TORN::KAPIL SHARMA
For the fifth time he tries to bring his focus back into the reading material he is holding in his hand but soon he realizes it is futile, so he slams the script on the table bringing his face in his hands. His eyes flutter shut and he lets out the deep breathe. After sometime he let his hands fall from his face allowing his eyes open and the first time comes in focus is pile of papers stuck together, labelled clearly 'Unedited script. Copy for Kapil Sharma' which he had slammed on table just few moments ago. Kapil's gaze does not make any movement it just settles at the script on the table. He looks at the words, at the script but somehow he cannot bring himself to care. It is nothing but a pile of papers with ink on them, nothing more.
"Kapil?" His voice finally registered in Kapil's mind causing him to look up. In front of Kapil is sitting his manager, Ashwin.
"Haan?"
"Main kabse tumhare jawab ka inteizaar kar raha hon." The clueless look on Kapil's face is very evident which makes Ashwin wince in realization that he will have to repeat himself once again.
"Kahan khoye howe ho, main kabse pooch raha tha Script ke baare mein. Parh li?" It takes moment for Kapil's brain to register what Ashwin was talking about. His gaze shifts and it settles on the wall behind Ashwin, clearly avoiding his eyes. He takes his time in replying.
"Thori si."
"Kya matlab thori si?"
"Parh longa jaldi."
"Kapil." Kapil knows this tone very much, he knows what is coming.
"3 din! 3 din hogaye hain aur tumhe abhi tak script nahi parhi? Aur woh log wahan tumhara jawab maang rahe hain? Pagal hogaye ho?" As Ashwin begins to rumble about the importance of this movie, of this role, Kapil once again finds himself losing interest. His mind slowly starts to wander off into different direction, the world which he knew, once. Suddenly he realized that the more his manager empathized on the importance of this 'script', the less he cared for it.
"Kal." One word and everything suddenly goes quiet; there was no other way to make his manager quiet, so his lips curve into his trade mark smile and a word roll off Kapil's tongue which he knew would get both of them what they want. Ashwin getting the reassurance of Kapil finish reading the script and Kapil getting few moments of silence. A few minutes where he will freeze the world out so he can hear himself. Once again he let's his mind wander off, take him to a place where he will find peace, only if for a moment.
"Sir."
"Hmm?"
"Shot ready hai." Startled he looks up to find the young boy standing in front of him. It takes Kapil some time to realize where he is and what he is doing there. On the set of his latest movie he is doing, another big banner project, the shooting is come to end soon, only last few days left. Sighing he plasters his trade mark smile and makes his way towards the shot. Shooting goes well but for Kapil is feels one of the worst shootings he has ever done. He has done what was required but it felt robotic to him, he doesn't feel it. He is not feeling it anymore, he does not feel attached, his emotions are anywhere but here. He just wants to get over with, as soon as possible. The enthusiasm, excitement, happiness he felt when he took the project has completely vanished now, it feels nothing but a duty right now. Unable to understand how and when this happened Kapil just does his duty until he hears a loud 'Pack up!' and he escapes from there without lurking around another minute.
Another after
party, another gathering being in industry for so many years has its
benefits because then you know people quite well. Kapil Sharma, he
doesn't need to do something to gain attention, it's always there, with
him. But it's times like tonight when he wishes that attention could
dial down but it seems to have grown even more. And why wouldn't it?
Kapil Sharma, the comedian, singer and an actor, of course he gets a lot
of attention and now when he seems to be in demand for Bollywood
movies, another rising actor in world of 'Bollywood' movies, this
attention is only growing. 4 years ago he had made his debut in movies
when he signed his first movie and that too with Yash Raj Banners which
was a huge achievement for him. 4 years and now in 4 years he has
experienced and seen so much, his career as an actor in movies also
proved to be hit.
