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**
The studio bustled with the sound of applause as the swanky stage glittered , the crowd having no reason to contain their excitement as their much loved actor made an appearance only to sweep them off their feet with his very famous dance moves and a handsome face that was laced with a hearstopping smirk. With practiced ease and perfection , he let the cable wires that were wrapped with necessary measurements for safety around his torso, raise him up in the air which was received with much mesmerization from the already feverish amazement that spiked the air around his fans. As the background dancers continued with their identical steps meant more to make the public figure stand out , a few of them followed the actors stance, the respective cables fixed onto them, rolling back to raise them too in swagger, all high up a certain meter's, everything effortlessly hiding the weeks of toil that went into it. But nothing had prepared anyone to deal with sinking feeling amongst all such exhiliration., when one didn't even got a chance to be sure if what they saw was even real as it was over as quickly as a flash of lightening. What was left behind to shake them into believing it was the roar of the thunder, that matched the gravity of the mishap. All it took was one snapping of the cable and the background dancer came hurtling back to the stage, the sound of damage to his body seeming as the trickle of a single drop of water in comparison of the raging tidal waves that was the crowd before it receded on the realization., making it difficult to take in air , the feeling nowhere close to when a few minutes ago it was due to the sight of their beloved actor. And just like that, the thought lightened them, making many heave a sigh of relief that it wasn't him that went down. Just some other dancer.
**
" We are sorry Mrs. Raizada. But it was unavoidable. Dislocation of his lower vertebra's have caused the damage. We are afraid that he may never be able to walk again. Though its isn't done to lose hope, you should start with his therapy right away, but I don't want to give you false assurance."
The doctor felt sorry for the young woman in front on him. He knew she wanted nothing more than to tell him to stop with his practiced speech and rush off towards her husband. Tiredness and dejection clouding her features, she let out a shaky breath and nodding at him., turned on her heels to walk to the ward of her husband.
The doctor felt sorry for the young woman in front on him. He knew she wanted nothing more than to tell him to stop with his practiced speech and rush off towards her husband. Tiredness and dejection clouding her features, she let out a shaky breath and nodding at him., turned on her heels to walk to the ward of her husband.
As she pushed open the door, the pain was instantly masked by something akin to an effort at a being happy , her gaze softening as she took him in, thankful to God for saving him where a lot could have happened. She quenched the sinking feeling that rose again in her similar to one when she had come to know of his accident. Shuddering, she once again attempted to hide the despondency and reaching by his side raised her hand to touch his upturned palm but thinking better of it , retreated it.
Arnav was aware of her presence from the moment she took a step inside. He never understood this. For someone whom he had never given priority to, his senses had a strange way of incluning towards her whenever she was near. He often attributed it the fact that since they were married and living in the same room as her had led him to be physically attuned to her but when his mind rose the question as to why his heart thumped differently whenever she took care of him, he rebuffed it much like he dealt with her to drive her away. Little success, though for neither that voice ceased to exist nor she stopped coming to him. Still he was very much prepared even now and more than ever to put his distance from her. Or rather, he thought it wont be required. She might herself recoil, he thought once again the knife twisting his heart at what he was now reduced too even as his throat clogged up. Its not as if they shared any emotional bonding let alone ever have been intimate to form a basis to that. It would be much easier for her to leave him anyways. What all aspects of a relationship he couldnt provide her when in the best of his times by choice, if one may call that so, he couldnt give her that now by the turn his life has taken now. Yet he couldnt help the surge of relief and dependancy he felt when he heard her voice, in a tone that promised companionship "Lets go home."
And he hated to feel so.
And he hated to feel so.
**
" Give her a chance Arnav. Now that you are married, its only right to let your partner share your life too. Give this marriage a chance and there s no way you will regret this. You will learn to love her too then."
"Stop with this Anjali. You knew I wasnt ready for marriage. There s too much going on. I struggle here to secure place in performances. Last thing I wanted was a burden in her name of Khushi!"
" I know it was unfair but are you even listening to what I said. Instead of frustrating yourself more and giving her too a hard time to put up with you, it would save everyone so much tension for just one chance of staying calm and thinking of future. As for the rest, Dadi and I are managing just fine too. With the money you send and my own earnings we are self sufficient Arnav. Dont do this with yourself. Dadi will not like it if she comes to know.."
