Joined: 03 November 2013
Monday,9th Sep 2013
You are my best friend . You know each and every thing about me. You are the only one in this whole world who knows me completely. You know all stuff about me, stuffs that I never shared with anyone is also known to you. You know who truly I am- confused, shy and many more such kind of words are short to describe me. But I am some what optimist also, who has heart which loves family ,friends and ...to him.
Ouch...I am sorry . I am extremely sorry I never told you about him...Yes I had crush on him...Or I still have crush on him...
My dear diary let me tell you about this one and only secret that I never told you.
Its happened 10 yrs back...Yes its long time...and I hided this from you for all this time. I never talk about this to myself also after I completed my schooling. But still there is some part in my heart which still wants...him.
10 years ago I moved to this beautiful place after my dad took transfer from Mumbai. It's small place but have importance in country's map. Its clam and quite place surrounded by forests and beautiful scenery. Weather here is never too hot nor too cold. For me it's the most beautiful place I had ever seen and My dad call this place Mini Shimla.
New place, new school. I got admission in 8th standard in St. Lious School. I joined school in the middle of session, gradually made some friends and started to know my new school.
When results came after my first exam in 8th that was the first time I heard this name MRITYUNJAY SINGH SEKHAWAAT he was topper of 8th std. . I was curious to know more about him but whom to ask about him and in this thought, months passed and I left this question on time.
In my 9th std. our school implied new rules...These rules were to put students in class according to their percentage. First I didn't liked this thought I called it discrimination among students. Its difficult for a shy person to survive in new environment.
I entered my new class with heavy heart. Slowly I moved toward 3rd bench .Then entered a girl and she came and sat beside me. She was Meethi .She is lovely girl, she makes friends very fast and so we became friend. I told her that I don't know any body in class can you please help me in knowing names of our classmates.
She started introducing me our new classmates .She knows all of them as she is born and brought up here and is studying in this school from 1st std.
Meethi :"See that's Aditya, Yug , Vasu and that is Mrityunjay and that ..."
She continued introducing other classmates but I stopped hearing her after listening his name "Mrityunjay".
What I am in his class...I never know what made say this. But I was happy don't know why.
Mrityunjay was topper of our batch. He was son of rich business man. He was intelligent, smart, good at communication skills and also good in music . I just saw him and continued my talk with Meethi. I don't gave second thought about him. And my chatting continued with Meethi for the whole first day of school.
From next day It was regular school for me- come to school study and go to home. But to this regular school something got added to my habit... and it was adoring Mrityunjay...Yes It became habit for me to adore him. It was easy for me to adore him without getting caught by anyone as I was on 3rd bench in last row and he was on 1st bench middle row. So while classes going on and watching teacher teaching I use to adore him.
For the first time I talked him indirectly in music class that day I noticed his smile. It was a killer smile. That smile had some magic which I don't know what but I felt that something in me got hit...Do I started to feel something ...After returning home I convinced myself there is nothing and I am hit by nothing...be clam...forget what you saw in music class...be normal.
Next day when I went to school I again noticed his smile...it again hit me...it was deeper hit then yesterday...
Then it was irresistible for me to stop thinking about his smile...the killer smile...
And this killer smile continued its stabbing and I everyday got stabbed. He was regular student but if for single day he was absent I felt like what is wrong with this world ... why this is happening to me...today is bad day...
One day a thought strike my mind.
"Why you adore him so much??" "Why you can't bear a single day without seeing him??" "What is special in his smile???
I was mum to all these questions.
And then told to myself "yes, why I adore him... " "he never noticed me class that their exists a person named Tara Mehta." Then second thought following this thought emerged saying "why he would know you..."
"Are you ranker?? Are you best singer???""Are you in his friend circle???"
Answers to all these questions was a "Big NO."
To get noticed by him in class I made plans...yes made plans.
So my first plan was to come in list of top 20 rankers of my class.
Second was to improve myself in music class
And many more plans were made but these two were followed religiously.
Music class improvement led us our first talk in front of whole class, this time directly .We talked about Tal Keharwa. Whatever that talk was I was happy that he talked to me.
After that talk we use to talk in class at least once in a week for 5 minutes and that was enough for me. 9th std. class continued and exams came and went. It was result day and as usual like every year he was first . I secured 11th rank in my class I was happy because for the first time I am under 15 rank which was like a dream for me.