He won award for best debut in his first year and following years brought more success, more films before he realized, Kapil was in demand, he had enough movie projects to keep him busy for good amount of time. And just like this 4 years has flown by and here he is tonight amongst his people, his friends but somehow something does not feel right to him. It's not feeling right, none of this feels right to him. All of sudden, this party feels the worst place to be; too many people, far too many. He wants to get out there first instinct is to run, to escape. So he does, escapes from party but he doesn't go home, instead on beach in middle of night. 'Kya ho raha hai yeh sab? Mujhe sakoon kyun nahi mil raha? Sab kuch hokar bhi kuch na hone ka ehsaas kaise hone laga mujhe?' Countless thoughts going through a mind, each one making him more restless than before; caught up in his thoughts so much, Kapil does not grasp the fact he is still at beach until sun starts to rise.
It is pretty evident if the pacing does not stop soon the holes will be formed on the floor. Kapil does not gapes at the man who is trying to form holes by his pacing. Abruptly pacing stops and foot steps come closer to where Kapil is. Standing right in front of him, Ashwin inspects Kapil from up and down then he opens his mouth.
"Kahin drugs to nahi...?" Ashwin doesn't need to continue because he gets his answer immediately, when he notices Kapil's eyes going wide, mouth wide open at the mention of drugs. The silence followed by this enquirer is sheer torture; Kapil let himself recover from shock from the allegation his manager cum friend threw at him.
"Aap mujhe kabse jaante hain?" The question is enough to make his manager evaluate what just happened. His cheeks turn slightly red causing the man to turn his face away.
"Kapil yeh sab kya hai? Kya kar rahe ho tum?" And so he is back into his manager mode.
"Tum jaante bhi ho tumne kya kiya hai? Yeh project tumhare haath se chala gaya. Itna bara project, itni bari film Kapil. Aur tumhe koi farq nahi parh raha? Pehle tumhe woh script nahi parhi, phir tumne producer ke saath meeting mana kar di. Yeh film kitni important hai, jaante nahi ho kya? Aur woh Photoshoot, tumhe photoshoot ke liye bhi mana kar diya." He does not answer to any questions Ashwin is throwing at him clearly demanding answers.
"Kapil, yeh project tumhe un oonchaiyon par le ja sakta hai jahan par log puhunchne ka sapna dekhte hain. Manta hon tumhe itne kam samay mein Bollywood industry mein apni jagah as an actor bana li hai lekin yeh film tumhe aur oochaiyon par lejayegi. Aaj jab kamiyabi sirf chand kadam dorr hai tum usay thokar maar rahe ho? Pagal hogaye ho kya?" He fumes. Once again Ashwin receives nothing but silence as an answer which worrisome. Something is not right, he is not right.
"Khair.. maine producer se baat karne ki koshish kar raha hon, woh abhi bhi tumhe film mein lene ke liye..."
"Zaroorat nahi hai, mujhe nahi karni." Kapil finally speaks breaking his silence. At least spoke, which was just a relief for him until he replays what the man has just said.
"Kapil samajhne ki koshish..."
"For Godsake koi mujhe samjho please!" And he snaps! The storm which was building within him for months, threatening to surface at several times but was suppressed is here, the last straw in him snaps. Ashwin is startled by thundering in Kapil's voice, it is then when he begins to see how messed up this is going to get because Kapil Sharma does not snap, he does not shout. He simply does not!
"Thak gaya hon main, es sab se thak gaya hon main. Samajhte samajhte thak gaya hon. Nahi karna mujhe photoshoot, na hi script parhni hai, mujhe woh project nahi karna. Koi mujhse nahi pooch raha main kya chahta hon. 2 mahino se maine kaise kaam kiya, yeh last film ki shooting kaise complete ki main janta hon. Film ki shooting karo, promotions par jao, parties par jana zaroori hai, appearance zaroori hai, photoshoot zaroori hai. Yeh contact, woh contact. Har waqt competition, race... thak gaya hon main. Jis kaam mein maza ata tha, khushi milti thi aaj boojh lag raha hai. Tang agaya hon yeh boojh utha utha kar!"
Ashwin does not dare to open his mouth still struggling to get his head around what is happening. Kapil put his head between his hands, closing his eyes he takes deep breaths.
