Everyone says love hurts. But no, love never hurts. It isn't meant to be. Love is beautiful. Love is divine. Love is sacred.
It's just that losing that beloved-one hurts and wanting for them back KILLS!'
Chilly winds passed hard by and whispered in my ears, the end'. My throat gathered a lump and my heart felt sick. The trouble that life brought seemed too much to bear.
She was there ,my Antara was there, but I could not approach her. It was a time when we were Do Dil..Ek Jaan...but it's not necessary that whatever we wish we get..our desires..our feelings nothing matters they are nothing more than just a word...at this moment we are so near, but still so far.
After all these vacant years, I saw her today..she is still the same big eyes, long hairs, the glow on her face which always makes me feel the happiest and luckiest person in the world. I was still her Raghu but she was no longer my Antara, I realized.
five years ago
"I have to go Raghu, I am sorry", she folded her hands and her beautiful eyes flooded tears.
"And my life? Without you?". I stood motionless. I couldn't understand that how our sweet life turned sour .Her hurtful words had emptied my emotions.
"I am helpless", she said
"But Antara ...",I said but she put her fingers on my lips. I kissed her soft fingers.
"Raghu , this is what papa asked me in his last moments - to leave you". Her voice had so much of pain. She hung her head.
She was crying..i know her more than she know herself..it's not her own wish she can't do this to me..but the promise which she had given to her father before his death was pulling her far away from me...n I was standing like a lifeless body...saansein to baki thi mujh mein..pr main kab ka mar chuka tha...
"Leave me? Alone? To be torn apart?". Life had no meaning left. I said
"Promise me, you will never find me", she took a step back...with a heavy heart she was equally hurt .. no! she was hurt more than me.. as she lost her father whom she respects n loves more than anything...n I can't deny from that...and now it's my turn to leave her ...for me she was my everything..she was my life n my life wants to "leave me"..."ek baar bhi nhi socha main kaise jiunga..?"keh diya..ki chale jao..."
"Ask me to stop breathing, but I cannot make this promise..I LOVE U ANTARA..how can I..", I protested.
"I LOVE U TOO...You can do and u have to do ...", she stepped ahead to caress my cheeks.
I embraced my sweetheart. my life but said nothing. She put her face on my chest and my heavy breaths blew her hair. I could hear her loud heartbeats. The thought of having a life without her stabbed my soul brutly!
"Let me go", she pushed back.
I was taken aback. She walked to the door and my world thrashed. I looked down the earth and wished to be cremated.
"And the ring? Our promise of being together? What about ...", I asked but paused as I looked up.
Her footsteps were taking her away. I said nothing and so did she. She walked out without turning back...I sat on my knees starring at the door for a hope that she will come back for me for us...and order me not to leave her at any cost..but it was all my misconception..she didn't came back. My life was no more with me
Soon, the morning dew of my life had left. Endless tears approached my eyes but I did not shed any...I want to cry...I want to show my deep bitter pain to this so called world which emptied my inner soul...but I can't do that..I promised her that I won't cry.."kyun antara kyun?...itna haq bhi nhi diya mujhe ...kyun?...itna kamzoor tha kya hamara pyaar jo ek wade ko bhi na tod saka?"
I had promised never to cry. I had promised to hold her hand till death. I had promised to be with her, forever. But promises, as they are, are never fulfilled. They are made to be broken - to break you; to tear you apart.
Present
It was just another day when I rushed into the local bus to reach my office but I never knew what my just another day had for me.
The driver accelerated the bus the moment I stepped in. These drivers ill-treat passengers who step-in from the back gate, I thought. A misbalance in the bus always signaled a bad day ahead.
I moved to take an empty seat but an elderly man ran to occupy it. He looked tall, with a big belly, so I stood aside. I looked at him while standing in the packed bus. He gave a cunning smile and I abused him in my head.
As I turned my face looking for seats, I was stunned. The air smelt fragrant and the sunlight beamed the forehead of a lady. She was four seats ahead of me. She was my Antara...I can't forget that fragrance ever...whenever she was around me I identify her without looking at her face..she was there in the same bus.
Antara was Raghu's love life. They were the best of friends and lovers in college. But with the devil's curse, she left him when her father died. Her father was against love marriages for him it's a sin, he always consider arranged marriage it's a genuine reason for any family to go against this, and Raghu was one he hated the most. Raghu was orphan and her father didn't want his daughter to get married with any orphan..like Raghu. He was so an activist for this and his daughter doing love marriage with anyone...that was something he could never accept. So, when he breathed last, he asked his daughter to leave him. Saying this, his soul left his body and so did Raghu's.
Her father made a combo deal with me. He died with one soul and took another soul with him. But now, as I saw her after so many years, I broke my promise. I shed a tear. The bus was fully-packed but my eyes were on her only...I saw her after so many years. Fate had drawn us apart, but has brought a renewed hope again.
I reached my wallet and took out the ragged paper from the coin pocket. It hadOUR LOVE IS ABOVE ALL written by Antara. I had preserved it. She used to call it our little love certificate' though it didn't happened but for me..it was so beautiful that my lips curved a smile again.
I remembered our lovely walks in the beach-side. I remembered how she used to hold my hand in the library, aside the bookshelf. I remembered how we used to mimic her father's preaches. I remembered how she used to tell that we own the world. I remembered her every nuisance and playful act, I recalled every breath we took together.