"Ofcourse! Its had been her wish to tie this noose around my neck using her illness as the bait..what else.! She is perfectly fine now! Still.. she would have a problem how my married life is faring..!"
"Arnav! Mind your tone!.She thought well for you and you 'd know if you stop to putting barriers. Its been five months now!"
" Anjali please..I.. I am not in the right frame of mind alright. I didn't mean it that way. I just want you to understand to not push me further.."
" Its okay.. Arnav just take care of Khushi alright. She not at fault in all this and should nt be made a target of your misplaced anger."
"Stop with this Anjali. You knew I wasnt ready for marriage. There s too much going on. I struggle here to secure place in performances. Last thing I wanted was a burden in her name of Khushi!"
" I know it was unfair but are you even listening to what I said. Instead of frustrating yourself more and giving her too a hard time to put up with you, it would save everyone so much tension for just one chance of staying calm and thinking of future. As for the rest, Dadi and I are managing just fine too. With the money you send and my own earnings we are self sufficient Arnav. Dont do this with yourself. Dadi will not like it if she comes to know.."
"Ofcourse! Its had been her wish to tie this noose around my neck using her illness as the bait..what else.! She is perfectly fine now! Still.. she would have a problem how my married life is faring..!"
"Arnav! Mind your tone!.She thought well for you and you 'd know if you stop to putting barriers. Its been five months now!"
" Anjali please..I.. I am not in the right frame of mind alright. I didn't mean it that way. I just want you to understand to not push me further.."
" Its okay.. Arnav just take care of Khushi alright. She not at fault in all this and should nt be made a target of your misplaced anger."
**
His eyes fluttered open to the dimly lit small room as his throat felt parched. Vaguely registering being back in his home, he shifted slightly to rest his gaze on the steel glass of water that was kept by bedside table. Preparing himself for the breaking helplessness that would accompany even in such a small mundane task, he failingly tried to reach it, try as much unable to shift his body properly. Breathing harshly, he raised himself on his elbow with and putting all his strength tried pulling his body more towards the edge of the bed. And gained the will to carry when he was able to shift a couple of inches. But it wasnt long before when he saw the glass being enclosed with her fingers even as she sat by him and gliding her arm by his back, silently asked him to let her raise him to be able to drink water. He looked at her with irritation , angry more at himself for being handicapped and biting down a cutting retort loosened up on the strength he had put on his elbow, letting his body fall back on the bed. "I am not thirsty." he provided sharply.
" I know. Its just time for your medicines. " Breathing deeply to calm down, he gulped and nodded, even as she once again made to raise him up using both her arms and brought him close to her as he sat upright now alinged with her. Trying not to notice her tired eyes, he swallowed the tablets she gave with water and denying her question of needing anything else, he let himself be settled back on the bed again as she covered him with the sheet.
Khushi rubbed a tired hand over her face as once again the fear started to take over her heart at the chill that spread in her veins at the memory of that lecherous touch. " Khushi..". The name had rolled on his tongue as if tasting it and that disgusted her. Still it was this or nothing in a place like this where if she left this job there would be hundreds who can be hired in her place. No one would loose anything but her of this one means of income. The savings, kind monetary help that Arnav s' friends had forwarded were enough for now. Though they needed running money for his physiotherapy and medicines to continue without any hindrance. She recalled Arnav s hardened face when he had come to the same conclusion when she had voiced that out and what that will mean. She had worked in a small beauty parlour in Lucknow before getting married and coming to Mumbai with him and expressed of doing the same in the events where he worked. Not surprisingly her thought had been met with an irate, " Isnt there enough in the banks? I will be back on my feet in no time. You can drop this crap idea of yours." A month of pleading and the knowledge of her selling her gold bangles was all it took for him to give in with his rigid reluctance. A cold shiver went down her spine which had immediately transformed her relief of securing a job as a make up artist where Arnav often was called up as the background dancer into dread, when the manager of the event organization had stroked and squeezed her palm which she had seconds earlier as mere shaking of hands. Her first tryst with many more sleepless nights to come. She couldnt bring herself to tell this to Arnav. Somehow she couldnt fathom the reason of doing so. Maybe it was his lack of any feelings for her. Yet she drew strength from the man who lay inside. Try as difficult he might be, she couldnt stop the affection that had built up in her heart slowly for him since their marriage. And for how long would he be hostile. If not for anything, she was counting on building up a friendship for humanity sake, on having to live together now. Maybe love would follow suit later then.
