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ss: BETRAYED(ch 1- 21)thread closed

oshinchaudhary Goldie
oshinchaudhary
oshinchaudhary

Joined: 21 October 2008
Posts: 1408

Posted: 08 April 2014 at 1:13am | IP Logged
HI GUYS I HV BEEN ON IF FOR SMTYM NW N READ MANY STORES N NW I MYSELF IS TRYING MY HAND IN WRITING ...I M NT A WRITER N THIS IS D FIRST TYM M WRITING A STORY SO PLZ BEAR WID ME N LET ME KNW DAT IF I SHOULD CONTINUE IT OR NOT..
               PROLOGUE
What will u do when u come to kn dat d guy u love more then ur life never loved u??? That he played with ur heart ...that he betrayed u??? will u be abl to forgive him ever or will u make him regrate his deed?? Join this journey of luv, trust , frndship, hatred, revenge n BETRAYAL...

so , wat u think should i write it or stop it Ouch???? i'm waiting for ur commentsEmbarrassed

INDEX

THREAD 2 - LINK

PROLOGUE - page 
CHARACTER SKETCH - page 1
CHAPTER 1 - page 1
Chapter

ChAPTER 3

Chapter 4

Chapter5

Chapter 6
Chapter 7

Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11 TO 15
Chapter 16

Chapter 17

Chapter 18
Chapter 19

Chapter 20

Chapter21






Edited by oshinchaudhary - 04 March 2015 at 12:40pm

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rima4ever IF-Achieverz
rima4ever
rima4ever

Joined: 18 April 2013
Posts: 145738

Posted: 08 April 2014 at 1:30am | IP Logged
nice concept 
please start
...Radhika... IF-Rockerz
...Radhika...
...Radhika...

Joined: 23 July 2013
Posts: 5224

Posted: 08 April 2014 at 1:30am | IP Logged
Continue soon and Pm me plzz Wink
aal d besht! LOL
oshinchaudhary Goldie
oshinchaudhary
oshinchaudhary

Joined: 21 October 2008
Posts: 1408

Posted: 08 April 2014 at 1:42am | IP Logged
Originally posted by rima4ever

nice concept 
please start
thnk u i will post chapter soon
gargi21 Senior Member
gargi21
gargi21

Joined: 19 October 2013
Posts: 982

Posted: 08 April 2014 at 1:46am | IP Logged
Awesome concept dear...
U should definitely give it a try...
Well may i know your name... ???ErmmLOL
oshinchaudhary Goldie
oshinchaudhary
oshinchaudhary

Joined: 21 October 2008
Posts: 1408

Posted: 08 April 2014 at 4:43am | IP Logged
CHARACTER SKETCH

JALAL:  19 yrs old handsome n rich guy main lead of aur story. he doesnt believe in luv for him its a waste of tym bt possesive n caring abt him closeones, wnt to own everythng which cums his way for him winning is everythng  its his passion cumng 2 is nt n option for him...
heartthrob of collage wid a secret deep inside his heart...


hamida banu: jalal's mom n only family (same as serial)

JODHA: 19 yrs old  carefree, beautiful main lead of our story live lyf at her own rules do not like to lie bt somtym she hs to lie her dream is her passion n cn do anythng for her dream n her loved ones

mr sameer ahuja:  jodha's uncle

mrs usha ahuja:  jodha's aunt n she hates her


ruqu;  jalal's close frnd , rich ,beautiful n hv a secret crush on jalal

salima:  jalals cousin sis n jodha's bst frnd

moti; simple middle class girl frnd of  jodha 

abdul   jalal's bst frnd he's d only person who cn handle jalal n knws everythng abt him n likes jodha

maan singh; frnd of jalal

javeda: bst frnd of ruqu
 



Edited by oshinchaudhary - 08 April 2014 at 7:07pm

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oshinchaudhary Goldie
oshinchaudhary
oshinchaudhary

Joined: 21 October 2008
Posts: 1408

Posted: 08 April 2014 at 6:27am | IP Logged
Originally posted by PupCat

Continue soon and Pm me plzz Wink
aal d besht! LOL
thnk u 
oshinchaudhary Goldie
oshinchaudhary
oshinchaudhary

Joined: 21 October 2008
Posts: 1408

Posted: 08 April 2014 at 8:29am | IP Logged
chapter 1
she was all shattered  standing der all numb she jst cnt believe wat she heard!
"no...no..no u cnt do this to me...t..tum..tum mazak kar rhe ho na jalal" she asked him stammmering tears were constantly flowing down her cheeks.." he laughed wickedly n said" mazak...ha ha ha mazak!! haan jodha yeh sab ek mazak hi toh hai hamara relation mera tumse pyaar karna yeh sab ek mazak hi tha" she ws hell shocked n asked him "no jalal don..dont say dat i..i..knw dat u luv me i hv seen it  in ur eyes( nw she cupped his face wid her hand) y r u doing dis to me jalal" she started crying loudly . he freed his face from her grip n phushed her " luv?? wat luv? ohh u mean jo humare beech  mein ha..ha..ha..ha tumhe..tumhe laga ki mein TUMSE pyaar karunga ?? jalaluddin mohammad tumse se pyaar kareya?? kitni bewakoof ho tum( he held her tightly from her shoulder so dat it pains) " jalal u r hurting me" she cried
jalal " tum ladkiya kitni bewakoof hoti ho meine pyaar se baat kya ki tumhe laga ki mein JALAL tumse pyaar karne laga hun?? meine kabhi tumse pyaar nhi kiya jodha mein infact i nvr luved u it ws jst a game i wnted to show u dat jalal gets watever he wnts" n he pushes jodha so hard dat she hit d wall n her head start bleeding..
she cry loudly in pain"ahhh...(sob...snif...sob) den he turns n start moving out of d room whn he feels a soft hand on hiss wrist he turns n see dat jodha is holding his wrist  she says" plz jalal dont dont do dis wid me...dont..(sob..snif) leave me alon...i cnt live widout u jalal...cries...i luv u jalal i luv..!! " he shout" i dont care wat u feel n wat u think!" saying dis he releases his wrist frm her hand rudely n moves out!! leaving jodha all alone hurt n shattered
she ws nt able to stand anymore n fall wid a cry n she shouts loudly as if wnted her all pain to get over"JALAL!!!! ahhh..."!!
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Jalals POV

jalal moves out of d building leaving his jodha all alone der.
"wait a min...did I jst said MY jodha?? no she means nthng to me...NOTHING!!" he shouts n bangs on his car loudly
aftr some tym he gets in his car n starts driving wid high speed...thinking  jst abt one thing JODHA !!! her tears ...were tearing him apart...her beautiful doe shaped eyes in wch he cn clearly see the pain wch he himself hv given her...his heart broke in million of pieces he wnted wipe her tears take all her pain away bt he cnt no he wont becoz she deserve all dis pain n tears...
suddenly he stops his car..n cums out of it goes to d side of road tear were flowing down his eye he tightly hold his hair n shout wid all his pain n anger " WHY!!! WHY!!!"n sits wid a thud again says "why jodha why did u do dis?" bt this tym it was jst a whisper as he ws cryng vry badly " if u hv nt done dat sin den we would hv been together today happy n i wouldnt hv to do dis jodha!!!"n he cries more...

precap:- flashback

so hwz dis guys??? i knw i suck at it so plz baacha samjh ke maaf kar denaLOL... n let me knw if i should continue or ntOuch...
n if u like it den plz hit like n commentSmile
n if u think i cn improve it den plz do let me know ur suggestions r welcum n criticism also... thnk u for bearing this wid me!!!


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