So today, I wanted to approach and surprise her. I knew as she would see me, she would hug me and cry in my lap...she can't forget me...I was so desperate for her and now she is in infront me..she would have missed me..as I missed her.
I turned to the window-mirror for a reflection to check my appearance.
The sun shone brighter today. A clump of Gulmohar trees, aside the road, had beautiful red flowers. Spring had come - a wave of happiness in my life. I beheld a joy within. I always wanted to spend my life with her, to grow old with her...with my Antara.
We had been distanced for so long, but not anymore. I was thrilled for a new beginning. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes to pray.
But my prayer was suddenly obstructed as the driver took a power-brake. It threw me ahead. I tried to skip from her sight but I saw her. Her hair was still so straight and silky but something pinched my eyes.
It had sindoorin it!
My world took a turn-around in the slightest of a moment. My eyes again welled of with painful tears.
She was not my Antara, she was someone else's wife. She had married someone. Time froze!
She was at the brisk of distances yet I could not scream. The spring had not brought any happiness, but a harsh truth - she was not my anymore, she was someone's better-half now!
Suddenly, I felt the urge to run away with her but I could not. I should not, said my heart.
I bent again to see her. She was smiling. She was happy - happy without me?! She had surely forgotten me. All these years, every night I slept with a dream to meet her someday. But today was not like something I had dreamt of. My head felt like being weighed tons. My feet became numb and my body went cold. How could she do this to me?..I waited for her and she is happy without ME.
I sighed, gathered all my strength and approached. I don't want to spend more time in that bus anymore. I turned back and approached to the back-gate. The next stoppage was near-by.
As the bus stopped, I jumped out. A girl gazed me for jumping like a fool and being hurt, but it didn't matter. My legs were not hurt, I was hurt.
"Forget marriage, I have never looked at any girl all these years. But she?"
"jiski chahat mein main tha deewana..aaj usi ke liye bangaya hun begaana.."
I was cheated by her. She broke her promise of being mine forever.
"She does not love me anymore. I am no more a part of her life." My breath ragged and strained.
Feeling lost again, I sat at the roadside like a beggar. I looked round the city; it was too busy to stop for me. I gazed at the blue sky above.
LIFE MAY NOT OFFER THE SAME CHANCE TWICE said the board of Life Insurance Company. I wanted to shout, why was this chance given to me? Should I run to ruin her married life?
I wanted somebody to hug me. But no! I was all alone in this world. I broke down as I looked at the going bus. She was in it, happy.
It was just like yesterday when everything was so fine,
I was her and she was mine.
"Meri jaan thi wo...main uska sabkuch tha "But the time had flown away now. The going bus was the metaphor of Antara going away. She was going away from me..AGAIN!!..AGAIN!!..SHE DIDN'T GIVE ME CHANCE TO SAY ANYTHING TO HER?..SHE WAS GOING AWAY FROM ME OR SHE HAS GONE FOR FOREVER...I wanted to cry aloud but my lungs were jammed.
My eyes were staring the bus and suddenly everything changed in a moment. My ears rang with a noise and the hot wave of air shook me. I could not figure out the thing; the bus blasted!
It was a bomb!
Tornadoes of ashes rose and I could not spot anything. The fumes of the burning bus filled the air and people ran all around. My eyes caught grime and scattered death all across the road. Probably, the bus was in two parts or three. One part had crashed into the cars on the road and the other part had gone into the shop nearby.
I ran towards it. The road was painted in black and red. Everyone was mourning with pain. It was chaos all around.
I ran for my Antara . The wounds of the past were unhealed; I could not bear a new one. We still had many things unheard and unsaid. I did not want to lose the chance life had given me.I ran for her life, our life, but I slipped on the road. The fall displaced my vertebral discs. The road felt hot and bloody. I never knew blood was so slippery...I didn't care for it.
I stood up to run again and I saw her fig lifeless on road..her beautiful face covered with blood I rushed and hold her head in my lap "Antara wake up!!..Antara it's me.!.ur Raghu..Antara utho na please!..don't this to me again!..u can't leave me..come on!..talk to me.."I knew that it wasn't just an accident but a blast from which it's impossible for anyone to be alive and she was in that bus...few moments before I was there too... I patted her cheeks..but all in vain I hugged her tightly in my embrace..I knew she is no more..I held her palm in my hand. Though it was painted with blood, I could feel the pulsing blood within and its warmth...it was the same warmth for which I could stay it hold forever. I missed this warmth since so many days. I touched the fingers. It had a ring. I knew that ring too..how can I forget that..not even in my bad dreams. I cried and banged my head on the road. I held the palm...and screamed like an insane ANTARAAA!!!!! The sensation of the touch said the unspoken words. "tum kyun chali gayai antara...pehle tumne mujhe khud chodne ko majboor kiya..aur ab is duniya mein mujhe hi akele chod gayin.." I cried a lot. Sooner, it went numb. It had the same ring - our promise of being together. The hand had come to keep her another promise - holding my hand till death. She had the ring, she still LOVED ME.
We had our life walking hand in hand,
The sun glittered brighter on the sand.
I was emptied but I composed myself,
I waited for you, aside the bookshelf.
I always believed, destiny has to mend
But to my life, this is THE END!
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sorry guys..i am ready for getting scoldings from u all.
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