**
She had just got over with her last batch of performers to be touched up on their make up. Rubbing a palm over the back of her neck, she looked around the cluttered green room and locating her sling bag, she walked over to it on quick feet. Every time her work was over for the way, she had an urgent need to escape , to avoid that filthy Shyam. And for some reason, she felt on the edge today. Sweeping her cold palms over her old and worn jeans, no sooner had she took hold of the strap of her bag that lights in the room flickered and went off. Her breath hitched and she forced in a lungful calling in all her reserved courage , calming down her heart that what could happen to her. She will get out of here safe and reach home to her Arnav. Fumbling with the chain of her bag, she strained her eyes in the dark, trying to get hold of the small pair of scissors that was there in it somewhere constantly praying to all God's out there. Just when she felt her fingers on it, a sharp almost cruel tug on the bag disbalanced her and she came stumbling towards the source of the force as the palm of her other hand splayed over the man s' chest. " So long..so long I have waited for having one rendevous with you.." he breathed out in her ear before nipping her earlobe even as his hands struggled to feel her all over, trying to enjoy at once.
Khushi recoiled in disgust, bile rising up her throat at the sickening touch and his words. Hot tears clouded her vision as she tried to shout , fear making it difficult to voice out anything , her arms hysterically mustering all the strength to push him away. "Leave me.." She cried out. And thanked the almighty as her fingers once again tightened over the scissors and removing it from her bag, she haphazardly slashed it over his face and drew satisfaction from her painful grunt as his hold loosened on her. Taking advantage, she pushed him and rushed towards the door following her instincts, his words following her, "Breath one word of it to anyone and I will see you. Dont forget you dont have anyone here if I leave out your incapable husband.." he sneered.
**
She had made up her mind to share everything with Arnav. It was foolish to keep working there and surely she can find work somewhere else too right? It would be difficult but not impossible. She had just reached the door of their bedroom when his helpless gaze found her confused ones and it wasnt long before realization dawned in them. Her heart broke at his unease, embarassment and pain. Quietly, she moved towards him and removing the sheet from over him she raised his tshirt and loosened his soiled track pants from under his waist dragging them down all the while aware of his face that was turned away from her, hiding his moistened eyes and his heavy breathing. She went in the bathroom and seconds later coming out she cleaned up everything. And half an hour later he laid back on the clean sheets and clothing , breaking a little from inside everytime once again revising in his mind all the options he had thought of to get rid of this misery. She doesnt deserve this. She was free to choose her life instead of being tied down to him just because she thought it to be her duty. Ringing of the bell broke his thoughts and a minute later he found his physiotherapist being escorted by his wife inside the room. The remnants of laughter in her eyes not missed on him. The annoying doctor was a young man with an equally irritating sense that he thought to be humourous and right now too it was the reason of the smile on his wife s' face. While earlier it hardly used to bother him, these days it had started niggling him unplesantly. And today when it should have strengthened his resolve to tell Khushi to leave him, it somehow infuriated him. He just waited for this physio to leave. He needed to deal with his wife then.
**
Khushi closed the door behind the doctor as he left and going into the kitchen, she prepared a plate for Arnav s' lunch. Taking it with her, she once again went through the conversation she had to have with him regarding Shyam , in her mind. Just as she sat by his side, opening her mouth to start with anything random , her heart thumping loudly in her ears, he spoke, " I hope its easier for you to have fun now." Knitting her brows , she frowned up at him confusedly. " Oh cut the drama alright..You need not put up the act in front of me now when your elation at doing otherwise is evident to me. Its understandable on the contrary. You have your wishes and desires too. And since a handicapped burden happened , they cant be put to rest right.?" he voiced with barely concealed anger at her stricken face. He knew he was crossing the line. For all the time together he had never talked four proper sentences with her and now when he chose to spoke , this was the first thing he thought was to be metted out on her. And all reasons that had caused his life to go wrong, his condition, the dejection of everything right now seemed to cause him converge all his emotions on the woman in front of him. And while his insides screamed , reminding him of all the times she went to lengths to take care of him, it was out of his comprehension why he chose to think otherwise of her.
