Posted:
Part 1 - Tara's Diary
Monday, 9th Sep 2013
10 pm
Dear Diary,
You are my best friend. You know each and every thing about me. You are the only one in this whole world who knows me completely. You know all the stuff about me, stuff that I never shared with anyone is also known to you. You know who truly I am - confused, shy and many more such kind of words are short to describe me. But I am somewhat optimist also, who has a heart which loves her family, friends and ... him.
Ouch...I am sorry. I am extremely sorry I never told you about him...Yes I had a crush on him... Or I still have a crush on him...
My dear diary let me tell you about this one and only secret which I never told you.
It happened 10 years back...Yes it's been a long time...and I hid this from you all this time. I never talk about this even to myself after I completed my schooling. But still there is some part of my heart which still wants him.
Ten years ago I moved to this beautiful place after my dad took a transfer from Mumbai. It's a small place but has importance in the country's map. It is a calm and quiet place surrounded by forests and beautiful scenery. Weather here is never too hot nor too cold. For me it's the most beautiful place I have ever seen and my dad calls this place Mini Shimla.
New place, new school. I got admission in the 8th standard in St. Louis School. I joined school in the middle of the session, gradually made some friends and started to know my new school.
When results came after my first exam in the 8th standard that was the first time I heard this name MRITYUNJAY SINGH SHEKHAWAT. He was the topper of 8th standard. I was curious to know more about him but whom to ask about him and in this thought, months passed and I left this question on time.
In my 9th standard, our school implemented new rules. These rules were to put students in class according to their percentage. Firstly I didn't like this thought as I called it discrimination among students. It's difficult for a shy person to survive in a new environment.
I entered my new class with a heavy heart. Slowly I moved towards the third bench. Then a girl entered and she came and sat beside me. She was Meethi. She was a lovely girl, she made friends very fast and so we became friends. I told her that I didn't know anybody in class and could she please help me in knowing the names of our classmates.
She started telling me the names of our new classmates by pointing them out. She knows all of them as she is born and brought up here and had been studying in this school from first standard.
Meethi said, "See that's Aditya, Yug, Vasu and that is Mrityunjay and that ..."
She continued pointing out other classmates but I stopped listening to her after hearing his name "Mrityunjay."
What! I am in his class...I never know what made say this. But I was happy though I didn't know why.
Mrityunjay was the topper of our batch. He was the son of a rich businessman. He was intelligent, smart, good at communication skills and also good in music. I just saw him and continued my talk with Meethi. I didn't give any second thought about him. And my chatting continued with Meethi for the whole first day of school.
From next day it was regular school for me - come to school, study and go home. But to this regular school something got added to my habit... and it was adoring Mrityunjay...Yes it became a habit for me to adore him. It was easy for me to adore him without getting caught by anyone as I was on the third bench in the first column and he was on first bench middle column. So while classes were going on, I used to adore him while pretending to look at the teacher teaching.
For the first time I talked to him indirectly in music class. That day I noticed his smile. It was a killer smile. That smile had some magic which I don't know what but I felt that something in me got hit...Did I start to feel something? ... After returning home I convinced myself there is nothing and I am hit by nothing...be calm...forget what you saw in music class...be normal.
Next day when I went to school, I again noticed his smile...it again hit me...it was a deeper hit than yesterday...
Then it was impossible for me to stop thinking about his irresistible smile...that killer smile...
And this killer smile continued its stabbing of my heart and I everyday got stabbed. He was a regular student but if for a single day he was absent, I felt like what is wrong with this world? ... Why this is happening to me? ...Today is a bad day...
One day a thought struck my mind.
"Why do you adore him so much??"
"Why you can't bear a single day without seeing him??"
"What is special in his smile??
I was mum to all these questions.
And then told myself, "Yes, why do I adore him...? He never noticed me in class and does not even know that there exists a person named Tara Mehta." Then a second thought following this thought emerged saying, "Why would he know you...?"
"Are you a ranker?? Are you the best singer??"
"Are you in his friend circle???"
The answer to all these questions was a big "NO."
To get noticed by him in class, I made plans...yes made plans.
So my first plan was to come in the list of top 20 rank holders of my class.
Second was to improve myself in music class.
And many more plans were made but these two were followed religiously.
Improvement in music class led to our first talk in front of the whole class, this time directly. We talked about Tal Keharwa. Whatever that talk was, I was happy that he talked to me.
After that conversation, we used to talk in class at least once in a week for five minutes and that was enough for me. 9th standard class continued and exams came and went. It was result day and as usual like every year he was first. I had secured 11th rank in my class. I was happy because for the first time I was under 15 rank which was like a dream come true for me.