"Toh kya chahte ho, Kapil? Kya karna chahte ho tum?" After doesn't feel less than hours, Ashwin dares to ask.
"Yeh nahi toh kya, phir?" Ashwin wants to know, he needs to know moreover he needs to know if Kapil knows himself or not.
Handful moments pass by but no response from Kapil, his manager almost gives up his hope to get his answer when he sees other man's lips move.
"Pata nahi." It's a lie, deep down he knows it but cannot bring himself to face this right now and cannot tell Ashwin until he figures it out either so he lies. He hates it but he lies because it's easier. Ashwin sighs, it is a clear indication that latter is not only angry but exhausted too.
"Mujhe break chahiye." Removing his face from his palms he looks at Ashwin, who also looks torn.
"I need break, badly. Main pagal hojayonga es tarhan. Itne mahinon se constant shooting, kaam, kar ke... mujhe break chahiye, sochne ke liye. mujhe yahan se nikalna hai, es shehar se, es jagah se, es sab se. Warna mera dam nikal jayega es boojh se."
"Haan, yeh theek hai tum break le lo, yeh sahi hai. Tum.. tum jao, kuch dino ke liye, beshak apne ghar."
"Nahi.. ghar nahi. Mujhe kuch din akele chahiyein, yahan se, sabse dorr."
"Toh theek hai, tum Thailand chale jayo yaan.. kahin bhi, beshak Europe. Jo.. jo theek lage. Tumhe break hi chahiye, maine bhi socha nahi. Tum bas thak gaye ho, dekhna wapis ayoge toh sab pehle jaisa hojayega." Kapil couldn't miss the glimpse of relief he hears in Ashwin's voice as he tries to make sense of all this.
"Main tab tak Producer se baat karta hon, thora time lene ke liye, es role ke liye baat.. "
"Main.."
"Hum anay ke baad baat kareinge, tum jao, apna dimaag clear karke ayoge toh tum khud kahoge ke tumhe yeh role chahiye. Main producer se baat karta hon." Kapil tries to say something but Ashwin does not let him, clearly indicating he does not want to hear of this anymore, with this Ashwin leaves Kapil to himself to make the necessary calls. Kapil watches him leave and does nothing but to sigh in defeat.
He never figures out
how he ended up in Thailand but here he is, enjoying the sun, beautiful
view, peace away from all crowd, actually complimenting his time alone.
It's funny how people are afraid to be alone but sometimes they yearn
for this alone time. Kapil feels so thankful right now for this; few
more days, if he had delayed it few more days he surely would have lost
his sanity. He always knew that Bollywood industry has the power to
consume one but he didn't know the actual power until he felt it
himself. He loves Bollywood, he always have but something has changed,
he has changed.
It's been 4 days since he arrival in Thailand and in these days he sat down to do things he hasn't done in a very long time. He sat down to have a marathon of 'Comedy Nights With Kapil'; he didn't planned it but it just happened. Second day in he was sitting ildly searching on Web, going through emails, messages; then out of nowhere he got on Youtube and searched for 'Comedy Nights With Kapil' and before he knows it, he in for a marathon. He watches every single episode from first till last and does something which he hasn't done in a long time. He laughs. Not his usual trade mark which is more to show others but his true laugh. He laughed, full heartedly. Somewhere between the marathon his vision gets blurred it is not until then he realizes his eyes are wet. He is crying. Watching the show once again opened the door to his memories, path which he has closed years ago, locked it away and threw the key. It is then he once again does something he hasn't done for a very long long time, he sits there and weeps.
One of the many things Kapil hasn't done for a long time is talked to his father. Even though his father is not alive anymore but Kapil always felt his father was near him as if he is watching over his son. So tonight Kapil finally does what he hasn't done in long time, talk to his father. He looks at the photo frame between his hands, clutching it tightly as if its holding his life; no matter where Kapil goes he always take two photo frames with him, one of his complete family and other his father's alone. Bringing it closer to his lips he gently kisses the photograph then he looks at his father's photograph with pure affection and longing.