"Arent you even ashamed to think that?" She whispered taking in his surprise at having her answer him back as such. "How could you even bring yourself to say this?"
"Dr. Nikhil Kapoor is young and now when do seem to enjoy his company , who am I to stop thinking or saying.."
"Stop it! Here I am toiling day and night struggling to see you back on your feet, doing everything in my power to manage the costs of your treatment while you are lying here doing nothing except implying that I have wandering thoughts because I find my husband incapable?!.." she stopped at his hardened face and hurt that marred his eyes making her realize what she spewed out in a moment of madness at his accusation. Hastily reaching by his side, she held his palm "I didnt mean that Arnav.." her voice quivered as a tear trickled down when she could no longer control them from the moment he had started speaking. He jerked out his hand from her hold and emotionlessly said, " Thank you so much for all the favours Khushi. I am not sure how would I ever be able to repay back when I still dont know of ever being able to get back on my feet. But I wont stop you from leading your life. You are very much free to go without getting judged. I am sorry for my misbehaviour today. I had no right." He turned away from her as she shook her head, silent tears making their way down her cheeks.
So much for thinking to share with Arnav.
"Dr. Nikhil Kapoor is young and now when do seem to enjoy his company , who am I to stop thinking or saying.."
"Stop it! Here I am toiling day and night struggling to see you back on your feet, doing everything in my power to manage the costs of your treatment while you are lying here doing nothing except implying that I have wandering thoughts because I find my husband incapable?!.." she stopped at his hardened face and hurt that marred his eyes making her realize what she spewed out in a moment of madness at his accusation. Hastily reaching by his side, she held his palm "I didnt mean that Arnav.." her voice quivered as a tear trickled down when she could no longer control them from the moment he had started speaking. He jerked out his hand from her hold and emotionlessly said, " Thank you so much for all the favours Khushi. I am not sure how would I ever be able to repay back when I still dont know of ever being able to get back on my feet. But I wont stop you from leading your life. You are very much free to go without getting judged. I am sorry for my misbehaviour today. I had no right." He turned away from her as she shook her head, silent tears making their way down her cheeks.
So much for thinking to share with Arnav.
**
" I hope Khushi would be happy to hear this. She already has too much on her shoulders. This would definitely bring her peace." Lavanya , Arnav s' friend from his workplace chirped out , ignorant of his ashen face as he listened to her in stupified silence. Just before she could have said something more , Khushi returned with three mugs of coffee for them and faked a light smile that wiped out as soon as she heard Lavanya speak out, " He has been arrested Khushi. On charges that were applicable..still a statement from you will be required" and it wasnt necessary for her to know whom she had been talking about. She dared not look at Arnav. She felt the tray being taken from her fingers as Lavanya enveloped her in a hug and spoke loud enough for only her ears to hear," you should have told him Khushi. And since you hadnt , I am sorry it had to come out like this in front of him while the chance of you having told him yourself was taken away by me unknowingly." Pulling back she gave Khushi a small smile and said again ," Hope to see you back soon." before going away.
**
She couldnt bring herself to go into her bedroom in front of him. Last time he said so much, she couldnt bring herself to think what all must be going on in his mind after this evenings revelation to him.
Arnav on the other hand couldnt bring more hurt upon himself. Already feeling like a heel, he quenched the feeling of helpnessness that enveloped him at not being able to protect her. Right now, he wanted to talk to her. It wasnt about him right now, it was about her. But only when she came inside now. He wondered what was taking so much time for her to be away so long today. She was never late with his food and medicines. And if it wasnt for another half an hour over , he wouldnt have resorted for what he did next.
