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OS | The Final Call |

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Flame.Of.Rose

IF-Sizzlerz

Flame.Of.Rose

Joined: 01 April 2010

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Posted: 03 July 2014 at 4:46am | IP Logged

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..ANVESHA..navya_arshagrungta11sybarite1989.scarlet.Jahnavi_KRASkriti094-phenomenal-vinu127neha_bbsr2005sadafarshaMisHumptyDumptyPrizianjali22-shenz-MaybeSomeday...MrMrsChiping.ChaiBiskootlovely7010Vampire-queen-CandyFloss-aishu3003exhalelove.

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exhalelove.

IF-Stunnerz

exhalelove.

Joined: 16 April 2012

Posts: 35799

Posted: 03 July 2014 at 5:07am | IP Logged
Hiieee!!
I didnt know there's a writer hidden in you. You are just so flawless with your words and describing the emotions. For a start, let me just i appreciate the use to quote. It enhances the depth of the what you are going to write. This was heart breaking to be honest. Small children tend to lose their lives in their innocence. Parents are broken with only one question, how could death toy with innocence of my child. I knew the end Piyush was going to meet. Writing a death is a painful job.

laughing away merrily at yet another victory of his waiting for those flooding tears to cascade down the face of many.

I love this sentence. The way you wrote it from death's point of view is something amazing. I remember reading a book 'Book Thief' and death was narrating the story. You should read it. 

This was a pretty depressing one. Next time write a happy one ROFL



Edited by exhalelove. - 09 July 2014 at 1:57pm

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ARandKJFan

IF-Stunnerz

ARandKJFan

Joined: 03 May 2013

Posts: 29065

Posted: 03 July 2014 at 6:55am | IP Logged
I don't know whether I can say this but I'm so proud of you maasi for writing this one shot, I really am. Writing anything on death is tough, no doubt and especially pain of that of a child, a stranger is tough and you've done it extremely well.
I wouldn't say this made me cry of that this made me really upset or sad. I don't really know why. I felt bad for the guy for sure but somehow, I couldn't connect, in that way. I did have goosebumps and cringed at some parts but couldn't feel the pity for that child and I'm in now way trying to affect you Maasi. :3

I will say one thing, you've used language brilliantly. I can only imagine how the kid sat through it. The parts with the nails and blood is a definite favorite. <3 

This somehow felt like death though. Maybe that's why I was unaffected. I've never feared death, maybe that's why it didn't affect me much.

But definitely, it is amazingly executed Maasi, it truly is. You've done your part very well. :)

I know you'll probably be pissed but I'm hoping I can be honest with you. :3


Edited by ARandKJFan - 09 July 2014 at 3:50am

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akankshaArsha

IF-Sizzlerz

akankshaArsha

Joined: 22 September 2013

Posts: 15901

Posted: 03 July 2014 at 7:08am | IP Logged
adi whats this...plz tu kya kya sun ke aati hai nd itna painful likhti hai fir...
this was depressing...7 year old nd such painful death...the way u wrote his feelings..his helplessness...goddd...its so painful...no words to explain how perfectly u wrote this...
i dnt know wat to say...its amazing...

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sumimita

IF-Rockerz

sumimita

Joined: 08 June 2012

Posts: 8829

Posted: 03 July 2014 at 8:02am | IP Logged
aditi this is not fair

it is really very painful...

ab mind acha banane k liye ek happy wala os likho...


with lots of love
moumita

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neha_bbsr2005

IF-Rockerz

neha_bbsr2005

Joined: 08 November 2005

Posts: 6176

Posted: 03 July 2014 at 8:03am | IP Logged
He was only seven and had to die like this Cry Its really sad and depressing..
But brilliantly written.. My heart went out to him.. Cry

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trishikarajput0

Senior Member

trishikarajput0

Joined: 04 February 2014

Posts: 795

Posted: 03 July 2014 at 8:31am | IP Logged
Beautifully written...
but it was really a painful one...
but really loved it...
you really have penned the emotions very well...
Awesome os...
thanx for pm...

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-CandyFloss-

IF-Stunnerz

-CandyFloss-

Joined: 21 January 2011

Posts: 34823

Posted: 03 July 2014 at 9:46am | IP Logged
Aditi. I really don't know what to say. I mean this piece of your's just broke my heart. I could never imagine anyone going through such a thing. I mean it's so painful  to lose a child. But I'm glad you brought this topic up and made it aware to people that we need to keep a better eye on where our children are. So thank you. And do keep writing. 

Tashu.


Edited by .BezubaanPari. - 03 July 2014 at 3:23pm

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