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jprasad

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jprasad

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Posted: 07 September 2006 at 1:00pm | IP Logged
Minnie, for me you summed it up to the "T"

I remember being younger and if I did something wrong I would automatically be spanked. The problem was that I was never told why what I did was wrong. Perhaps it is from my parent's generation, but at a young age who sees those types of background issues. The effect that it left on me is that my "why" really needs to be answered for me to perform effectively at work or in my personal life.

For me if it really comes down to spanking then the "Why" really needs to be answered in a way that the child understands why what they did was wrong. Perhaps relating that "why" to something that they can sympathize with may help them so that they don't reach that point again. Also, to emphasis needs to be placed that violence is not the answer. But then, why did u spank them in the first place?

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anjali.nair

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Posted: 07 September 2006 at 1:13pm | IP Logged

Originally posted by sneha3105


There is this tamil phrase used often in movies, when a kid is below ur hip (height) u trick the kid into doing things. When the kid grows, to below your shoulder, u hit the kid if it misbehaves. Once the kid grows over your shoulder, u talk to the kid making it your friend! Smile

wow!! that is a beautiful saying. my 1.5 yr old comes in 1st category yet i cannot trick her in some situationsBig smile. one thing i have noticed is when us parents are inconsistent in punishments kids misbehave. i am guilty at that. so have changed my approach. i have spanked my daughter 2-3 times in the bottom. those times looking in the eyes, time outs, a swat NO..nothing worked. i have felt bad after thatUnhappy. i don't intent to continue that but i know sometimes it is inevitable.

Minnie

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Minnie

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Posted: 07 September 2006 at 8:01pm | IP Logged

Originally posted by jprasad

Minnie, for me you summed it up to the "T"

I remember being younger and if I did something wrong I would automatically be spanked. The problem was that I was never told why what I did was wrong. Perhaps it is from my parent's generation, but at a young age who sees those types of background issues. The effect that it left on me is that my "why" really needs to be answered for me to perform effectively at work or in my personal life.

For me if it really comes down to spanking then the "Why" really needs to be answered in a way that the child understands why what they did was wrong. Perhaps relating that "why" to something that they can sympathize with may help them so that they don't reach that point again. Also, to emphasis needs to be placed that violence is not the answer. But then, why did u spank them in the first place?

  I completely agree JP.

  After every spanking, I do feel miserable,yes. But I give it some space and time. And then starts my reconciliation session (read petting and lecturing and hugging and all my wisdoms are greeted with enthusiastic nods and open wide hugs LOL). But in all that, what I really repeat is WHY I spanked them.I ask specifically ask them if they understood why they got the punishment. Even while spanking, I actually make them repeat after me that 'they are not going to repeat this' ,whatever it is. I also tell them how bad I feel when I spank them. So dialougue is very very important,probably even  more important than the spanking itself. Spanking is just a way of making them get serious about any issue, so that they address the issue with more gravity than they otherwise would. I find them more open and receptive to what I am saying, and my hugs and kisses and praises take on more meaning than they normally would LOL.

  Though you are right about the generation. Often, when something went wrong in the office,the dads would come back home and scream at the wife, and hit the hapless kids. That is the kind of thing which we need to guard ourselves from. Probably the biggest pitfall is, sometimes a parent can resort to hitting simply as an easy way out. I have been guilty of it with my elder son, but thankfully I learnt that pretty soon, and of course I myself had some incidents from my childhood to draw from. So that is something I never ever do, and luckily my husband is very balanced in that way. He is one guy who never ever brings frustrations of office home, though he has had some enormous ones,as any one else. So it's a learning process.

 

insouciance

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insouciance

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Posted: 07 September 2006 at 8:20pm | IP Logged
But,how to manage 7-8 year old kids who know that they arent supposed to be doing something(a ka squeezing a toothpaste tube,emptying a bottle of oil/shampoo into the trash,scribbling in elder siblings' note books,messing up elder siblings' room/wardrobe etc),who know that they would be spanked if they squeeze a brand new tube of toothpaste the very day its first brought home,or if they mess up a tidy room but yet are so incorrigible that they would do it,never mind if they are spanked,but cannot get the better of their "wish" to mess up things Cry ...Could people tell me what to do with such kids Ouch

NKSUDHIR

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NKSUDHIR

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Posted: 08 November 2006 at 1:00pm | IP Logged
I am not against spanking a child if he/she is doing something wrong. It should not be Govt or Law deceides whether kids should be spanked or not; it should be parents or teachers decide at what degree of mistake kids should be punished. But mother hitting a child because husband came home drunk and she was not able to argue with stuburn husband ans she will madly hit her kid is totaly unacceptable. Punishing a child is only acceptable at a certain level which leaves positive impact on a child. Too much punishment will eventually leave a very negative impact on a child.

hira_187

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hira_187

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Posted: 08 November 2006 at 5:02pm | IP Logged
i don't think physical punishment should be an option for a parent to change their child's behavior. i actually had this conversation in my psychology class today and most people (some mothers) believed it is not going to solve anything, more likely the child will become immune to it and more irritating. nexxt time u hit him or her the child will just not respond n be like watever u hit me all the time that never solved anything. also if a parent hits the child to change their behavior then maybe that kid will carry this example in to school or work n their reason would be that: my father hit me to change me so i will hit that kid so he could listen to me and change his behavior towards me. kids learn things from their parents and they ought to learn good things, not hitting (which u never know might lead onto violence in future).

hira_187

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hira_187

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Posted: 09 November 2006 at 10:27pm | IP Logged

i know it has made kids even more ziddi when u hit again and again.......[

 

QUOTE=navi18]

Originally posted by hira_187

u hit him or her the child will just not respond n be like watever u hit me all the time that never solved anything.

yea that's sooo true. if u hit the kid.. they will b quiet n scared of u.. then one time they'll just b like all u can do is just hit me right.. then go ahead. my beo was used to hit me after a while i got tired n i was like "u only have the power of hitting. i must say u can do nutin accept hitting" n then he stopped..

    HAPPY ENDINGBig smileLOL

[/QUOTE]

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