The glass fell with a loud clang as he schooled his expressions that might suggest his action being a delibrate one. And it wasnt seconds more than when she rushed in , halting at the sight of spilled water. " I am thirsty.." he said. She calmed herself down and nodded, her puffy eyes pinching his insides once again. Returning back, she sat by him and making him rest his back against the headboard, she brought the tumbler against his lips. Gently tilting, she concentrated on making him drink the water even as he held the glass himself too. As she made to leave , he held her wrist, his touch instantly warming up her skin as her heart soared as she vaguely registered that it was the first time he had touched her voluntarily. " Why?" He asked and instantly rebuked himself. With what confidence should she have told him. As she breathed out heavily , her eyelids fluttered while she refused to meet his gaze. " I am so sorry.." . She shook her head and instantly looked up at him, " You need not be..I..I dont know..I am just so.."
" Hey..are you okay?"
She shook her head and at the first brush of tenderness in his eyes and voice after so many months, she let herself be nestled in it undoing herself. With a hiccup, she leant down herself against him , resting her head on his shoulder letting it all out in her tears. Overcoming his intial surprise, Arnav threaded his fingers through her hair and stroked her, running his fingers through them. An inexplicable feeling ran all over him while his heart ached to comfort her.
" I was scared.." she hiccuped brokenly," I was so scared..He ..He.." she rose her finger towards the door as if the Shyam was there for Arnav to notice, " He.."
" Dont cry.." Arnav crooned. " I am here..with you..Nothing will happen..Dont cry..". She seemed to have relaxed at that as she nodded her head." You wont leave me? Please I want you with me." He didnt trust his voice and so he nodded and made her lay her head back on his shoulder. Minutes later as she rose her head again, she spoke in a small tired voice, " Can I sleep for some time like this here?"
In answer, he brought kerchief from the side table and rose it to her amusedly, " Your nose..Its running.." She seemed too tired to feel any embarassment though as she took it and wiped her nose before keeping it back and looking up at him. He removed the strands of her hair from her face before rubbing away remnants of moisture from her face by the sleeve of his kurta. Caressing her face and and her hair , he made her lay her head on his shoulder again. And it wasnt long before he heard her breathing evenly , knowing it wouldnt be anytime soon when she would wake up if her exhausted face and parted lips were anything to go by. He smiled and wrapped his arms more snugly around her . He will make up to her. And he felt the will to be back on his feet like never before. For her. Maybe love will too find its way.
" Hey..are you okay?"
She shook her head and at the first brush of tenderness in his eyes and voice after so many months, she let herself be nestled in it undoing herself. With a hiccup, she leant down herself against him , resting her head on his shoulder letting it all out in her tears. Overcoming his intial surprise, Arnav threaded his fingers through her hair and stroked her, running his fingers through them. An inexplicable feeling ran all over him while his heart ached to comfort her.
" I was scared.." she hiccuped brokenly," I was so scared..He ..He.." she rose her finger towards the door as if the Shyam was there for Arnav to notice, " He.."
" Dont cry.." Arnav crooned. " I am here..with you..Nothing will happen..Dont cry..". She seemed to have relaxed at that as she nodded her head." You wont leave me? Please I want you with me." He didnt trust his voice and so he nodded and made her lay her head back on his shoulder. Minutes later as she rose her head again, she spoke in a small tired voice, " Can I sleep for some time like this here?"
In answer, he brought kerchief from the side table and rose it to her amusedly, " Your nose..Its running.." She seemed too tired to feel any embarassment though as she took it and wiped her nose before keeping it back and looking up at him. He removed the strands of her hair from her face before rubbing away remnants of moisture from her face by the sleeve of his kurta. Caressing her face and and her hair , he made her lay her head on his shoulder again. And it wasnt long before he heard her breathing evenly , knowing it wouldnt be anytime soon when she would wake up if her exhausted face and parted lips were anything to go by. He smiled and wrapped his arms more snugly around her . He will make up to her. And he felt the will to be back on his feet like never before. For her. Maybe love will too find its way.
**
A/N-
#Not proof read.
And thank you so much for reading. I hope you liked it. Do let me know whatever you thought of it. :) :) :) :)
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