'I am sorry, Papa. Bohut waqt hogaya na maine aapse baat
nahi ki. Kya karon, kaam mein aisa phas gaya ke apne aap se bhi nahi mil
paya. Apne aap se baat kiye howe bhi arsa hogaya hai. Aap toh sab dekh
rahe ho, sab jaante ho, mujhe batao na, Papa, main kya karon. Yeh kya
hogaya, kaise hogaya mujhe nahi pata. Aap humesha chahte thay main
singer bano, singing mera first love raha hai aur phir comedy, jab safar
shuru kiya toh zaroraat thi phir comedy mera second love ban gaya.
Lekin meri nazarein humesha kahin aur thi, mere liye meri manzil kahin
aur thi - films. Aur ajj main es raaste par hon, meri manzil mere samne
hai, aaj maine filmon mein bhi apna jadoo dikha diya. Aur mere career ki
sabse bari film ki offer hoyi mujhe, abhi. Lekin... mujhe kuch mehsoos
nahi howa, mujhe khushi bhi nahi hoyi. Balke aisa laga ke boojh aur bar
gaya, kis cheez ka boojh mujhe bhi nahi pata tha. Lekin itna jaan gaya
mujhe woh film nahi karni.
Itni samajh agayi ke agar es film ke liye
haan kardi toh shayad main phir kabhi wapis nahi aa paonga. Par mujhe
wapis kahan ana tha, Papa? Meri manzil mere samne par mere kadam nahi
bharhe, balke palat gaye? Itne mahinon se jo mere saath ho raha tha meri
samajh mein nahi araha tha. Lekin ab samajh araha hai, ab sab samajh
mein agaya hai. Shayad us waqt bhi pata tha lekin main qabool nahi kar
paa raha tha. Pata hai, aaj bhi log mujhe dete hain toh kehte hain 'arre
woh dekho, Kapil Sharma, comedy king'. Aaj bhi log mujhse sabse pehle
Comedy Nights ke baare mein poochte hain. Aksar shikayat karte hain ke
'Comedy King' kahan hain, kab wapis ayega?
Kaise bataon unko ke maine khud apne haathon se yeh darwaza band kar diya? Kapil Sharma aik comedian, aik singer aur aik actor. Main toh yeh sab hon na? Toh phir sirf comedian hi kyun? Logon ko comedian Kapil Sharma kyun pasand hai sabse zayada? Aur Kapil Sharma ko comedian hi kyun pasand hai? Comedy toh meri dosri mohabbat thi na? Phir woh meri pehli kaise hogayi? Woh meri manzil se zayada ahem kaise hogayi? Mujhe pata hi nahi chala kab Kapil Sharma kudh badal gaya. Bollywood, yeh mera dream tha, baray parde par Kapil Sharma aur kya chahiye tha. Par aaj yeh bara parda mere liye nahi lagta. Mujhe lagta hai films mere liye nahi hain, yeh mera kaam nahi hai. Yeh Kapil Sharma nahi hai. Aise toh nahi hona tha, yeh kya ho raha hai, Papa? Aik dum se main itna akela hogaya hon, yeh uljhan mujhe sakoon nahi lene de rahi. Main kya karon? Batao na, Papa, main kya karon?' Tightening his grip on frame he brings it closer to her chest and for second time since he got here, he cries himself to sleep.
"Trip kaisa tha?"
"Theek.. theek tha, Ali bhai." Clearing his throat he replies. 10 days, it took Kapil 10 days before he flies back home, he just got back this morning and since then haven't rested for a second. As soon he landed, he made few calls which could be named as 'SOS' resulting a small reunion with his old friends. Ali Asghar, Upsana Singh, Kiku Sharda, Chandan Prabhakar and Sumona Chakravarti are all present in his house right now. Honestly he hadn't expected all of them to be here at such short notice, it really took him by surprise when one by one all of them came and he really was surprised when Sumona came too because memory serves they didn't parted on well notes.