Like in the 9th standard, the following year also the school continued its discrimination policy and started its process of discrimination - division of students based on their ranks - starting with the first 30 rankers in one class and then onwards in other classes. I was again worried with this discrimination. But this time I was worried because I might be separated from Mrityunjay as there were 180 students in our batch and I had secured 11th position in my class but didn't know how other students had fared and they might have gotten marks higher than me. I was praying to God, "Plz ...plz don't separate me from ..."
I was lost in my thoughts when I felt some one pinched me...Ouch... It was Meethi. She pinched me and said, "Where are you lost? Congrats we are once again in the same class.
I marched to my class with a heavy heart. But as I entered the class, I was welcomed with "Congrats Tara. Welcome to class."
This voice was familiar to me. I raised my head and found Mrityunjay was welcoming me...I was super happy...I said to myself, "That means I was able to secure position in top 30 and landed in the same class with Mrityunjay...and in addition to this, I caught his attention too, otherwise why would he have welcomed me?"
"No separation...yipeee!" I exclaimed in my mind.
Now we talk regularly, making my each day brighter than the previous day. He used to say "Hi" "Hello" everyday...and I used to feel more special each day.
It was 10th standard, so I joined maths tuition with Meethi. When I reached there on the first day I found Mrityunjay there. I was shocked to see him there. The reason for my shock was his looks.
He was wearing a red T-Shirt and was on his Bike Hero Hunk that was also RED.
OMG... My heart was beating so fast and loud that I felt if I continued to watch him, today my heart would definitely burst. So I turned my face away from there, but it seems like I don't have any control on myself... my body changed its direction again and turned to watch him...He was looking so hot in that red T-shirt...
Now I was able to adore Mrityunjay for longer hours, in school and in tuition...making my day brighter. Tuition was now my favourite place as I was able to watch him on his bike with his killer smile. I continued my hard work in studies to secure good marks as good marks led to his attention on me. Now he helped me in class in solving maths problems. He solved that maths problem in my notebook and I used to touch that solution when I was home and wanted to feel him in his writing.
One day Meethi pointed out Radha in our class saying she is Mrityunjay's girlfriend.
I was shell shocked to hear this ...I said to Meethi, "Dear why are you joking with me? Mrityunjay doesn't have a girlfriend."
Meethi said, "How do you know that? Did he tell you that he doesn't have a girlfriend? ...Wait...wait wait... What? Do you like him?"
I shook my head in NO.
I never told Meethi about my secret admiration for Mrityunjay.
I was feeling broken. Thousands of thoughts were bombarding my mind.
"How he can do this to me?"
"Am I not good in studies?"
"Or do I look bad?"
"Why I misunderstood his talk?"
"He never told me about his feelings."
"He used to talk to me in the same way that he talks to others, why did I misunderstand him?"
"Did I really misunderstand him??"
"It's my heart...my feelings... they have the right to like anyone in this world. They don't need permission to like anyone."
My chain of thoughts broke when my sister played the song,
~Khata to jab ho ke ham haal-e-dil kisi se kahe
Kisi ko chahate rehana koi khata to nahi
Kisi ko chahate rehana koi khata to nahi
Amir tu hai
Amir tu hai to itana zara bata de mujhe
Garib main hun magar yeh meri khata ho nahi
Garib main hun magar yeh meri khata ho nahi
Kisi ko chahate rehana koi khata to nahi
Tujhe bhi pyaar hai
Tujhe bhi pyaar hai mujhse mai jaanti hoon sanam
Yeh baat aur hai mujhse kabhi kaha to nahi
Yeh baat aur hai mujhse kabhi kaha to nahi
Kisi ko chahate rehana koi khata to nahi~
Oh...this song is especially composed for me. This song helped me to cop up with this harsh truth of life.
I continued my talk with Mrityunjay in the same manner like before but kept a reminder in my mind not to let my heart in. Final exams were over and results were out. Once again he was first. I had secured good marks. For my good marks some credit goes to him as to get his attention I worked so hard that I got good marks.
I left that school after 10th. He continued in the same school. Meethi informed me that he chose engineering as his future profession.
I don't know in today's date where he is...what he is doing ...who his partner is...
I saw him earlier this year in the market. He still looks dashing...handsome...and that killer smile...it still has the power to kill. I saw him just for one second but felt like everything stopped for that one second. He was on the other side of the road on his bike. He didn't notice me but I saw him...he was...
Oh...no...It's 2:00 am. Close your diary Tara...Otherwise mom will come and scold you for being up so late.
Yours
Tara
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Thanks for reading
Thanks ⭐️Shaina_b⭐️ for making it readable
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