Like 9th std following year also school continued its discrimination policy and started its discrimination- division of students based on their ranks- starting with first 30 rankers in one class and less then that in other class. I was again in worried with this discrimination. But this time I was worried because I might be separated from Mrityunjay as their were 180 students in our batch and had secured 11th position in my class but know how my others students have got marks higher then me. I was praying to god ..."Plz ...plz don't separate me from ...".
I was lost in my thoughts when I felt some one pinched me...Ouch... This was Meethi she pinched me and told "Where you are lost ...Congrates we are once again in same class". I marched to my class with heavy heart. But I entered class I was welcomed "Congrates Tara. Welcome to class". This voice was familiar to me. I raised my head and found Mrityunjay is welcoming me...I was super happy...I told to myself "That means I was able to secure position in top 30 and landed in same class with Mrityunjay...and addition to this is that I caught his attention too otherwise why would have welcomed me". "No separation...yipeee" I exclaimed in my mind.
Now we talk regularly making my each day more brighter than previous day. He use to say "Hi" "Hello " everyday...and I use to feel more special each day.
It was 10th std. so I joined maths tuition with Meethi. When I reached their on first day I found Mrityunjay their . I was shocked to see him their.The reason for my shock was his looks .
He was wearing a red T-Shirt and was on his Bike Hunk that was also RED...
OMG...My heart was beating so fast and loud that I felt If I continue to watch him today my heart would definitely burst. So I turned my face from their, but look I don't have control on me... my body changed its direction again and turned to watch him...he was looking so hot in that red T-shirt...
Now I was able to adore Mrityunjay for longer hours in school and in tuition...making my day more brighter. tuition was now my favourite place I was able to watch him on his bike with his killer smile. I continued my hard work in studies to secure good marks as good marks lead his attention on me. Now he helped me in class solving Maths problem. He solve that Maths problem in my notebook and I use touch that solutions when I am home and wanted to feel him in his writing .
One day Meethi pointed Radha in our class saying she is Mrityunjay's girlfriend.
I was shell shocked to hear this ...I told to Meethi "Dear why are you joking with me... Mrityunjay don't have girlfriend"
Meethi: "How you know that?"
"Do he told you that I don't have girlfriend"..."wait...wait wait... what do you like him?"
I nodded my head in NO.
I never told Meethi about my secret admiring on Mrityunjay.
I was feeling broken. Thousands of thoughts were bombarding my mind
"How he can do this to me?"
"Do I am not good in studies?"
"Or do I have bad looks?"
"Why I misunderstood his talk?"
"He never told me about his feelings"
"He use to talk to me in same way that he talk to others why I misunderstood him"
"Do I really misunderstood him??"
" Its my heart...My feelings... they have right to like anyone in this world. They don't need permission to like anyone."
My thoughts chain broke when my sister played song
"Khataa to jab ho ke ham haal-e-dil kisi se kahe
Kisi ko chaahate rahanaa koi khataa to nahi
Kisi ko chaahate rahanaa koi khataa to nahi
Amir tu hai
Amir tu hai to itana zara bata de muje
Garib mai hun magar ye meri khataa ho nahi
Kisi ko chaahate rahanaa koi khataa to nahi
Tujhe bhi pyaar hai
Tujhe bhi pyaar hai mujhase mai jaanati hun sanam
Ye baat aur hai mujhase kabhi kahaa to nahi
Kisi ko chaahate rahanaa koi khataa to nahi"
Oh...this song is specially composed for me. This song helped me to cop this harsh truth of life.
I continued my talk with Mriyunjay in the same manner like before but kept a reminder in my mind don't let your heart in. final exams over and results were out once again he was first . I secured good marks. For my good marks some credit goes to him as to get his attention I worked so hard that I secured marks.
I left that school after 10th. He continued in same school. Meethi informed me that he choose engineering as his future profession.
I don't know in today's date where he is...what he is doing ...who his partner is...
I saw him earlier this year in market. He still look dashing...handsome...and that killer smile...it still have power to kill. I saw him just for 1 second but felt like everything stopped for that 1 second. He was on the other side of road on his bike, he didn't noticed me but I saw him...he was ...
Oh...no...its 2:00 am close your diary Tara...Otherwise mom will come and scold you for being up so late.
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