"Sab khairiat hai na, Kapil? Tumne aise kyun bolaya, hum sab ko?" He can sense worry in Upsana's voice, which really touch his heart. Seeing them all together, here, by his side is slightly overwhelming for him. After Comedy Nights, they all parted, of course stayed in touch and sometimes met in parties but never got together like before. And silently he blames himself for this, only if he paid little more attention. Kapil looks at them carefully, observing each and everyone; they are worried for him and curious too and Sumona, he can sense she is little distant. Without wasting another minute he enlightens them with his motives for seeking them with such urgency. For the first time in months, Kapil opens himself in front of someone else, in front of them - his second family. Being in industry for so long, he has made so many friends, but if there is a family within industry for him, it's them. He almost lost them, his family and tonight he wants to go back to his family. He wants to unite this family once again.
"Tu jaanta hai tu kya keh raha hai?" Chandan is first one to speak while others are still trying to get their heads round the whole time.
"Jaanta hon, Chandan, bohut achi tarhan."
"Yaar, log agay jaate hain aur tum phir se..."
"Main agay hi barhna chahta hon Kiku, main agay hi jaa raha hon, sirf raasta badal raha hai."
"Lekin Kapil... "
"Upsana Di, main soch kar hi bol raha hon."
"Tum kya chahte ho, Kapil?" Finally, Sumona speaks and he lets out sigh of relief. His gaze meets with her and holds it there.
"Comedy Nights, aik bar phir." No hesitation, no lies. He speaks the truth and from his heart. As soon the words escape from his lips, he feels a heavy burden lifting off his chest. All of sudden he feels so light.
"Aap se ka saath, aik bar phir. Main apni family wapis chahta hon."
"Itna asaan hai kya?" Sumona mutters but it doesn't escape his hearing, he almost smiles.
"Tumhe yaad hai na, Kapil, Comedy Nights end band kyun howa tha?" Kiku dares to raise a question which is on everyone's mind yet no one voiced it.
"Yaad hai. Us din se aaj tak, nahi bhool sakta. Mere film ke career ki keemat Comedy Nights ne chukayi. Aap se ne chukayi. Ehsaas hai mujhe."
"Aur ab jab tumhe phir koi new film offer hogi, tab Kapil?" Ali asks, his worried for him, Kapil can tell.
"Maine bohut koshish ki, maine bohut socha bhai, lekin.. meri manzil, mera sapna, sab kuch wahin hai, Bhai. Comedy Nights ne mujhe sab diya par main usko sab kuch nahi de paaya."
"Kapil films tumhara dream tha. Aur dekho tum kitni agay agaye ho."
"Haan bhai, mujhe bhi yehi lagta tha ke movies mera dream hai. Shayad aik waqt mein aisa tha, lekin.. bhai, Comedy Nights haqeeqat hai, itni khubsoraat haqeeqat jo sapna dekhe bina sach hoyi. Bhai baray parde ka apna maza hai, lekin mujhe ehsaas ho raha hai ke woh mere liye nahi hai. Main bohut miss karta hon, stage ko.. woh har haftay live audience ko, Sidhu sir, logon ka woh pyaar, woh nok jhok, main woh live comedy karna miss karta hon. Woh shaitaaniyan, woh bachpana. Main khul kar hasna miss karta hon. Main... aap sab ko bohut miss karta hon. Apni es family ko roz milna, saath mein kaam karna miss karta hon." His eyes as well as his words speak the truth and they all can see it, they can feel it. A tiny tear escape's Kapil's eye which he quickly wipes away hoping no one will notice but it seems it got noticed as second later he is pulled into a hug by Ali Asghar.
"I am sorry." He whispers to no one in particularly but everyone hears it. Kapil sits himself on side once again after breaking away from hug.
"4 saal, Kapil, bohut lamba arsa hota hai. 4 saal baad new season?"
