Part 2 - Mrityunjay's Diary
Monday, 7th Apr 2014
Today after a long time I got a call from Adi. He said there is a reunion party on 9th April, organized by the trustee on the occasion of the school completing 20 successful years. I am happy to hear this. We talked about our old school days and our current status in life. We did small talk for near about five minutes, as I had to attend a Board of Directors meeting for my new plant. Adi is a dentist and has started his practice in the nearby city. He is coming to the party. Actually he is in charge of informing all the students of our class. He told me about Yug, Meethi, Nandu, Radha, Vasu ...
Today while watching the sky at night I saw a bright Star, and suddenly a face surfaced in my mind. It was a girl's face...it was her face... It was Tara's face ... I was shocked. Today, how after so many years suddenly her face surfaced in my mind. Her eyes ... the way they used to smile... her eyelashes... their rising and falling while talking... her voice...
Like other girls, she was in my class. But she was different. She had blunt hair cut, a sweet smile, melodious voice and was good at heart. She was shy and never talked to any boy.
I remember her... our first indirect talk ...it was in music class on some song. I think that was the first day when I saw that this girl was in my class.
One day in music class, the teacher was teaching us raag "Ahir Bhairav" and told us about the song "Albela Sajan Aayo Re" from the movie "Hum Dil De Chuke Sanam" and taught us how to sing that. First the whole class practiced it in chorus. Then the teacher made each one of us sing alone. One by one we all sang the first verse of that song.
I was busy in talking with my friend after my turn and I heard a melodious voice... it was sweet... there was depth in this voice ...this voice was giving complex to the voice of original singer Kavita Krishnamurthy ... I listened to that voice closing my eyes, it was so full of feelings and emotions that I was swept away in the melody of that voice. After that voice finished its singing I opened my eyes and saw what was even more unexpected to me... the student who sang just now was Tara...What!!! This Tara can sing so beautifully. I never dreamt that someone can sing so beautifully...her voice is so melodious... I never heard her before. How can I hear her voice in class, she barely talks with any boy in class. "Holy cow ...this girl is the owner of such a beautiful voice and is the queen of singers." I said this to Radha but she walked out without saying anything.
In our next music class, we talked about Tal Keharwa. I must say this girl Tara had good knowledge of raags and taals and songs based on these raags 'n' taals. After this talk, we had talked many times in the 9th standard. But I hardly remember that she had ever initiated the talk. It was always me who used to initiate the talk. I used to ask her, "How are you? Fine?" and she used to answer "Fine," nothing else. She never came and initiated any talk.
After 9th when we went to 10th standard, again reshuffling was done. Adi, Yug, Meethi, Nandu, Radha, Vasu and Tara, we all landed in the same class.
This time there were board exams and I didn't want to take any risk with my marks, so I joined tuition for maths where all my friends were going. Tara also joined the same tuition for maths.
Tara was now less shy and started talking to others in class. Now we talk regularly. I helped her many times with solving maths problems. I enjoyed this maths problem solving as I used to get more practice in maths by solving them again.
It was a balanced year, neither good nor bad. But this Radha issue was a total mess.
Radha had made self assumption that "I like her" and spread this news in her friend circle that I am her boyfriend and this rumour spread in class like wildfire. When I got this news, I was at first shocked and then pissed off at Radha. I confronted her and then talked about her self-made assumption.
I must say these girls are such a big dramebaaz. She started crying when I confronted her saying, "What Mrityunjay?? You don't like me ...then what was all those talks in class and at my place?"
I was like "What??? What assumption she made from my talks with her??? Plz...Give me a break..."
I told her. "Radha, you are my good friend and that's all, nothing else. I talk to you in the same way as I talk to others in class. Especially if you have seen me talking to girls like Meethi, Nandu, Tara... I talk to you in the same way as I talk to them."
She said, "Again Tara!!! What is wrong with you? You always praise her after music class saying her voice is sweet... melodious and don't know what more you add and now again Tara. Ok fine it's nothing between us, we are just friends." After saying this, she walked away fuming.
After she went, I was thinking. Did I talk about Tara a lot?? When?? Why?? It's possible I might have talked about her and why not to talk about her? She had such a beautiful voice that everyone would like to praise it.
We continued our small talks in class and very soon came the end of 10th when results were announced. The last time I saw her was 8 years ago when she came to take her 10th standard results and after that I never saw her again.
Tara was a beautiful girl... I noticed this on Teachers' Day. On Teachers' Day, we were wearing informal outfits. Tara was wearing a salwar kameez. It was a plain salwar kameez but she was looking beautiful in that simple dress. There is a saying "Beauty lies in simplicity." She was proving it right.
She had deep and broad beautiful eyes and its beauty increased each time when she used to smile. When she smiles, her narrow pink lips spread on her face and her smile would reach her eyes from her lips releasing a spark in her eyes. Her smile was like a flower in the desert ... cherry on top of a cake.
Wait Mrityunjay!!! What is this??? Again you started praising her beauty??? Stop it now. When will you stop praising Tara and her qualities???
WAIT MRITYUNJAY!!! Do you have any feelings for her?? Did you love her?? OR should I say do you still love her??
LOVE???? To who TARA???? NEVER ...
If this is the situation then why you never praised any girl other than Tara in all these years ...ever?
And the answer to the previous question is NO...a big NO.
Whenever anyone sings "Albela Sajan Aayo Re" song, you start praising Tara and her voice.
But what to do, I cannot forget her voice ...her melodious voice...her smile, even after 10 years...
One reason for not praising any other girl is that I haven't met my type of girl, that's why I never praised any other girl.
So what's your type of girl???
She should be kind hearted, simple, her smile should be her ornament.
Stop it Mrityunjay!!! Accept the fact that you have feelings for Tara and in all these years you never talked about it to anyone. The type of girl you mentioned just now is Tara. You never stopped thinking about her ...she is always in your thoughts ...in your talks ...and in your heart.
Stop lying to yourself.
"YES I LOVE HER ...YES I LOVE TARA ..."
It took all these years to realize this ... What a person I am...
~Kitna pyaara hai yeh pyaar...pyaara pyaara
Hua hai pehli baar...hota hai ek baar
Phir na hoga yeh dobara...
Hai mera dil churake legaya..
Churane wala..mera qatil
Hai mera dil churake legayi..
Churane wali..meri qatil~
Oh...I am waiting for the reunion. When she will come, I will tell her about my feelings that I have kept buried for all these years.
But wait Mrityunjay! What do you know about Tara in present day?
Where she is?? What she is doing??? And most important, did she have any feelings for you...ever??? Or she thinks of you as just a friend??? You don't know whether she remembers you or not??
Stop worrying Mrityunjay, you are going to the reunion. She will also come, at that time ask her.
But what if she is already married?? Or engaged??
And if not married or engaged but what if she loves someone else and I say "I love you" then it's possible she might feel bad and break our friendship. Then? ... I don't want to lose her as a friend.
Be calm and positive Mrityunjay. It's just like the exams that you gave. When she will come in the reunion you can ask her, it's so simple.
But if she doesn't come there then...what??
All Izz Well...Mritunjay ...Be positive ...She will come. Have faith.
After so many years I understood my feelings and I have no way other than to wait for day after tomorrow to know her response.
I was always first in every exam ... but I fear what if someone else already took this position in this exam... in the exam of love. What if I fail???
So many questions and no other solution than to wait...
This wait is killing me...
Thanks for reading
Thanks Shaina_b for making it readable
Next update on page 7
Edited by Archi21 - 30 August 2017 at 11:09am