love they have for the man with the other person. We also see the quarrel between MIL and DIL is something discussed a lot. At the same time, we don't talk too much about the quarrel between father-in-law and son-in-law. A woman is not asked whom she has to choose - Husband or father? Why is it so? Because neither her husband nor her father believe she is going to give security for one or the other. But then the mother in her old age expects her son to be on her side for her security and the wife in her new home expects her husband to be on her side for her security. As far a woman, she is told to give priority to her husband because even her father believes the husband is to give her security and the husband has to take financial responsibility for her.

One truth is the wife as well as the mother are adults. The man is also an adult. An adult does not give priority to another adult if he/she thinks maturely. Children need to be given priority for taking care but not adults.  Because of this point, the question itself doesn't become important. But immature minds call for an answer and  make one or the other answer. Neither the husband is mature in many cases. 

if we consider, each human being has a child inside him/her, the child within the man will be more familiar with the ways of his mom and so less scared of his mom, and thus an immature man could side his mom. That is the case unless his wife shows more maturity and understanding and takes her husband to her side playing his own game. At the same time, these days we see a lot of families in which the wife also thinks in a similar line. This has happened because the society is changing a lot and there are women who go for work as well as unemployed women. Unemployed women could feel more insecure in the husband's home and could feel she was more happy with her father because the child within her is more familiar with her father's ways. Of  course there are also man's parents who want him to give more priority for them, and for that they even expect him to put down his wife and some scared men do that also.

What is important here is not to look for one or the other rules. Each person, both male and female has to see how he/she can become more caring, compassionate, gentle, tender and understanding and thus become more mature and in that situation will know what is the better choice. These days marriages can be built only when each person takes the opportunity to become more mature and understanding and not look into some old rules. No body could make decision for another person. 

Edited by maha2us - 23 August 2014 at 9:14pm
-Tulips- IF-Sizzlerz

Captain Kalaunji
Joined: 15 August 2006
Posts: 17523

Posted: 26 August 2014 at 3:48pm | IP Logged
It's so easy for us women to answer this question but it would be so difficult for a man to answer this.
On one side,there's a woman who gave birth to u and brought u up,gave u lot of love and care,etc.On the other side there's a woman who left her home,her parents and siblings and is staying with u as ur wife and expects u to give her love,respect and happiness.
It's so easy to say that a man should equal priority to both,mother as well as wife but nowadays it seems like it's difficult(but not impossible) to do so.If the MIL and the DIL get along with each other then everything's fine.But if there's even a minor problem between the two then it becomes a problem for the man because he always has this fear that if he supports/takes the side of one,then the other will feel hurt.It's like a dharam sankat for the man.Mother will feel son has become joru ka gulam and wife will feel her husband is mama's boy.And in these sitations,it's difficult to remain neutral too.
The best solution I feel is not to interfere in any matter between the ladies.Both the women are matured adults.The man should let the women solve their problems maturely and calmly.This is my opinion. 

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-Tulips- IF-Sizzlerz

Captain Kalaunji
Joined: 15 August 2006
Posts: 17523

Posted: 26 August 2014 at 3:49pm | IP Logged
And yes,a woman is never asked whom should she give importance to,a father or a husband because she's already told that before marriage,she has to give importance to father and after marriage, to both of them.
Angel-likeDevil IF-Stunnerz

Joined: 29 January 2010
Posts: 28879

Posted: 27 August 2014 at 12:20am | IP Logged
One should know how to BALANCE.
But I think the wife should be 'understanding' if husband gives more importance to his mom, after all it is that woman who birthed her husband, and likewise, mom being an old and matured person, should also be understanding when son prioritises wife.

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_IHeartFriendz_ IF-Sizzlerz

Joined: 16 August 2010
Posts: 15405

Posted: 03 September 2014 at 10:10pm | IP Logged
Both are important part of life and two completely different relation. If there is any small arguement between wife and mother just stay away and let them handle. And if ur interference is important then go with right person.

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