"Main jaanta hon Uspana Di, lekin main jaanta hon log chahte hain, dekheinge. Aaj bhi sabse pehla sawaal mujhse Comedy Nights ka hi poocha jata hai, ke season 2 kab ayega? Aaj bhi log Comedy Nights ko miss karte hain, Sharma family ko miss karte hain. Shikayat karte hain ke unke weekends pehle jaise khushgawaar nahi hote. Mushkil hoga, jaanta hai lekin na mumkin nahi hoga. Agar aap sab ka saath ho toh." He dares to look at them with hope in his eyes. He knows they have their own priorities and it would be selfish of him to ask them to sacrifice their priorities for this, they already sacrificed once before he cannot let them do this again. But he wishes that they come on board with him and once again they can bring one thing to life again which they all loved doing years ago.
"Are you sure, Kapil?" Asghar inquires about Kapil's idea for final time.
"Yes." He replies without giving any other thought, his eyes hold determination and his voice holds infirmity in it. Ali smiles at him, the smile which makes Kapil's heart swell with happiness and his eyes twinkle with hope.
"Hum logon ne jab Comedy Nights shuru kiya tha, kisi ne nahi socha tha woh us bulandi tak jayega. Lekin usne woh oonchiyaan choyi jo kabhi namumkin lagta tha. Aaj aik bar phir... aik bar phir kyun nahi?"
"Haan, par name kya hoga?" Chandan raises an important question which earns him few snorts.
"Comedy nights, aik bar phir?" Kiku replies immediately.
"Arre yeh toh kisi drama ka title lagta hai. Comedy nights dawaati (2) kaisa hai?" Uspana's idea for name causes everyone laugh and Kapil could not hold himself any longer.
"Hum Comedy Nights bana rahe hain, KBC nahi. Kyun Bacchhan sir se panga le rahi hain?" Ali, Chandan and Kiku tries hard to hide their laughter.
"Arre yaad hai Bacchhan sir wala episode? Chandan ki kya halaat hoyi thi?" Ali suddenly reminds them and they all burst laughing while Chandan slightly goes red and send death glare to Kapil who holds ends up laughing even harder and then Chandan joins him too. As the laughter dials down, Kapil notices Sumona still hasn't spoken up about this which slightly worries him.
"Sumona... " He softly calls her managing to catch her attention.
"Kapil.."
"I am sorry."
"4 saal, Kapil. Itna waqt lagaya tumne."
"Sumona." Ali tries to play big brother here but Kapil interrupts him.
"Nahi bhai.. mat rukiye. Usay haq hai. Aap sab ko haq hai. Sumona ne mujhse kaha tha, bar bar, soch kar faisla karo. Socho.. lekin main.."
"Woh waqt hi aisa tha Kapil. Tumhara kasoor nahi hai." Uspana tries to reason.
"Sumona, I am truly sorry. tum mujhe bohut azeez ho aur mujhe bohut taqleef hoyi kyunki tum meri wajah se hurt hoyi." Sumona can feel the genuine emotions behind his each word.
"Yaar please, mujhe meri Sumona laa do." It feels like de ja vu all over again. One sentence leads them into memory lane when first Sumona was approached for CNWK, he had used same sentence. Soon she breaks into her smile and Kapil's lips curve to match hers.
"It's alright, Kapil." Kapil moves forward and hugs Sumona, who hugs him back. As they gently pull apart, she finds something to say.
"Lekin es bar agar tumne mere honton, ankhon, naak yaan mere maykay ki burai ki toh main... "
"Arre, toh phir peeche bacha hi kya?"
"Kapil!" She throws cushion at him which hits him of face before falling. Ali, Upsana, Chandan and Kiku who finally feel relieved to see the small tension between Kapil and Sumona ease away, moments later falls into laughter when Kapil and Sumona start the cushion war.
None of them ends up going home that evening, because they all sat together to talk, later they ended up enjoying CNWK marathon together. After months, Kapil is feeling in peace when he looks around and finds his second family with him, enjoying each others' company and that they all are once again reunited. His heart leaps with happiness and fear because they all are in, once again they are with him, on board and he is so much happy but he is also afraid because once again they have placed their trust in him but this time, he is determined to set things right, not to break their trust. Finally tonight, Kapil feels he is home.
I hope you all enjoyed it.😳
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